AQA GCSE English Language Paper 1 8700/1 - 4 Jun 2019 [Exam Discussion] Watch

mjhmichael18
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How do I stop myself from repeating myself in Paper 1 Question 5?
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sherry.crb
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look at other question five answers and use some bits of it too and add a little of your ideas to aswell
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sherry.crb
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YouTubers to watch for English language is Mrs Whelan's English she is really really good for Q5 and all the questions
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mjhmichael18
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(Original post by sherry.crb)
YouTubers to watch for English language is Mrs Whelan's English she is really really good for Q5 and all the questions
I have watched Mr Bruff’s Videos and Mr Salles’ videos and Stacey Reay’s Videos and they are all not too bad but I haven’t actually watched Mrs Whelan’s English videos are they better than the ones I have watched or not?
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slideshow2377
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how do i answer English language paper 1 question 3 properly i only get 3 marks in the question.
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mjhmichael18
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(Original post by slideshow2377)
how do i answer English language paper 1 question 3 properly i only get 3 marks in the question.
Paper 1 Question 3 is the structure question. You are supposed to write 3 paragraphs for it. You should not spend longer than 8 minutes on it unless you get extra time like myself. These paragraphs should describe the beginning and the middle and the end of the source. I have never had more than 4 marks myself on this question because of that I cannot help you that much. In the question you should write about structural features such as a circular narrative or a flashback or a flash forward. You should watch Mr Bruff’s animated YouTube video on the question. You may be able to get a better answer from a student who once got 8/8 in the question.
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sarahhhh.xxk
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I normally just write about zoom in on characters, flashbacks and if it has a linear or circular structure (normally get about 7 marks) but don’t mention writers methods (eg. Metaphor) May lose marks for it. And just remember to keep checking back to the source to find the best links
(Original post by slideshow2377)
how do i answer English language paper 1 question 3 properly i only get 3 marks in the question.
Last edited by sarahhhh.xxk; 3 weeks ago
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nightloc
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i just say what the writer focuses the reader’s attention on in each paragraph and then details that the writer zooms in on and explain how those link to the question
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mjhmichael18
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(Original post by nightloc)
i just say what the writer focuses the reader’s attention on in each paragraph and then details that the writer zooms in on and explain how those link to the question
How many marks do you usually get?
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Davy611
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Don't write about linguistic devices like metaphors in Q3; write about these devices in Q2 and in Q4. Contrasts are usually apparent in a Q3 extract.
(Original post by sarahhhh.xxk)
I normally just write about zoom in on characters, flashbacks and if it has a linear or circular structure (normally get about 7 marks) but don’t mention writers methods (eg. Metaphor) May lose marks for it. And just remember to keep checking back to the source to find the best links
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nightloc
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6/7
(Original post by mjhmichael18)
How many marks do you usually get?
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Ddz Destroyer
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IM ready to get 60+ marks on this paper
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brock9122
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I would be really grateful if somebody could check my decription and tell me what I did wrong and how I can improve it (also a rough idea of marks it would get out of 40). Help would be appreciated very much.

Art. The cobalt blue sky laid calmly like a blanket over the Earth showing off its artist’s trickery: the azure depths, the sapphire tint from the warm sun spread through the sky like caramel in a mouthwatering chocolate cake.

Clouds laid peacefully in the sky like a lazy little child; tired from crying without a pause. Its innocence emphasised by its flaccid fluffy cheeks which look like nothing more than cotton candy.

The water in the river imitated the sky – trying to win the attention of the flying birds basking in the soothing warmth of the sun.

Greenery of the grass contrasted the navy blue water. Gigantic ants playing tug of war between the long and thin grass. Families had come out to enjoy the sunny day and support their family members.

The aroma of the atmosphere was endued with zest and playfulness; it made you want to plunge between the clouds awakening them to play football on the sky with the scorching sun and malignant moon being the goals.

