Boyfriend can’t stay over Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
#1
Okay so, I’m a uni student who lives in a house with two housemates. My boyfriend occasionally visits and when he does he would stay over ( in my room) since he lives far. One of my housemates told me he wouldn’t be able to stay during her religious period of Ramadan as she won’t be allowed to ‘be living with’ a guy. This basically means he won’t be able to visit as he lives too far to come and go back home the same day. I understand I need to respect her and her religion but at the same time I’ll be really affected by her religious beliefs for a whole month where I won’t be able sleep next to or meet my boyfriend (I have exams so we had plans for him to just come over and chill). Just would like others opinions on this, and what you would do if you were in my position?
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MidgetFever
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#2
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Hm.. I get respecting her religion and whatnot but it's a bit intrusive for HER religion to be affecting YOUR life. Id have a serious talk to her about it, maybe you can come up with a compromise that suits both of you.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay so, I’m a uni student who lives in a house with two housemates. My boyfriend occasionally visits and when he does he would stay over ( in my room) since he lives far. One of my housemates told me he wouldn’t be able to stay during her religious period of Ramadan as she won’t be allowed to ‘be living with’ a guy. This basically means he won’t be able to visit as he lives too far to come and go back home the same day. I understand I need to respect her and her religion but at the same time I’ll be really affected by her religious beliefs for a whole month where I won’t be able sleep next to or meet my boyfriend (I have exams so we had plans for him to just come over and chill). Just would like others opinions on this, and what you would do if you were in my position?
As someone who observes the Holy month of Ramadan,your boyfriend staying over does not effect her fasting since 1 he's not staying with her and 2 aslong as she is not engaging in any activities with him... The only thing that would effect this is if you and your boyfriend engage in activities that can disturb the period of Ramadan e.g. Listening to music outloud, smoking and drinking around the house etc.
Personally I think if you guys could just be a bit sensitive when she is around, there shouldn't be a problem
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay so, I’m a uni student who lives in a house with two housemates. My boyfriend occasionally visits and when he does he would stay over ( in my room) since he lives far. One of my housemates told me he wouldn’t be able to stay during her religious period of Ramadan as she won’t be allowed to ‘be living with’ a guy. This basically means he won’t be able to visit as he lives too far to come and go back home the same day. I understand I need to respect her and her religion but at the same time I’ll be really affected by her religious beliefs for a whole month where I won’t be able sleep next to or meet my boyfriend (I have exams so we had plans for him to just come over and chill). Just would like others opinions on this, and what you would do if you were in my position?
I would say that you respect her beliefs, but it's your house too and you need to be able to be comfortable. Your boyfriend isn't living at the house, therefore she isn't living with him. Honestly, it's unreasonable of her to ask this. I would still let your boyfriend come over. If she objects, just say it's unrealistic for her to expect this of you, and point out that he is a guest, a visitor, not a housemate, so she isn't living with him. I thought Muslim women weren't allowed to live with non-family men all the time? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but if she's okay with it at other times then it's fine during her more religious period too.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
I would say that you respect her beliefs, but it's your house too and you need to be able to be comfortable. Your boyfriend isn't living at the house, therefore she isn't living with him. Honestly, it's unreasonable of her to ask this. I would still let your boyfriend come over. If she objects, just say it's unrealistic for her to expect this of you, and point out that he is a guest, a visitor, not a housemate, so she isn't living with him. I thought Muslim women weren't allowed to live with non-family men all the time? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but if she's okay with it at other times then it's fine during her more religious period too.
no thats why its her religious period is seperate to normal days you need to be the most religious and following the rules to the T, as long as you keep to yourself with your boyfriend or whatever and dont disturb her i think its okay but i dont know everything so do your research on the does and donts during ramadan and as long as you talk to each other or maybe she can visit her family or you yours or reach a compromise i think that would be good
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Dunya
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Islamically, his temporary stay will not affect her given that there is no excessive interaction and her personal affairs are carried out in privacy. You should let her know that it won't hinder her fasts and perhaps research a bit on it to clarify any rulings.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As someone who observes the Holy month of Ramadan,your boyfriend staying over does not effect her fasting since 1 he's not staying with her and 2 aslong as she is not engaging in any activities with him... The only thing that would effect this is if you and your boyfriend engage in activities that can disturb the period of Ramadan e.g. Listening to music outloud, smoking and drinking around the house etc.
Personally I think if you guys could just be a bit sensitive when she is around, there shouldn't be a problem
Does it make any difference that my room, where my boyfriend would be sleeping, is next door to hers? Yeah we definitely wouldn’t do anything to disturb her, as always we are quiet.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunya)
Islamically, his temporary stay will not affect her given that there is no excessive interaction and her personal affairs are carried out in privacy. You should let her know that it won't hinder her fasts and perhaps research a bit on it to clarify any rulings.
I just don’t know how to let her know without coming across as kind of rude , especially since I am not a Muslim and she is. She may feel as though I’m questioning her beliefs if I’m not careful?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As someone who observes the Holy month of Ramadan,your boyfriend staying over does not effect her fasting since 1 he's not staying with her and 2 aslong as she is not engaging in any activities with him... The only thing that would effect this is if you and your boyfriend engage in activities that can disturb the period of Ramadan e.g. Listening to music outloud, smoking and drinking around the house etc.
Personally I think if you guys could just be a bit sensitive when she is around, there shouldn't be a problem
Yeah I understand and agree. For those who observe Ramadan, are there a set of rules that’s the same for everyone or is it flexible with your personal beliefs as well. Because most people on here, such as yourself, are agreeing with me that it does not actually count as her living with my boyfriend, however if she personally still believes it’s wrong and makes her feel wrong, is it worth saying anything else to her or should I just drop the matter and listen to her?
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
no thats why its her religious period is seperate to normal days you need to be the most religious and following the rules to the T, as long as you keep to yourself with your boyfriend or whatever and dont disturb her i think its okay but i dont know everything so do your research on the does and donts during ramadan and as long as you talk to each other or maybe she can visit her family or you yours or reach a compromise i think that would be good
She also needs to respect that her housemates don't follow the same rules and religion as her. In this case, especially if it turns out having the boyfriend over wont affect her, she needs to accept it. In future she should perhaps live with other muslims to avoid this conflict. Respect works both ways. The OP sounds perfectly reasonable, and sounds like having her boyfriend round will barely be noticeable.
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Anonymous #4
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Well boo hoo, at least you have a boyfriend.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
She also needs to respect that her housemates don't follow the same rules and religion as her. In this case, especially if it turns out having the boyfriend over wont affect her, she needs to accept it. In future she should perhaps live with other muslims to avoid this conflict. Respect works both ways. The OP sounds perfectly reasonable, and sounds like having her boyfriend round will barely be noticeable.
Yeah I agree with this , I just don’t know how to say any of this in a way that won’t cause any tension or upset feelings since she is my friend as well😣
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Anonymous #5
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huh
she should just stay out of your way and not tell you what to do
muslime here and a girl but seriously she cant say that to you lol
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I understand and agree. For those who observe Ramadan, are there a set of rules that’s the same for everyone or is it flexible with your personal beliefs as well. Because most people on here, such as yourself, are agreeing with me that it does not actually count as her living with my boyfriend, however if she personally still believes it’s wrong and makes her feel wrong, is it worth saying anything else to her or should I just drop the matter and listen to her?
No deffo speak to her because she needs to understand that it does not effect her directly if she is not engaging in any activities that might effect her fast.
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Anonymous #6
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Hello. Like others have said, your boyfriend's presence will have no effect on her. As to what you call her 'personal beliefs', i think you are well within your rights to tell her you have done your research and will be respectful towards her during Ramadan, but have reached the conclusion that your boyfriend will be staying over. While I appreciate you want to be respectful, you should not be overly accommodating to things that are literally not said in the religion and are just her personal beliefs.

