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Boyfriend and ex-girlfriend
Hey,
So my bf is off to meet one of his ex-girlfriends today. They stayed friends since they broke up and whenever he has a party inviting all his old friends from uni round, she's invited, which is fair enough.
We've spoke and she's OK, don't like or dislike her really. I'm just a bit annoyed about today. When she first texted him asking if he wanted to meet up for lunch (not in the town where we live because she's moved away; in the nearest big city because there's this really good Chinese there) he asked if I wanted to go and I said yes. He asked her if that was OK, and she said it'd be a bit awkward. At this point, I wasn't really bothered, that's fair enough, maybe it would be awkward.
But then he said something about her being a bit...not insistent, more like pissy, about it. Which really annoyed me. She's the ex-girlfriend, so why does she get to call the shots? If I wanted to meet up with one of my exes and insisted that their girlfriend wasn't there, that'd seem a bit wrong. But I'm not gonna be controlling and tell him what to do either.
He said she just wanted to whinge because she's depressed about being single for ages, (she hasn't had another bf since him) which doesn't help. They broke up on OK terms, she'd gone abroad for the year with uni and started smoking loadsa weed, and he didn't like this, so they broke up (he's not particularly anti-drugs, but she smoked a lot of weed). It was a bit weird between me and her when we first met because I smoked some at one of these parties (used to smoke way more but only have any 3-4 times a year now) which she thought made him a bit hypocritical.
I'm not bothered that I can't go (going to the same restaurant with a friend next week anyway) and I don't think for one second that my bf is going to cheat on me. I'm not gonna get pissed off at him, or be awkward with her next time she's round, I can't be arsed with childish grudges.
I think I might just be feeling a bit insecure because I've been quite depressed and insecure recently, and I can't imagine that it's fun to be around me when I get upset about trivial stuff and cry loads. My bf has been really supportive and really great, sometimes I don't get why he like me when I'm being boring and miserable. I just keep wondering if he had more fun with his previous girlfriends than with me.
I just wanna know if people think I'm justified in my annoyance or am I just overreacting?
So my bf is off to meet one of his ex-girlfriends today. They stayed friends since they broke up and whenever he has a party inviting all his old friends from uni round, she's invited, which is fair enough.
We've spoke and she's OK, don't like or dislike her really. I'm just a bit annoyed about today. When she first texted him asking if he wanted to meet up for lunch (not in the town where we live because she's moved away; in the nearest big city because there's this really good Chinese there) he asked if I wanted to go and I said yes. He asked her if that was OK, and she said it'd be a bit awkward. At this point, I wasn't really bothered, that's fair enough, maybe it would be awkward.
But then he said something about her being a bit...not insistent, more like pissy, about it. Which really annoyed me. She's the ex-girlfriend, so why does she get to call the shots? If I wanted to meet up with one of my exes and insisted that their girlfriend wasn't there, that'd seem a bit wrong. But I'm not gonna be controlling and tell him what to do either.
He said she just wanted to whinge because she's depressed about being single for ages, (she hasn't had another bf since him) which doesn't help. They broke up on OK terms, she'd gone abroad for the year with uni and started smoking loadsa weed, and he didn't like this, so they broke up (he's not particularly anti-drugs, but she smoked a lot of weed). It was a bit weird between me and her when we first met because I smoked some at one of these parties (used to smoke way more but only have any 3-4 times a year now) which she thought made him a bit hypocritical.
I'm not bothered that I can't go (going to the same restaurant with a friend next week anyway) and I don't think for one second that my bf is going to cheat on me. I'm not gonna get pissed off at him, or be awkward with her next time she's round, I can't be arsed with childish grudges.
I think I might just be feeling a bit insecure because I've been quite depressed and insecure recently, and I can't imagine that it's fun to be around me when I get upset about trivial stuff and cry loads. My bf has been really supportive and really great, sometimes I don't get why he like me when I'm being boring and miserable. I just keep wondering if he had more fun with his previous girlfriends than with me.
