What to do with my invasive driving instructor? Watch

Delenai24
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Hello,

I'm learning how to drive, I'm pretty new- just doing roundabouts and starting to meet traffic. It's going on pretty well, and I enjoy driving even if it can be a bit challenging but I hate going in for lessons because of my instructor.
I never try to criticise my teachers/tutors but this one really irritates me. Whenever we change sides and I start driving, he guides me along telling me where to turn, switch on my lights, change gears etc. This is fine. I appreciate his guidance. I would probably be causing all sorts of trouble without his help.
Here's the problem. If I make a mistake, like I don't slow down quickly enough, or break too hard or get confused at a junction or another stupid mistake learners do while driving, he tries to get into my head to find out why I did it. We park the car somewhere and he starts asking me what my thought process was when I made that mistake. He goes over and over what I did and trying to find out what I was thinking and feeling at the time I did it. This really gets to me and makes what I actually find fun and productive, really stressful.
I'm a pretty introverted person and I don't like talking about my feelings at all with strangers so I would much rather he said something like: "You did this. You were supposed to do this. Do this next time." and I think I would respond much better to that kind criticism.
I'm often overly sensitive so I don't know if I'm taking this too seriously. I know he has good intentions and probably only does this as his way of teaching. I don't know if I should tell him anything or just put up with it. I really don't want to tell him anything and make things more awkward, perhaps someone has some tips on dealing with this?

(Another thing that he does is pressure me to ask questions, which causes me to ask stupid ones that he takes way to long in answering. But I guess that's life :/)

Thanks.
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Molseh
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He isn't asking about your feelings. He is trying to figure out why you did something wrong so he can explain it in a way your snowflake brain can comprehend.
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Cheesybread
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If you can't have that kind of a driving teacher than get another one, that suits your style better, don't expect the teacher to change.
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SanityGone
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Find a different instructor. If you’re stressed you’re not going to learn, or it will take you longer to build your confidence. Driving lessons are expensive, and you’re a customer, it’s not like in school where you just have to accept the teacher you’re given and get on with it
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DE87
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It is probably just his teaching style, but it does sound a little odd. If I did something wrong my instructor would normally take me to the same or a similar spot to do it again, explaining as we drove what I needed to do to correct the mistake. Usually I'd then get it right and we'd continue on. Stopping every time a mistake is made to go through a thought assessment seems like a huge waste of time, especially if you've only got an hour.

I don't think there's any harm in mentioning to him that you'd prefer he is more direct and less analytical when you make a first time mistake. If he's unwilling or unable to do this then you can always switch instructor.
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It's****ingWOODY
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(Original post by Molseh)
He isn't asking about your feelings. He is trying to figure out why you did something wrong so he can explain it in a way your snowflake brain can comprehend.
It's a stupid technique, though. The answer to almost every "why did you do this/that wrong?" in the context of learner drivers is going to be inexperience and not knowing what to do. You can't make well informed and though out decisions when you only have a split second to react to things, so reasoning doesn't come into it enough to warrant this approach. Sure, asking why they did it can get them thinking about how it was a poor decision that can be learned from, but the extent should be no more than "you did this, which was wrong because _______, do this next time instead" and hopefully the instructor can immediately take them to face similar situations with that knowledge fresh on their mind. Driving is all practice, practice and more practice of the correct techniques and improving your observations based on what you've seen, it's not about analysing your deepest thoughts as you won't be calling on those when it comes to split second decisions, you'll be relying on your instincts and experience.
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Serbian_2000
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No, he is trying to suck money out of your pocket. Why would a driving instructer go into such depth (your thought process while driving) loool he pulls you over (time waster). He probably acts all calm and nice, acting as if he is trying to help you. No! You paid to learn to drive, get straight to the point, finish and pass your driving test as soon as possible. Lol what is he your psychologist, trying to get into your mind, tell him teach you to drive and not what you were feeling or thinking at the time, because most of us don’t think when we drive, like when we ride a bike we don’t think how we’re going to pedal the bike. - Procedural memory (Muscle memory). All you need is practise, him to tell you what’s wrong and how to correct it (as you said). Instead he’s wasting your money,
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Pancreas$
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Just find another teacher, its too much time consuming to just stay and talk about driving. Might as well drive
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Snfkin
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My instructor used to do this too. I made quite frequent mistakes as a learner, simply because my coordination was not brilliant. There was no "in depth" spiritual explanation for it, I wasn't repressing any kind of "deep feelings"; I was simply a learner, and learners make mistakes.