Far off in the horizon, factories pumped sinister, ominous smoke out through their chimneys. The necropolis was seething with wandering corpses, who had been hunted down by the nefarious queens of our world – reality and expectation. They were crushed between the two of them like beef between bread, ready to appease the appetite of an ogre.

To the right, the enormous castle was a dinosaur among ants. It stood tall as if it was trying to reach for the stars. It was a lair for predatory creatures the preyed on the happiness of innocent little children at night.

The ants dug back into their holes, the sky woke up the clouds and sent them back to their home, the shy sun also went over, intimidated as the sky plunged into an ominous darkness awakening predatory creatures in the castle.

The brightness faded as the darkness approached brutally like an army ready to turn everything in its way into ramshackle. War.
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slideshow2377
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This model answer is very strong answer to question 5 in English language paper 1.
your technical accuracy is very excellent in my opinion.
for technical accuracy I give you 12/16 marks
for content and organisation I would give you 20/24 marks
overall I mark this answer around 32/40 marks it could be even more than 32 marks.
But you really tried to answer this question really hard well done. you will smash this question and good look.
Also i'm pretty sure you have hit the high band for question 5 which is a level 4.
(Original post by brock9122)
I would be really grateful if somebody could check my decription and tell me what I did wrong and how I can improve it (also a rough idea of marks it would get out of 40). Help would be appreciated very much.

Art. The cobalt blue sky laid calmly like a blanket over the Earth showing off its artist’s trickery: the azure depths, the sapphire tint from the warm sun spread through the sky like caramel in a mouthwatering chocolate cake.

Clouds laid peacefully in the sky like a lazy little child; tired from crying without a pause. Its innocence emphasised by its flaccid fluffy cheeks which look like nothing more than cotton candy.

The water in the river imitated the sky – trying to win the attention of the flying birds basking in the soothing warmth of the sun.

Greenery of the grass contrasted the navy blue water. Gigantic ants playing tug of war between the long and thin grass. Families had come out to enjoy the sunny day and support their family members.

The aroma of the atmosphere was endued with zest and playfulness; it made you want to plunge between the clouds awakening them to play football on the sky with the scorching sun and malignant moon being the goals.

Far off in the horizon, factories pumped sinister, ominous smoke out through their chimneys. The necropolis was seething with wandering corpses, who had been hunted down by the nefarious queens of our world – reality and expectation. They were crushed between the two of them like beef between bread, ready to appease the appetite of an ogre.

To the right, the enormous castle was a dinosaur among ants. It stood tall as if it was trying to reach for the stars. It was a lair for predatory creatures the preyed on the happiness of innocent little children at night.

The ants dug back into their holes, the sky woke up the clouds and sent them back to their home, the shy sun also went over, intimidated as the sky plunged into an ominous darkness awakening predatory creatures in the castle.

The brightness faded as the darkness approached brutally like an army ready to turn everything in its way into ramshackle. War.
Last edited by slideshow2377; 2 weeks ago
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brock9122
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Thanks, your feedback was much appreciated.
(Original post by slideshow2377)
This model answer is very strong answer to question 5 in English language paper 1.
your technical accuracy is very excellent in my opinion.
for technical accuracy I give you 12/16 marks
for content and organisation I would give you 20/24 marks
overall I mark this answer around 32/40 marks it could be even more than 32 marks.
But you really tried to answer this question really hard well done. you will smash this question and good look.
Also i'm pretty sure you have hit the high band for question 5 which is a level 4.
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SarraK
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Hi I'm an English teacher and here are some tips.Don't re-tell the story. Use evidence to explain what the writer focuses on and why does the writer focus on this. As the reader why do you want to read on. You do that for the three sections and you should get 5-6 marks. Split the sections Sentence starter: At the beginning we are introduced to...The writer shifts focus... Structure techniques flashback, tenses, narration, chronological order of events, description of place or thing, setting, character introduction, atmosphere, mood ... There are many more but those are the basics. You need to ask yourself what are the purposes of these features in writing.
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GCSEs2003
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This is really great and the metaphors are stunning. The structure is really good with the contrast of the art and war at the end, you could perhaps focus more on the structure even, examiners love that. Your consistent use of alliteration is really effective. One thing that I would pick up on is that sometimes your sentences aren't always complete such as 'gigantic ants playing tug of war between the long and thin grass'. This sentence would need a 'were' or 'are' in it somewhere to make grammatical sense, although once or twice sentences like this can create an effect. Also, in the sentence from 'clouds laid..pause' the semicolon is great because that qualifies as complex grammar but I would combine the next sentence with a comma after pause because 'emphasised' and 'look' don't quite work as main verbs in this sentence (also don't forget clouds are plural so you would use 'their', not 'its' before innocence, despite using a singular image in the simile which works really nicely. I write in a similar style and my teacher suggested that to make it effective I need to be very clear and make sure that my sentences make sense grammatically. I'm not 100% sure what you're describing from your description but I quite like that it makes it ambiguous. I would give maybe 10 or 11/16 for technical accuracy just due to the few mistakes in grammar, your spelling and vocabulary use is impeccable, and probably 21 or 22/24 for content and organisation (it could be more if a few points are clarified) for a total of between 31/32, but again it could be much more. Really great work and could reach a 36/37 if you clarified just a few points.

