Need to vent

I hate living with my mum but can't just up and move out or at least its not worth it.

Every time I try to get she just says Its not for me and that I won't get it and that I shouldn't apply for it. It makes me think about doing stuff that I can't mention because this post will get rejected but it if involves myself and the grim reaper.

She constantly criticisms and makes fun of what I wear, what food I eat even though she and my sister are the ones that buys my clothes not me so how they can mock my style/clothes I wear.

My mum is also a work shy benefit scrounger and she tried to get me to go on ESA when I had the flu for 2 months and barely looked after me. I was dizzy, had an eye and ear infections and couldn't see properly at times and even so and at night she'd ask me to go get her sugar and tobacco even though I couldn't see down the stairs.

She called me a retarded ******** when I told her I was getting bullied because it was the day after parents evening.

Oh and thanks to her negative, nasty and manipulative attitude and behavior I am partially racist, maybe even a bit sexist though weirdly enough I'm not homophobic but I am transphobic which I don't understand why but I just am.

I've been whittling away at my racism by becoming more open minded and I tried to be more positive but in reality the only way I become a better person is by moving out by I won't be moving out for uni until September/October next year and I just find it hard to not do anything bad to myself like getting drunk or doing drugs because I literally live underneath a drug dealer.

With all my problems, my wrecked teeth, disgusting personality I find it hard to become that ideal person I want to be. I want the personality of monk because they are so calm and peaceful and I want to be just like that but its nearly impossible when you live with someone so entitled and nasty.

End of rant and props to anyone who actually read of that.