Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#1
Okay, so I have like serious issues talking to the other gender (guys).
The problem started in primary school where I used to get teased a lot by guys. It wasn't really bullying but it was enough to lower my self-esteem and avoid talking.

In secondary school, I was able to regain my confidence and start talking, however, it was on the condition it wasn't a guy. By separating it like that I was able to salvage whatever confidence I had.

However, I'm finishing school this year and I still can't, it's very very embarrassing. I'm not even thinking about this romantically or anything, I can barely talk to guys for normal things like 'hey can I borrow a pen'. It's so bad that people think I'm a lesbian, which I'm not against, it's just it's not true. And in college, I need to, you know, at least be able to talk to them.

In my mind, I'm for some reason convinced whatever I say they're going to just laugh at me despite the fact I know everyone's grown up from primary school...

Any advice on how to fix this?
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ayyyy.x
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, so I have like serious issues talking to the other gender (guys).
The problem started in primary school where I used to get teased a lot by guys. It wasn't really bullying but it was enough to lower my self-esteem and avoid talking.

In secondary school, I was able to regain my confidence and start talking, however, it was on the condition it wasn't a guy. By separating it like that I was able to salvage whatever confidence I had.

However, I'm finishing school this year and I still can't, it's very very embarrassing. I'm not even thinking about this romantically or anything, I can barely talk to guys for normal things like 'hey can I borrow a pen'. It's so bad that people think I'm a lesbian, which I'm not against, it's just it's not true. And in college, I need to, you know, at least be able to talk to them.

In my mind, I'm for some reason convinced whatever I say they're going to just laugh at me despite the fact I know everyone's grown up from primary school...

Any advice on how to fix this?
A majority of people have low confidence during secondary, trust me it is completely normal! Maybe it has been hard for you because you are so used to being in your own shell and not being able to just be yourself in front of guys. The beauty of college is that you meet so different people with different personalities/interest/hobbies so its all about you just being able to talk to people and finding out more about them. It does take time but you will get to the point in which you are able to find a group of people/individuals you can relate to and become friends with. Just remember not to have the same fear that you have had during secondary to affect you in a way that it might worse during college. Be yourself, be confident (not as easy as it sounds), and talk to as much people as you can.
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yzanne
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Just know that this phase will likely pass. Try forcing yourself to talk to as many boys as you can to gain confidence - what's the worst that can happen? If you're moving to college, you have nothing to lose by talking to the boys that you see everyday now. Ask them small things like, as you say, asking for a pen. It's all about practice and forcing yourself to ask them things. :yep:
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks, knowing that its normal help. It just feels like everyone I know is so much more confident so sometimes I feel like somewhere I did something wrong. I'll try my best I guess
(Original post by ayyyy.x)
A majority of people have low confidence during secondary, trust me it is completely normal! Maybe it has been hard for you because you are so used to being in your own shell and not being able to just be yourself in front of guys. The beauty of college is that you meet so different people with different personalities/interest/hobbies so its all about you just being able to talk to people and finding out more about them. It does take time but you will get to the point in which you are able to find a group of people/individuals you can relate to and become friends with. Just remember not to have the same fear that you have had during secondary to affect you in a way that it might worse during college. Be yourself, be confident (not as easy as it sounds), and talk to as much people as you can.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 months ago
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I guess the worst that could happen is I could be completely stupid and feel the cringe for the rest of my life, buuut that all me isn't it haha. I think I should try to step out the comfort zone, shouldn't I? Thanks for taking the time to give me advice
(Original post by yzanne)
Just know that this phase will likely pass. Try forcing yourself to talk to as many boys as you can to gain confidence - what's the worst that can happen? If you're moving to college, you have nothing to lose by talking to the boys that you see everyday now. Ask them small things like, as you say, asking for a pen. It's all about practice and forcing yourself to ask them things. :yep:
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ayyyy.x
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks, knowing that its normal help. It just feels like everyone I know is so much more confident so sometimes I feel like somewhere I did something wrong. I'll try my best I guess
Completely normal, I have friends who have had low self-esteem and surrounding themselves around positive and confident people have helped them a lot. Its all about finding the right type of friends and being comfortable around them, that is always the first step.
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apple32
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You should watch this video. You unknowingly created the situation you are in. When the boys in primary school teased you, you started to think to yourself it wasn't ok to talk to guys because they made you feel uncomfortable. What the woman in the video is telling people is that you programmed yourself with your thinking (of that patterned thinking over time). Therefore, you need to reprogram your mind to think the opposite when it comes to talking to boys. For you, I would say you need to tell yourself outloud (when alone) and in your thoughts, "It is OK for me to talk to guys. I am confident when talking to the opposite sex. Not all guys are like the boys that teased me in primary school. If someone does make me feel uncomfortable, I will excuse myself and walk away. " Just like you created the situation that made you afraid and uncomfortable to talk to boys through repeated thought patterns over time, you will also need to say the new affirmation over and over again everyday until you can talk to guys comfortably again.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, so I have like serious issues talking to the other gender (guys).
The problem started in primary school where I used to get teased a lot by guys. It wasn't really bullying but it was enough to lower my self-esteem and avoid talking.

In secondary school, I was able to regain my confidence and start talking, however, it was on the condition it wasn't a guy. By separating it like that I was able to salvage whatever confidence I had.
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Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
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Hey, thanks for the video! I haven't finished it yet but I started watching it and I am starting to get what she,and you, are saying. I'll try this out! I've never really said or thought like that before in that sort of way for things like this. But I definitely believe this can help because it reminded me of times when I was younger and wanted to skip school, I would just think 'I'm sick' over and over and I would legitimately get a fever! (only mild, but enough)
So thanks for the advice it's very encouraging
(Original post by apple32)
You should watch this video. You unknowingly created the situation you are in. When the boys in primary school teased you, you started to think to yourself it wasn't ok to talk to guys because they made you feel uncomfortable. What the woman in the video is telling people is that you programmed yourself with your thinking (of that patterned thinking over time). Therefore, you need to reprogram your mind to think the opposite when it comes to talking to boys. For you, I would say you need to tell yourself outloud (when alone) and in your thoughts, "It is OK for me to talk to guys. I am confident when talking to the opposite sex. Not all guys are like the boys that teased me in primary school. If someone does make me feel uncomfortable, I will excuse myself and walk away. " Just like you created the situation that made you afraid and uncomfortable to talk to boys through repeated thought patterns over time, you will also need to say the new affirmation over and over again everyday until you can talk to guys comfortably again.
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