(Original post by brock9122)
I would be really grateful if somebody could check my decription and tell me what I did wrong and how I can improve it (also a rough idea of marks it would get out of 40). Help would be appreciated very much.

Art. The cobalt blue sky laid calmly like a blanket over the Earth showing off its artist’s trickery: the azure depths, the sapphire tint from the warm sun spread through the sky like caramel in a mouthwatering chocolate cake.

Clouds laid peacefully in the sky like a lazy little child; tired from crying without a pause. Its innocence emphasised by its flaccid fluffy cheeks which look like nothing more than cotton candy.

The water in the river imitated the sky – trying to win the attention of the flying birds basking in the soothing warmth of the sun.

Greenery of the grass contrasted the navy blue water. Gigantic ants playing tug of war between the long and thin grass. Families had come out to enjoy the sunny day and support their family members.

The aroma of the atmosphere was endued with zest and playfulness; it made you want to plunge between the clouds awakening them to play football on the sky with the scorching sun and malignant moon being the goals.

Far off in the horizon, factories pumped sinister, ominous smoke out through their chimneys. The necropolis was seething with wandering corpses, who had been hunted down by the nefarious queens of our world – reality and expectation. They were crushed between the two of them like beef between bread, ready to appease the appetite of an ogre.

To the right, the enormous castle was a dinosaur among ants. It stood tall as if it was trying to reach for the stars. It was a lair for predatory creatures the preyed on the happiness of innocent little children at night.

The ants dug back into their holes, the sky woke up the clouds and sent them back to their home, the shy sun also went over, intimidated as the sky plunged into an ominous darkness awakening predatory creatures in the castle.

The brightness faded as the darkness approached brutally like an army ready to turn everything in its way into ramshackle. War.
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brock9122
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Hi, I would be grateful if you could give me feedback on this narrative I wrote (I am not very good at narratives and I also am not quite satisfied with this one but still).

258,909 people died in 2862 but it began with one person.

The sun had long shied away as the nefarious and sinister clouds had took over allying with the ominous darkness awakening predatory creatures out of their lair. The Earth we had known was nowhere to be seen; the ground was fully covered: With remains of oblivious old people whose world had come to an end before time, with hollow empty heads of people whose smiles were wiped of their faces just like war wipes off happiness from the Universe, with bloody bodies of benign children whose souls were lacerated off them and their body parts scattered into pieces like pieces from a puzzle, reminding us that there is only one thing we don’t have shortage off in our world: Evil.

6 months earlier…we were introduced to bodies of metal called ‘robots’, that were apparently meant to make our lives easier by helping us. Little did we know that they would be like an ocean without a single drop of mercy or feeling in them; instead they were fully saturated with evil and greed. In a blink of an eye, they had took over the world and made us their slaves; decapitating all of those who caused problems for them.