I just wanna know if people think I'm justified in my annoyance or am I just overreacting?
Anonymous
Hey,
So my bf is off to meet one of his ex-girlfriends today. They stayed friends since they broke up and whenever he has a party inviting all his old friends from uni round, she's invited, which is fair enough.
We've spoke and she's OK, don't like or dislike her really. I'm just a bit annoyed about today. When she first texted him asking if he wanted to meet up for lunch (not in the town where we live because she's moved away; in the nearest big city because there's this really good Chinese there) he asked if I wanted to go and I said yes. He asked her if that was OK, and she said it'd be a bit awkward. At this point, I wasn't really bothered, that's fair enough, maybe it would be awkward.
But then he said something about her being a bit...not insistent, more like pissy, about it. Which really annoyed me. She's the ex-girlfriend, so why does she get to call the shots? If I wanted to meet up with one of my exes and insisted that their girlfriend wasn't there, that'd seem a bit wrong. But I'm not gonna be controlling and tell him what to do either.
He said she just wanted to whinge because she's depressed about being single for ages, (she hasn't had another bf since him) which doesn't help. They broke up on OK terms, she'd gone abroad for the year with uni and started smoking loadsa weed, and he didn't like this, so they broke up (he's not particularly anti-drugs, but she smoked a lot of weed). It was a bit weird between me and her when we first met because I smoked some at one of these parties (used to smoke way more but only have any 3-4 times a year now) which she thought made him a bit hypocritical.
I'm not bothered that I can't go (going to the same restaurant with a friend next week anyway) and I don't think for one second that my bf is going to cheat on me. I'm not gonna get pissed off at him, or be awkward with her next time she's round, I can't be arsed with childish grudges.
I think I might just be feeling a bit insecure because I've been quite depressed and insecure recently, and I can't imagine that it's fun to be around me when I get upset about trivial stuff and cry loads. My bf has been really supportive and really great, sometimes I don't get why he like me when I'm being boring and miserable. I just keep wondering if he had more fun with his previous girlfriends than with me.
I just wanna know if people think I'm justified in my annoyance or am I just overreacting?
So my bf is off to meet one of his ex-girlfriends today. They stayed friends since they broke up and whenever he has a party inviting all his old friends from uni round, she's invited, which is fair enough.
We've spoke and she's OK, don't like or dislike her really. I'm just a bit annoyed about today. When she first texted him asking if he wanted to meet up for lunch (not in the town where we live because she's moved away; in the nearest big city because there's this really good Chinese there) he asked if I wanted to go and I said yes. He asked her if that was OK, and she said it'd be a bit awkward. At this point, I wasn't really bothered, that's fair enough, maybe it would be awkward.
But then he said something about her being a bit...not insistent, more like pissy, about it. Which really annoyed me. She's the ex-girlfriend, so why does she get to call the shots? If I wanted to meet up with one of my exes and insisted that their girlfriend wasn't there, that'd seem a bit wrong. But I'm not gonna be controlling and tell him what to do either.
He said she just wanted to whinge because she's depressed about being single for ages, (she hasn't had another bf since him) which doesn't help. They broke up on OK terms, she'd gone abroad for the year with uni and started smoking loadsa weed, and he didn't like this, so they broke up (he's not particularly anti-drugs, but she smoked a lot of weed). It was a bit weird between me and her when we first met because I smoked some at one of these parties (used to smoke way more but only have any 3-4 times a year now) which she thought made him a bit hypocritical.
I'm not bothered that I can't go (going to the same restaurant with a friend next week anyway) and I don't think for one second that my bf is going to cheat on me. I'm not gonna get pissed off at him, or be awkward with her next time she's round, I can't be arsed with childish grudges.
