Forced into going to church Watch

HickeyOrBruise
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My parents are Roman Catholic, I’ve been brought up Catholic, I went to a catholic primary school and a convent for secondary school and sixth form, being dragged to mass every Sunday (I wish that was an exaggeration but it’s not). I’m now I’m my second year at uni and I don’t go to church.

I’m not a catholic anymore, before uni I guess I came off as a good Catholic, I was an altar server and I didn’t really make THAT much of a fuss going. The reasons for going were completely selfish, the guy I was “seeing” (in the loosest sense of the word) also got dragged to mass, and we always made one another’s mass more enjoyable. However, I’m not seeing him anymore, and we aren’t even talking, it’s made all the feelings I felt before I left home are still there and they are possibly worse now.

I avoid coming home, I’ll go home from a Thursday after uni to Saturday evening and they regularly question it. They are always questioning it, going as far as telling me that they wouldn’t make me go to mass, because I let it slip that actually I could stay till the Monday. However, this isn’t the case. I did it twice and both times I was forced into attending church.

It’s Easter this weekend, I haven’t come back for Maundy Thursday or Good Friday, but my parents keep threatening to pick me up on Saturday so we can “go to church together” I’ve told them I don’t believe multiple times, they’ve told me I’m going to hell and all that crap. They use the excuse that I made my confirmation when they didn’t want me too, but I was 13 and all my friends were and I didn’t want to be the one left out. Seven years later, they are still using it against me but so much has changed. Does anyone have any tips on how to get them to stop? More than anything it’s irritating for them to keep banging on about it.
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Corps
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So yes you’re a confirmed Catholic but seeing as you were too young to make that decision or take on that responsibility, is it really valid? You’ve been avoiding so I guess be respectful about it and tell them that you don’t feel comfortable going to church, I know whenever I step foot in my church I feel like I’m intruding and that I shouldn’t have been asked to make my confirmation until I was eighteen (I was seriously considering becoming a nun when I was fifteen, how things change in four years😂). I realise this is bad advice but maybe go for a walk in order to miss mass and then deal with the aftermath. At the end of the day you’re an adult now and although you should respect your parents, they shouldn’t dictate your spirituality. I had it easier seeing as two of my siblings had already stopped attending mass and one had refused to be confirmed. Also, God is love, the Catholic invention of purgatory makes it practically impossible to go to hell. Good luck with everything.
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Leviathan1611
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hahaha same. just tell them you're not Catholic anymore. but still, mass is only an hour long, the time will just fly by. or just get other plans for Sunday so you're not available.
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katf
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I'm from a Catholic family, but I'm a quaker so I get it somewhat. However, I'm perfectly happy to go to mass on holy days.
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harrysbar
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(Original post by HickeyOrBruise)
My parents are Roman Catholic, I’ve been brought up Catholic, I went to a catholic primary school and a convent for secondary school and sixth form, being dragged to mass every Sunday (I wish that was an exaggeration but it’s not). I’m now I’m my second year at uni and I don’t go to church.

I’m not a catholic anymore, before uni I guess I came off as a good Catholic, I was an altar server and I didn’t really make THAT much of a fuss going. The reasons for going were completely selfish, the guy I was “seeing” (in the loosest sense of the word) also got dragged to mass, and we always made one another’s mass more enjoyable. However, I’m not seeing him anymore, and we aren’t even talking, it’s made all the feelings I felt before I left home are still there and they are possibly worse now.

I avoid coming home, I’ll go home from a Thursday after uni to Saturday evening and they regularly question it. They are always questioning it, going as far as telling me that they wouldn’t make me go to mass, because I let it slip that actually I could stay till the Monday. However, this isn’t the case. I did it twice and both times I was forced into attending church.

It’s Easter this weekend, I haven’t come back for Maundy Thursday or Good Friday, but my parents keep threatening to pick me up on Saturday so we can “go to church together” I’ve told them I don’t believe multiple times, they’ve told me I’m going to hell and all that crap. They use the excuse that I made my confirmation when they didn’t want me too, but I was 13 and all my friends were and I didn’t want to be the one left out. Seven years later, they are still using it against me but so much has changed. Does anyone have any tips on how to get them to stop? More than anything it’s irritating for them to keep banging on about it.
It's a tricky one and I don't know that there is anything you can do to change their way of thinking ...they may well soften their attitude as you get older and increasingly independent but at the moment they still think they can (and should try to) influence you.

