21 year old Muslim and VERY sexually frustrated. Help? Watch

Anonymous #1
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I don't intend to have sex before marriage. I don't want to get married early either, as I'm not ready for that. For all these years I could control it, even when I had my first love when I was 18. When I was 20 I developed a massive crush on this guy from my area, but after learning he has traits I find off-putting (homophobic, makes racist & fat jokes, smokes Hookah). I no longer wanted to pursue him.However I still find him VERY sexually attractive. Thoughts about having sex with him becomes more frequent as each day goes by, it especially gets worse when he comments on my Snapchat and Instagram stories. I've even resorted to masturbating so I stop thinking about having sex with him. It hasn't worked. Any suggestions?
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Anonymous #2
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1. Are you at uni?
2. What is your relationship with this guy and how close have you got? (are you close friends since he comments on your snapchat and stuff)
3. are you only sexually frustrated towards him?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
1. Are you at uni?
2. What is your relationship with this guy and how close have you got? (are you close friends since he comments on your snapchat and stuff)
3. are you only sexually frustrated towards him?
1. Yes.
2. He's just someone I randomly followed on social media (found him from my sister's follow list, they were both in the same course at uni, but never spoke). We didn't get close as we both always end up cutting the conversation short with each other (my reason is because I can't see anything serious come out of talking to him, I don't want to get into anything non-serious).
3. Yep just him.
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Anonymous #2
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I'm surprised you haven't lost it at uni, I'm a guy waiting till marriage too but the temptation is real in uni .-. especially when most people have including the girls even most the hijabis have so it's really frustrating lol so i do get you but you always gotta tell yourself is it worth it

so im assuming your sisters older and so is this guy

but my best advice is to block him if you don't really know him cause 1. you cant stalk his **** no more 2.he'll probably find out 3.you've ruined your imaginary chance with him 4. you got no choice to move on

Like I use to have this super crush on this girl when i was in last year of college i was 19 cause i failed a year... always use to check her social media but then i just decided to block her and got over her super quick cause my mentality was 'now i've blocked her she probably knows so i got no chance with her so move on'

and if i can ask why cant you get married early since its the best solution to get rid of sexual frustration...just find someone you genuinely like... sexual attraction and personality.
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Dunnig Kruger
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Are you looking for some magic way for you to stop thinking about having sex with him, or some other guy?

I'm sorry but I can't provide that. No one can help the emotions that they feel. They can only change how they act in response to those feelings.

It is entirely natural that a young woman like yourself should have very strong sexual urges. Especially when that urge is not being satisfied.

It is your life and it's entirely up to you if you go ahead and have sex or if you withold sex until marriage. I would respect either decision and like you just as much as a person whichever course of action you took.
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jonathanjames
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't intend to have sex before marriage. I don't want to get married early either, as I'm not ready for that. For all these years I could control it, even when I had my first love when I was 18. When I was 20 I developed a massive crush on this guy from my area, but after learning he has traits I find off-putting (homophobic, makes racist & fat jokes, smokes Hookah). I no longer wanted to pursue him.However I still find him VERY sexually attractive. Thoughts about having sex with him becomes more frequent as each day goes by, it especially gets worse when he comments on my Snapchat and Instagram stories. I've even resorted to masturbating so I stop thinking about having sex with him. It hasn't worked. Any suggestions?
You could block him on all platforms, by the sounds of it you do NOT want to be in that mans company. You have to be cruel to be good to yourself. Whenever you get the though of that man, go and read the ayatul Kursi or go pray two rakaats with wudu, it sometimes may really help
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Anonymous #3
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You're put off another muslim partly because he's homophobic?

Have you read the story of Prophet Lut (AS)? Allah destroyed his people because they were engaging in homosexuality. Being against homosexuality is a part of Islam.
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verycoolperson
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stay away from boys and dont talk to them and dont look at their profiles on social media
the best thing you could do is get married asap
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm surprised you haven't lost it at uni, I'm a guy waiting till marriage too but the temptation is real in uni .-. especially when most people have including the girls even most the hijabis have so it's really frustrating lol so i do get you but you always gotta tell yourself is it worth it

so im assuming your sisters older and so is this guy

but my best advice is to block him if you don't really know him cause 1. you cant stalk his **** no more 2.he'll probably find out 3.you've ruined your imaginary chance with him 4. you got no choice to move on

Like I use to have this super crush on this girl when i was in last year of college i was 19 cause i failed a year... always use to check her social media but then i just decided to block her and got over her super quick cause my mentality was 'now i've blocked her she probably knows so i got no chance with her so move on'

and if i can ask why cant you get married early since its the best solution to get rid of sexual frustration...just find someone you genuinely like... sexual attraction and personality.
During most of my time at uni, my sex drive was VERY low due to medical reasons, so I didn't really have that issue.
Yep he's 4 years older than me. It's freaky how you figured that out.
I'll try out what you did, if it worked for you in breaking out of that major crush then it should work with breaking out of my major lust for that guy.

