Family or love of your life? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#1
If your family threatened to cut you off for having a relationship/moving in with and starting a life with someone you really love, but who is a different religion/culture to what they want, would you let them go to save your family or find a way to live without your family?

It is a relationship where we want to marry each other eventually, but then would not be able to visit my cousins, aunts, grandma because they would all disagree. i am not the same as these 'conservative' family members because i grew up abroad and am mixed race, having a mother from another culture/religion, but they accepted her after many years. But if a GIRL marries outside it is a disgrace. But it's very hypocritical of my dad as he married away, I am 'different' anyway by birth and upbringing, and never felt i could live the same way as them. Family is so important I have made many sacrifices but I have a cultural identity crisis and very in love with this man who treats me incredibly well and is willing to prove himself to my difficult family. But they won't give him a chance.

I have been hiding him from my family so far but i'm about to graduate and and need to make decisions. Dad lost his job, mid-life crisis, is absent figure but controlling personality. My way or the highway kind of thing. My boyfriend knows about my depression/personal struggles and we can build a life where i can be secure and comfortable to start building my future. My family is broken and if i sacrifice my relationship for them i have to go back to the mess. Feel like i would rather kill myself. Don't want to hurt family but have always been suicidal living under their suffocating rules.

Any thoughts?
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ARealNowhereMan
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#2
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Holy crap
(Original post by Royal Oak)
My family is a useless as a sack of ****. I'd pick a stray dog over them.
Uhh, I don’t know. My family wouldn’t do that, they’re very supportive (and they don’t meddle or interfere) so, i can’t really help.
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Cheesybread
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As someone who is in a similar situation I would say the thought is worse that the action, from your family. They hate the idea but should it come to pass they will be lighter on you than you expect. With your cousins, in my opinon it depends upon how strict they are, if they want to set a hard example for their kids, then they shall be harsh on you, however those who are close to you already shall stay in contact with you. You have to be realistic what matters more to you. And is this person really the love of your life, or are you just 'swept up of your feet' (Sorry to blunt)
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Anonymous #1
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I'm only 21, these days people will say it's silly to decide on someone, but i've never had boyfriends or random sex, saved myself until i really met someone who felt like a soulmate and he does. You have to be 1000% sure and ready to marry soon before you go against your family i guess? I'm not in a position for marriage being so young atm but can't end the relationship either .. been together a year and a half feels like am just getting started
(Original post by Cheesybread)
As someone who is in a similar situation I would say the thought is worse that the action, from your family. They hate the idea but should it come to pass they will be lighter on you than you expect. With your cousins, in my opinon it depends upon how strict they are, if they want to set a hard example for their kids, then they shall be harsh on you, however those who are close to you already shall stay in contact with you. You have to be realistic what matters more to you. And is this person really the love of your life, or are you just 'swept up of your feet' (Sorry to blunt)
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leopard202
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Wow why?
(Original post by Royal Oak)
My family is a useless as a sack of ****. I'd pick a stray dog over them.
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Anonymous #1
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also what is your similar situation?
(Original post by Cheesybread)
As someone who is in a similar situation I would say the thought is worse that the action, from your family. They hate the idea but should it come to pass they will be lighter on you than you expect. With your cousins, in my opinon it depends upon how strict they are, if they want to set a hard example for their kids, then they shall be harsh on you, however those who are close to you already shall stay in contact with you. You have to be realistic what matters more to you. And is this person really the love of your life, or are you just 'swept up of your feet' (Sorry to blunt)
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username3890778
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i refuse to choose
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DrawTheLine
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Next year I'll (hopefully) be moving away to marry my other half. Not because I hate my family, but because I'm just not close with them and my partner makes me happier and does more for me as a person than they do. And eventually my family will die before me, and if I stay with them, I'll be left alone in a few decades, instead of where I could have been - having a great life and family with the love of my life. My dad will probably threaten to disown me but he's a piece of work anyway so I'm not fussed about that.
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waxdoll19
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Every family has its ups and downs, its positives and negatives, but those who have a family have a gift from God and as such are very blessed. And you should know that it'd be wrong to turn your back on your family of 20+ years just for someone you've probably not even known for 20 months.

It's your duty to stay and try and rebuild the family, not to quit and take the easy way out. It's not easy, I know, but the right path is never easy. And remember: there are people out there who don't even know what family is - who live and die in the most atrocious circumstances. So be grateful for what you have, even if it's a mess right now.

