Fed up, never truly happy with myself Watch

RandomTennisfan
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People always tell me how I’m such a nice guy in life, but when this comes from girls I only see it as a blow. It’s true I like helping others out it gives me satisfaction, and talking to people I enjoy. However, I’m poor at flirting just can’t advance friendships at all. I’m 21 still haven’t had sex and yes that bothers me, when so many around you have and remind you of it then it would bother anyone. I don’t know why I’ve struggled finding the right one, it won’t happen at the university I’m currently at. I got told off for using the word find before in a previous thread but that’s literally what I’d like to do find myself in a relationship. I come back from nights out/social gatherings upset and miserable and I don’t know how to stop this cycle. I’ve put a thread like this up before sorry, but nothing has changed really.
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Dunnig Kruger
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If this is your final year I can understand why you feel that you won't find a romantic partner at uni. What with exams, there's almost no time left now. That's the bad news.

The good news is that over the next few years a lot of your uni friends will be getting married. Weddings are great events for finding love.

Come back from nights out and social events happy that you've had an evening in the company of some great people. And that you've not been stuck at home in front of your X-box.

After your exams, do some reading / Google homework on Sales. How to sell stuff and how to close sales. Use what you learn to sell yourself as a romantic partner.
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steamed-hams
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Stop being a nice guy. Read or find a summary of this https://www.amazon.co.uk/No-More-Mr-.../dp/0762415339
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RandomTennisfan
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(Original post by steamed-hams)
Stop being a nice guy. Read or find a summary of this https://www.amazon.co.uk/No-More-Mr-.../dp/0762415339
Well I can’t just stop as it’s my personality ingrained in me.
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RandomTennisfan
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
If this is your final year I can understand why you feel that you won't find a romantic partner at uni. What with exams, there's almost no time left now. That's the bad news.

The good news is that over the next few years a lot of your uni friends will be getting married. Weddings are great events for finding love.

Come back from nights out and social events happy that you've had an evening in the company of some great people. And that you've not been stuck at home in front of your X-box.

After your exams, do some reading / Google homework on Sales. How to sell stuff and how to close sales. Use what you learn to sell yourself as a romantic partner.
I’m in second year, there is still only one year left, it’s just I had expectations in my mind that I would which is the sad thing. My friends and others find it so easy finding a partner or going back with girls, I don’t know how to explain it people feel sorry for me but there’s not a lot they can do.
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TheTroll73
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(Original post by RandomTennisfan)
People always tell me how I’m such a nice guy in life, but when this comes from girls I only see it as a blow. It’s true I like helping others out it gives me satisfaction, and talking to people I enjoy. However, I’m poor at flirting just can’t advance friendships at all. I’m 21 still haven’t had sex and yes that bothers me, when so many around you have and remind you of it then it would bother anyone. I don’t know why I’ve struggled finding the right one, it won’t happen at the university I’m currently at. I got told off for using the word find before in a previous thread but that’s literally what I’d like to do find myself in a relationship. I come back from nights out/social gatherings upset and miserable and I don’t know how to stop this cycle. I’ve put a thread like this up before sorry, but nothing has changed really.
Nah man it's overated

and you're only 21 you don't have to find love at uni...
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RandomTennisfan
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(Original post by TheTroll73)
Nah man it's overated

and you're only 21 you don't have to find love at uni...
I’m not saying you do man, it’s just I have this feeling it won’t happen-I expected to have at least entered a proper relationship by now. It’s partly the university I’m at tbh it’s low ranking, maybe if I went to a higher ranked institution, things could be different idk I’m just not happy with things...
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Waldorf67
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So what actually makes you a nice guy? What qualities?
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RandomTennisfan
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(Original post by Waldorf67)
So what actually makes you a nice guy? What qualities?
I’m not self-proclaiming people tell me I am. I often go out my way to help others whether it be money issues, work, or any other matter. When someone is speaking to me I also show interest, and ask them more questions about themselves. That’s me though it’s how I was raised and don’t really want to change it, just seems you have to be a bit of a **** to make you attractive to girls which is just wrong on so many levels but there you go.
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Waldorf67
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(Original post by RandomTennisfan)
I’m not self-proclaiming people tell me I am. I often go out my way to help others whether it be money issues, work, or any other matter. When someone is speaking to me I also show interest, and ask them more questions about themselves. That’s me though it’s how I was raised and don’t really want to change it, just seems you have to be a bit of a **** to make you attractive to girls which is just wrong on so many levels but there you go.
Don’t confuse meekness with niceness. Meekness is impossible to respect.

It is far more appropriate to be nice and considerate but self respecting. To not go against your beliefs in order to please others, to stand up for yourself or for others.

Never saying no, going out of your way to open doors and fussing around women’s arses is not perceived as nice, but needy and borderline pathetic. Women want to be treated with respect, not to be fussed over like little dolls.

There is this guy at work who is like the above, and some of the men call him Mr Too Nice behind his back, and that it is effeminate. So actually, it’s a human issue not a woman’s issue.
Last edited by Waldorf67; 1 week ago
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RandomTennisfan
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(Original post by Waldorf67)
Don’t confuse meekness with niceness. Meekness is impossible to respect.

It is far more appropriate to be nice and considerate but self respecting. To not go against your beliefs in order to please others, to stand up for yourself or for others.

Never saying no, going out of your way to open doors and fussing around women’s arses is not perceived as nice, but needy and borderline pathetic. Women want to be treated with respect, not to be fussed over like little dolls.

