Did I consent Watch

MelR2000
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So I’ve had a relationship with a guy whilst being at uni, whom uses drugs frequently. He turned up to my flat once with a knife and overdosed on Valium. Anyway one night I took Xanax (it was my first time taking the drug), and he didn’t have one with me but claimed he’d already taken one earlier. Anyway I can remember him pinning me on the bed and slapping me on the bum (until I had bruises), I remember asking him to stop but he carried on - at that point I think the Xanax kicked in and I think we had sex as I can briefly remember bits but I do not by any means remember giving consent. I’ve asked him about it, and he changed the subject I was just wondering what that situation should be considered as?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by MelR2000)
So I’ve had a relationship with a guy whilst being at uni, whom uses drugs frequently. He turned up to my flat once with a knife and overdosed on Valium. Anyway one night I took Xanax (it was my first time taking the drug), and he didn’t have one with me but claimed he’d already taken one earlier. Anyway I can remember him pinning me on the bed and slapping me on the bum (until I had bruises), I remember asking him to stop but he carried on - at that point I think the Xanax kicked in and I think we had sex as I can briefly remember bits but I do not by any means remember giving consent. I’ve asked him about it, and he changed the subject I was just wondering what that situation should be considered as?
In your post I'm boldening all the stuff that's obviously rape/sketchy AF. ^

http://hr.qmul.ac.uk/media/hr/docs/e...-To-Sex-A4.pdf
Pg 3: Can someone agree to have sex if they’re drunk or have taken drugs?

TLDR: If you're of relatively stable mind and can make free choice and at that moment you say yes then you can consent. Obviously you were not and so it was rape - "at which point the "xanax" kicked in and I can't remember it"

Also, you "asked him to stop" he didn't. Hence rape. That's quite obvious and clear cut.

Also, with the giving you a xan. He didn't take one with you because he "took one earlier"? How do you even know that was a Xan and not a date rape drug? The fact it could be a rape drug is further shown by him not taking one with you..
Call the police on this guy and cut all contact with him, he doesn't sound like anyone who's even slightly pleasant to be around. I want to fully hammer in the fact that this entire story was obvious rape, doesn't matter if he was mentally impaired at the time himself, tell the police. The fact you're asking online when it's this obvious shows that you're probably in denial about being raped. You did not consent. You were raped. End of story.
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Dunnig Kruger
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Assuming that when you asked him to stop it wasn't part of some type of role play - and from the way you've described it sounds very much like it was a genuine request for him to stop. Then you were raped.

Him changing the subject when you talk about it is a sign of his guilt. He knows he raped. The rapist pig.

What's done is done. MelR2000, what do you think is the best way forward for you on this?

Have broken off all contact with him?
Have you reported this to the authorities? If or when you do, you may have to be realistic about what they can do about it as it may well be a your word against his situation. I think it's still worth reporting. As a way of deterring him from doing it again to some other woman. And as a way of flagging up his rapist behaviour to the uni / police. And you never know, he may own up to it and accept the punishment that he deserves for this.

One thing to keep reminding yourself, is that you have done nothing (morally) wrong here.
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harrysbar
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(Original post by MelR2000)
So I’ve had a relationship with a guy whilst being at uni, whom uses drugs frequently. He turned up to my flat once with a knife and overdosed on Valium. Anyway one night I took Xanax (it was my first time taking the drug), and he didn’t have one with me but claimed he’d already taken one earlier. Anyway I can remember him pinning me on the bed and slapping me on the bum (until I had bruises), I remember asking him to stop but he carried on - at that point I think the Xanax kicked in and I think we had sex as I can briefly remember bits but I do not by any means remember giving consent. I’ve asked him about it, and he changed the subject I was just wondering what that situation should be considered as?
He's a keeper, isn't he?

For God's sake, have nothing more to do with him. At the very least, he is a damaged individual and you should stop having any kind of a relationship with him.
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FishLover
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It sounds like you already know that you didn't consent. Please don't doubt yourself and don't let him tell you otherwise either. Cut off contact and if you think you can, report him. But know that reporting would bring you under a lot of scrutiny and its understandable if you don't feel like you can handle it. The most important thing is to ensure that you are safe.
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Anonymous #2
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Leave him and stay away from that group
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
In your post I'm boldening all the stuff that's obviously rape/sketchy AF. ^

http://hr.qmul.ac.uk/media/hr/docs/e...-To-Sex-A4.pdf
Pg 3: Can someone agree to have sex if they’re drunk or have taken drugs?

TLDR: If you're of relatively stable mind and can make free choice and at that moment you say yes then you can consent. Obviously you were not and so it was rape - "at which point the "xanax" kicked in and I can't remember it"

Also, you "asked him to stop" he didn't. Hence rape. That's quite obvious and clear cut.

Also, with the giving you a xan. He didn't take one with you because he "took one earlier"? How do you even know that was a Xan and not a date rape drug? The fact it could be a rape drug is further shown by him not taking one with you..
Call the police on this guy and cut all contact with him, he doesn't sound like anyone who's even slightly pleasant to be around. I want to fully hammer in the fact that this entire story was obvious rape, doesn't matter if he was mentally impaired at the time himself, tell the police. The fact you're asking online when it's this obvious shows that you're probably in denial about being raped. You did not consent. You were raped. End of story.
Statistically most people who drug people as part of a rape dont use what are considered "date rape drugs" but more commonly available ones (ecstasy, xanax etc etc)
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hallamstudents
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If you remember asking him to stop and it continued then you didn't consent. It's up to you what you consider the situation as, but if I were in your position I would avoid him at all costs. If this is causing you distress then I would seek out your student support services and see if there is someone you can talk to. I think they would offer you the best advice and help you get closure on the whole situation.

Lucy
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