20 and never been in a relationship Watch

Dawkinator
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The end of my time at my current uni is approaching, before I move back home for a masters/job. But I am feeling a bit down with myself. When I was younger I thought I would be fine when it came to relationships by my age. Now I'm 20 and still nothing! I did like someone in secondary school and told her, but it never really went anywhere after a year. I thought to myself that I might as well focus on studies, which I have sort of at uni. In my final year I did like someone and her friends were telling me to go for it, but then she rejected.

I'm not the type of person who goes out clubbing - if my mates say they want to I might go on occasion. But I'm sorry to say this but clubbing is full of drunk degenerates and a relationship will never materialise, so that's a no. I met the girl this year through a society, and that took a lot of time out of me and had an impact on my studies. So once she rejected I turned my back on societies. I'm fine with societies, but having to go through that specific one was quite a chore, and I didn't want to risk my studies further.

I wouldn't class myself as an extrovert as I do enjoy meeting people, but I'm certainly not the typical student - I've been told I'm 20 going on to 25 (which I'm fine with). I know this is a long statement, but the ultimate question is if I'm like this now, how will this change? Do I change, or wait for something to happen?

Note: https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=2262856 is very much like me.
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Anonymous #1
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You’re only 20. You probably feel like this because the people around you have relationships or do things but honestly it’s more common than you think to be single at 20 - 25. I’m 19 and I’ve never been in a relationship solely because I went to an all girls school and never really actively looked for relationship. If you were like 27 saying this I’d say maybe actively strongly put yourself out there but you’re only 20 lol. Society makes it seems like after you’re 18 you’re older than you actually are like you’re an adult but In actuality you’re closer to being a new born than you are to being retired at like 65. I think the age you’re truly like an adult not in terms of responsibility but age alone is like 30.

If you want a relationship go and look for one, get a dating app they’re not as bad as they seem it’s just getting in contact with someone or a wife pool of people online and meeting them in real life despite the judgers.

Ive been told i’m boring because I don’t go clubbing and go out to drink but that’s honestly just because it doesn’t interest me most of the time lol.

But you’re good man, don’t let it bother you
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Dawkinator
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You’re only 20. You probably feel like this because the people around you have relationships or do things but honestly it’s more common than you think to be single at 20 - 25. I’m 19 and I’ve never been in a relationship solely because I went to an all girls school and never really actively looked for relationship. If you were like 27 saying this I’d say maybe actively strongly put yourself out there but you’re only 20 lol. Society makes it seems like after you’re 18 you’re older than you actually are like you’re an adult but In actuality you’re closer to being a new born than you are to being retired at like 65. I think the age you’re truly like an adult not in terms of responsibility but age alone is like 30.

If you want a relationship go and look for one, get a dating app they’re not as bad as they seem it’s just getting in contact with someone or a wife pool of people online and meeting them in real life despite the judgers.

Ive been told i’m boring because I don’t go clubbing and go out to drink but that’s honestly just because it doesn’t interest me most of the time lol.

But you’re good man, don’t let it bother you
Thanks awfully for the advice, and the compliment at the end.

Yes, you are right that there are close friends in relationships and whatnot. But also the added 'pressure' of whenever I see my family and they ask me whether I'm with someone, I have to say no and laugh it off when deep down I know that everyone else in the family more or less found their other halves at uni (not saying I will) and said before I went to uni that I would. But hey, there was a small chance of that happening anyway.

I did try dating apps, eHarmony, match.com, even Tinder (god help me). I had a few good chats but my heart was not in it - I would love to find someone in person. And I'm not really great at opening lines. Also, one of the things I say is not to judge a book by its cover. But when you are on these apps (particularly Tinder), there's not a lot of choice for someone like me. Either I've my own standards (whether they are high or not) or I'm just too picky.

When people say I'm old for my age, I actually like it. But it does make it tough now to find someone. Perhaps when I am 25 I might, but I always remember people saying I would probably have to go through at least 1-2 people to find the right person. And I don't know if I have enough time considering I plan on getting married in/before my early 30s. But that's just me and if that hinders my chances so be it.
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(Original post by Dawkinator)
Thanks awfully for the advice, and the compliment at the end.

Yes, you are right that there are close friends in relationships and whatnot. But also the added 'pressure' of whenever I see my family and they ask me whether I'm with someone, I have to say no and laugh it off when deep down I know that everyone else in the family more or less found their other halves at uni (not saying I will) and said before I went to uni that I would. But hey, there was a small chance of that happening anyway.

I did try dating apps, eHarmony, match.com, even Tinder (god help me). I had a few good chats but my heart was not in it - I would love to find someone in person. And I'm not really great at opening lines. Also, one of the things I say is not to judge a book by its cover. But when you are on these apps (particularly Tinder), there's not a lot of choice for someone like me. Either I've my own standards (whether they are high or not) or I'm just too picky.