To avoid a huge family argument, I would probably reiterate the fact that I do not believe, but agree to go to church with them on a very occasional basis (such as Easter Sunday) - for their sake, not yours. That is, if you feel it wouldn't compromise your own happiness too much to do so? If you feel too strongly to want to do this, which would be completely understandable, then I don't see you have any choice but to spell it out to them that you won't be going to church ever again and you don't believe in hell.
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HickeyOrBruise
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Ahh no your reply is helpful and it makes me feel better that you changed in four years too! I was worried about it, cause I do feel like a fraud. Well that’s what I thought and also my saints name isn’t actually a saint (it’s complicated as to how I got away with it)

Honestly a walk wouldn’t help because they would literally come and find me. I’ve tried to explain why I don’t want to mass, why I don’t believe but I guess they don’t care. I guess it’s their loss but I’m so done with it all. Like I get called selfish and that I’m doing it to spite them (this was the one time they let me off in February this year because I haha a stomach bug 🙈) I’m not coming back till Sunday afternoon and ik they are all going to mass tomorrow evening (im lucky that my uni technically finishes on Monday) I’ve already had “oh well it’s a bank holiday come home” to which I’ve replied I have plans, I do it’s my friends birthday and we are all going out tonight and there’s no way I’m going to be sober enough to come home tomorrow even if they pick me up 🤷🏼*♀️ But your advice has helped me so thank you!
(Original post by Corps)
So yes you’re a confirmed Catholic but seeing as you were too young to make that decision or take on that responsibility, is it really valid? You’ve been avoiding so I guess be respectful about it and tell them that you don’t feel comfortable going to church, I know whenever I step foot in my church I feel like I’m intruding and that I shouldn’t have been asked to make my confirmation until I was eighteen (I was seriously considering becoming a nun when I was fifteen, how things change in four years😂). I realise this is bad advice but maybe go for a walk in order to miss mass and then deal with the aftermath. At the end of the day you’re an adult now and although you should respect your parents, they shouldn’t dictate your spirituality. I had it easier seeing as two of my siblings had already stopped attending mass and one had refused to be confirmed. Also, God is love, the Catholic invention of purgatory makes it practically impossible to go to hell. Good luck with everything.
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khadijahsayyed9
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I'm in a similar situation. I'm ex-Muslim and I hate going to mosque.




(Original post by HickeyOrBruise)
My parents are Roman Catholic, I’ve been brought up Catholic, I went to a catholic primary school and a convent for secondary school and sixth form, being dragged to mass every Sunday (I wish that was an exaggeration but it’s not). I’m now I’m my second year at uni and I don’t go to church.

I’m not a catholic anymore, before uni I guess I came off as a good Catholic, I was an altar server and I didn’t really make THAT much of a fuss going. The reasons for going were completely selfish, the guy I was “seeing” (in the loosest sense of the word) also got dragged to mass, and we always made one another’s mass more enjoyable. However, I’m not seeing him anymore, and we aren’t even talking, it’s made all the feelings I felt before I left home are still there and they are possibly worse now.

I avoid coming home, I’ll go home from a Thursday after uni to Saturday evening and they regularly question it. They are always questioning it, going as far as telling me that they wouldn’t make me go to mass, because I let it slip that actually I could stay till the Monday. However, this isn’t the case. I did it twice and both times I was forced into attending church.

It’s Easter this weekend, I haven’t come back for Maundy Thursday or Good Friday, but my parents keep threatening to pick me up on Saturday so we can “go to church together” I’ve told them I don’t believe multiple times, they’ve told me I’m going to hell and all that crap. They use the excuse that I made my confirmation when they didn’t want me too, but I was 13 and all my friends were and I didn’t want to be the one left out. Seven years later, they are still using it against me but so much has changed. Does anyone have any tips on how to get them to stop? More than anything it’s irritating for them to keep banging on about it.
Last edited by khadijahsayyed9; 1 month ago
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HickeyOrBruise
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Ah my by parents say every Sunday is a holy day 🤷🏼*♀️ I just don’t get why I need to be subjected to three days of intense praying and then sitting in a cold church for over two hours watching a candle being lit. I think I’d go to Christmas mass but it’s kind of like you have to go to all the masses. That probably doesn’t make sense but they use the whole it’s a holy day every Sunday
(Original post by katf)
I'm from a Catholic family, but I'm a quaker so I get it somewhat. However, I'm perfectly happy to go to mass on holy days.
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LeapingLucy
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Just tell them that you're not Catholic anymore, and you're not going. You're an adult for goodness' sake. They can't force you to do anything.
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HickeyOrBruise
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No I’ve tried spelling out the reason I don’t want to go- it’s a multitude of different reasons but primarily I don’t believe in it.

I was worried about summer when I went home, I would be more than willing to go twice a month to the evening mass. I obviously would go without any protest and I’d sit there in silence so not to distract my younger sister. Obviously they didn’t agree. Bit extreme (and completely unrelated) but I’m now moving half way across the world so I guess it doesn’t apply. I just don’t see the point, it turns me off mass even more and if I had a choice I probably be more inclined to go occasionally. But there’s no way I’ll be going to some masses, like Easter where I have to watch a candle being lit and then sitting in a cold church for an eternity listening to readings and singing....


