I'm in a pretty sticky situation Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 months ago
#1
Okay so , a while back I was out with my friend clubbing. Then me and this guy (let's call him Ben) started kissing and he began making the next move by doing bits ((not in the club)).

I knew Ben from school ((4 years ago)) and I had him on social media but I had never spoken to him, nor was I aware of his life events etc. We were never close, I dont even think we said hello to each other.. also he never posts anything on social media, like its very very rare.

The day after the fooling around happened, I messaged my friend explaining what happened and how I was so confused as to how it happened. He was surprised and then explained to me how this Ben guy had a girlfriend. I was suprised, angry and I felt helpless. I wanted to message Ben explaining how I didnt know, I also wanted to message the girlfriend (who I didnt know at all) explaining what happened. But I felt it wasn't my place to say, so I left it.

Anyway, time goes by I forget about what happened. I get a message from a girl, who I didnt know, asking me what happened. I explained how I didnt know that Ben had a girlfriend and I wouldn't have done anything had I have known. She calls me a liar and what not..

I messaged the girlfriend, explaining how I didn't know and if I had known I wouldnt have done anything. I also told her how he never mentioned a girlfriend, and I also said I felt really bad about the situation.

She messages me back, saying how I was in the wrong and how I should have messaged her sooner - she also said how I shouldnt message her again. I respected her wishes and didn't message any further, granted I do wish I had messaged her sooner. But i felt it wasnt my place to say, and because I didnt know her i didnt want to come across like i was trying to brag or split the two up. I was very close to messaging Ben, but he had blocked me on everything before I could.

I wasnt aware that I knew one of the girlfriend's friends (becky) through one of my friends (Lauren). Becky told Lauren that she cant be friends with me because of what had happened.

I'm not going to lie to whoever may be reading this, but this whole situation is eating me alive and I feel so helpless within it. I feel so sick to my stomach and I just dony know what to do. My town is pretty small, so its inevitable that I'm going to bump into any of them. All this has given me mass anxiety about life, on top of depression and paranoia. I just feel like I needed to let all my emotions out in this forum. I understand the girlfriends point of view, and I understand Becky's reaction to the situation because shes just sticking up for her pal. But yeah , what do you guys think?
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grebnesieH
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#2
Report 8 months ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay so , a while back I was out with my friend clubbing. Then me and this guy (let's call him Ben) started kissing and he began making the next move by doing bits ((not in the club)).

I knew Ben from school ((4 years ago)) and I had him on social media but I had never spoken to him, nor was I aware of his life events etc. We were never close, I dont even think we said hello to each other.. also he never posts anything on social media, like its very very rare.

The day after the fooling around happened, I messaged my friend explaining what happened and how I was so confused as to how it happened. He was surprised and then explained to me how this Ben guy had a girlfriend. I was suprised, angry and I felt helpless. I wanted to message Ben explaining how I didnt know, I also wanted to message the girlfriend (who I didnt know at all) explaining what happened. But I felt it wasn't my place to say, so I left it.

Anyway, time goes by I forget about what happened. I get a message from a girl, who I didnt know, asking me what happened. I explained how I didnt know that Ben had a girlfriend and I wouldn't have done anything had I have known. She calls me a liar and what not..

I messaged the girlfriend, explaining how I didn't know and if I had known I wouldnt have done anything. I also told her how he never mentioned a girlfriend, and I also said I felt really bad about the situation.

She messages me back, saying how I was in the wrong and how I should have messaged her sooner - she also said how I shouldnt message her again. I respected her wishes and didn't message any further, granted I do wish I had messaged her sooner. But i felt it wasnt my place to say, and because I didnt know her i didnt want to come across like i was trying to brag or split the two up. I was very close to messaging Ben, but he had blocked me on everything before I could.

I wasnt aware that I knew one of the girlfriend's friends (becky) through one of my friends (Lauren). Becky told Lauren that she cant be friends with me because of what had happened.

