Cheated on my boyfriend. Feel awful. Should I tell him? Watch

15nfulfsa
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#21
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but then ur being selfish if you don't tell him. if he truly loves you, he might forgive you (unlikely) but at least you can live a life alone knowing you did the right thing, rather than living with him, doing the wrong thing
(Original post by Anonymous)
Do I want to tell him? No
But in all honesty I don't think I can live with him while keeping this a secret either. I feel absolutely disgusting. Considering just breaking up with him so he doesn't have to put up with an undeserving person like me but if he doesn't know he won't hate me/be disgusted.
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Toki the Dumdum
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(Original post by generallee)
Not everyone.

I don't think you should. Here's why...

Telling him will load all your guilt onto him. It will be a terrible thing, something he will remember for the rest of his life. It will scar him.

You will feel better at his expense. How can you do that? What does it achieve from his point of view. You betrayed him once, but it is done, you can't turn the clock back.

But don't make everything ten time worse for your own selfish reasons. That would be vile and unforgivable.
I can't agree with this. It will certainly be terrible for the bf to find out what his other half has done but you can't be hidden from nastiness throughout your life. It would do no good to treat the bloke as a snowflake.
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Anonymous #1
#23
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#23
I guess you're right. I'll tell him today. I've decided. God I hope he doesn't hate me. Might post back here later.
(Original post by 15nfulfsa)
but then ur being selfish if you don't tell him. if he truly loves you, he might forgive you (unlikely) but at least you can live a life alone knowing you did the right thing, rather than living with him, doing the wrong thing
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15nfulfsa
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yep, that's what I said as well
(Original post by Toki the Dumdum)
I can't agree with this. It will certainly be terrible for the bf to find out what his other half has done but you can't be hidden from nastiness throughout your life. It would do no good to treat the bloke as a snowflake.
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SaraGR
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#25
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Im glad your doing the right thing and telling him. Trust me lies are never the awnser they always come back and bite you. It would be better coming from you then hearing it from someone else. That will hurt even more knowing you lied to him. At least this way your being honest and i have known guys who have been upset after they find out but appreciate the honesty and have stayed with there partners.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I was at my mate's party and this guy I used to crush on was there too. My boyfriend was out of town and wasn't at the party. I started talking to the guy and we'd been both drinking a bit and well, I ended up sucking his d*** and he gave me oral as well. We did have sex.

I feel really awful about the whole thing. It was such a dumb thing to do. I love my boyfriend and would hate to hurt him. He came back home yesterday and I've just been carrying on as normal but I feel immensely guilty. Deep down I know that he deserves to know and have the chance to forgive or reject me but I don't want to lose him. Can I just put this behind me and carry on with our relationship?
Don't tell him, and just forget about it.
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15nfulfsa
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#27
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that will lead to a disaster tho if she finds out
(Original post by Ciel.)
Don't tell him, and just forget about it.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by 15nfulfsa)
that will lead to a disaster tho if she finds out
Naw, as long as there's no concrete evidence.
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15nfulfsa
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what happens if the guy she crushed on goes and tells him? then what?
(Original post by Ciel.)
Naw, as long as there's no concrete evidence.
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scorpion95
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#30
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You are better off coming clean about what happened to him as soon as possible. Either way it is going to hurt him whether you tell him or whether you keep it secret and it comes out later on so it would be best to tell him now. Do you really want to the possibility of the bloke or someone else telling him that you did what you did? If you tell him it would be better all round and yes the relationship might end but there is still a chance for what ever reason he might stay with you. You will have a lot of trust building to do and building the relationship back up to where it was before you did it.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by 15nfulfsa)
what happens if the guy she crushed on goes and tells him? then what?
A pretty small risk.
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MidgetFever
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#32
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You can't feel that guilty if you're considering not telling him, smh.
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15nfulfsa
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but still possible?
(Original post by Ciel.)
A pretty small risk.
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generallee
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#34
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You have no idea of what I have and haven't done in relationships, and you aren't ever going to because it isn't your business.

The OP is being extremely selfish here, that is my point. It is all about her. Her guilt, how awful SHE feels. Well diddums. If you are going to suck another guys c0ck behind your bf's back, that is the price you pay.

The least she can do is not make everything worse. How is her boyfriend going to feel when he tells her do you think? What is her confession going to achieve from his point of view?

