Is it okay to feel worried and jealous?? Watch

Mel40
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
My boyfriend is gone for a weekend trip to a music festival, i’m kinda jealous and worried that there are might be some girls hitting on him. I know i trust my boyfriend but i don't trust the people around him and his too nice and kind to ladies. I m kind of worried and paranoid about it i don’t know how i feel but I'm trying not to show it to him on text but inside me its just so much to take. When he bought that ticket to a music festival we've started Dating and i get it that he didn't ask me to come. I ask my concern here to at least hear other advice and opinion on what to do.
1
reply
hello_shawn
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
Jealousy ain't good. Eventually you'll realise that relationships aren't as necessary as being able to talk to people and respect them
2
reply
YaliaV
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
You don’t have the trust the girls around him. If he’s going to do something, he will do it. If he’s trustworthy, then you have nothing to worry about. Don’t let your insecurities rule you.
3
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
It's OK for you to feel jealous.

However you are slightly more likely to keep him faithful, or honest in the event of him cheating, if you do not show him any jealousy whatsoever.
Keep your jealousy 100% bottled up. No jealous texts. No jealous conversations.

Instead, act and speak like you are 100% secure in yourself and in him.

Send him off with your best wishes that he will enjoy himself.

That way you'll maximise his feelings of guilt in the event of him being tempted. Because he'll be thinking that you are such an angel that he'd have to be a despicable man to cheat on you.

Of course, he still might go ahead and cheat anyway. In that case at least it wasn't your fault. It was his. It was him being the way that he is. In which case you shouldn't beat yourself up about it as you got into a relationship on the basis of the information available to you. And that information didn't include whether he cheats at festivals or not.

If the worst happens it's not the end of the world. Even if your relationship with him ends, there's plenty more fish in the sea.

There's also the positive that he has an active social life. That's a good trait for him to have.
As well as the positve that he's an attractive enough package for other women to be attracted to him.
2
reply
Haider.alix
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
Jealousy is a killer. Relationships end because of jealous conflicts, and people kill other people because they are jealous.

Imagine this. You are at a party and someone is friendly and you smile. Your partner thinks that you are betraying her. Or your partner tells you a funny story about a former lover, and you feel threatened. You feel the anger and the anxiety rising inside you, and you don’t know what to do.Happens right?
1
reply
Mel40
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#6
Thanks for the advice guy’s
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
Last edited by Mel40; 1 month ago
0
reply
Mel40
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Haider.alix)
Jealousy is a killer. Relationships end because of jealous conflicts, and people kill other people because they are jealous.

Imagine this. You are at a party and someone is friendly and you smile. Your partner thinks that you are betraying her. Or your partner tells you a funny story about a former lover, and you feel threatened. You feel the anger and the anxiety rising inside you, and you don’t know what to do.Happens right?
Thats true, and thanks for that i know i shouldn’t be jealous but sometimes i cant control my mind of thinking stuff what his doing surrounded by half naked ladies. Anyways i can probably survive ‘till he gets back from that festival, i will just keep myself busy and distract myself on something to do.
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
0
reply
anosmianAcrimony
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Of course, he still might go ahead and cheat anyway. In that case at least it wasn't your fault. It was his. It was him being the way that he is. In which case you shouldn't beat yourself up about it as you got into a relationship on the basis of the information available to you. And that information didn't include whether he cheats at festivals or not.
Implying that cheating is ever anyone's fault other than that of the cheater?
2
reply
Mel40
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#9
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
It's OK for you to feel jealous.

However you are slightly more likely to keep him faithful, or honest in the event of him cheating, if you do not show him any jealousy whatsoever.
Keep your jealousy 100% bottled up. No jealous texts. No jealous conversations.

Instead, act and speak like you are 100% secure in yourself and in him.

Send him off with your best wishes that he will enjoy himself.

That way you'll maximise his feelings of guilt in the event of him being tempted. Because he'll be thinking that you are such an angel that he'd have to be a despicable man to cheat on you.

Of course, he still might go ahead and cheat anyway. In that case at least it wasn't your fault. It was his. It was him being the way that he is. In which case you shouldn't beat yourself up about it as you got into a relationship on the basis of the information available to you. And that information didn't include whether he cheats at festivals or not.

If the worst happens it's not the end of the world. Even if your relationship with him ends, there's plenty more fish in the sea.