I'm not going to lie to whoever may be reading this, but this whole situation is eating me alive and I feel so helpless within it. I feel so sick to my stomach and I just dony know what to do. My town is pretty small, so its inevitable that I'm going to bump into any of them. All this has given me mass anxiety about life, on top of depression and paranoia. I just feel like I needed to let all my emotions out in this forum. I understand the girlfriends point of view, and I understand Becky's reaction to the situation because shes just sticking up for her pal. But yeah , what do you guys think?
Tbh just stop giving a sh*t. You didnt do much wrong, and if they are accusing you then just ignore them. Sometimed in life, not caring is a valuable skill.
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RazzzBerries
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Hopefully1
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#4
Report 8 months ago
#4
You did nothing wrong!!!! Ben wasn't an active part of your life before this mess and although Lauren was your friend it doesn't like a particularly close friendship. I think you move on with your life. You know the truth. You were right it was definitely NOT your place to tell the girlfriend. HE cheated you didn't. Even IF you had known he had a girlfriend he chose to kiss and take things further by his own free will. You were not in a relationship w/ the girlfriend - he was the one who needed to be honest with her. The guys a cheater. Odds are strong that he'll cheat w/ someone else again in the future.
He's probably also not the kind of guy who takes responsibility so created a scenario where you were at fault (you weren't). I'd let the two of them (Ben and his gf) hash things out w/ each other and you stay out of it. If fact I'd block the gf from being able to contact you further. Again, you did nothing wrong, and you don't need this unnecessary stress added to your life.
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Anonymous #2
#5
Report 8 months ago
#5
You weren’t to know. I feel the girlfriends putting the blame on you as it’s much easier for her as she obviously still loves her boyfriend and naturally wants to defend him instead of accepting he is in the wrong. As for your friend, if she’s a really good friend and you value each other’s friendship she will have her own mind and make her own decisions.
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Hmmmmmmm?
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay so , a while back I was out with my friend clubbing. Then me and this guy (let's call him Ben) started kissing and he began making the next move by doing bits ((not in the club)).

I knew Ben from school ((4 years ago)) and I had him on social media but I had never spoken to him, nor was I aware of his life events etc. We were never close, I dont even think we said hello to each other.. also he never posts anything on social media, like its very very rare.

The day after the fooling around happened, I messaged my friend explaining what happened and how I was so confused as to how it happened. He was surprised and then explained to me how this Ben guy had a girlfriend. I was suprised, angry and I felt helpless. I wanted to message Ben explaining how I didnt know, I also wanted to message the girlfriend (who I didnt know at all) explaining what happened. But I felt it wasn't my place to say, so I left it.

Anyway, time goes by I forget about what happened. I get a message from a girl, who I didnt know, asking me what happened. I explained how I didnt know that Ben had a girlfriend and I wouldn't have done anything had I have known. She calls me a liar and what not..

I messaged the girlfriend, explaining how I didn't know and if I had known I wouldnt have done anything. I also told her how he never mentioned a girlfriend, and I also said I felt really bad about the situation.

She messages me back, saying how I was in the wrong and how I should have messaged her sooner - she also said how I shouldnt message her again. I respected her wishes and didn't message any further, granted I do wish I had messaged her sooner. But i felt it wasnt my place to say, and because I didnt know her i didnt want to come across like i was trying to brag or split the two up. I was very close to messaging Ben, but he had blocked me on everything before I could.

I wasnt aware that I knew one of the girlfriend's friends (becky) through one of my friends (Lauren). Becky told Lauren that she cant be friends with me because of what had happened.

I'm not going to lie to whoever may be reading this, but this whole situation is eating me alive and I feel so helpless within it. I feel so sick to my stomach and I just dony know what to do. My town is pretty small, so its inevitable that I'm going to bump into any of them. All this has given me mass anxiety about life, on top of depression and paranoia. I just feel like I needed to let all my emotions out in this forum. I understand the girlfriends point of view, and I understand Becky's reaction to the situation because shes just sticking up for her pal. But yeah , what do you guys think?
Sounds like life put you in a position of pure chaotic trouble that you can’t really get yourself out of. Other than simply stating that it does suck to be in a place like this, one couldn’t blame you. You had no clue that there was a girlfriend and you weren’t responsible for damages done by your actions because of this. If you do lose a friend, I’m sorry about that. Clearly they’d rather ignore the fact that you didn’t mean to cause anyone harm rather than stick by your side and help you feel better for something that shouldn’t even be associated as your fault.
It’s crummy, but some people would rather blame everyone involved for something that upsets them in life rather than look at things logically and realize that the people they thought they knew aren’t who they thought they were.

I hope things work out for you or at least smooth out to be less of a burden.
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Molseh
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#7
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It's mental how a woman always blames the other woman instead of her partner in these situation.
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sinfonietta
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#8
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You didn't do anything wrong.

In the unfortunate event that this ever happens again tell her to go yell at her boyfriend instead. You acting guilty just makes her feel justified in taking it out on you.
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Uphystar
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay so , a while back I was out with my friend clubbing. Then me and this guy (let's call him Ben) started kissing and he began making the next move by doing bits ((not in the club)).