I don't intend to get married early for these reasons; 1. I want to first focus on reaching my goals. 2. I fell in love with a friend who lead me on for 2 years and emotionally abused me, I'm still recovering from it, so I'm not mentally fit and emotionally ready for it.
(Original post by verycoolperson)
stay away from boys and dont talk to them and dont look at their profiles on social media
the best thing you could do is get married asap
Read above what I said ^^
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Are you looking for some magic way for you to stop thinking about having sex with him, or some other guy?

I'm sorry but I can't provide that. No one can help the emotions that they feel. They can only change how they act in response to those feelings.

It is entirely natural that a young woman like yourself should have very strong sexual urges. Especially when that urge is not being satisfied.

It is your life and it's entirely up to you if you go ahead and have sex or if you withold sex until marriage. I would respect either decision and like you just as much as a person whichever course of action you took.
Yes I'm looking for an alternative way to release those emotions, other than masturbation (which hasn't worked) and sex.
No ones forcing me to stay celibate. It's entirely my choice, as I personally see more pros than cons in being celibate.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
During most of my time at uni, my sex drive was VERY low due to medical reasons, so I didn't really have that issue.
Yep he's 4 years older than me. It's freaky how you figured that out.
I'll try out what you did, if it worked for you in breaking out of that major crush then it should work with breaking out of my major lust for that guy.

I don't intend to get married early for these reasons; 1. I want to first focus on reaching my goals. 2. I fell in love with a friend who lead me on for 2 years and emotionally abused me, I'm still recovering from it, so I'm not mentally fit and emotionally ready for it.

Read above what I said ^^
Yep what you do is block him off everything so nothing reminds you off him
also another good tip is keep yourself occupied with a hobby so you dont get bored...when you're bored you're more likely to be sexually frustrated

it's not really crazy lol, you said they WERE i.e past tense in the same course meaning that your sisters already graduated however you're still in uni so i assumed you was younger

I get what you mean but you can get married and reach your goals too... just find someone with a similar mindset and values. Don't you wanna build with that person

I see but are you gonna let the shadow of this trash friend ruin all your relationships, I'm not telling you to go looking for someone that never works...but if an amazing person walks in to your life and you feel something more than sexual attraction then don't shy away from it but always make it clear from the beginning your intention is marriage and you won't compromise having sex before marriage with them...that usually deters all the ****boys and the right person will wait for you
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by jonathanjames)
You could block him on all platforms, by the sounds of it you do NOT want to be in that mans company. You have to be cruel to be good to yourself. Whenever you get the though of that man, go and read the ayatul Kursi or go pray two rakaats with wudu, it sometimes may really help
I'll try your suggestions, thank you very much.
(Original post by Anonymous)
You're put off another muslim partly because he's homophobic?

Have you read the story of Prophet Lut (AS)? Allah destroyed his people because they were engaging in homosexuality. Being against homosexuality is a part of Islam.
Well just because someone is homosexual it does not give you the excuse to bully them and make a group chat dedicated to backchatting about someone homosexual (which is exactly what he did). Those behaviours are not part of Islam either. If someone sins, its not in your place to exert your judgement onto that person. Only God has the authority to exert judgement onto someone's sins. There's a difference between believing that one should not act on their homosexual feelings and being homophobic.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yep what you do is block him off everything so nothing reminds you off him
also another good tip is keep yourself occupied with a hobby so you dont get bored...when you're bored you're more likely to be sexually frustrated

it's not really crazy lol, you said they WERE i.e past tense in the same course meaning that your sisters already graduated however you're still in uni so i assumed you was younger

I get what you mean but you can get married and reach your goals too... just find someone with a similar mindset and values. Don't you wanna build with that person