Otherwise if you just take the easy way out that path will be cursed from the outset and you will risk complete self-destruction. Because if you treat God's gift with such contempt, he'll just say "okay then, I won't ever give you anything to be grateful for again".

So yeah, do the right thing. All the best
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Anonymous #2
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i’m in a very similar position to OP, and i think you should go with your partner. All i would say is to make sure that you’re absolutely certain that it’s what you want to do. Good luck xx 💕
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londonmyst
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My mother faced that choice- she choose love.
She was almost beaten to death, disinherited and viciously slandered.
Then banned from attending her father's funeral, on his orders.

I'll never have the choice.
Over the last six years, I've had little contact with the only three living members of my family tree- parents and bible ranting maternal grandmother.
If I see or hear any of them coming near me, I move away quickly.
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londonmyst
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(Original post by CHANEL&DIAMONDS)
i refuse to choose
People unlucky enought to have vicious thugs or criminally intolerant religious fanatics for relations don't have that luxury.
The vicious and criminal make the decision- to cause trouble.
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username3890778
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(Original post by londonmyst)
People unlucky enought to have vicious thugs or criminally intolerant religious fanatics for relations don't have that luxury.
The vicious and criminal make the decision- to cause trouble.
True. Sorry to hear about your mom. being banned from your own fathers funeral is the worst. I couldn’t go either to my fathers funeral but for another reason. really heartbreaking
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Anonymous #1
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I disagree, your own children are also 'God's gift' and you should treat them as such instead of controlling them and actually telling them their happiness is not a priority and they should not search for happiness, but instead aim to fulfil cultural expectations even if it makes you unhappy.
(Original post by waxdoll19)
Every family has its ups and downs, its positives and negatives, but those who have a family have a gift from God and as such are very blessed. And you should know that it'd be wrong to turn your back on your family of 20+ years just for someone you've probably not even known for 20 months.

It's your duty to stay and try and rebuild the family, not to quit and take the easy way out. It's not easy, I know, but the right path is never easy. And remember: there are people out there who don't even know what family is - who live and die in the most atrocious circumstances. So be grateful for what you have, even if it's a mess right now.

Otherwise if you just take the easy way out that path will be cursed from the outset and you will risk complete self-destruction. Because if you treat God's gift with such contempt, he'll just say "okay then, I won't ever give you anything to be grateful for again".

So yeah, do the right thing. All the best
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Anonymous #1
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My dad lived abroad and rarely talks to us he is taking the 'easy way out' hiding from us with no emotional involvement, only resurfacing to make decisions or stop us doing stuff, my sister had a breakdown and moved to China to get away from family , mother lives in a different country and wants to divorce him but the conservative culture frowns upon divorce. Parents have equal responsibility maintaining family not making their kids sacrifice the only person they've truly loved before they even start their own life. So they can stay trapped and stuck inside a toxic family. Ridiculous
(Original post by waxdoll19)
Every family has its ups and downs, its positives and negatives, but those who have a family have a gift from God and as such are very blessed. And you should know that it'd be wrong to turn your back on your family of 20+ years just for someone you've probably not even known for 20 months.

It's your duty to stay and try and rebuild the family, not to quit and take the easy way out. It's not easy, I know, but the right path is never easy. And remember: there are people out there who don't even know what family is - who live and die in the most atrocious circumstances. So be grateful for what you have, even if it's a mess right now.

Otherwise if you just take the easy way out that path will be cursed from the outset and you will risk complete self-destruction. Because if you treat God's gift with such contempt, he'll just say "okay then, I won't ever give you anything to be grateful for again".

So yeah, do the right thing. All the best
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bones-mccoy
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(Original post by waxdoll19)
Every family has its ups and downs, its positives and negatives, but those who have a family have a gift from God and as such are very blessed. And you should know that it'd be wrong to turn your back on your family of 20+ years just for someone you've probably not even known for 20 months.

It's your duty to stay and try and rebuild the family, not to quit and take the easy way out. It's not easy, I know, but the right path is never easy. And remember: there are people out there who don't even know what family is - who live and die in the most atrocious circumstances. So be grateful for what you have, even if it's a mess right now.

Otherwise if you just take the easy way out that path will be cursed from the outset and you will risk complete self-destruction. Because if you treat God's gift with such contempt, he'll just say "okay then, I won't ever give you anything to be grateful for again".

So yeah, do the right thing. All the best
What about the parents "duty" to not interfere with their child's relationship and let them live their own life? What about people with abusive families? Are they supposed to be grateful they have a family even if they're treated badly? Family is not a "one size fits all" scenario, it is much more complex than that.

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"
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