I have no idea if this relationship is going to last much longer, but 10 to 1 it won't. In any event, if he never finds out, so much the better.


(Original post by 15nfulfsa)
so you are prepared to look at your boyfriend each day, and whenever he mentions sex, you feel guilty, and it will drag you into depression, because trust me, biig secrets can do that to you, instead of opening up and telling him what you have done. good to know your priorities are straight.
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15nfulfsa
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Jesus Christ do you not get it??? if you don't tell him, he will find out eventually, and that will make it a while lot worse.

I agree about the price she must pay, but I think that the price is that she now has admit to it, which will be a whole lot harder for her to do (not an innuendo!)

at the current moment, nothing is even bad. he Is unaware, and he doesn't know she has cheated, and he will continue to be unaware unless she tells him. she did this, she shouldn't be thinking of herself, she should be thinking of the bf in this. her telling him will prove that she loves him, because she still told him the truth.
(Original post by generallee)
You have no idea of what I have and haven't done in relationships, and you aren't ever going to because it isn't your business.

The OP is being extremely selfish here, that is my point. It is all about her. Her guilt, how awful SHE feels. Well diddums. If you are going to suck another guys c0ck behind your bf's back, that is the price you pay.

The least she can do is not make everything worse. How is her boyfriend going to feel when he tells her do you think? What is her confession going to achieve from his point of view?

I have no idea if this relationship is going to last much longer, but 10 to 1 it won't. In any event, if he never finds out, so much the better.
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generallee
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#36
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No, I don't get it. Of course it would be better for her to tell him rather than for him to find out some other way, but what evidence do you have that he will?

And I fail to see how she is thinking of the bf in telling him. She isn't. In fact she hasn't all along, she has only thought about herself, never him.

Men don't like being cheated on. No-one likes it of course, but in my opinion it might be even worse for a guy than a girl. It goes to their sense of masculinity, it makes them feel worthless, emasculated, a total piece of $hit.

If she is "thinking of him" why would she want to make him feel like that?


(Original post by 15nfulfsa)
Jesus Christ do you not get it??? if you don't tell him, he will find out eventually, and that will make it a while lot worse.

I agree about the price she must pay, but I think that the price is that she now has admit to it, which will be a whole lot harder for her to do (not an innuendo!)

at the current moment, nothing is even bad. he Is unaware, and he doesn't know she has cheated, and he will continue to be unaware unless she tells him. she did this, she shouldn't be thinking of herself, she should be thinking of the bf in this. her telling him will prove that she loves him, because she still told him the truth.
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(づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ
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#37
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Doesn't really matter if you tell him or not, if he does find out about it, the trust in your relationship is going to take a hit.

The only difference in telling him yourself is he may be more likely to forgive you if he hears about directly from you.
Last edited by (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ; 1 week ago
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Anonymous #1
#38
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(Original post by MidgetFever)
You can't feel that guilty if you're considering not telling him, smh.
I was never truly considering not telling him. Deep down I knew I have to tell him (and I plan on doing this today). I guess what I really want if for me to have never acted the way I did. I honestly just worry about hurting him.
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Anonymous #1
#39
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How is it selfish to feel guilty? I wasn't trying to tell him to assuage my guilt, but because I thought it is the right thing to do. I feel awful cause I know I f**ked up and he's going to get hurt because of my stupid actions. I would just break up with him but then he'll think it's something he's done. There's no way I can not hurt him to be honest.
(Original post by generallee)
You have no idea of what I have and haven't done in relationships, and you aren't ever going to because it isn't your business.

The OP is being extremely selfish here, that is my point. It is all about her. Her guilt, how awful SHE feels. Well diddums. If you are going to suck another guys c0ck behind your bf's back, that is the price you pay.

The least she can do is not make everything worse. How is her boyfriend going to feel when he tells her do you think? What is her confession going to achieve from his point of view?

I have no idea if this relationship is going to last much longer, but 10 to 1 it won't. In any event, if he never finds out, so much the better.
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generallee
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I don't think you should tell him, as I have said, but it is your life and you will do as you see fit.

Be really careful how you handle it, what you say. He will recall every word you utter, in the greatest detail fifty years from now. And will think of it, with the greatest pain, many many times in the years between today and then.


(Original post by Anonymous)
I was never truly considering not telling him. Deep down I knew I have to tell him (and I plan on doing this today). I guess what I really want if for me to have never acted the way I did. I honestly just worry about hurting him.
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