My instructor would get me to pull over at the smallest mistake like braking a little too hard and ask me "what's going through your mind?" "can you tell me why you keep doing this?" "are you too [stressed] [tired] [anxious] [insert adjective here]" like...no? I just hit the brakes a little too hard...?

I can totally understand when you say that it's intrusive, I especially hated it because I am also an introvert and the close proximity in the car was really uncomfortable in these situations. I'd say my instructor was a little worse as every time she pulled me over, she'd get me to do these weird exercises. Once, she pulled out a pen and paper and asked me to draw a bird while not thinking about it. She then asked me to draw a bird while thinking very hard about the movement of the pen over the paper. The exercise was supposed to show that if I thought too hard about something, it wouldn't work as well. Which of course, was a complete failure as the bird that I had put a lot of concentration into turned out to look a lot better lmao.

Anyway, I would agree with the person who said that your instructor is probably just trying to waste your time and pocket more money. No matter how nice he otherwise is, this IS a method of timewasting and I would highly suggest that you simply find another instructor, as I eventually did.
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Delenai24
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(Original post by Snfkin)
My instructor used to do this too. I made quite frequent mistakes as a learner, simply because my coordination was not brilliant. There was no "in depth" spiritual explanation for it, I wasn't repressing any kind of "deep feelings"; I was simply a learner, and learners make mistakes.

My instructor would get me to pull over at the smallest mistake like braking a little too hard and ask me "what's going through your mind?" "can you tell me why you keep doing this?" "are you too [stressed] [tired] [anxious] [insert adjective here]" like...no? I just hit the brakes a little too hard...?

I can totally understand when you say that it's intrusive, I especially hated it because I am also an introvert and the close proximity in the car was really uncomfortable in these situations. I'd say my instructor was a little worse as every time she pulled me over, she'd get me to do these weird exercises. Once, she pulled out a pen and paper and asked me to draw a bird while not thinking about it. She then asked me to draw a bird while thinking very hard about the movement of the pen over the paper. The exercise was supposed to show that if I thought too hard about something, it wouldn't work as well. Which of course, was a complete failure as the bird that I had put a lot of concentration into turned out to look a lot better lmao.

Anyway, I would agree with the person who said that your instructor is probably just trying to waste your time and pocket more money. No matter how nice he otherwise is, this IS a method of timewasting and I would highly suggest that you simply find another instructor, as I eventually did.
Oh damn, your ex-instructor definitely sounds much worse. I guess he is wasting time since most of the lesson actually consists of him talking, I'll start looking for other instructors.

Thanks for the advice and have a nice day/night!
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Delenai24
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(Original post by Serbian_2000)
No, he is trying to suck money out of your pocket. Why would a driving instructer go into such depth (your thought process while driving) loool he pulls you over (time waster). He probably acts all calm and nice, acting as if he is trying to help you. No! You paid to learn to drive, get straight to the point, finish and pass your driving test as soon as possible. Lol what is he your psychologist, trying to get into your mind, tell him teach you to drive and not what you were feeling or thinking at the time, because most of us don’t think when we drive, like when we ride a bike we don’t think how we’re going to pedal the bike. - Procedural memory (Muscle memory). All you need is practise, him to tell you what’s wrong and how to correct it (as you said). Instead he’s wasting your money,
I'm considering getting another driving instructor. I don't know if telling him anything would do much because he's been teaching for years, and often doesn't listen to what I say, but thank you for your advice!
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