Feeling bad about being ugly Watch

Anonymous #1
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This is way too common a question, I'm sure that everyone on here is sick of seeing it, but it has recently been getting me very down. At this point, it's not just a matter of me being too harsh on myself; I am unattractive, my own mom has offhandedly said that I'm not very pretty, my old friends used to joke about my looks, my current friends don't even want pictures with me and are reluctant about me posting images of us on social media.

I am 19 and have never been in a relationship, or even kissed a guy. As sad as it sounds, I feel jealous when I'm out with friends and they're constantly getting hit on. Of course that sort of singles out men that I would be better off without, but at least it would make me feel desirable. It's incredibly awkward having groups of men complimenting my friends while I'm just dithering on the sidelines.

I've had crushes on quite a few guys in my life. The first two ended up falling for my best friends at the time, which was a huge blow to my self confidence, especially as I had spent a lot of time building up a relationship with these guys, only to have them fall head over heels for my hot FRIENDS nonetheless within 2 minutes of meeting them.

The third guy was my flatmate during the first year of Uni. At first, I really believed that we had something. He would always be knocking on my door for a chat, asking if I wanted to go for dinner etc. That went on for a good 4-5 months. At one point, he suddenly asked if I could give him English lessons (he was an international student, his English was patchy) and also asking if he could cut my hair (he was learning to become a hairdresser). As I was too busy at the time with work and personal issues, I kindly said no. At that point, he pretty much cut contact. Didn't talk with me, stopped hanging out.

He also started bringing tons of girls over, seemed like a different one each week. I ended up learning from a friend of his that he was trying to improve his English to pick up girls. I felt really used. Like the only reason he'd tried to get close to me was because I was the only one who was routinely available to help him with his English and because he essentially wanted to use me to practice hairdressing on.

One night after he'd invited a girl over, I heard my other flatmates talking about how he "had cooked a whole meal for her" and how "he really seemed to like her" and I just felt this overwhelming jealousy and loneliness.

As unfounded as it is, I can't help but see love everywhere I look. Couples everywhere on campus, having a good time. I feel so unwanted. I do love my friends, but it seems like such a different kind of love to have a boyfriend and I'm afraid that I will never get to experience that because I'm ugly.

Any advice...?
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Ray_Shadows
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boys are stupid , dw about it
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Professional G
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Why do you think you are ugly?
Maybe you have thought about being yourself and not wanting to attract guys?
Love is everywhere you have to get used to that, just because you aren’t getting attention.
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x1x2x3x4x5
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Girllll No one is ugly !! I bet you're absolutely gorgeous in your own way for sure, and the right guy is out there for you,waiting to make the right move. It's hard, so so hard with friends and stuff, but maybe they aren't proper mates if their leaving you out a little and making you feel awkward... Everything happens for a reason, maybe the others weren't good enough for you. Or you were too good for them .. ?don't let it get you down though, you're gorgeous remember thatttt
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Professional G)
Why do you think you are ugly?
Maybe you have thought about being yourself and not wanting to attract guys?
Love is everywhere you have to get used to that, just because you aren’t getting attention.
I know that I am ugly. I think that there's this assumption that unattractive people aren't completely aware that they're so, but this is untrue. I know for a fact that I do not fit conventional beauty standards. I wish that I could focus less on attracting men, but you have to admit, other people's perceptions of you do matter to most people and they really can influence how you view yourself.
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Professional G
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know that I am ugly. I think that there's this assumption that unattractive people aren't completely aware that they're so, but this is untrue. I know for a fact that I do not fit conventional beauty standards. I wish that I could focus less on attracting men, but you have to admit, other people's perceptions of you do matter to most people and they really can influence how you view yourself.
How do you know? Just not fitting the conventional beauty standards means you’re ugly? There’s no such thing as a universal beauty standard which determines whether you are beautiful or not. Attractiveness is subjective.
One guy may even like you while another one may find you ugly.
One mans trash is another man’s treasure.
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yotsr123
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You may not be conventionally beautiful but what makes people attractive lies far beyond facial features.
-Have you considered your style? Do your clothes complement your figure? Is your fashion sense stylish, interesting, bright?
-What about your hairstyle? Does it frame your face nicely?
-Your eyebrows - are they well groomed? If you wear makeup, do you choose colours that complement you?
-Do you exercise regularly, eat healthily? If you do exercise, is your figure the best it can be?
-Do you speak with confidence? Can you hold interesting conversations? Do you have hobbies? Are you apart of clubs?
-When you walk, is your posture straight? Do you hold your head high when you walk or do you slouch?
-Are your teeth well taken care off? Are they white, are they straight?
-Do you have a good sense of humour?

