The Student Room Group

Does this count as rape?

So basically i lived in student halls... and i had sex with a friend of my friends........ he got attached and every time we all went out and got drunk he would talk to me explicity and about his penis etc.....

i knew he liked me and my friends told me etc...... so one night he texted me (we talked in text a few times) and asked me if he could come to my flat. We lived in the same accomadation but different flats. I thought he wanted sex so i said no and told him it was because i didnt want sex or a relationship with him etc.

He kept insisting that he wasnt after anything sexual and he just wanted to be friends and chill with me..... so i said he could come round as long as he understood i would not be having sex with him. He said thats fine and came round....

we chilled for a bit and watched tv.... then my uni room was basically a double bed with an ensuite and a balcony so the window opened wide to allow access to the balcony.... we were both smokers so we went on the balcony to have a cigarette and sat on the window on the outside. At this point he started to touch me.... he touched my boobs, so I pushed him off me but he was very strong so it took both my hands to get his one hand off my boobs.. and i told him to stop.... anyway for quite a few minutes he would alternate between touching my boobs and, well, down *there*, even tho i kept telling him to stop and trying to push him away altho it didnt work because it took me two hands to push one of his away so he would just use his other hand to touch me up.

So I stood up and climbed inside the window. I told him i wanted him to leave. He said "I will show you what i am going to do.... and he pushed me over on my bed..... and started kissing me... i pushed him but i couldnt get him off me..... he then lay on me so his weight was holding me down.... and he used his hand to push up my dress and pull down my underwear..

He then touched me down below for a while..... as i struggled against him...... and then he pulled his own jeans and underwear down and well he had sex with me.... i tried to push him away and told him not to but he kept going... aftter he just got up, put his clothes back and left.....

I wish i never let him come round because i had a feeling he wanted to have sex.... I am dumb... :frown: is this rape?
Reply 1
It is rape, because you refused multiple times, did not consent and there is no reasonable way that he could think you consented.
how you are even questioning whether this is rape is beyond me.
yes. Report him. Sometimes there are grey areas but not here.

Did he finish inside you? Are you on any contraception? When did this happen?
I'm really sorry you went through this.
This is rape and you should report him. As others have said he clearly knew that you did not consent and wanted him to stop. He deserves no mercy for this.
Have you talked to anyone else about it? It might help to talk to your friends if you feel comfortable. There's nothing to be ashamed of- he was disgusting and that's it. Please look after yourself first and foremost.
And you are NOT dumb. This is in no way your fault. You told him SO many times and in so many ways that you did not want to have sex with him. You could not have known. Even if you had suspicions you did not know, of course you could not know.
It was good of you to have faith in him. The fact that he was a disgusting human being and took advantage of that was fu*king sick and in no way your fault
Reply 6
yes he finished inside me but I got the morning after pill.... i went to a bit of the city away from where people knew me and got it from a chemist for free cos am under 25. I am not on contraception cos i didnt plan on having sex. It happened 2 years ago :frown:
Original post by Apachecow
yes. Report him. Sometimes there are grey areas but not here.

Did he finish inside you? Are you on any contraception? When did this happen?
It's awful that there are people out there who'd do such things. Makes me very sad. Do you still have the messages sent that night? It's a shame you didn't report it at the time when they could have gotten evidence to use against him and strengthen the case against him. Whilst you SHOULD report him, it becomes your word against his and therefore harder to prove what happened.

If you don't want to talk about it I fully understand, but why ask about it now? How has it affected you? Are you able to trust other men?
Reply 8
Thanks for the support. I dont have any messages anymore as I have got a new phone and contract since then. I was scared to report it as I didnt know if anyone would believe me and I thought everyone would think it was my fault for inviting him round to my flat and letting him in.

I am asking now for my own piece of mind. I am due to go back to uni in september and want to know whether it was wrong so i can change my behaviour next time or stop it happening again or something idk. Its on my mind all the time and i have flashbacks and nightmares from this incident and from my ex who was abusive and also raped me. It has affected my life a lot; i have been diagnosed with PTSD and agorophobia due to it i wouldnt leave my flat as i was terrified of everyone. I have had treatment and can leave my home now but its still hard and i suffer a lot with my anxiety and flashbacks and i cant have sex anymore because it makes me want to die... i also self harm
Original post by Apachecow
It's awful that there are people out there who'd do such things. Makes me very sad. Do you still have the messages sent that night? It's a shame you didn't report it at the time when they could have gotten evidence to use against him and strengthen the case against him. Whilst you SHOULD report him, it becomes your word against his and therefore harder to prove what happened.

If you don't want to talk about it I fully understand, but why ask about it now? How has it affected you? Are you able to trust other men?
You poor lass. I don't think there is anything I can say that will make you feel better. Do remember that not all guys are like that.

I really hope you get the help you need to get over this, or at least learn to live with it.
You aren’t stupid. It’s easy to question these things because it feels like “you let it happen” in your head but remember you tried to push him off multiple times and said no multiple times. THIS IS RAPE. Come to terms with it, that is the first way to heal. I happened two years ago- I think you should report it but be prepared for it to not go anywhere due to lack of evidence (unfortunately this is how the legal system works). Much love to you and I hope you find someone who will give you the love and support you need one day so you know that not all men are like this and that what happened to you was wrong.
Reply 11
Original post by Anonymous
So basically i lived in student halls... and i had sex with a friend of my friends........ he got attached and every time we all went out and got drunk he would talk to me explicity and about his penis etc.....

i knew he liked me and my friends told me etc...... so one night he texted me (we talked in text a few times) and asked me if he could come to my flat. We lived in the same accomadation but different flats. I thought he wanted sex so i said no and told him it was because i didnt want sex or a relationship with him etc.

He kept insisting that he wasnt after anything sexual and he just wanted to be friends and chill with me..... so i said he could come round as long as he understood i would not be having sex with him. He said thats fine and came round....

we chilled for a bit and watched tv.... then my uni room was basically a double bed with an ensuite and a balcony so the window opened wide to allow access to the balcony.... we were both smokers so we went on the balcony to have a cigarette and sat on the window on the outside. At this point he started to touch me.... he touched my boobs, so I pushed him off me but he was very strong so it took both my hands to get his one hand off my boobs.. and i told him to stop.... anyway for quite a few minutes he would alternate between touching my boobs and, well, down *there*, even tho i kept telling him to stop and trying to push him away altho it didnt work because it took me two hands to push one of his away so he would just use his other hand to touch me up.

So I stood up and climbed inside the window. I told him i wanted him to leave. He said "I will show you what i am going to do.... and he pushed me over on my bed..... and started kissing me... i pushed him but i couldnt get him off me..... he then lay on me so his weight was holding me down.... and he used his hand to push up my dress and pull down my underwear..

He then touched me down below for a while..... as i struggled against him...... and then he pulled his own jeans and underwear down and well he had sex with me.... i tried to push him away and told him not to but he kept going... aftter he just got up, put his clothes back and left.....

I wish i never let him come round because i had a feeling he wanted to have sex.... I am dumb... :frown: is this rape?


Definitely rape. No consent was given. You should have reported him. You sound quite naive. Get some help to deal with the effects of a blatant sexual assault.

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