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How do you tell your boyfriend he's not putting any effort in?

Right okay. I love him too bits, pushing the effort thing away he's amazing! perfect in every way! expect he can be a **** sometimes...(admitted that one himself)

Now the effort thing. We're long distance so obv that requires A LOT of effort from BOTH SIDES! I'm always the one organising things...the phone calls...the next time we're going to meet, i even organised our first meet up! (that day he put so so so much effort in, did so many cute things that meant the world to me. E.g. Did our first kiss, looked at me in the cutest way, gave me his gloves etc etc.) So that day i was like great I know he can put the effort in but after that..nope. NOTHING!

I suggested we'd send presents (thought that would be a nice idea), disagreed to that idea ("I don't want presents though"). I suggested the next time we can meet...apprently he's busy "I will only have one week holiday next year (from the army)" searched it up...actually 8 weeks. So a lie, that day should've been the most important one in our relationship. I'm always the one starting conversations, always the one starting things.

IM SICK OF IT! How do I tell him he's not putting enough effort into stable our relationship, politely, calmly and in a nice way? if that's even possible

Thanks :smile:

With words.

Original post by Decahedron

With words.

Immature reply. Well nooooo

I meant what to say "with words" :rolleyes:

Reply 3

AzureCeleste

Maybe you are coming across as clingy

Say you feel the relationship is one-sided
Is he busy with life? Has he got a lot going on?

Reply 4

notgabriella

I think the only thing to do is let him know in a sweetened kinda way. Like, maybe something along the lines of 'I like/love you a lot but I feel as if there is a lack of communication between us. Do you feel this way too?' and just hint you want to see him putting more effort into the relationship.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by notgabriella

Yeah

that's a good idea

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by AzureCeleste

Maybe you are coming across as clingy

Say you feel the relationship is one-sided
Is he busy with life? Has he got a lot going on?

Oh trust me. I have been thinking i was clingy since we started dating he just said "your not! i like when your like this" but idk.

He...does have a lot going on.

Reply 7

AzureCeleste

Original post by Anonymous

Oh trust me. I have been thinking i was clingy since we started dating he just said "your not! i like when your like this" but idk.

He...does have a lot going on.

He has a lot going on so doesn't necessarily have time to put much thought into the relationship now. You've got to give him time. You probably are being too clingy and so he may not want to spend as much time with you- I know he's said you're not but take a bit of a step back

Reply 8

Dunnig Kruger

From what you've told us, my alarm bells are ringing that he has at least one more girlfriend than you.

He could have 8 girlfriends. One for each week of his annual leave. All being told more or less the same story as you.

Of course he made a lot of effort early on. He wanted you as a conquest. Now he's had that he's making less effort. If you lived with him for 18 months you can expect him to make even less effort and for him to take you completely for granted.

I can understand why you are sick of it. From what you've told us saying to him: "Goodbye" would be a very reasonable option for you to take. There will be men in your home town who would be better boyfriends for you than your current one. It's just a case of finding a good enough example of one.

Does he hold a junior rank in the army? Maybe he's one of those people that likes being told what to do all the time and hates taking initiative or responsibility in anything?