Why do I suck at relationships Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Ok so I'm 18 nearly 19, I realise that is pretty young. But I honestly suck at relationships. I've dated 3 guys in the past 2 years. And too be honest the reason we ended things wasn't them but me. I've never seeked a relationship but when all of these guys asked me out I thought they were cute. Fast forward, I got bored really easily. One would talk about himself constantly like I was his therapist, one was obsessed with drinking and had no motivation and one got super clingy and controlling. So when ending each relationship, the first one was really awkward, the next got really angry and the last one I kind of ghosted because it was fading anyway and we had noo chemistry (in a physical way) and I got that feeling (where you don't want your S.O to touch you or talk to them etc. ) The next guy I've spoken to we had a lot of chemistry but then he kept trying to booty call me, which made me kind of realise I was a rebound from his ex. Anyway I feel like a really bad person, the way I ended things. The thing is, it is never easy to break things off. Anyway each guy blocked me on social media etc obviously hating my guts. Anyway I always feel guilty as I realise now with more perspective that I played with them as I never really felt super 'that way'. But then how do you know what you want because dating inevitably leads to a breakup where people get hurt. Anyway, I was wondering what peoples opinions are on:

Is dating a dangerous thing to do? Even if its to find what you want? Even if you hurt people in the process

Is there a good way to break up with someone? (In all mine I said they were great but I didn't think I was in the stage where I felt I was able to commit etc, I was never mean )

Is it maybe I'm emotionally immature? Or are the people I have dated perhaps looking for something different (as uni was the next year, I made it clear that I was focused and wanted it to be relaxed)

Arghh Idk, so many of my best friends are completely inlove and say I need to be more careful with peoples hearts? But how can you date and be careful? It takes time to get to know someone!! And you can't help if your feelings fade and their get stronger. Loll I know I'm definitely going to be in the reverse position someday and it will suck.
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sinfonietta
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#2
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You don't suck at relationships. You just haven't found someone you are really compatible with yet. That's pretty much why dating exists If it was that easy to find someone we'd all marry our first loves.
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gjd800
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Mate I'm in my early 30s and I guarantee I am more neurotic about this shite than you. Fret not, it'll pan out in the end.
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Anonymous #1
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aha ok, I just feel really **** about upsetting people lol also people calling me a player and stuff.
(Original post by sinfonietta)
You don't suck at relationships. You just haven't found someone you are really compatible with yet. That's pretty much why dating exists If it was that easy to find someone we'd all marry our first loves.
(Original post by gjd800)
Mate I'm in my early 30s and I guarantee I am more neurotic about this shite than you. Fret not, it'll pan out in the end.
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Anonymous #2
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I can get the first time, you were not feeling it, but doing it two more times, idk about that. You see, I've been the position of the dumpee, and it sucks so much. It really hurts and affects you in a negative way. Especially if you were all for the person. Idk if your ex's were all in it for you, but if they were then they most likely ended up hurt at the end. You have every right to date but if you don't feel a connection or if you know deep down you don't want something serious with a person, just let them go and focus on yourself. I would say after the first relationship, you should know what you want out of a person, if you don't then look around but don't invest your time and make the other person do the same and then jump the ship. I hope this doesn't sound harsh, it's just I have a friend who has done the same thing as you and I've seen guys get really hurt and well I've been through it myself.
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Anonymous #1
#6
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Yes I completely understand where you are coming from. The thing is I don't do it maliciously. When I start dating them it is honestly pure intentions but over time you start seeing negative qualities that are deal breakers. One was homophobic to my friend, one kept saying my friends was hitting on him (even though she has no social media and lives very far away, one was super possessive and tried to 'ban me from seeing my friends' because he wanted that quality time with me. I know doing it two more times makes me seem nasty. But that where I get upset. I hugely value people who encourage you to love your best life, who treat others well not just you. That's the thing, it was fine in the beginning, then it wasn't. That's what leaves the big question of: how can you find out if you like someone and see them as their true self without dating them for a while? How can you know what you want after dating one person? everyone is different! I know people get hurt and trust me I feel so so bad. Like actual shite. Like I wish I could just find someone and them be perfect with flaws idm. I hate hurting people. Idk if this makes sense, I do understand that it must really affect confidence etc that's why I never go I don't like this and this, I just say it's not working out, not the right time etc wish you the best though