I see but are you gonna let the shadow of this trash friend ruin all your relationships, I'm not telling you to go looking for someone that never works...but if an amazing person walks in to your life and you feel something more than sexual attraction then don't shy away from it but always make it clear from the beginning your intention is marriage and you won't compromise having sex before marriage with them...that usually deters all the ****boys and the right person will wait for you
I did notice I tend to have sexual thoughts when I'm bored now that you mention it. It gets annoying when I'm trying to study too.
Ohh I forgot I gave it away lol XD
I understand what you mean, but I'm at that point where I'm not mentally fit to do that at the moment. I need to focus on loving myself first before allowing myself to get into a relationship like that. e.g. If I only love myself 25%, if someone who loves me only 30% walks into my life, I'm going to think that's a lot and readily accept them and put up with their BS.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I did notice I tend to have sexual thoughts when I'm bored now that you mention it. It gets annoying when I'm trying to study too.
Ohh I forgot I gave it away lol XD
I understand what you mean, but I'm at that point where I'm not mentally fit to do that at the moment. I need to focus on loving myself first before allowing myself to get into a relationship like that. e.g. If I only love myself 25%, if someone who loves me only 30% walks into my life, I'm going to think that's a lot and readily accept them and put up with their BS.
Yep you've got the jist of it and you seem really mature which is good, Love yourself before loving anyone else

but I'd highly recommend doing sports of any kind ...cause usually you end up too tired to even wanna be sexual
when you're bored you feel sexually frustrated
when you're tired you feel the opposite where you dont wanna do anymore physical exertion
Like i remember going college coming home with sexual urges... going boxing from 7-9 when i got back home i just wanted to drop on the bed lol

just a question out of curiosity, would it bother you if your husband wasn't a virgin and if not would it then bother you if he had a promiscuous past?
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll try your suggestions, thank you very much.

Well just because someone is homosexual it does not give you the excuse to bully them and make a group chat dedicated to backchatting about someone homosexual (which is exactly what he did). Those behaviours are not part of Islam either. If someone sins, its not in your place to exert your judgement onto that person. Only God has the authority to exert judgement onto someone's sins. There's a difference between believing that one should not act on their homosexual feelings and being homophobic.

Islam condemns homosexuality so his behavior is acceptable in his eyes

certain Islamic countries will literally execute you for being homosexual
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't intend to have sex before marriage. I don't want to get married early either, as I'm not ready for that. For all these years I could control it, even when I had my first love when I was 18. When I was 20 I developed a massive crush on this guy from my area, but after learning he has traits I find off-putting (homophobic, makes racist & fat jokes, smokes Hookah). I no longer wanted to pursue him.However I still find him VERY sexually attractive. Thoughts about having sex with him becomes more frequent as each day goes by, it especially gets worse when he comments on my Snapchat and Instagram stories. I've even resorted to masturbating so I stop thinking about having sex with him. It hasn't worked. Any suggestions?
Find someone else? Surely there must be some other guy who could tick your boxes. It’s still a big world.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yep you've got the jist of it and you seem really mature which is good, Love yourself before loving anyone else

but I'd highly recommend doing sports of any kind ...cause usually you end up too tired to even wanna be sexual
when you're bored you feel sexually frustrated
when you're tired you feel the opposite where you dont wanna do anymore physical exertion
Like i remember going college coming home with sexual urges... going boxing from 7-9 when i got back home i just wanted to drop on the bed lol

just a question out of curiosity, would it bother you if your husband wasn't a virgin and if not would it then bother you if he had a promiscuous past?
Thank you
Those tips are also very helpful too, it makes a lot of sense on how that would work. It's actually super hard to find helpful tips regarding this topic. Usually the only suggestion tends to be 'to masturbate'.

Tbh it wouldn't bother me if he wasn't a virgin and had a promiscuous past. As Long as he didn't contract any STI/STD. Also I'd rather him not tell me either, as I would subconsciously compare myself to others he has slept with (due to this being one the reasons, according to Islam, you're not required to share that information with your spouse).
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Anonymous #5
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[img]blob:https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/2c4ae30a-35c7-4f0d-ae37-ad9466f817f6[/img]
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ltsmith
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yolo?
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Stormz1
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Title suggests you are a Muslim. I would hope you are aware, but in case you aren't, promiscuous relationships and sex outside of marriage is haram and a sin. I would recommend just blocking him off social media as a starters if you seriously want to avoid anything of the sort. I would also recommend fasting.: "Whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a restraint (Wija) for him".

Also keep yourself occupied and infront of other people and remember that there is reward in struggle.
(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't intend to have sex before marriage. I don't want to get married early either, as I'm not ready for that. For all these years I could control it, even when I had my first love when I was 18. When I was 20 I developed a massive crush on this guy from my area, but after learning he has traits I find off-putting (homophobic, makes racist & fat jokes, smokes Hookah). I no longer wanted to pursue him.However I still find him VERY sexually attractive. Thoughts about having sex with him becomes more frequent as each day goes by, it especially gets worse when he comments on my Snapchat and Instagram stories. I've even resorted to masturbating so I stop thinking about having sex with him. It hasn't worked. Any suggestions?
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