Please can someone mark this one paragraph essay Watch

Mokhtar_GCSE2019
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#1
Report Thread starter 8 months ago
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The theme is about poverty: please give me a grade that this quality of essay is.

Starting with the extract of a Christmas carols dickens establish the theme of poverty on children to demonstrate the quality of living and the critical condition they are up for. As it says the “the boy is ignorance and the girl is the girl is want” here dickens is highlighting some of the importance of socialism and how the the society for children is badly damaged and ruined. The use of ignorance which is classed as an aggressive adjective shows a lot to be reader. If someone is ignorance it shows a lack of general knowledge and a lack of skills, shows the reader that these children has no has no perfect future ahead of them. Having a lack of skills suggest that the children will have no jobs which mean that there wealth fare will decrease as there will be no money for the children to buy them cloths or food, as the reader read this part of the novel it makes them feel sorrow and frustrated because these children need to be at home safe and sound and instead they are facing a situation where nor grown up should be in and children. There on the street begging for money and doing crime instead of at school having some sort of education.
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MariannaL
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Report 8 months ago
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Is this for GCSE? Make sure to capitalise ‘Dickens’.
*establishes rather than ‘establish’
*just get to the point , saves time and is more concise eg. “The use of the aggressive adjective of “ignorance”...”
*clothes
*safe and sound is not academic, just say safe
*watch out for they’re , there and their.
I’d say that you should use more language analysis instead of making general points.
Maybe some context?
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