When people say I'm old for my age, I actually like it. But it does make it tough now to find someone. Perhaps when I am 25 I might, but I always remember people saying I would probably have to go through at least 1-2 people to find the right person. And I don't know if I have enough time considering I plan on getting married in/before my early 30s. But that's just me and if that hinders my chances so be it.
The glamourising and the having marriage as a standard is what’s ruining so much relationships and potential relationships in society. When I was younger I thought marriage was the thing like I find the love of my life marry them and stay with them for the rest of my life and go through all the ups and downs... but that’s really not how it needs to be.

I think dating apps are used casually but when they’re not used casually they’re used by people who want a relationship but something more genuine and something more meaningful for example meeting someone not because you want to date but because you are interested in having them in your life and then developing a relationship if that’s what it comes to (me) i think the whole seeking a relationship is where things feel pressurised and intense and disappointing. So my advice there is to meet new people and see it as just meeting new personalities and faces. And that way you’ll go through many people and sift and sort who you want in your life whether as friends or potential partners instead of seeking that one person and it not working out and then being discouraged.

With the family’s thing the only thing you can do is brush it off and not let it get to you, if you’re self secure and confident in yourself those kind of things won’t affect you, if you feel you need to work on yourself and be more comfortable and understanding of being alone in a place where others are together take time to do that. Pick up a hobby join a club meet people with common interests you’ll feel more content. Currently I’m looking for new friends I currently have 3 and I just need to meet new people so I’m trying and looking I use a friend app where I try and meet up with people and do fun things.

If you’re a person who sets goals for themselves (marriage by 30) set the dating thing as a goal but not I have to do this I have to date here more like I have to meet 3 new people this week or something like that.

But please don’t feel down about it trust me you’re 20 and you’re very young i’m only 19 and I understand now that society tries to make us feel old just you have to find it within yourself to be autonomous and work via your own rate and capability 💗
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Anonymous #2
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I have never been in a relationship either and I'm 20.

I'm a social, fun & outgoing person. So many good hobbies, interests and all that.

I have been approached by three guys at a nightclub but they were never my type.

I'll just continue waiting until I magically bump into one of those guys somewhere sometime lol.
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Anonymous #3
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I just turned 20 and I havent really been in a relationship either, this doesnt worry me as much as the fact that I feel like Ive wasted the very important last 10 years of my life being scared and anxious and most importantly lazy and therefore stopped myself from doing the things I wanted to do and completely derailed myself from my goals. I just wish I had a just do it attitude and that I could be 10 again with the knowledge I have now, I could flip the world upside down.

I guess what Im trying to say is that you just need to break free and keep trying instead of overthinking, rejections are a part of life and should be expected so keep trying
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Hmmmmmmm?
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Cheering you all on from the sideline!

(I am single, so I’m not being inconsiderate about you all still being single too, but since I’m living in the US, I can’t do really anything to help. I do hope people in the UK do find each other though. Clearly there are a lot of singles like us that are looking for each other and we just can’t seem to meet each other. Quite frustrating when you realize it. Perhaps there should be a giant get-together for everyone to have a better chance at finding other singles that would have mutual interest in each other. But that’s me just spit balling, all of you would have to try to do that yourselves if you really wanted to try to find someone in such a manner. Either way, best of luck. I really do hope we all find someone worth loving someday.)
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have never been in a relationship either and I'm 20.

I'm a social, fun & outgoing person. So many good hobbies, interests and all that.

I have been approached by three guys at a nightclub but they were never my type.

I'll just continue waiting until I magically bump into one of those guys somewhere sometime lol.
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Dunnig Kruger
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"But I'm sorry to say this but clubbing is full of drunk degenerates and a relationship will never materialise, so that's a no."

That is a very telling statement. Along with a few other things that you said, it indicates that you may have a too negative an outlook.
A reasonable proportion of the relationships that I have had and that my friends have had have originated during an alcohol fueled night out.
It's also overly negative to label people who go out clubbing as degenerates.

I was 19 before I had my first sexual relationship. She was a housemate of the girlfriend of the lad in the next room in my halls of residence. They met at a student bar and pool room. I met her at a student bar as part of a combined social groups' night out. We moved from being merely friends of friends to kissing each other at a student nightclub.

Being negative will reduce your chances of finding love.

" I met the girl this year through a society, and that took a lot of time out of me and had an impact on my studies"

This is another telling statement. There's a time and a place for everything. Your love life should have minimal impact or a positive impact on your professional life. Your love life should have a huge impact on how much time you spend watching TV or playing video games. It should be arranged around your studies and around around your work when you start that. The 2 can co-exist quite comfortably if you are properly organised and doing the right things at the right time.
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Analyst89
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You're only 20 years old. Relax.

Some very solid advice and suggestions posted on this thread already.

You have plenty of time to experience this.