There's also the positive that he has an active social life. That's a good trait for him to have.
As well as the positve that he's an attractive enough package for other women to be attracted to him.
Dunnig Kruger you are absolutely right. He knows how jealous i am and insecure but this point he did realize why i wasn’t that much jealous and worried about him cheating. All the time we we talk on the phone all i ask him if he is having fun, is everything okay, if did he ate already, and just keep saying i miss you and i love you those words makes him think that why i act so much way different now while his away. I guess because there’s nothing i can do if he will cheat he will do it anyways. All i have to do is to trust him as much as i can and i know he love me and i believe that if you love someone theres no way you will hurt him or her for someone else.
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
1
reply
Haider.alix
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
try out some yoga classes that would be helpful for you
(Original post by Mel40)
Thats true, and thanks for that i know i shouldn’t be jealous but sometimes i cant control my mind of thinking stuff what his doing surrounded by half naked ladies. Anyways i can probably survive ‘till he gets back from that festival, i will just keep myself busy and distract myself on something to do.
0
reply
Mel40
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#11
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#11
(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
Implying that cheating is ever anyone's fault other than that of the cheater?
I guess he meant that don’t put the blame on you if he will cheat he will do it anyway. Cheater always cheat
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#12
Report 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
It's OK for you to feel jealous.

However you are slightly more likely to keep him faithful, or honest in the event of him cheating, if you do not show him any jealousy whatsoever.
Keep your jealousy 100% bottled up. No jealous texts. No jealous conversations.

Instead, act and speak like you are 100% secure in yourself and in him.

Send him off with your best wishes that he will enjoy himself.

That way you'll maximise his feelings of guilt in the event of him being tempted. Because he'll be thinking that you are such an angel that he'd have to be a despicable man to cheat on you.

Of course, he still might go ahead and cheat anyway. In that case at least it wasn't your fault. It was his. It was him being the way that he is. In which case you shouldn't beat yourself up about it as you got into a relationship on the basis of the information available to you. And that information didn't include whether he cheats at festivals or not.

If the worst happens it's not the end of the world. Even if your relationship with him ends, there's plenty more fish in the sea.

There's also the positive that he has an active social life. That's a good trait for him to have.
As well as the positve that he's an attractive enough package for other women to be attracted to him.
This is a tad extreme. You're allowed to be crazy and jealousy is natural - if he's with you and has been with you for a while he probably already knows how you feel. If not just subtly let him know - I trust you and I don't want to feel this way but I love you and I'd hurt me if you did something. Just open up to him - guys like this because he gets to feel like hot **** and console you about your insecurities.
1
reply
Surnia
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 month ago
#13
If you're on your own for the weekend, is your boyfriend going to be worried and jealous that you've got boys hitting on you because he doesn't trust the people around you? What about when he's back from the festival? He could get women interested in him at work, or out shopping, or going for a walk in a park...

See? It can go both ways and it's going to get ridiculous if you worry about your boyfriend every time he does something on his own. Relationships don't work if there's no trust and you both need your own space as well; nothing worse than being clingy, and that will come over if it's 'did you do this, are you ok, miss you'. If your boyfriend is busy, be independent and do your own activities.
1
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
Implying that cheating is ever anyone's fault other than that of the cheater?
There are certain behaviours that will increase the chances of being cheated on.

I was using the word "fault" in the context of behaviours that increase the chances of something happening.
In the context of "Could I have done anything different that would have avoided this situation happening?"

In the same way that if someone never works with asbestos and never smokes and they get lung cancer, at least it wasn't their fault.
Whereas if someone smokes 40 cigarettes a day for 40 years...
1
reply
Oxford Mum
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#15
Report 1 month ago
#15
Hi Mel40,

He's probably just a regular, nice guy, who's kind to people in general. I work with the public, and try to be the nicest I can to everyone. They're always grumpy when they get through to me, and I try to make them laugh to put them at their ease. But people at work think I'm flirting (even when it's with the same sex - they just say they're open minded and I can flirt with whichever sex I like???!). My younger son is popular with the ladies, but only because he is charming and good looking. He never acts on it because he adores his amazing girlfriend, and would eat all his books before he even dreamed of cheating on her. Just enjoy your relationship, and don't worry unless you have something concrete to worry about.

I know it's hard, but please try not to be jealous. Otherwise you will turn into more of a nagging mother figure than an alluring girlfriend.

Just be grateful your boyfriend isn't a complete wazzock.

Best wishes and good luck.
(Original post by Mel40)
My boyfriend is gone for a weekend trip to a music festival, i’m kinda jealous and worried that there are might be some girls hitting on him. I know i trust my boyfriend but i don't trust the people around him and his too nice and kind to ladies. I m kind of worried and paranoid about it i don’t know how i feel but I'm trying not to show it to him on text but inside me its just so much to take. When he bought that ticket to a music festival we've started Dating and i get it that he didn't ask me to come. I ask my concern here to at least hear other advice and opinion on what to do.
2
reply
xoxAngel_Kxox
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#16
Report 1 month ago
#16
Hi,

I know what it feels like to worry about be jealous. In my case, it's not that I don't trust my boyfriend, it's just that I don't think I'm good enough for him - and I honestly believe that one day he'll meet someone who makes him realise this. I'm not suggesting he will cheat on me, just that he'll realise I'm not good enough.