I knew Ben from school ((4 years ago)) and I had him on social media but I had never spoken to him, nor was I aware of his life events etc. We were never close, I dont even think we said hello to each other.. also he never posts anything on social media, like its very very rare.

The day after the fooling around happened, I messaged my friend explaining what happened and how I was so confused as to how it happened. He was surprised and then explained to me how this Ben guy had a girlfriend. I was suprised, angry and I felt helpless. I wanted to message Ben explaining how I didnt know, I also wanted to message the girlfriend (who I didnt know at all) explaining what happened. But I felt it wasn't my place to say, so I left it.

Anyway, time goes by I forget about what happened. I get a message from a girl, who I didnt know, asking me what happened. I explained how I didnt know that Ben had a girlfriend and I wouldn't have done anything had I have known. She calls me a liar and what not..

I messaged the girlfriend, explaining how I didn't know and if I had known I wouldnt have done anything. I also told her how he never mentioned a girlfriend, and I also said I felt really bad about the situation.

She messages me back, saying how I was in the wrong and how I should have messaged her sooner - she also said how I shouldnt message her again. I respected her wishes and didn't message any further, granted I do wish I had messaged her sooner. But i felt it wasnt my place to say, and because I didnt know her i didnt want to come across like i was trying to brag or split the two up. I was very close to messaging Ben, but he had blocked me on everything before I could.

I wasnt aware that I knew one of the girlfriend's friends (becky) through one of my friends (Lauren). Becky told Lauren that she cant be friends with me because of what had happened.

I'm not going to lie to whoever may be reading this, but this whole situation is eating me alive and I feel so helpless within it. I feel so sick to my stomach and I just dony know what to do. My town is pretty small, so its inevitable that I'm going to bump into any of them. All this has given me mass anxiety about life, on top of depression and paranoia. I just feel like I needed to let all my emotions out in this forum. I understand the girlfriends point of view, and I understand Becky's reaction to the situation because shes just sticking up for her pal. But yeah , what do you guys think?
If they're not going to stick by you they're not worth it. But the situation is in no way your fault. There's not much you can do but live and learn.
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Largest Bob
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#10
Report 8 months ago
#10
don't blame yourself, this Lauren if she's not going to be friends with you express that its her decision as your friend to only do what she herself wants and for what you've done you should accept whatever decision she makes
(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay so , a while back I was out with my friend clubbing. Then me and this guy (let's call him Ben) started kissing and he began making the next move by doing bits ((not in the club)).

I knew Ben from school ((4 years ago)) and I had him on social media but I had never spoken to him, nor was I aware of his life events etc. We were never close, I dont even think we said hello to each other.. also he never posts anything on social media, like its very very rare.

The day after the fooling around happened, I messaged my friend explaining what happened and how I was so confused as to how it happened. He was surprised and then explained to me how this Ben guy had a girlfriend. I was suprised, angry and I felt helpless. I wanted to message Ben explaining how I didnt know, I also wanted to message the girlfriend (who I didnt know at all) explaining what happened. But I felt it wasn't my place to say, so I left it.

Anyway, time goes by I forget about what happened. I get a message from a girl, who I didnt know, asking me what happened. I explained how I didnt know that Ben had a girlfriend and I wouldn't have done anything had I have known. She calls me a liar and what not..

I messaged the girlfriend, explaining how I didn't know and if I had known I wouldnt have done anything. I also told her how he never mentioned a girlfriend, and I also said I felt really bad about the situation.

She messages me back, saying how I was in the wrong and how I should have messaged her sooner - she also said how I shouldnt message her again. I respected her wishes and didn't message any further, granted I do wish I had messaged her sooner. But i felt it wasnt my place to say, and because I didnt know her i didnt want to come across like i was trying to brag or split the two up. I was very close to messaging Ben, but he had blocked me on everything before I could.

I wasnt aware that I knew one of the girlfriend's friends (becky) through one of my friends (Lauren). Becky told Lauren that she cant be friends with me because of what had happened.

I'm not going to lie to whoever may be reading this, but this whole situation is eating me alive and I feel so helpless within it. I feel so sick to my stomach and I just dony know what to do. My town is pretty small, so its inevitable that I'm going to bump into any of them. All this has given me mass anxiety about life, on top of depression and paranoia. I just feel like I needed to let all my emotions out in this forum. I understand the girlfriends point of view, and I understand Becky's reaction to the situation because shes just sticking up for her pal. But yeah , what do you guys think?
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