The root of the whole problem originated from one person named Dr Kryzisky, at least that is what we were told.

Fate.

Dr Kryzisky had come up with the idea of introducing the robots into our personal lives. We listened to him instead of our own minds. He used to say: “the robots would be very helpful!”. They turned put to be as helpful as thieves, stealing our lives from us. The world was like a playground for his experiments and our lives were like his toys: He controlled them and did anything he wanted with them.

All of us are toys controlled by one thing: Fate!

And it was at this particular moment that our world stopped in time. Michael’s parents had came to take him out. He left us alone in the world he had created. Our world came to a halt because there was no one who determined our fate.
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GCSEs2003
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Hi again!

Very dramatic start, not only suggests action but also hooks the reader. The phrase 'awakening predatory creates out of their lair' could be refined and I think it needs an extra verb, something like 'awakening predatory creatures and luring them out of their lair'. In the phrase 'war wipes off happiness' I think away would have been a better word than 'off' it would just clarify the metaphor but this is really great imagery. Again a lot of great alliteration. After the colon remember evil doesn't need a capital letter unless you are personifying it, which you would need to develop more, as unjustified capital letters lose marks (it happened to me in my mock). A quick thing that's just personal opinion; you've set your story in 2826 but robots have only been invented 6 months ago? Just a little thing I picked up on, consistency is great but the examiners would not penalise you for that obviously. I love the image of them being 'fully saturated with evil and greed', it is really effective. The single word paragraph of 'fate' is a great structural device but I'm unsure what is referring to, what event was fate? (that might just be me being stupid). However, repeating fate is really great because again that is a good structural device. Who is Michael? Try not to introduce characters by name late into the story unless they have been featured namelessly previously in the story and it is obvious who they are. Also just be super careful of tenses as 'had came' and 'had took over' doesn't make sense! This piece features some really great imagery and it is clear your descriptive skills are very strong, but be really careful about clarifying details because otherwise it can be a bit confusing in places.

I prefer description too, but a few tips for narrative in general (they're not comments on your story):
The difference between narrative and description is usually identified by action, a close viewpoint in the telling of the story and usually a logical order of telling the story. Therefore make sure to
- Include action (this story ticks that box as the action doesn't have to be hugely obvious or immediate)
- Have a singular viewpoint, third person works but if you find narrative difficult it is often easier to write in first person
- Make sure to have lots of structure. The two easiest overall structural devices are using the same word or phrase at the beginning and end of your story which is a circular structure, and zooming into or out from a detail in the story like a camera
I would always try and have only one or two central/named characters in the story to make it simpler, and if you can it is really effective if you can introduce the names in dialogue e.g. "Michael!" The sound of her calling my name shot a sliver of terror down my spine. Maria scared me.
This subtly but immediately establishes the names of the protagonists.
Make sure to be able to keep a regular tense throughout unless including flashbacks. I tend not to include flashbacks because I have always struggled with tenses so they confuse me.
One tip my teacher had was to write the story in a familiar style e.g. not describing events too dramatic or big. This is just because it can sometimes not be as effective, one person in my class in the mock wrote about a mass murder and didn't quite pull it off and lost a lot of marks. If you keep the event simple you can focus on description within the narrative, but it depends on the prompt and personal style and some dramatic stories can be really effective.
One last effective device is reported speech when dealing in the past e.g. 'he said that' instead of 'he said, " ' etc. It just adds another layer of dialogue to the story.
(Original post by brock9122)
Hi, I would be grateful if you could give me feedback on this narrative I wrote (I am not very good at narratives and I also am not quite satisfied with this one but still).

258,909 people died in 2862 but it began with one person.

The sun had long shied away as the nefarious and sinister clouds had took over allying with the ominous darkness awakening predatory creatures out of their lair. The Earth we had known was nowhere to be seen; the ground was fully covered: With remains of oblivious old people whose world had come to an end before time, with hollow empty heads of people whose smiles were wiped of their faces just like war wipes off happiness from the Universe, with bloody bodies of benign children whose souls were lacerated off them and their body parts scattered into pieces like pieces from a puzzle, reminding us that there is only one thing we don’t have shortage off in our world: Evil.

