How do I stop myself from being shy? Watch

daisielauren
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I'm in year 9 right now. I wasn't completely shy in primary school. I was actually quite social, however, only with girls because they seemed to be the only ones I was comfortable around. But ever since Year 7 I just seemed to feel like every time my friends weren't around my mouth was sewn together. Even with my three friends, my shyness restricted me from keeping a good relationship with them.I believe I couldn't keep them entertained and every time we arrived at school they would leave me.

Around half way through Year 7, the three of them stopped walking with me one by one. The last one was a really good friend, although only outside of school. I continued walking to her house in the mornings but sometimes her parents would say she had already left. No, I wasn't late or anything. But I didn't question her. Although I sent messages to her asking if I should walk to her house she wouldn't tend to reply. Eventually she stopped walking with me and I stopped walking to her house. When I walked to school I would see her walking with some other people she never told me about. I never got angry or confronted her about it though.

Once she had left as well, I generally spent breaks and lunch on my own and it really did humiliate me. I know there's nothing to be ashamed about when you are on your own but I couldn't really help it, I still don't know why I feel embarrassed to sit on my own. I tried to make friends with these other girls of whom I knew from primary school but lost a relationship with, so I tried to build it up again. It seemed like they didn't want to at first but fast forward to year 9 I now have one of them as a very good friend, although she has admitted she won't call me her best friend. I met another girl too.

Anyway, that was just to express how hard I find it to keep friendships.But right now I am in different classes to them most of the time and I have no friends in a lot of my classes. I'm trying hard to get over being shy but after so long I have just felt like giving up. I'm hoping someone reading this could help me.
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samanthaemiliee
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I understand what you mean totally and it’s such an awful position to find yourself in. In year nine I had lost all of my friends and began to stay inside all day (record was two weeks without leaving the house) but i never thought of myself as a shy person. I had had a best friend in primary school and like you we began to stop waking to school together - in all honesty I wasn’t too bothered about loosing her but I was miserable that I hadn’t made the friends I believed it would. I’d recommend having a social media cleanse for a bit and throwing yourself into new activities. I deleted Instagram and took up am dram and started volunteering with rainbows (girlguides). I found as a result of not seeing the lives of those who I believed were «*having a better life than me*» and meeting new people though drama which then evolved into debating (which is how I made my best friends) and gaining interpersonal social skills by volunteering (talking to the girls and their parents!) I had a lot more freedom to be happy
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daisielauren
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(Original post by samanthaemiliee)
I understand what you mean totally and it’s such an awful position to find yourself in. In year nine I had lost all of my friends and began to stay inside all day (record was two weeks without leaving the house) but i never thought of myself as a shy person. I had had a best friend in primary school and like you we began to stop waking to school together - in all honesty I wasn’t too bothered about loosing her but I was miserable that I hadn’t made the friends I believed it would. I’d recommend having a social media cleanse for a bit and throwing yourself into new activities. I deleted Instagram and took up am dram and started volunteering with rainbows (girlguides). I found as a result of not seeing the lives of those who I believed were «*having a better life than me*» and meeting new people though drama which then evolved into debating (which is how I made my best friends) and gaining interpersonal social skills by volunteering (talking to the girls and their parents!) I had a lot more freedom to be happy
Hi. Thank you for your response, it makes me happy to know that someone can relate. I really like your idea of just not seeing the people who I believe are living better than me because I think I tend to compare myself too much. I think I've started to stop using social medias in general recently anyway, and to be honest, it has helped. I have always thought about joining clubs and stuff outside of school would be a good way to find people who don't know me as being a quiet person or shy, so that I can make new first impressions. But to hear that it has made a difference for someone else who has had an experience like I'm having at the moment makes me want to try it out even more, so thank you, I may join a club or volunteer for something.
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samanthaemiliee
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(Original post by daisielauren)
Hi. Thank you for your response, it makes me happy to know that someone can relate. I really like your idea of just not seeing the people who I believe are living better than me because I think I tend to compare myself too much. I think I've started to stop using social medias in general recently anyway, and to be honest, it has helped. I have always thought about joining clubs and stuff outside of school would be a good way to find people who don't know me as being a quiet person or shy, so that I can make new first impressions. But to hear that it has made a difference for someone else who has had an experience like I'm having at the moment makes me want to try it out even more, so thank you, I may join a club or volunteer for something.
I’m so glad!! If there’s anything I can do to help PM me, I’m always here to talk x
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casual_ravenclaw
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I am in almost the same position - I'm quite a boring person, not good at conversations and because every time i talk to someone im desperately trying to think of what to say next it never comes to anything. I have now got a few friends and find socialising outside of school really easy because there's no commitment - you know that if it goes wrong you will never have to speak to them again. So yeah, id really recommend joining smthn outside of schl - you meet one person and it can often just lead on to another and before you know it you've met loads of great new people
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daisielauren
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Thanks so much for replying. I keep feeling more excited to go out and meet new people when people tell me things like this. I like that there is not commitment, because I'm often socially awkward or it might be that the type of person I am talking might not be someone who is good to be friends with. So to be honest this advice helps me a lot. Again, thank you so much for replying, it means a lot : )
(Original post by casual_ravenclaw)
I am in almost the same position - I'm quite a boring person, not good at conversations and because every time i talk to someone im desperately trying to think of what to say next it never comes to anything. I have now got a few friends and find socialising outside of school really easy because there's no commitment - you know that if it goes wrong you will never have to speak to them again. So yeah, id really recommend joining smthn outside of schl - you meet one person and it can often just lead on to another and before you know it you've met loads of great new people
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casual_ravenclaw
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most important thing is to be nice and you seem really lovely so i'm sure you won't have a problem. not to patronise but you are only in year 9 and have your whole life ahead of you. you are stuck in a tiny social bubble right now - in the future you will have so many people around you you won't know who to talk to first and like you say - the people you are talking to might not be the right people for you. good luck but you don't need it (you're doin' great sweetie )
(Original post by daisielauren)
Thanks so much for replying. I keep feeling more excited to go out and meet new people when people tell me things like this. I like that there is not commitment, because I'm often socially awkward or it might be that the type of person I am talking might not be someone who is good to be friends with. So to be honest this advice helps me a lot. Again, thank you so much for replying, it means a lot : )
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