AIL/lecturer taking over pregnancy. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
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I know this post probably belongs somewhere else but it's affecting my university, too, as the (soon to be) aunt-in-law is also my lecturer, so i'm posting here. she doubles as the head of department so the only person above her is the person who oversees all of uni. i know this is going to sound insane, but i swear i'm not a troll. just an angry pregnant lady.
TL;DR at bottom.

BACKSTORY
I'm in my final year of uni, finishing in a couple months. I'm also 6 months pregnant. I had no idea when I met my boyfriend that he was even distantly related to my lecturer, let alone her nephew. But we've been together a little under 2 years, and I found out their connection a little less than a year in. She admitted it was a bit weird but wouldn't stop her acting professionally. The baby wasn't exactly... planned but we're still excited, as are our family. We live together, are very happily engaged, and intending to get married when everything calms down a bit.
The aunt was happy when we told her. Not thrilled, exactly, but it was a bit of a shock because it's not like we were trying.

Anyway, over the last couple months since we told her this aunt has completely taken over. Or tried to.

Outside of uni she has:
- invited herself over for dinner at our place (so just showing up at random) multiple times giving me food and advice that goes against everything my doctors said and getting offended when I believe the GP's words over hers
- shown up in the middle of the day with a bag full of child lock stuff and tried to install it until my fiance put his foot down and reminded her that we wouldn't need that stuff for at least a year
- cancelled our delivery of baby stuff (a bulk shop that had everything from onesies to changing tables from the local baby store) because we got stuff that was highly reviewed or on sale (or both) and didn't pay any mind to whether it was for a girl, boy, both, or neutral and she insisted we just get boys stuff like the kid was going to be traumatised by a pink onesie he'd grow out of before we figured out how to clip him in it. we were able to reorder but had to pay for the delivery slot twice (the first cancelled order and the second that we received)
- invited herself to medical appointments, so I can now say my lecturer has seen me in a hospital gown with my feet in stirrups, and tried to get herself listed as my birthing partner, meaning that she would be in the room while the baby is born and as the hospital only allows one person in the room with me, her nephew would miss the birth of his child.

Inside uni, she has:
- stopped the lecture until I left because she thought I should be on bed rest (the doctor says there is absolutely no need for me to be on bed rest)
- told everyone I was pregnant, when I told her that I didn't want to make a big thing of it and people could assume for themselves when I started to show, because she was "so excited for a new addition to the family"
- literally did half a lecture on the importance of names (literature course), which wasn't on the syllabus, stressing the importance of family names. this was a reference to three things. wuthering heights, the fact that we intend to hyphenate surnames, which she objects to, and the fact that despite both our fathers coincidentally having the same first name (very common name), we don't intend to give their name to our son. their family also has a tradition of giving this name to the eldest son of each generation, which our son would be. we made it clear we don't intend to disrespect this tradition, but as my fiance's sister is also pregnant with a boy, she has already spoken to us and said she and her husband really want the name, and we don't want it anyway.
- we said we didn't want a baby shower, and she has decided to throw us one, regardless, and invited the people in my class. i didn't know this until the email went out asking everyone in my year of this course to "help welcome baby [name we're not using] to the world". the party is booked in 4 months time, and i'm not even due for another 3.
- the GP said I could have a limited amount of coffee every now and again. I don't drink coffee but hot chocolate is also fine, and I came to lecture with a hot chocolate. seeing the to go coffee cup when i entered her lecture, she walked over to my desk, took my cup and chucked it in the bin. this has happened half a dozen times since she found out i was pregnant.
- today i had a routine checkup at about 9am and a mock exam about 1pm. i'd had this checkup many times and knew it would take an hour, two at most, the majority of it being waiting, and my fiance was giving me a lift to uni, barely a 10 minute drive away. the aunt knew when my appointment was and when the mock was and i said that i'd be fine getting between the two, and there was no way i'd need all 4 hours for a routine checkup. i waited an hour, the checkup was over in another hour, we stopped for lunch and he drove me to uni. i got to my mock and everything seemed normal, but when i arrived my lecturer (a different one to the aunt) was surprised to see me. i asked him why. he said that the aunt had told him i wouldn't be in today and had already asked to reschedule or cancel my mock.

IDK how to deal with this. i get she's excited but even our parents aren't acting like this, and it's not helped that she's in a direct position of power over me and this is actually affecting me at uni. i only have a couple months to get through then i graduate, but that doesn't negate that it's affecting me and with the baby coming this is causing me a lot of stress which is the last thing i need rn. Fiance is standing up to her a lot, but he also thinks he should pick his battles and not fight her over everything.
what can i say to her to get her to chill out a bit?

TL;DR: fiance's aunt/my lecturer for the next 2 months thinks she knows better than i do about my child and keeps undermining me and fiance and trying to make decisions for us. we're trying to put our foot down but how do we establish firm boundaries and make sure she won't ignore them?
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Johndoeskitty
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#2
Report 6 days ago
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Sometimes you just have to be a b!tch. Literally so many problems could be solved if people weren't so scared of being offensive all the time. Next time she tries to interject herself just blatantly say "no." If she insists keep saying "no." And don't tell her any information. If she shows up at your house don't answer the door. This has already gone past the point of politeness so who cares.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 days ago
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(Original post by Johndoeskitty)
Sometimes you just have to be a b!tch. Literally so many problems could be solved if people weren't so scared of being offensive all the time. Next time she tries to interject herself just blatantly say "no." If she insists keep saying "no." And don't tell her any information. If she shows up at your house don't answer the door. This has already gone past the point of politeness so who cares.
I have been. I've snapped at her before and yelled at her to stay out of it and yet she still finds a way to intervene. Fiance backed me up on it, told her to butt out, but clearly it didn't work. We made a point of not telling her about the appointment but she found out any way, and enough people come by the flat that it's hard to not answer the door. Plus no peephole. I don't have to give the uni every minuscule detail but they do have to know when my appointments are if they might affect uni. When the appointment was made there was a chance it would be a routine checkup and a chance that it would be a bit more than that, in which case it might take longer or I might be given meds that would make it hard to sit exams, plus there was always the possibility with a checkup that something might happen that could delay me, so she took it upon herself to try and reschedule my mock.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 days ago
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update less than 24 hours after i told at her to stay out of my pregnancy she got in touch with fiance telling him i yelled at her and told her to get out of our lives entirely. she said she "had half a mind to report me to uni for being rude to a lecturer on campus" (in retrospect, the conversation i had with her immediately after my mock probably shouldn't have happened in the campus coffee shop, but i was really really mad. and fiance was meant to be meeting me in the coffee shop so i didn't want to go far. luckily, i'd already told him what i'd said to her and he agreed with me and said he'd take my side.
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