Accepting loneliness: any tips? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Hello

I’ve been alone for many years. I have often been surrounded by fake friends and end up distancing myself from them when I realise their fake.

Over the years I’ve learnt of ways to cope with feeling lonely but the main one is keeping myself busy and not letting my mind wonder- expect for during mindfulness meditations (I should be doing this often but I don’t). Being physically tried also helps, going for runs or going a gym when it’s not busy*.

* I don’t do when it’s busy as my self confidence is non-existent at this point. I try and work on it but it just makes me cry. I’m also pretty anxious but am able to small talk stranger.

Does anyone have any other ways of dealing with loneliness? What do you do on the weekend to deal when there’s so much time- more work? A second job/ volunteering?
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babayaga
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hello

I’ve been alone for many years. I have often been surrounded by fake friends and end up distancing myself from them when I realise their fake.

Over the years I’ve learnt of ways to cope with feeling lonely but the main one is keeping myself busy and not letting my mind wonder- expect for during mindfulness meditations (I should be doing this often but I don’t). Being physically tried also helps, going for runs or going a gym when it’s not busy*.

* I don’t do when it’s busy as my self confidence is non-existent at this point. I try and work on it but it just makes me cry. I’m also pretty anxious but am able to small talk stranger.

Does anyone have any other ways of dealing with loneliness? What do you do on the weekend to deal when there’s so much time- more work? A second job/ volunteering?
this is a really good question, and it's something that I'm sure plenty of people have problems with but don't always seek out solutions for, in fear of being mocked. one way of dealing with feelings of loneliness is turning your attention to yourself and really think of ways you want to help yourself. You've already mentioned that you go to the gym sometimes, which is a fantastic hobby. i'm sure the more you do, the more confident you will get in those environments even when there are more people around. have a look online for good training regiments to keep it interesting and stop you getting bored of it.

as well as physical health it's always really important to focus on your mental health. keep yourself busy, but without overworking yourself to exhaustion. are there any things that you really wanted to learn to do? like learning a language, or even juggle? these types of self improvement with small noticeable improvements have been shown to really help with anxiety and confidence.

as your own health and confidence grows, it will show to other people, which is when you will start to have the right people gravitate towards you, instead of the types of people you mentioned have hung around you.

hope this has helped
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hello_shawn
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I'm hoping to volunteer somewhere over the summer. Or learn to cook, but I'd have to get over a miserly habit of not overspending on food
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ltsmith
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go to church
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Den987
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Volunteering or after school clubs could be an option. But you can also try getting a pet. An animal companion can ease stress and loneliness.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hello

I’ve been alone for many years. I have often been surrounded by fake friends and end up distancing myself from them when I realise their fake.

Over the years I’ve learnt of ways to cope with feeling lonely but the main one is keeping myself busy and not letting my mind wonder- expect for during mindfulness meditations (I should be doing this often but I don’t). Being physically tried also helps, going for runs or going a gym when it’s not busy*.

* I don’t do when it’s busy as my self confidence is non-existent at this point. I try and work on it but it just makes me cry. I’m also pretty anxious but am able to small talk stranger.

Does anyone have any other ways of dealing with loneliness? What do you do on the weekend to deal when there’s so much time- more work? A second job/ volunteering?
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keptinside
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You were born alone with no friends. You’re gonna die on your own. You could sleep through the night without friends. You could wake up without friends. This means you can adapt without them in your life. People don’t bring happiness to you. You just have to steal it. Once you realise you’re better off alone. You’ll be happy.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by nha.)
You were born alone with no friends. You’re gonna die on your own. You could sleep through the night without friends. You could wake up without friends. This means you can adapt without them in your life. People don’t bring happiness to you. You just have to steal it. Once you realise you’re better off alone. You’ll be happy.
Thanks

I’ve always been alone and it sometimes grips me in pain I can’t quite describe. I was in that place when I made this post.

But I do have a lot of self work to do and I owe myself that. Perhaps once I do that I’ll be happier.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by babayaga)
this is a really good question, and it's something that I'm sure plenty of people have problems with but don't always seek out solutions for, in fear of being mocked. one way of dealing with feelings of loneliness is turning your attention to yourself and really think of ways you want to help yourself. You've already mentioned that you go to the gym sometimes, which is a fantastic hobby. i'm sure the more you do, the more confident you will get in those environments even when there are more people around. have a look online for good training regiments to keep it interesting and stop you getting bored of it.

as well as physical health it's always really important to focus on your mental health. keep yourself busy, but without overworking yourself to exhaustion. are there any things that you really wanted to learn to do? like learning a language, or even juggle? these types of self improvement with small noticeable improvements have been shown to really help with anxiety and confidence.

as your own health and confidence grows, it will show to other people, which is when you will start to have the right people gravitate towards you, instead of the types of people you mentioned have hung around you.

hope this has helped
It has helped. Thank you. I do hope your right that the right type of people will gravitate towards me, but I doubt it. And it’s not me being negative it’s just that is an option and I need to work on myself to truly to be happy.

There are a few things I want to do. I have hobbies I’m never quite constant with and I will be picking them up again after my final exam in a couple days.

