I think I’m a submissive Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#1
So, after being controlled by an ex boyfriend who, admittedly thinking about it, abused me.. I can’t stop thinking about it.

One thing that turns me on is getting controlled, or slapped and treated like crap by a guy. The other day, a guy talked to me about what he’d do, and how I’m “his *****” which would piss most girls off, except me. Even my friends said they would hate that. But then if he takes care of me at the same time.. like protective... it makes me go crazy for him.

I have like the need to be controlled and messed around with. A guy really messed with my head, and wasn’t nice to me.. but it made me like him even more.

I don’t know why I’m like this.. someone please help me find out why. No one else is this way. If a guy is really nice to me he kind of goes straight to the friend zone.. and I wish it wasn’t like that.

I did a lot of bad things when I was younger.. maybe it’s me punishing myself? But then again, I like it so guess not.

I don’t know why, I just love the idea of being a submissive to a guy... use me when you want, but only me. That sort of thing. If feelings get involved then they do. It’s not that I don’t want someone to like/love me, it’s just I want them to be a bit more... dominant than most.

I need advice before I get hurt.. or should I just do what I want?
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tacticalwater
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Lot's of people are like you, don't feel like you're not normal. if that's what you want then go for it but it's important to find a balance, someone can be dominant but still be a good and kind person, find someone who cares about you and likes you but is still dominant
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JTfoxlove
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(I assume you're an adult)

Sorry that you've gone through an abusive relationship. One's brain sexualising abuse may be a coping strategy and there is plenty of literature documenting this. It's not wrong or shameful to do and in no way legitimises someone actually abusing you. Likewise, nor does having fantasies of non-consent or role-playing non-consensual activities.

Plenty of people who haven't gone through such an abusive relationship have this kink. It's perfectly possible that you had this kink long before your past abusive relationship.

However, having this kink and being in a previous abusive relationship makes you vulnerable to finding yourself in another abusive relationship.

Being submissive in the bedroom - is about respect, communication and setting boundaries and having a safety system in place (a dom who always checks in and is aways focused on your wellbeing and enjoyment, safety words and actions) - arranged long before any sexual activity has taken place.

Safe, Sane, Consensual are the watchwords.

My advice is find a nice, kind partner who's into being dominant and then enjoy great sex and a loving, empowering relationship, with someone who really knows how to put you in your place. Don't find a guy who doesn't care about you and is going to treat you badly in all parts of the relationship - this will result in an abusive relationship... and poorer sex.

Some people take the D/s relationship out of the bedroom and at the extremes some people have a 24/7 D/s lifestyle. This relies on a stable loving relationship and soulmate levels of communication.

On whether people with this form of sexuality is about punishing ones self is interesting. Again, it's in the literature could be, could not be. I'd judge it on whether the outcome is positive.

Take a look at the literature and if it's your thing get in touch with your nearest BDSM club. If this is impacting your mental health and/or you want to talk about your previously abusive relationship - have a chat with your doctor.
Last edited by JTfoxlove; 4 months ago
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Anonymous #2
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Report 1 week ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, after being controlled by an ex boyfriend who, admittedly thinking about it, abused me.. I can’t stop thinking about it.

One thing that turns me on is getting controlled, or slapped and treated like crap by a guy. The other day, a guy talked to me about what he’d do, and how I’m “his *****” which would piss most girls off, except me. Even my friends said they would hate that. But then if he takes care of me at the same time.. like protective... it makes me go crazy for him.

I have like the need to be controlled and messed around with. A guy really messed with my head, and wasn’t nice to me.. but it made me like him even more.

I don’t know why I’m like this.. someone please help me find out why. No one else is this way. If a guy is really nice to me he kind of goes straight to the friend zone.. and I wish it wasn’t like that.

I did a lot of bad things when I was younger.. maybe it’s me punishing myself? But then again, I like it so guess not.

I don’t know why, I just love the idea of being a submissive to a guy... use me when you want, but only me. That sort of thing. If feelings get involved then they do. It’s not that I don’t want someone to like/love me, it’s just I want them to be a bit more... dominant than most.

I need advice before I get hurt.. or should I just do what I want?
I think your an inverted narcissist or codependent or somethink like that look up sam vaknin
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