(Original post by harrysbar)
It's a tricky one and I don't know that there is anything you can do to change their way of thinking ...they may well soften their attitude as you get older and increasingly independent but at the moment they still think they can (and should try to) influence you.

To avoid a huge family argument, I would probably reiterate the fact that I do not believe, but agree to go to church with them on a very occasional basis (such as Easter Sunday) - for their sake, not yours. That is, if you feel it wouldn't compromise your own happiness too much to do so? If you feel too strongly to want to do this, which would be completely understandable, then I don't see you have any choice but to spell it out to them that you won't be going to church ever again and you don't believe in hell.
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HickeyOrBruise
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(Original post by Leviathan1611)
hahaha same. just tell them you're not Catholic anymore. but still, mass is only an hour long, the time will just fly by. or just get other plans for Sunday so you're not available.
Honestly I wish it were that simple- I’ve told them so many times. Ahaha they’ve literally dragged me out of my plans to make me come to mass and humiliating me in the process.

They wake me up at ridiculous times in order to go to mass so I’d rather not go. Sitting in mass is bad enough but waking up at 7AM to go to mass on my day off? No way 🤷🏼*♀️
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harrysbar
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(Original post by HickeyOrBruise)
No I’ve tried spelling out the reason I don’t want to go- it’s a multitude of different reasons but primarily I don’t believe in it.

I was worried about summer when I went home, I would be more than willing to go twice a month to the evening mass. I obviously would go without any protest and I’d sit there in silence so not to distract my younger sister. Obviously they didn’t agree. Bit extreme (and completely unrelated) but I’m now moving half way across the world so I guess it doesn’t apply. I just don’t see the point, it turns me off mass even more and if I had a choice I probably be more inclined to go occasionally. But there’s no way I’ll be going to some masses, like Easter where I have to watch a candle being lit and then sitting in a cold church for an eternity listening to readings and singing....
Fair enough, I don't think you should be forced to do something you feel strongly against.

I hope you didn't think I was judging you, I'm an atheist. Luckily for me my parents aren't religious either but I can see your situation must be difficult
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gjd800
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Do a Varg and torch the gaff.
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Alexty28
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I mean you are an adult and should chose to go to church or not. I am a practicing Catholic myself, but I hate it when people try and shove their views on others. Just put your foot down and deal with consequences, no point in taking part in something against your beliefs.
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HickeyOrBruise
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Honestly it annoys me, my parents shouldn’t get into what I do and don’t believe it. It’s not even like they were religious before they had me, my dad grew up catholic but his mum stopped making him go to church when he was thirteen after his confirmation, he didn’t go for another 17 years after that.... And my mum converted when I was six. I totally feel your pain


(Original post by khadijahsayyed9)
I'm in a similar situation. I'm ex-Muslim and I hate going to mosque.
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Leviathan1611
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(Original post by HickeyOrBruise)
Honestly I wish it were that simple- I’ve told them so many times. Ahaha they’ve literally dragged me out of my plans to make me come to mass and humiliating me in the process.

They wake me up at ridiculous times in order to go to mass so I’d rather not go. Sitting in mass is bad enough but waking up at 7AM to go to mass on my day off? No way 🤷🏼*♀️
I remember as a kid, I'd desperately try to make myself sick so I don't have to go. unfortunately, I never tried hard enough.
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HickeyOrBruise
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No I didn’t - the advice is greatly appreciated! I’m just so done, I’ve tried twice now with my parents, the first one was the Christmas after I started uni and then the second was last year in February when I was home for reading week and it resulted in my parents ignoring me for the whole week. I decided it wasn’t worth it.


This time I’m serious about it. I had three major things happen to me in the last year and it’s just reiterated that I don’t want this. When I try and explain they don’t understand, I get branded selfish and that I’m doing this to spite them and get attention. I’d like them to realise that it is nothing todo with them 🤷🏼*♀️



(Original post by harrysbar)
Fair enough, I don't think you should be forced to do something you feel strongly against.

I hope you didn't think I was judging you, I'm an atheist. Luckily for me my parents aren't religious either but I can see your situation must be difficult
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HickeyOrBruise
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I’ve honestly tried but I get it from both my parents and my best friend. I accidentally let it slip, what I believe and all that and she went mental and then hen I had to endure a half an hour lecture on why partying on good Friday me needs to be banned. I honestly just want to get everyone off my back. Who knows, maybe if I had that breathing space I might go back?
(Original post by Alexty28)
I mean you are an adult and should chose to go to church or not. I am a practicing Catholic myself, but I hate it when people try and shove their views on others. Just put your foot down and deal with consequences, no point in taking part in something against your beliefs.
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HickeyOrBruise
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Hahahah 😂😭😭😭
(Original post by gjd800)
Do a Varg and torch the gaff.
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gjd800
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(Original post by HickeyOrBruise)
Hahahah 😂😭😭😭
Obviusly I'm not really advocating that
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