Also, if this is something she cannot cope with I wonder why she decided she could live with you knowing that this would be an occurrence (seems a bit stupid and selfish of her).
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username3941996
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well boo hoo, at least you have a boyfriend.
It’s not that difficult to get a boy interested. You don’t need to show cleavage or anything, just talk to them lol
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Anonymous #4
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Its not as easy as you make out or everyone would have someone.
(Original post by Professional G)
It’s not that difficult to get a boy interested. You don’t need to show cleavage or anything, just talk to them lol
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Dunya
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just don’t know how to let her know without coming across as kind of rude , especially since I am not a Muslim and she is. She may feel as though I’m questioning her beliefs if I’m not careful?
First of all, your approach to this is really kind-hearted - it's quite admirable.

Although there isn't wrongdoing with him staying over, she needs to understand that she won't be held 'at fault' for it. I'm guessing she'll be worried about running into him during the time of breaking/beginning the fast - unless your boyfriend likes to stare at people eat , she can eat in the comfort of her own room or in the kitchen when he's not there?

If she does wear the Hijaab, it will be slightly bothersome to wear around the house but the situation isn't too difficult to compromise. Her prayers will most probably be completed in her room, if her room isn't an ensuite she'll have to complete ablution so you could let her know that he'll be wary of that.

Have a simple chat on any requests she may have, unless he's staying for the whole month, it won't be too hard on her.
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username3941996
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Its not as easy as you make out or everyone would have someone.
Is it easy? Nope but it’s not as difficult as it seems. I don’t deny some people have it easier than others. Maybe it’s their genes or the family they were born into but that doesn’t make it impossible. It’s only impossible when you stop trying and give up.
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It's****ingWOODY
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If she knew she wouldn't be able to tolerate other people's way of life she shouldn't have moved in with other people. Respecting her beliefs is one thing, working your life around her beliefs is something totally different.
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