Been on 5 dates not sure its going anywhere, do I start seeing 2nd girl I'm texting
Just want to make clear first I’m not a lad that usually messages multiple girls and I’m really not sure how I’ve suddenly gone to 2 when I’ve spent most of my life not messaging any!
So I met a girl on a dating site at the start of April and since then we have been on a variety of different dates including drinks out, meals, and one was bowling. She always seems eager to meet up when I ask but on the actual dates themselves we seem to just be too friendly and I end up talking to her like I would my mates. We’ve kissed obviously and on the last date which was Saturday night we ‘made out’ briefly at the end, but nothing more. The issue is I’m quite shy, and she also seems shy too so neither of us are making a bold move. The slow dates don’t particularly bother me as I understand some things take longer than others especially with shyer people, but the thing that alarms me most is her lack of responses in text. She often goes a full day without messaging, but the current run is the worst as she hasn’t even got back to me since the last date yet! I sent her a message at 2am on Saturday night saying I really enjoyed the date and hope she did too, to which she read it (whatsapp) but didn’t respond. Then on Sunday night I sent her another asking how her day went, which she currently hasn’t replied to either! Plus in the dates she seems even shyer than me, like I was often putting my arm round her but she was just sat there and not doing the same. And we also ended up in a club, I was trying to dance with her but she wasn't really having it and was saying "I'm too sober to dance". Not sure if thats her been shy or not interested..
Usually I wouldn’t be rushing and would just ‘see how it goes’ but a week last Friday (10th Apr) I met a girl on a night out (something which never happens to me
) who I got on really well with and she has been texting me eagerly since, and seems genuinely interested. Part of me wants to go on a date with her and see how it goes but in my opinion if you’ve been on 5 dates with a girl and are still considering dating others too, then that shows that the dating with the original girl can’t be going that well.
I’m not sure I could be a lad that dates both at once, so my dilemma at the moment is whether to keep going with the one I’ve been on 5 dates with (eventhough it’s going very slow and she’s not replied to me for 2 days since the last date). Or to give up with that one and ask the 2nd girl if she wants to meet up? She’s still replying to me but her messages are becoming more and more brief which makes me think shes losing interest, therefore I’d have to act fast.
I’m thinking of asking 1 of them out this weekend, but not sure which route to take. The best plan I had was to make my feelings clear to the first girl and ask if she’d want to make things official, and then only move on the 2nd if she says no. But if she can’t even text me for 2 full days after a date then I think I may know what the answer is already.
The worry I have is that the 2nd girl is going to stop messaging if I don’t ask her on a date soon, and then if it does all fall through with the 1st one then I could end up in a position where I’ve lost both.
So I met a girl on a dating site at the start of April and since then we have been on a variety of different dates including drinks out, meals, and one was bowling. She always seems eager to meet up when I ask but on the actual dates themselves we seem to just be too friendly and I end up talking to her like I would my mates. We’ve kissed obviously and on the last date which was Saturday night we ‘made out’ briefly at the end, but nothing more. The issue is I’m quite shy, and she also seems shy too so neither of us are making a bold move. The slow dates don’t particularly bother me as I understand some things take longer than others especially with shyer people, but the thing that alarms me most is her lack of responses in text. She often goes a full day without messaging, but the current run is the worst as she hasn’t even got back to me since the last date yet! I sent her a message at 2am on Saturday night saying I really enjoyed the date and hope she did too, to which she read it (whatsapp) but didn’t respond. Then on Sunday night I sent her another asking how her day went, which she currently hasn’t replied to either! Plus in the dates she seems even shyer than me, like I was often putting my arm round her but she was just sat there and not doing the same. And we also ended up in a club, I was trying to dance with her but she wasn't really having it and was saying "I'm too sober to dance". Not sure if thats her been shy or not interested..
Usually I wouldn’t be rushing and would just ‘see how it goes’ but a week last Friday (10th Apr) I met a girl on a night out (something which never happens to me
) who I got on really well with and she has been texting me eagerly since, and seems genuinely interested. Part of me wants to go on a date with her and see how it goes but in my opinion if you’ve been on 5 dates with a girl and are still considering dating others too, then that shows that the dating with the original girl can’t be going that well.I’m not sure I could be a lad that dates both at once, so my dilemma at the moment is whether to keep going with the one I’ve been on 5 dates with (eventhough it’s going very slow and she’s not replied to me for 2 days since the last date). Or to give up with that one and ask the 2nd girl if she wants to meet up? She’s still replying to me but her messages are becoming more and more brief which makes me think shes losing interest, therefore I’d have to act fast.
I’m thinking of asking 1 of them out this weekend, but not sure which route to take. The best plan I had was to make my feelings clear to the first girl and ask if she’d want to make things official, and then only move on the 2nd if she says no. But if she can’t even text me for 2 full days after a date then I think I may know what the answer is already.