But.. you have to let him live his life. If he wants to go out drinking or to festivals, you have to trust that he can do this without cheating on you. Or if you can't trust it, you have to learn to manage your feelings so you keep them to yourself. I know people who throw things at their partners during arguments like "I bet you slept with X that weekend" and that's just not cool.

Jealousy honestly does drive people apart, and you have to do absolutely everything that you possible can to avoid that from being the case. Work on your own feelings before you mention anything to him.
1
reply
Oxford Mum
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#17
Report 1 month ago
#17
I can remember a quote from the film "Stepford Wives", where the women were gorgeous high achievers, and the husbands were just regular guys. The guys were so insecure they turned their wives into simpering, air headed robots, who agreed with everything the husbands said and did. When the husbands explained that they only got to hold their wives' handbags, they said "what does that make us". Nicole Kidman, who played the lead actress, replied "Worthy". So you are worthy of your boyfriend. He chose you. When you feel worried, please hold on to that thought.
(Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
Hi,

I know what it feels like to worry about be jealous. In my case, it's not that I don't trust my boyfriend, it's just that I don't think I'm good enough for him - and I honestly believe that one day he'll meet someone who makes him realise this. I'm not suggesting he will cheat on me, just that he'll realise I'm not good enough.

But.. you have to let him live his life. If he wants to go out drinking or to festivals, you have to trust that he can do this without cheating on you. Or if you can't trust it, you have to learn to manage your feelings so you keep them to yourself. I know people who throw things at their partners during arguments like "I bet you slept with X that weekend" and that's just not cool.

Jealousy honestly does drive people apart, and you have to do absolutely everything that you possible can to avoid that from being the case. Work on your own feelings before you mention anything to him.
1
reply
Mel40
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#18
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#18
(Original post by Oxford Mum)
Hi Mel40,

He's probably just a regular, nice guy, who's kind to people in general. I work with the public, and try to be the nicest I can to everyone. They're always grumpy when they get through to me, and I try to make them laugh to put them at their ease. But people at work think I'm flirting (even when it's with the same sex - they just say they're open minded and I can flirt with whichever sex I like???!). My younger son is popular with the ladies, but only because he is charming and good looking. He never acts on it because he adores his amazing girlfriend, and would eat all his books before he even dreamed of cheating on her. Just enjoy your relationship, and don't worry unless you have something concrete to worry about.

I know it's hard, but please try not to be jealous. Otherwise you will turn into more of a nagging mother figure than an alluring girlfriend.

Just be grateful your boyfriend isn't a complete wazzock.

Best wishes and good luck.
Awww... thank you i’ll take that word from you..
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
Last edited by Mel40; 1 month ago
0
reply
Mel40
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#19
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#19
(Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
Hi,

I know what it feels like to worry about be jealous. In my case, it's not that I don't trust my boyfriend, it's just that I don't think I'm good enough for him - and I honestly believe that one day he'll meet someone who makes him realise this. I'm not suggesting he will cheat on me, just that he'll realise I'm not good enough.

But.. you have to let him live his life. If he wants to go out drinking or to festivals, you have to trust that he can do this without cheating on you. Or if you can't trust it, you have to learn to manage your feelings so you keep them to yourself. I know people who throw things at their partners during arguments like "I bet you slept with X that weekend" and that's just not cool.

Jealousy honestly does drive people apart, and you have to do absolutely everything that you possible can to avoid that from being the case. Work on your own feelings before you mention anything to him.
Thank you so much more power to you
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
0
reply
Mel40
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#20
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#20
(Original post by Surnia)
If you're on your own for the weekend, is your boyfriend going to be worried and jealous that you've got boys hitting on you because he doesn't trust the people around you? What about when he's back from the festival? He could get women interested in him at work, or out shopping, or going for a walk in a park...

See? It can go both ways and it's going to get ridiculous if you worry about your boyfriend every time he does something on his own. Relationships don't work if there's no trust and you both need your own space as well; nothing worse than being clingy, and that will come over if it's 'did you do this, are you ok, miss you'. If your boyfriend is busy, be independent and do your own activities.
Well its not that I’m not independent enough with out him,its just that i cant avoid to be jealous and worried .i guess its just normal when you love the person. And I’m kind of trying to work on my insecurities and jealousy. Even i felt that way i never let him know about it because it will sound ridiculous if his not doing anything for me to feel that way. I’d rather just keep it to myself and if one day my observation is right then thats the time i would probably reach out to him and talk things out.
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
Last edited by Mel40; 1 month ago
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Who do you think will be the next PM?

Boris Johnson (234)
72%
Jeremy Hunt (91)
28%

Watched Threads

View All