So you think you know what 'cheating' means?

Cheating is a state of mind, not an individual act.

Sorry, but if my lass was involved in a sex scene that would most definatly be cheating.

Ok, if it's just a state of mind then what do you think of the following scenario:



I said in what way is it cheating? If it was part of her career and Cj-TJ knows it, then it's not cheating as there is no dishonesty on her part, even though he would not consent to her acting out a sex scene.

It would only be cheating if she took part in a sex scene because she just wanted to have sex and was using acting as a legitimate excuse to do have it.

Do you agree with me or Cj-Tj?

My point is is that the H&R Forum is meant to be about problems/etc. which people can help with. I don't see a "problem" in this thread - it's just a discussion, which could be done in General Discussion or Chat or even (if you liked) Debate & Discussion.

cheating, to me, is doing something that you wouldnt tell your partner about.

so if your ever in a situation and your wondering if your cheating or not, just ask yourself if you would tell them about it...and if you hesitate, or would prefer not to...then your probably cheating.

even if its as small as a hug, or a text...


thats my view anyway.

This thread is a discussion that relates to relationships and I feel this thread could provide some good advice for a number of people. In fact, it should really be stickied as a useful thread because it would do something to prevent yet another "is this cheating?" thread from some poor girl who is panicing because her boyfriend snogged some random in a bar.

I don't see where the H&R forum is defined is a forum for problems. It is defined as a forum for matters relating to health and relationships. This thread is a discussion that relates to relationships and I feel this thread could provide some good advice for a number of people. In fact, it should really be stickied as a useful thread because it would do something to prevent yet another "is this cheating?" thread from some poor girl who is panicing because her boyfriend snogged some random in a bar.

Not to seem like I'm just being negative (again lol) but let's just think about this.

The idea is that we sticky this thread because the topic comes up so often.

Right, working on that idea, we mightaswell sticky the next thread that comes up about..

"Can I get pregnant if he got pre-cum on me?"
"Can I get an STI from oral sex?"
"My parents are mean, what should I do?"
"I'm at University and I'm so lonely, I need friends!"
"I'm so depressed about life"
....I honestly could go on for a long time.

I'm not putting these topics down, in fact if you stickied the thread, YOU would be putting the topic down. Why? Because people don't really look at stickied threads - when a thread is like 20 pages long people are hesitant to reply because what they say may have already been said. Whilst when a fresh new thread opens (which admittedly will be something that has been discussed a million times before) people are more willing to get in there, read the problem, and reply

So no, no sticky for this thread, or any other thread in H&R (except for the ones that currently exist).

Fair enough. Maybe we should just do a Wiki entry on 'cheating' instead and then whenever someone starts a thread along the lines of 'OMG, has partner cheated on me?' we'll refer them on to that Wiki entry!

Not to seem like I'm just being negative (again lol) but let's just think about this.

The idea is that we sticky this thread because the topic comes up so often.

Right, working on that idea, we mightaswell sticky the next thread that comes up about..

"Can I get pregnant if he got pre-cum on me?"
"Can I get an STI from oral sex?"
"My parents are mean, what should I do?"
"I'm at University and I'm so lonely, I need friends!"
"I'm so depressed about life"
....I honestly could go on for a long time.

I'm not putting these topics down, in fact if you stickied the thread, YOU would be putting the topic down. Why? Because people don't really look at stickied threads - when a thread is like 20 pages long people are hesitant to reply because what they say may have already been said. Whilst when a fresh new thread opens (which admittedly will be something that has been discussed a million times before) people are more willing to get in there, read the problem, and reply

So no, no sticky for this thread, or any other thread in H&R (except for the ones that currently exist).

this thread is of the sort that should be stickied, when one considers the kind of threads that the mods have stickied.

It isn't just another problem thread, it is one about the issue from a calmer, more objective stand-point. If a really good thread came up along the lines of "for all those who have faced family abuse, here is some advice", and if proceeded to be an active and useful thread, then that should be stickied too.

I don't know who reads the stickies, but the mods must think they are useful or they wouldn't do it. This thread is within that spirit.

Ah thanks!

Hey, what's your opinion on a partner being a pornstar? Cj-Tj says that if his girl acted out a sex scene, then she is cheating. I argue that it is not cheating as long as she is honest about it.

Whether it is acceptable is another matter entirely, but it cannot be defined as cheating.

Ah thanks!

Hey, what's your opinion on a partner being a pornstar? Cj-Tj says that if his girl acted out a sex scene, then she is cheating. I argue that it is not cheating as long as she is honest about it.

Whether it is acceptable is another matter entirely, but it cannot be defined as cheating.

I think that cheating is whatever breaks the boundaries in your relationship. if the boundaries in your relationship don't allow sex with other people then it is cheating. if your partner is a porn star and you accept that, it's not cheating.

anything can be defined as cheating, depending on the relationship.

Emotional or Physical intimacy with another person, or even the suggestion.

My gut tells me it isn't cheating because there is no emotional involvement between the girl and her work, or the guys/girls she is working with.

However, if she decides to pursue or continue such a career when her boyfriend has made it explicit that he would class it as cheating/unacceptable, then she is going to end up losing something, probably her boyfriend, and she can't really object.

I had a chat with my boyfriend last night, and we both decided that a lot of the heart ache that surrounds cheating exists because if someone gets "cheated" on, they worry that this means their partner doesn't love them enough/doesn't want to be with them/doesn't think they a good enough in bed/doesn't find them attractive enough etc.

If someone could absolutely know that their partner was deeply in love with them, found them irresitably good looking, wanted to be with them for ever etc, would they still be bothered if he/she "cheated", as there would be no question of his feelings for them or a strength of their relationship, and he would only be cheating for sexual gratification (much like having an elaborate ****)? The only remaining problems seem to be:

1) A sense of possession. Is this justified? Do we have a right to possess someone *that* completely?

2) Worry about the fathering/mothering of someone elses children. Use a condom, ladies and gents.

Having sex with someone simply for the sex, and without any emotions involved is no worse, in my eyes, than having sex with a horse/teddy/your hand (not that I would condone bestiality, as it is often a form of rape and WRONG).

That would be another way to look at it, but let's assume that there is a paranoid girl who places strict boundaries where her guy is not even allowed to talk to other females of the same peer group. He tells her that it's unfair and so breaches this boundary. Has he cheated? Well, if cheating is 'whatever breaks the boundaries in your relationship', then it appears as though he has. But is this not ridiculous? I think it is.

That's why I disagree and insist that there must be the concept of dishonesty involved.