Why don't I have friends at uni.. it's been 9 months ? Watch
Student life, in partnership with UEA
I'm going to TRY & keep this short & I apologise in advance if it's too long.
When I applied for uni, I wanted to study social work. With the course being a bit demanding, the uni changed my course to something else. What I'm studying is okay, it's a little of a snooze but I'm trying hard to succeed in it. However, I am kind of happy that I am studying something else as this course gives me the opportunity to broaden out into a range of fields.
When I initially joined in September of last year, it was overwhelming.. studying away from home in a new city. The clubbing and all was all new to be me, as I had only done it a few times with family. To participate in the clubbing and nights out with strangers kind of felt yikes to me... I didn't participate in freshers week at all.. reasons why is bc I wanted to find my own set of friends first instead of just going for the sake of it.
[a possible downfall to my chance at making friends, is that I didn't participate in freshers week. 😭]
When my course first started, there was practically 9 people there for like two weeks. I kept with the two of the girls who were on my table and etc... weeks past by, more people start joining. It gets to like middle of October, the two people who I were familiar with drifted apart and so did I... as everyone moved along others.
Around like the 3rd week or something of October, another new girl joined the course. Who I got on very well with, as we had similar interests, we clicked, enjoyed each other's company & had great conversations together. Things went well as I had been invited to her house for her New Year's Eve party which was fun. She left university a month later, and even though we still kept in contact, we had arranged todo things outside of uni together. I noticed her slacking quite quickly, when she bailed on like the second time when we arranged to see a movie together. But somehow still planned todo things together.. what hit a nerve for me (at the time) was how she didn't get back in touch with me after I mentioned about coming out for my birthday celebration... After that, I started thinking to myself why am I even bothering with her? As there had been plenty of times where we'd plan for something and it wouldn't happen & get ignored. So in April, I gave up on her when I realised how unreliable she really is, & how she had time for other people & not for me. So from that, I cut ALL communications from her in a heart beat.
In November of last year, I was also in contact with another person who I had connected with on my course, but did not connect well to the same level as the other girl. However, it felt like she was just around me bc she didn't have any friends or just felt comfortable being around... I mean... she is a reserved and quiet person so she could find it difficult to engage. But We did hang out in our breaks together, and she often did come round me and the other girl, but she'd be sitting on her phone not engaging in conversations like I had with the other girl. I also noticed her attendance was decreasing and she was not coming into lessons, well.. I could see her point as she lived very far and has a child. So there was no point in arranging social activities together as I'd know already those are the two main excuses/barriers.
Despite everything, the quiet girl did give me a present for my birthday which I found so sweet of her.
As months went on... with the other girl leaving and the other girl hardly being in.. I physically & emotionally felt alone. Practically alone.. however, this gave me the opportunity to interact with the others on my course.
[Bare in mind as I got to know the new girl when she joined, the other people in my course had already engaged with each other as a whole]... however, even though I hanged around the others in my course they were not my type of people, we did not have similar interests, did not click whatsoever and I often felt awkward at times as those in group had already known each other previously. So when I'm around them I am just looking forward to LEAVE... it also felt so annoying in the long 3 to 2 hours breaks as I'd be following a group of 8 to 12 people everyday experiencing the same problem... 😭
Yes... I do engage in conversations with the people on my course, we play games and etc together in our breaks but it just doesn't feel genuine as if they were/are my friends... it just feels like I'm hanging with a group of co-workers at a job or something ... I have honestly tried to engage with them personally... they arrange social events like going the pub or out into town and they do ask if I want to go out with them, and I do but like again, everyone seems to have their own sort of friends/pairs in the group already who they get on well with... so I'm practically sitting on the side as a plus one 😭
[i am currently the only black person/girl on the course.. I feel as if there was a range of ethnicities I wouldn't have a trouble at making friends, as they'd be a range of people]
It's just so upsetting to not have established my own set of friends, the ones I could trust, ones that are genuine and are actually my friends compared to back home, with my college friends who I still get in touch with, my social life has changed drastically 😭
So basically, the people on my course are acquaintances to me. Even though we hang out and stuff, doesn't determine any closeness or anything with them. Either does the other girl.
Out of curiosity will everything change as the years go on? - I have two more years at this uni and I cannot wait to graduate and leave. I am hoping to have some Hope when second year starts, to hopefully give me the opportunity to be Introduced to meet new people, join societies again as the ones I joined were inactive.
- Universities Forum Helper
Maybe in second year, consider joining a society?