Broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago, now I fancy our mutual friend Watch

Anonymous #1
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So like the title suggests, I'm pretty fresh out of my relationship. I was with my ex (call him Alex) for just over a year and both him and our mutual friend (James) were in our friendship group at sixth form.

I must admit that I did fancy James for a month or two before I was ever with Alex then I got with Alex and I didn't think about him again.

Since all of us were at uni, I only saw James for the first time in about 4 months and this was the first time I've seen him since I broke up with Alex. And immediately I started getting feelings for him again. This was solidified that night when I had a dream about James which was ahem somewhat inappropriate.

What makes this so complicated is the fact I'm not entirely sure if I'm rebound crushing on James, especially since I liked him before. Plus I'm fairly sure I'm over Alex. Then the fact both Alex and I are friends with him makes it worse.

I'm going to James' house tomorrow for another friendship group meet up before we all go back to uni and Alex will also be there. Anyone got any advice about what to do?

Tl;dr: broke up with my boyfriend and now fancy our mutual friend, not sure whether this is rebound feelings or not and don't know what to do.
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Anonymous #1
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SchmuckOff
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Do what you want, it's your life. Don't let his friendship dictate your life
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SchmuckOff)
Do what you want, it's your life. Don't let his friendship dictate your life
Okay, so what should I do? I'm fairly sure he sees me as a friend atm
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doodle_333
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You're risking causing a lot of hurt and drama in your group. So I'd be careful with this. Firstly, give it more than a month, make really sure this is something you're serious about. Secondly, be really sure your ex is over you... It's not just about you being over him. Then test the waters with someone you trust and see if you can get clues this guy is interested. Honestly I would speak to your ex if you start something. You don't want this to turn into a situation when your whole friendship group disintegrates because of the conflict this causes or your ex is left friendless because he can't cope.
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Memesman124
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add me on snap ill make a great distraction for you baby geb119
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by doodle_333)
You're risking causing a lot of hurt and drama in your group. So I'd be careful with this. Firstly, give it more than a month, make really sure this is something you're serious about. Secondly, be really sure your ex is over you... It's not just about you being over him. Then test the waters with someone you trust and see if you can get clues this guy is interested. Honestly I would speak to your ex if you start something. You don't want this to turn into a situation when your whole friendship group disintegrates because of the conflict this causes or your ex is left friendless because he can't cope.
My ex has said already that he's over me, and now he's pretending I don't exist so I don't think I should have to care about his feelings if he doesn't even want to be my friend again. I also don't think he should have a say in it if I do get with James since we had a similar thing happen when I got with Alex. Alex's best friend had a massive crush on me before me and Alex got together. It would be hypocritical of him to think that James isn't "allowed" to be with me because he did it himself.
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Rid The Kid
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(Original post by Memesman124)
add me on snap ill make a great distraction for you baby geb119
when instagram girls block you so you have to find chicks on a forum
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Prussianxo
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I'd say give it some time before you fully move on, you might just want to get with James because you broke up with Alex. At least wait a few more weeks.
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sinfonietta
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If you think it's a rebound certainly don't make a move.

Also, if/when you do make a move, don't do it on a day where your ex is also there! That would just be disrespectful.
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doodle_333
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You literally asked for advice so I gave my opinion.

You guys broke up a month ago. He's probably not being friends because he's hurting. Just try and understand how he feels... presumably you once cared about him.

Having a crush on you is not the same as dating you for a long time very recently.

I'm also saying you should consider how the rest of your group will act... If some think you're being cruel or selfish that could cause problems for everyone.
(Original post by Anonymous)
My ex has said already that he's over me, and now he's pretending I don't exist so I don't think I should have to care about his feelings if he doesn't even want to be my friend again. I also don't think he should have a say in it if I do get with James since we had a similar thing happen when I got with Alex. Alex's best friend had a massive crush on me before me and Alex got together. It would be hypocritical of him to think that James isn't "allowed" to be with me because he did it himself.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Prussianxo)
I'd say give it some time before you fully move on, you might just want to get with James because you broke up with Alex. At least wait a few more weeks.
I think I have already moved on, I spent a week just spending time with friends and camping and I feel fully over it after that. I think since I did actually like James before too, it makes me more certain that I do just really like him.
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Prussianxo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think I have already moved on, I spent a week just spending time with friends and camping and I feel fully over it after that. I think since I did actually like James before too, it makes me more certain that I do just really like him.
well good luck, let's hope James likes you back
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sinfonietta)
If you think it's a rebound certainly don't make a move.

Also, if/when you do make a move, don't do it on a day where your ex is also there! That would just be disrespectful.
I'm not sure if it's a rebound because I've never had one before and definitely wouldn't do that, I'm not entirely heartless 😂
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by doodle_333)
You literally asked for advice so I gave my opinion.

You guys broke up a month ago. He's probably not being friends because he's hurting. Just try and understand how he feels... presumably you once cared about him.

Having a crush on you is not the same as dating you for a long time very recently.

I'm also saying you should consider how the rest of your group will act... If some think you're being cruel or selfish that could cause problems for everyone.
Sorry if it came out rude before, I didn't intend that, I was just trying to give more context.

Alex tends to act in a rude way to people he doesn't like. He acts quiet when he's sad and he doesn't do that when I'm around. He was very loud but just pretending I don't exist which to me says that he doesn't like me.

As for the crush thing, it was very much more than just a crush, he was incredibly infatuated with me. He told me he loved me multiple times and couldn't get over me for more than 6 months after I told him I didn't want to date him. After I told him that he couldn't speak to me any longer because it was making me uncomfortable he acted as if I had done something incredibly mean or like I had broken up with him even though we never dated. His best friend dating me instead was an incredibly big deal to him.

Honestly, the people that I am super close with in the group can see that Alex has been the one that's been rude to me etc and would most likely understand.
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YaliaV
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You will develop other crushes. It may look like you’re doing it to hurt your ex; even I if it doesn’t, it will make things a bit incestuous and messy. There are literally millions of other people to choose from.
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