What do i do!!?? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
My boyfriend is seriously very badly depressed. He's given me the option to leave him forever, no talking = no love.

We've been dating for 8 months and a half. It's not like i can forget every memory, everything to stop me from loving him. But then again him being like this and him never ever going to go back to the happy funny sexy guy i used to know...he's not coming back. And that's scaring me, he's got no therapists to take him on...they've all declined for some reason.

I cant be his therapist, i can't help him...but it's not like love is like a light switch easy to turn on and off. I know me blocking him on every social media, me blocking his number, me cancelling him out of my life forever is going to benefit me, make me concentrate on my exams, my life. But i know him...i have done for 2 years. I don't want to give up yet.

Tips? Ideas? Anything will be muchly appreciated x
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jsg9
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#2
Report 4 weeks ago
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You have hit the nail on his head by saying you "can't be his therapist", that's absolutely right. I'm not sure where you're based, but if you're in the UK, I would suggest encouraging him to see his GP (or primary care doctor if you're elsewhere), and there are also a number of charities you can access for mental health support which I would advise pointing him in the direction of. In the UK, some of these include "The Mix", for under 25 year olds who offer a counselling service, CALM - a charity specifically focussing on men's mental health, who can signpost you towards help. Wherever you're based there's likely to be similar charities.

Without meaning to sound too dire and gloomy, male suicide is a very concerning issue, being the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK. If your boyfriend is "very badly depressed", protecting his life is the most important thing. Again, this burden should not fall on your shoulders, you are not a mental health professional, what you can do to help is encourage him to seek professional medical help. This isn't easy and you might face resistance, but if you love this guy, that's how you can help him. You should not and can not take this on yourself. You, as a girlfriend, cannot "fix" his mental health issues and depression, only support him.

You say "he's not coming back", and I am sure it can feel like this at times. Although his mental health, wellbeing and life are most important where someone is severely depressed, I'm not trying to play down the effect and impact this can have on you. Being in such close company of someone going through a depressive stage can be emotionally draining and can take its toll. Remember, you can't do this by yourself, and you're not a professional. The best thing you can do to help him is to encourage him to seek out help (and keep trying, explore different options if therapists have turned him away) and look after yourself. You need to take time to focus on your own self care to avoid slipping into an unhealthy emotional state yourself. Don't let it take over your exams, your life, and any of your goals. He is still your boyfriend, not just a depressed person. This is something you can support him through, but healthily, and you should be able to focus on your own goals too.

He can likely overcome this with the right help and therapy, be it CBT and talking therapy or medication, or both. All you can do is encourage that he seek professional help, let him know he's not alone and you're there for him, and look after yourself too! I wish you both well, and I hope your boyfriend will start to feel better and begin to overcome his depression. I'm not a mental health professional, I'm just throwing in my two pennies, but I hope it will be helpful
(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend is seriously very badly depressed. He's given me the option to leave him forever, no talking = no love.

We've been dating for 8 months and a half. It's not like i can forget every memory, everything to stop me from loving him. But then again him being like this and him never ever going to go back to the happy funny sexy guy i used to know...he's not coming back. And that's scaring me, he's got no therapists to take him on...they've all declined for some reason.

I cant be his therapist, i can't help him...but it's not like love is like a light switch easy to turn on and off. I know me blocking him on every social media, me blocking his number, me cancelling him out of my life forever is going to benefit me, make me concentrate on my exams, my life. But i know him...i have done for 2 years. I don't want to give up yet.

Tips? Ideas? Anything will be muchly appreciated x
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#3
(Original post by jsg9)
You have hit the nail on his head by saying you "can't be his therapist", that's absolutely right. I'm not sure where you're based, but if you're in the UK, I would suggest encouraging him to see his GP (or primary care doctor if you're elsewhere), and there are also a number of charities you can access for mental health support which I would advise pointing him in the direction of. In the UK, some of these include "The Mix", for under 25 year olds who offer a counselling service, CALM - a charity specifically focussing on men's mental health, who can signpost you towards help. Wherever you're based there's likely to be similar charities.

Without meaning to sound too dire and gloomy, male suicide is a very concerning issue, being the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK. If your boyfriend is "very badly depressed", protecting his life is the most important thing. Again, this burden should not fall on your shoulders, you are not a mental health professional, what you can do to help is encourage him to seek professional medical help. This isn't easy and you might face resistance, but if you love this guy, that's how you can help him. You should not and can not take this on yourself. You, as a girlfriend, cannot "fix" his mental health issues and depression, only support him.

You say "he's not coming back", and I am sure it can feel like this at times. Although his mental health, wellbeing and life are most important where someone is severely depressed, I'm not trying to play down the effect and impact this can have on you. Being in such close company of someone going through a depressive stage can be emotionally draining and can take its toll. Remember, you can't do this by yourself, and you're not a professional. The best thing you can do to help him is to encourage him to seek out help (and keep trying, explore different options if therapists have turned him away) and look after yourself. You need to take time to focus on your own self care to avoid slipping into an unhealthy emotional state yourself. Don't let it take over your exams, your life, and any of your goals. He is still your boyfriend, not just a depressed person. This is something you can support him through, but healthily, and you should be able to focus on your own goals too.

He can likely overcome this with the right help and therapy, be it CBT and talking therapy or medication, or both. All you can do is encourage that he seek professional help, let him know he's not alone and you're there for him, and look after yourself too! I wish you both well, and I hope your boyfriend will start to feel better and begin to overcome his depression. I'm not a mental health professional, I'm just throwing in my two pennies, but I hope it will be helpful
Gosh wow. Thank you so much for your detailed answer! I will talk all of this into account, and I didn't think of the charities and groups idea I can suggest that to him although he said: "I don't need help, I don't want help". And your absolutely right I need to take care of my own self-care. I'll just have to stand by him and try and not get emotionally drained. Thank you so much again! it has been helpful
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mgi
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#4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend is seriously very badly depressed. He's given me the option to leave him forever, no talking = no love.

We've been dating for 8 months and a half. It's not like i can forget every memory, everything to stop me from loving him. But then again him being like this and him never ever going to go back to the happy funny sexy guy i used to know...he's not coming back. And that's scaring me, he's got no therapists to take him on...they've all declined for some reason.

I cant be his therapist, i can't help him...but it's not like love is like a light switch easy to turn on and off. I know me blocking him on every social media, me blocking his number, me cancelling him out of my life forever is going to benefit me, make me concentrate on my exams, my life. But i know him...i have done for 2 years. I don't want to give up yet.

Tips? Ideas? Anything will be muchly appreciated x
Hospital therapists would not refuse to help him. You could investigate the problem with his gp or the NHS.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by mgi)
Hospital therapists would not refuse to help him. You could investigate the problem with his gp or the NHS.
That's a true point, I don't know how he would react with me going to his gp or the NHS
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mgi
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's a true point, I don't know how he would react with me going to his gp or the NHS
yes but you are only trying to help him. he will need to understand that!
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