(Original post by Anonymous)
I can get the first time, you were not feeling it, but doing it two more times, idk about that. You see, I've been the position of the dumpee, and it sucks so much. It really hurts and affects you in a negative way. Especially if you were all for the person. Idk if your ex's were all in it for you, but if they were then they most likely ended up hurt at the end. You have every right to date but if you don't feel a connection or if you know deep down you don't want something serious with a person, just let them go and focus on yourself. I would say after the first relationship, you should know what you want out of a person, if you don't then look around but don't invest your time and make the other person do the same and then jump the ship. I hope this doesn't sound harsh, it's just I have a friend who has done the same thing as you and I've seen guys get really hurt and well I've been through it myself.
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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I realise I said it was more me then them and I want to clarify as it was me not feeling it etc so it was me kind of hurting their feelings if that makes sense?
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes I completely understand where you are coming from. The thing is I don't do it maliciously. When I start dating them it is honestly pure intentions but over time you start seeing negative qualities that are deal breakers. One was homophobic to my friend, one kept saying my friends was hitting on him (even though she has no social media and lives very far away, one was super possessive and tried to 'ban me from seeing my friends' because he wanted that quality time with me. I know doing it two more times makes me seem nasty. But that where I get upset. I hugely value people who encourage you to love your best life, who treat others well not just you. That's the thing, it was fine in the beginning, then it wasn't. That's what leaves the big question of: how can you find out if you like someone and see them as their true self without dating them for a while? How can you know what you want after dating one person? everyone is different! I know people get hurt and trust me I feel so so bad. Like actual shite. Like I wish I could just find someone and them be perfect with flaws idm. I hate hurting people. Idk if this makes sense, I do understand that it must really affect confidence etc that's why I never go I don't like this and this, I just say it's not working out, not the right time etc wish you the best though
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok so I'm 18 nearly 19, I realise that is pretty young. But I honestly suck at relationships. I've dated 3 guys in the past 2 years. And too be honest the reason we ended things wasn't them but me. I've never seeked a relationship but when all of these guys asked me out I thought they were cute. Fast forward, I got bored really easily. One would talk about himself constantly like I was his therapist, one was obsessed with drinking and had no motivation and one got super clingy and controlling. So when ending each relationship, the first one was really awkward, the next got really angry and the last one I kind of ghosted because it was fading anyway and we had noo chemistry (in a physical way) and I got that feeling (where you don't want your S.O to touch you or talk to them etc. ) The next guy I've spoken to we had a lot of chemistry but then he kept trying to booty call me, which made me kind of realise I was a rebound from his ex. Anyway I feel like a really bad person, the way I ended things. The thing is, it is never easy to break things off. Anyway each guy blocked me on social media etc obviously hating my guts. Anyway I always feel guilty as I realise now with more perspective that I played with them as I never really felt super 'that way'. But then how do you know what you want because dating inevitably leads to a breakup where people get hurt. Anyway, I was wondering what peoples opinions are on:

Is dating a dangerous thing to do? Even if its to find what you want? Even if you hurt people in the process

Is there a good way to break up with someone? (In all mine I said they were great but I didn't think I was in the stage where I felt I was able to commit etc, I was never mean )

Is it maybe I'm emotionally immature? Or are the people I have dated perhaps looking for something different (as uni was the next year, I made it clear that I was focused and wanted it to be relaxed)