There is this guy at work who is like the above, and some of the men call him Mr Too Nice behind his back, and that it is effeminate. So actually, it’s a human issue not a woman’s issue.
You sound like a proper macho-man, I’m not a pushover but have qualities that do not work in my favour.
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Waldorf67
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(Original post by RandomTennisfan)
You sound like a proper macho-man, I’m not a pushover but have qualities that do not work in my favour.
I’m a woman :rofl: And a pretty feminine one at that :rofl:
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TheTroll73
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(Original post by RandomTennisfan)
I’m not saying you do man, it’s just I have this feeling it won’t happen-I expected to have at least entered a proper relationship by now. It’s partly the university I’m at tbh it’s low ranking, maybe if I went to a higher ranked institution, things could be different idk I’m just not happy with things...
Well at least you have food, shelter etc. Some people don't have that sadly.

Hope this makes you at least a bit happier with things.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by RandomTennisfan)
I’m not self-proclaiming people tell me I am. I often go out my way to help others whether it be money issues, work, or any other matter. When someone is speaking to me I also show interest, and ask them more questions about themselves. That’s me though it’s how I was raised and don’t really want to change it, just seems you have to be a bit of a **** to make you attractive to girls which is just wrong on so many levels but there you go.
You have just described a lot of highly attractive traits. From the little you've been able to tell us, you have a highly attractive "product" to sell.

With this being your 2nd year at uni, that's great news. Try to reinvent yourself a little bit for the start of the next academic year. Reinvent yourself - possibly in terms of the packaging (clothes, hairstyle), possibly in the way you sell yourself, possibly in including more women in your friendship circle.

When you say you're at a low ranking uni, do you mean in terms of the A level grades to get in? Or do you mean in terms of the ratio of males to females, with Loughborough being the worst of the lot? If it's in terms of the A level grades, then that's totally irrelevant when it comes to finding love.

Over the summer, if you can, get yourself a job in sales. Something like a sales person at a busy car dealership would be great.
Last edited by Dunnig Kruger; 1 week ago
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mgi
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(Original post by RandomTennisfan)
People always tell me how I’m such a nice guy in life, but when this comes from girls I only see it as a blow. It’s true I like helping others out it gives me satisfaction, and talking to people I enjoy. However, I’m poor at flirting just can’t advance friendships at all. I’m 21 still haven’t had sex and yes that bothers me, when so many around you have and remind you of it then it would bother anyone. I don’t know why I’ve struggled finding the right one, it won’t happen at the university I’m currently at. I got told off for using the word find before in a previous thread but that’s literally what I’d like to do find myself in a relationship. I come back from nights out/social gatherings upset and miserable and I don’t know how to stop this cycle. I’ve put a thread like this up before sorry, but nothing has changed really.
Ok. This is how you change things: Firstly, look at your personality- do you like yourself? Secondly, i presume you are not socially awkward? Thirdly, what sort of conversation do you have with girls- they are putting yoy in the nice guy friendship zone! To get out of the zone you need to really talk to a range of girls and show a genuine interest in them. This means you need to be listening well as well as speaking. And finally-the bit that some guys/gals overthink- ask the girl you are interested in about meeting up sometime for a drink. Whatever answer you get, you are now out of the friendship zone! Girls cannot put you in the friendship zone if they know that clearly you fancy them; its make or break!
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RandomTennisfan
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(Original post by Waldorf67)
I’m a woman :rofl: And a pretty feminine one at that :rofl:
Apologies aha it’s just the way you’ve come across
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RandomTennisfan
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(Original post by mgi)
Ok. This is how you change things: Firstly, look at your personality- do you like yourself? Secondly, i presume you are not socially awkward? Thirdly, what sort of conversation do you have with girls- they are putting yoy in the nice guy friendship zone! To get out of the zone you need to really talk to a range of girls and show a genuine interest in them. This means you need to be listening well as well as speaking. And finally-the bit that some guys/gals overthink- ask the girl you are interested in about meeting up sometime for a drink. Whatever answer you get, you are now out of the friendship zone! Girls cannot put you in the friendship zone if they know that clearly you fancy them; its make or break!
This is the best advice I’ve seen so far, thanks I’ll try acting on this.
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RandomTennisfan
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
You have just described a lot of highly attractive traits. From the little you've been able to tell us, you have a highly attractive "product" to sell.

With this being your 2nd year at uni, that's great news. Try to reinvent yourself a little bit for the start of the next academic year. Reinvent yourself - possibly in terms of the packaging (clothes, hairstyle), possibly in the way you sell yourself, possibly in including more women in your friendship circle.

When you say you're at a low ranking uni, do you mean in terms of the A level grades to get in? Or do you mean in terms of the ratio of males to females, with Loughborough being the worst of the lot? If it's in terms of the A level grades, then that's totally irrelevant when it comes to finding love.

Over the summer, if you can, get yourself a job in sales. Something like a sales person at a busy car dealership would be great.
It’s low ranking in terms of A level grades, and doesn’t have a very high ratio of male-female rationale. As it’s low ranking there seems to be a lot of “easy girls” as oppose to genuine ones, that’s what I have observed anyway.
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BROWNNEYEDBAKERR
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hey pm if you have questions but i think yo should just keep your options open
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mgi
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(Original post by RandomTennisfan)
This is the best advice I’ve seen so far, thanks I’ll try acting on this.
No problem. It does work and you still remain a nice guy!
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