Again thank you for the post it’s helped a lot.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by hello_shawn)
I'm hoping to volunteer somewhere over the summer. Or learn to cook, but I'd have to get over a miserly habit of not overspending on food
Good luck! I hope it works out for you!
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Anonymous #2
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What *kind* of loneliness is it? I ask because there's loneliness in terms of friends, and there's loneliness in terms of say romantic relations, and there are people who feel alone despite having friends/romantic relations

I've had issues with loneliness in terms of romantic relations myself, and I guess I try and keep myself pre-occupied, however my goal is to try and be more confident in myself by losing 20Kg over a year. That, or surgery.... If you want friends, have you tried meetup?
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks for this. I start a new job soon and it involves a school- I do intend on being involved in clubs and after school actives to keep the weekdays busy. Hopefully I’ll keep my current job on the weekends or start to volunteer.

A pet isn’t an option at the moment. I don’t want to adopt one and be unable to afford vet bills it’s unfair on the animal.
(Original post by Den987)
Volunteering or after school clubs could be an option. But you can also try getting a pet. An animal companion can ease stress and loneliness.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ltsmith)
go to church
Thank you.
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keptinside
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks

I’ve always been alone and it sometimes grips me in pain I can’t quite describe. I was in that place when I made this post.

But I do have a lot of self work to do and I owe myself that. Perhaps once I do that I’ll be happier.
You can be better off alone. But sometimes loneliness strikes you. So in case you have a friend that will definitely be there for you when it’s affecting you. Like talk or hang out. It’d be a nice idea. Unless you guarantee that loneliness won’t affect you later.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by nha.)
You can be better off alone. But sometimes loneliness strikes you. So in case you have a friend that will definitely be there for you when it’s affecting you. Like talk or hang out. It’d be a nice idea. Unless you guarantee that loneliness won’t affect you later.
Thank you . As lovely as having a friend seems, for when it hits (or just to share life in general with) not a luxury I have.
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keptinside
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you . As lovely as having a friend seems, for when it hits (or just to share life in general with) not a luxury I have.
Try to find a friend. You can dm me. Ps many of tsr members would be glad to talk to you whenever you feel like it. I’m the first of them
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you . As lovely as having a friend seems, for when it hits (or just to share life in general with) not a luxury I have.
If you are at uni, you could house share? This helps to an extent.. More so, if you're NOT at uni imo, because everyone isn't as immature.
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tamil fever
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Read/Draw/Learn a new skill
Watch movies or learn a new language
Get a job and make friends and money there lol
Join a club-could be anything
My PM is always open and talk to people on TSR
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If you are at uni, you could house share? This helps to an extent.. More so, if you're NOT at uni imo, because everyone isn't as immature.
Thanks for this.

I’m finishing university I have one exam left. I have uni friends- we only talk about work and if we need help with it. It’s very brief. Otherwise we don’t talk.

I did try and ask them to meet outside of uni- venture into town etc. I hopped it would get us closer as friends, perhaps I was wrong. This happened twice and then I started to get turned down every time I asked- they had other commitments or would sit in library, work in silence or they would say yes but last minute something else would come up. (Town is a 5 minute walk from uni). I stopped asking and during our breaks we sat in the library and worked in silence before lectures and seminars started again for two years.

I did also live out during first year. But I changed uni to commute from home. The homesickness was awful and my mental health quickly declined. I made three friends there but none are in contact still. Perhaps if I stuck it out we would be friends. I’m not sure. Regardless no one from the first uni is contact. I did try for 6 months after I left, but my messages and phone calls got ignored. So I just stopped.

I live at home with my parents. Hearing them talk and get passionate about different topics helps me keep sane for the time being. The odd passing conversation greatly helps too.
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Anonymous #1
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Thank you. I do appreciate it a lot.
(Original post by nha.)
Try to find a friend. You can dm me. Ps many of tsr members would be glad to talk to you whenever you feel like it. I’m the first of them
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for this.

I’m finishing university I have one exam left. I have uni friends- we only talk about work and if we need help with it. It’s very brief. Otherwise we don’t talk.

I did try and ask them to meet outside of uni- venture into town etc. I hopped it would get us closer as friends, perhaps I was wrong. This happened twice and then I started to get turned down every time I asked- they had other commitments or would sit in library, work in silence or they would say yes but last minute something else would come up. (Town is a 5 minute walk from uni). I stopped asking and during our breaks we sat in the library and worked in silence before lectures and seminars started again for two years.

I did also live out during first year. But I changed uni to commute from home. The homesickness was awful and my mental health quickly declined. I made three friends there but none are in contact still. Perhaps if I stuck it out we would be friends. I’m not sure. Regardless no one from the first uni is contact. I did try for 6 months after I left, but my messages and phone calls got ignored. So I just stopped.

I live at home with my parents. Hearing them talk and get passionate about different topics helps me keep sane for the time being. The odd passing conversation greatly helps too.
I also just wanted to add I’m not ungrateful for my uni friends. Even though I was sitting with them in general silence I was very happy to be sat with them.

I have asked them out as exams are ending. But they have said no thank you. They have family events and other commitments along side summer jobs.

They did make my uni experience bearable so I’m very thankful for that.
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