Arghh Idk, so many of my best friends are completely inlove and say I need to be more careful with peoples hearts? But how can you date and be careful? It takes time to get to know someone!! And you can't help if your feelings fade and their get stronger. Loll I know I'm definitely going to be in the reverse position someday and it will suck.
Yes but its called dating until you find the right person! What you must be clear about is what you are looking for and what you definitely dont want! And be honest with people and never lead them on. You would not want to date a fake person yourself would you?
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Anonymous #2
#9
Report 3 weeks ago
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I read both of your responses. You are right, how are you suppose to know if someone is for you if you don't get to know them like one does when they're in a relationship. I'll tell you what I told my friend, If you feel you are not looking for anything serious right now, or you feel that the guys who are surrounded by are not someone you want to have in the long run, then just do you. Don't commit to a relationship and just have fun but let them know you don't want anything else. If you develop feelings for a guy, get to know him through dates, but don't commit so soon if you are not feeling it. Some people can tell after 2 or 3 months (or sooner) if they're interested in having a long term relationship with them. Now things do change within relationships and that's normal, and if it's toxic, leave. I understand that one gets to know people better once they've been with them. Keep those things in mind for when you decide to enter another relationship, what you want and what you absolutely don't want. My friend has stayed single since and decided to work on herself and just let things flow naturally. I feel like when one looks for relationships, (though I don't know in your case) things flow better. Take some time to get to know yourself and what you want from a relationship. These experiences you have should be sufficient for you to find the person you want. It is inevitable to not hurt people, that I am aware, but if you can avoid hurting someone from the get go, then it's best to avoid it and just focus on yourself. Maturity and knowing yourself very well has a lot to do with this. What are you looking for in a life long partner? Do you want him to be older or your age? And things like that. If you are young, then just don't commit to someone who is looking for something serious and long term. There are guys out there who just want a relationship for some time and then want out. I feel like this was all over the place and I probably left some stuff out, but I hope this helps.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes I completely understand where you are coming from. The thing is I don't do it maliciously. When I start dating them it is honestly pure intentions but over time you start seeing negative qualities that are deal breakers. One was homophobic to my friend, one kept saying my friends was hitting on him (even though she has no social media and lives very far away, one was super possessive and tried to 'ban me from seeing my friends' because he wanted that quality time with me. I know doing it two more times makes me seem nasty. But that where I get upset. I hugely value people who encourage you to love your best life, who treat others well not just you. That's the thing, it was fine in the beginning, then it wasn't. That's what leaves the big question of: how can you find out if you like someone and see them as their true self without dating them for a while? How can you know what you want after dating one person? everyone is different! I know people get hurt and trust me I feel so so bad. Like actual shite. Like I wish I could just find someone and them be perfect with flaws idm. I hate hurting people. Idk if this makes sense, I do understand that it must really affect confidence etc that's why I never go I don't like this and this, I just say it's not working out, not the right time etc wish you the best though
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mgi
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#10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I read both of your responses. You are right, how are you suppose to know if someone is for you if you don't get to know them like one does when they're in a relationship. I'll tell you what I told my friend, If you feel you are not looking for anything serious right now, or you feel that the guys who are surrounded by are not someone you want to have in the long run, then just do you. Don't commit to a relationship and just have fun but let them know you don't want anything else. If you develop feelings for a guy, get to know him through dates, but don't commit so soon if you are not feeling it. Some people can tell after 2 or 3 months (or sooner) if they're interested in having a long term relationship with them. Now things do change within relationships and that's normal, and if it's toxic, leave. I understand that one gets to know people better once they've been with them. Keep those things in mind for when you decide to enter another relationship, what you want and what you absolutely don't want. My friend has stayed single since and decided to work on herself and just let things flow naturally. I feel like when one looks for relationships, (though I don't know in your case) things flow better. Take some time to get to know yourself and what you want from a relationship. These experiences you have should be sufficient for you to find the person you want. It is inevitable to not hurt people, that I am aware, but if you can avoid hurting someone from the get go, then it's best to avoid it and just focus on yourself. Maturity and knowing yourself very well has a lot to do with this. What are you looking for in a life long partner? Do you want him to be older or your age? And things like that. If you are young, then just don't commit to someone who is looking for something serious and long term. There are guys out there who just want a relationship for some time and then want out. I feel like this was all over the place and I probably left some stuff out, but I hope this helps.
Excellent post I must say.😀
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Anonymous #1
#11
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That was an amazing post aha the clarity
(Original post by mgi)
Excellent post I must say.😀
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