As you can see, you can control the above. And these little things do make all the difference in your overall attractiveness.
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BigLPutItOn
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(Original post by Professional G)
How do you know? Just not fitting the conventional beauty standards means you’re ugly? There’s no such thing as a universal beauty standard which determines whether you are beautiful or not. Attractiveness is subjective.
One guy may even like you while another one may find you ugly.
One mans trash is another man’s treasure.
attractiveness is objective lmao.
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BigLPutItOn
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pm me if you want non sugar coated truths.

men are incredibly shallow ( source: i'm a male)

looks define how well you do in your career, love life, friends , everything.

so yea pm me if you genuinely want help.
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Professional G
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(Original post by BigLPutItOn)
attractiveness is objective lmao.
Hell no. It ain’t objective. It’s also based on several other attributes including personality, fashion style, cleanliness and healthiness.!
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fallen_acorns
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are you fat? If so, loose some weight. If your not then just accept how you look.. start trying to go for less attractive guys then you currently are, and accept really while working on other parts of yourself
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MidgetFever
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You can still find someone, just because you don't see yourself as pretty or attractive doesn't mean that someone else won't.

I thought the exact same way as you, but I found I became somewhat obsessed with it and it became really unhealthy, Id suggest just focusing on your life and what you're doing with it rather than appearing attractive to people. You might find eventually that your outlook is different.
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BigLPutItOn
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(Original post by Professional G)
Hell no. It ain’t objective. It’s also based on several other attributes including personality, fashion style, cleanliness and healthiness.!
Studies have proved attractiveness to be objective. A man would much rather date a boring hot girl than a fun ugly girl. It is what it is.
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yotsr123
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(Original post by BigLPutItOn)
Studies have proved attractiveness to be objective. A man would much rather date a boring hot girl than a fun ugly girl. It is what it is.
Yes but what I think Professional G is saying is that it is subjective who the man considers the hot girl and who the man considers the ugly girl.
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Professional G
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(Original post by BigLPutItOn)
Studies have proved attractiveness to be objective. A man would much rather date a boring hot girl than a fun ugly girl. It is what it is.
Nah, I don’t know about you but boring hot girls aren’t everything.
Plus what do you even consider hot and ugly?
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Professional G
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(Original post by yotsr123)
Yes but what I think Professional G is saying is that it is subjective who the man considers the hot girl and who the man considers the ugly girl.
That’s basically what I’m saying. Hot and ugly cannot be defined universal, they depend on the person’s perspective
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Last edited by Professional G; 1 month ago
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Themysticalegg
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I'm sure you're fine and looks are subjective, and I'm sure you have a beautiful personality (I tend to fall in love with girls for their personality > looks)
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HoldThisL
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do you think you'd do better to chat up guys with a similar level of attractiveness or do you generally not make the first move at all?

--

(Original post by BigLPutItOn)
men are incredibly shallow ( source: i'm a male)
lmao no speak for yourself

(Original post by BigLPutItOn)
Studies have proved attractiveness to be objective. A man would much rather date a boring hot girl than a fun ugly girl. It is what it is.
that's not what objectivity is
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_princessxox
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I'm so sure you're not ugly at all, ive honestly never met anyone who is genuinely ugly and I very highly doubt that you are.
Confidence and accepting yourself is so important, as well as being healthy and prioritising the correct things.
Do you look after yourself? (Exercise, eating well, hygiene, skincare or makeup) although makeup is the least important one on that list. If you keep up with those, focus on important things like studies, job, social life etc. You will feel much better and this then shows on you outwardly, happier people are more attractive.
Also your personality will count for a lot more than looks anyway, be yourself, work on confidence and being kind and you will hopefully find yourself feeling better.
If you need to talk you can always pm me x
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TheFarmerLad
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He is correct to an extent tbf. Of course personality, confidence, health, hygiene, intelligence, job quality/income etc come into the equation but the no. 1 factor in regards to attraction is how you look. And before you reply with something on the lines of "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder", 90% of people will subconsciously agree upon who is and isn't attractive
(Original post by HoldThisL)
do you think you'd do better to chat up guys with a similar level of attractiveness or do you generally not make the first move at all?

--


lmao no speak for yourself


that's not what objectivity is
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