6 months earlier…we were introduced to bodies of metal called ‘robots’, that were apparently meant to make our lives easier by helping us. Little did we know that they would be like an ocean without a single drop of mercy or feeling in them; instead they were fully saturated with evil and greed. In a blink of an eye, they had took over the world and made us their slaves; decapitating all of those who caused problems for them.

The root of the whole problem originated from one person named Dr Kryzisky, at least that is what we were told.

Fate.

Dr Kryzisky had come up with the idea of introducing the robots into our personal lives. We listened to him instead of our own minds. He used to say: “the robots would be very helpful!”. They turned put to be as helpful as thieves, stealing our lives from us. The world was like a playground for his experiments and our lives were like his toys: He controlled them and did anything he wanted with them.

All of us are toys controlled by one thing: Fate!

And it was at this particular moment that our world stopped in time. Michael’s parents had came to take him out. He left us alone in the world he had created. Our world came to a halt because there was no one who determined our fate.
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bejie
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Im awful at english language and Im doing practice questions, id be over the moon if anyone can mark my question 3 and 4 paper 1 .
question 4
how does the author makes the street come alive ?
The writers makes the scene come to life and make the readers feels as it makes theb reader feel as if we are next to Mr utterson walking along the street. Examples of this could be evident from the quote “an air of invitation , like rows of saleswomen”. This writer uses similes to shows that the market place on the street is trying to lure in Mr utterson to come buy their products, which makes the street realistic and alive. In addition, the quote “an air of invivitation” is a simile which implies that the street is welcoming so that they are able to make attract customers, which shows readers that the street is a market place. Howevver this is constrasted with the quote “rows”, which is hyperbolic. This reminds the readers that since the narrative speech is in the past, it could imply that the narrator does not have a clear memory on how the street looks like, which causes the reader to feel as if they just given an image on how the street looks like , making it feel as they are not on the street.

Howvever the quote “the street shone out in contrast to its dingy neighbourhood ” metaphorically shows that the street is the source of life to the neighbourhood as it provides the residents with their daily needs, moreover the phrase “shone” implies that the street is precious to the locals. The writers perhaps want the the readers to feel the same admiration that the locals feels about their street which helps the reader to feel as is the street is real, however, on the other hand the quote “well-polished, cleanliness, gaiety” has adjectives which oimplies that the street is perfect and is in top condition, which implies that the locals and mr utterson is blinded by their admiration for their street as it presents an unrealistic presentation of the street, this reminds the readers that the narrative voice is unreliable and that it makes it feel as if a person is telling us their opinion of the street rather than us, the readers being at the moment.


question 3 how does the author structured to interest the reader?
The writer uses structure to interested the reader by choosing to introduce the text with the character Mr. utterson as being a charceter with many layers, “the lawyer…cold, scanty”. The use of a list presents to show what other characters believe that mr utterson is a person who is cruel and unmerciful, however this is contrasted with his occupastion a lawyer which shows the reader that perhaps mr utterson a a charcetr that seeks justice and righteous. Readers may say he is introduced as the misunderstood protagonist of hero which could foreshadow his actions to come. Despite presenting mr utterson as the hero this is constrasted with the next paragraph of “drank gin when he was alone” implying that he washes away his guilt with alcohol showing that he is a severely flawed character. Furthermore it could imply that due to his regrets he has become the cold stern man he is today. Finally the auther structures the text to add suspense by adding dialogue to the end of the extract. This dialogue shows that Mr utterson lacks certain knowledge known by other characters. As we the reader are place in the position of mr utterson, we feel the sense of urgency that he feels, to know the mystery. The use of mystery also helps to define the character mr utterson as perhaps he is a cold person as he mistrusts everyone in the novel. Readers may say that this mistrust is reliable as he is a lawyer, therefore he must be smart enough to analysis the situation.
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