I think I might just be feeling a bit insecure because I've been quite depressed and insecure recently, and I can't imagine that it's fun to be around me when I get upset about trivial stuff and cry loads. My bf has been really supportive and really great, sometimes I don't get why he like me when I'm being boring and miserable. I just keep wondering if he had more fun with his previous girlfriends than with me.
I just wanna know if people think I'm justified in my annoyance or am I just overreacting?
My boyfriend's ex did exactly the same thing - she invited him out for a party but said specifically that I wasn't allowed to be there. I wasn't intending to go anyway, because the only person I would have known there was my bf, but I got pretty annoyed that I seemed to need her permission to go. I mean, I understand why it would have been awkward, but it's not like we would have been all over each other right in front of her - we weren't being the childish ones.
In the end he didn't go because my Granddad died the day of the party, so it sort of got resolved for us, but he started to realise that maybe staying friends with her wouldn't be as easy, and they've grown a lot further apart since then, when I think he realised that she was being quite manipulative.
And never wonder about how things were with an ex. They're ex's for a reason, and he's with you because he wants to be! I suffer from bi-polar disorder and I have no idea how my boyfriend puts up with me - I go very quiet and refuse to talk to him occasionally, and randomly burst into tears, then half an hour later I'm bouncing off the walls - I must be hell to live with! But he says I make him happy, so whilst my insecurity gets to me occasionally, I just have to remember that at the end of the day he's with me because he wants to be, there's nothing forcing him!!!
I think the best bet is just to explain to your bf that whilst you understand why she doesn't want you there it doesn't seem fair that she should always get to call the shots, and she needs to grow up and accept that he's moved on. Also make sure he knows that you trust him... and maybe it's her you don't trust? It'll always be awkward, the two of you being in the same room, but that's life.
I hope that helps x
pixiepeep
They're ex's for a reason, and he's with you because he wants to be!
They're ex's for a reason, and he's with you because he wants to be!
That seemed so obvious, but yet it didn't occur to me until after you said it! Thanks for the advice, I think I am being a bit daft really
Hey yeah ditto ^ And also I know I wouldn't be happy if I wanted to catch up with my ex boyfriend one on one and his girlfriend wanted to come along -I'd be a bit put out by it, not because I still have feelings for him, but because it would be a bit weird (and personally I don't think I'll ever be able to like my first loves new girlfriends..)
i wouldnt be happy with my boyfriend going to see his ex, but i get really insercure anyway and i know she doesn't like me and i dont ever want to meet her and i think she still fancies him and would try it on with him, so if he went to see her i would really goover the top.
Ive rarely spoke to any exs apart from one when we was on the bus and even then i didnt say much to him.
I would have a word with him and next time just say you want to go with him because you want to treat yourself but want to go with him.
Tell him and just say your starting to get a bit pissed off because of her childish ways and tell her, she doesnt get a say in if you smoke weed and how much and that she's got to realise he isnt with her
Ive rarely spoke to any exs apart from one when we was on the bus and even then i didnt say much to him.
I would have a word with him and next time just say you want to go with him because you want to treat yourself but want to go with him.
Tell him and just say your starting to get a bit pissed off because of her childish ways and tell her, she doesnt get a say in if you smoke weed and how much and that she's got to realise he isnt with her
I pretty much agree with other people for what they're saying, about trying not to worry about it because they're exes for a reason, but don't feel silly as if you're overreacting, we're girls, it's what we do best! I'm not saying overreacting is a good thing, but we all just get a bit paranoid about our boyfriends at times,we just have to make sure it doesn't take over But also try and see it from the ex's point of view, it must be difficult for her to see him happy with a new girl, I've been broken up with my ex for 2 years and I've had a new boyfriend who i love for the last year of that, but it's still wierd to think of my ex with other girls, it's just the way it is.
But also try and see it from the ex's point of view, it must be difficult for her to see him happy with a new girl, I've been broken up with my ex for 2 years and I've had a new boyfriend who i love for the last year of that, but it's still wierd to think of my ex with other girls, it's just the way it is.Related discussions
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