Focus on your future, do things that make you happy, fill you with joy. Partake in your passions.

You can meet females through online dating, speed dating, joining clubs out of interest, going to bars, coffee shops, through education, work, your network, social circle and approaching.

Be confident in yourself and put your best self forward-dress well, groom well, have a good hairstyle.
Last edited by Analyst89; 1 month ago
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Dawkinator
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
"But I'm sorry to say this but clubbing is full of drunk degenerates and a relationship will never materialise, so that's a no."

That is a very telling statement. Along with a few other things that you said, it indicates that you may have a too negative an outlook.
A reasonable proportion of the relationships that I have had and that my friends have had have originated during an alcohol fueled night out.
It's also overly negative to label people who go out clubbing as degenerates.

I was 19 before I had my first sexual relationship. She was a housemate of the girlfriend of the lad in the next room in my halls of residence. They met at a student bar and pool room. I met her at a student bar as part of a combined social groups' night out. We moved from being merely friends of friends to kissing each other at a student nightclub.

Being negative will reduce your chances of finding love.

" I met the girl this year through a society, and that took a lot of time out of me and had an impact on my studies"

This is another telling statement. There's a time and a place for everything. Your love life should have minimal impact or a positive impact on your professional life. Your love life should have a huge impact on how much time you spend watching TV or playing video games. It should be arranged around your studies and around around your work when you start that. The 2 can co-exist quite comfortably if you are properly organised and doing the right things at the right time.
True - I was being a bit over the top with regard to those who go out clubbing, but I still maintain that finding someone on a student night out is not ideal.

Over the past few years I have become increasingly negative, particularly with regard to my own self image - I had a bad skin condition on my face which hindered me in my first year, but this made me realise that I need to take care of myself.

The girl that I met this year was through a society was alright, and over time the only reason I kept going was because of her (desperation - i know). Her mates said I should keep persisting with her, but she rejected any sort of relationship with anyone and that she was "kinda into girls" - whether she is a lesbian leaves me disappointed, but if she is lying then that's even worse and I thought that I wouldn't want to be with someone like that either way. And my efforts to meet up in the society and with the same people outside the society was fruitless. I'm not a gamer or anything - I do play from time to time - but with the addition of a new job this year and even more work, I couldn't afford to slack. So with the girl gone I stopped going to that society.

All in all, I'm not one to go out clubbing, and even if I am and I have the thought of meeting someone at a club, they would most likely have a personality completely opposite to mine.

But thanks for the advice.
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Anonymous #4
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I'm nearly 20 and I have never been in a relationship either. Neither have a lot of more friends. Honestly it's a lot more common than you think, don't beat yourself over it. Things will happen when you least expect it
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Dawkinator
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(Original post by Analyst89)
You're only 20 years old. Relax.

Some very solid advice and suggestions posted on this thread already.

You have plenty of time to experience this.

Focus on your future, do things that make you happy, fill you with joy. Partake in your passions.

You can meet females through online dating, speed dating, joining clubs out of interest, going to bars, coffee shops, through education, work, your network, social circle and approaching.

Be confident in yourself and put your best self forward-dress well, groom well, have a good hairstyle.
Yeah that is true, I am only 20. But everyday I think that my current self is the person I'll be like for the rest of my life, so if I can't find someone now even remotely like me, what's the chances of someone later on?

Also, I don't know if being male makes a difference? Please enlighten me females!
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Dawkinator
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(Original post by Hmmmmmmm?)
Cheering you all on from the sideline!

(I am single, so I’m not being inconsiderate about you all still being single too, but since I’m living in the US, I can’t do really anything to help. I do hope people in the UK do find each other though. Clearly there are a lot of singles like us that are looking for each other and we just can’t seem to meet each other. Quite frustrating when you realize it. Perhaps there should be a giant get-together for everyone to have a better chance at finding other singles that would have mutual interest in each other. But that’s me just spit balling, all of you would have to try to do that yourselves if you really wanted to try to find someone in such a manner. Either way, best of luck. I really do hope we all find someone worth loving someday.)
I would be more open to a speed dating/blind dating sort of thing than online dating. This 'giant get-together' sounds great but yeah as you said there's no chance of that happening.
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PTMalewski
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From my experience, you get used to that after passing 25 :]
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Anonymous #5
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Hey I just wanted to let you know that you’re not the only one in this situation. I am 21 and also graduating in a couple months time and I have yet to experience a relationship. I’ve slept with a couple people been on some one some very casual dates but nothing has ever happened for things to get serious and for commitment to occur. Please don’t put yourself down over this. There is so much more to life than being in a relationship and you should really just focus on being the absolute best version of yourself. For example I started putting in a lot of effort to improve my body by going to the gym everyday. Find something that you can focus on and watch how people suddenly enter your life. Nobody really plans to be in a relationship it just happens at one point or another. Best of luck
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