The worry I have is that the 2nd girl is going to stop messaging if I don’t ask her on a date soon, and then if it does all fall through with the 1st one then I could end up in a position where I’ve lost both.
Well, as you're not official with girl #1 there is no harm in seeing where things with girl #2 might go.
I have a couple of friends who suffer from anxiety and once they've gotten past a certain number of dates (4-5) they start backing away. It usually leaves the guy confused. It is really due to the girl's general social anxiety and expectations - but truthfully not being ready to be in a real relationship plays a roll as well. I suspect that is what you are finding with girl #1. Even if she was just shy if she was keen she'd respond in a reasonable about of time - a few hours max. I think if she was keen she'd engage in more texting in general wanting to keep the conversation going. You could text her again and see if she responds but if it goes another day then I'd suggest you move on from that girl regardless of girl #2.
It sounds like there might have been a mutual spark w/ girl #2. Text her and perhaps ask if she would want to meet for coffee - keep it simple. If she's interested she'll definitely meet up or find a way to reschedule if her schedule doesn't permit. For now I vote girl #2 - but you're right you don't want her to lose interest..... and you don't owe #1 anything. (I definitely wouldn't ask #1 about being official if she isn't even bothering to respond to texts).
I have a couple of friends who suffer from anxiety and once they've gotten past a certain number of dates (4-5) they start backing away. It usually leaves the guy confused. It is really due to the girl's general social anxiety and expectations - but truthfully not being ready to be in a real relationship plays a roll as well. I suspect that is what you are finding with girl #1. Even if she was just shy if she was keen she'd respond in a reasonable about of time - a few hours max. I think if she was keen she'd engage in more texting in general wanting to keep the conversation going. You could text her again and see if she responds but if it goes another day then I'd suggest you move on from that girl regardless of girl #2.
It sounds like there might have been a mutual spark w/ girl #2. Text her and perhaps ask if she would want to meet for coffee - keep it simple. If she's interested she'll definitely meet up or find a way to reschedule if her schedule doesn't permit. For now I vote girl #2 - but you're right you don't want her to lose interest..... and you don't owe #1 anything. (I definitely wouldn't ask #1 about being official if she isn't even bothering to respond to texts).
I was in the same situation when in my 20s. I had been dating a guy for 2 years, but for several reasons was not happy. Then I met a guy via a friend who was much keener than him ( I suspected boy no 1 was cheating and his car always came before me)
I arranged to meet boy no 2 and had to make a very fast decision. After a couple of days with him, I finished with boy number one. He said he had almost asked proposed to me, but he could have just been saying that to keep me.
I married boy number 2 and it turned out to be a disaster, but marrying boy number one wouldn’t have worked either.
I would say meet girl number two, but don’t string along either of them if you can help it. Make a decision based on both girls personalities and who you would prefer to be with in the immediate/ long term
I arranged to meet boy no 2 and had to make a very fast decision. After a couple of days with him, I finished with boy number one. He said he had almost asked proposed to me, but he could have just been saying that to keep me.
I married boy number 2 and it turned out to be a disaster, but marrying boy number one wouldn’t have worked either.
I would say meet girl number two, but don’t string along either of them if you can help it. Make a decision based on both girls personalities and who you would prefer to be with in the immediate/ long term
Original post by Anonymous
Just want to make clear first I’m not a lad that usually messages multiple girls and I’m really not sure how I’ve suddenly gone to 2 when I’ve spent most of my life not messaging any!
So I met a girl on a dating site at the start of April and since then we have been on a variety of different dates including drinks out, meals, and one was bowling. She always seems eager to meet up when I ask but on the actual dates themselves we seem to just be too friendly and I end up talking to her like I would my mates. We’ve kissed obviously and on the last date which was Saturday night we ‘made out’ briefly at the end, but nothing more. The issue is I’m quite shy, and she also seems shy too so neither of us are making a bold move. The slow dates don’t particularly bother me as I understand some things take longer than others especially with shyer people, but the thing that alarms me most is her lack of responses in text. She often goes a full day without messaging, but the current run is the worst as she hasn’t even got back to me since the last date yet! I sent her a message at 2am on Saturday night saying I really enjoyed the date and hope she did too, to which she read it (whatsapp) but didn’t respond. Then on Sunday night I sent her another asking how her day went, which she currently hasn’t replied to either! Plus in the dates she seems even shyer than me, like I was often putting my arm round her but she was just sat there and not doing the same. And we also ended up in a club, I was trying to dance with her but she wasn't really having it and was saying "I'm too sober to dance". Not sure if thats her been shy or not interested..
Usually I wouldn’t be rushing and would just ‘see how it goes’ but a week last Friday (10th Apr) I met a girl on a night out (something which never happens to me) who I got on really well with and she has been texting me eagerly since, and seems genuinely interested. Part of me wants to go on a date with her and see how it goes but in my opinion if you’ve been on 5 dates with a girl and are still considering dating others too, then that shows that the dating with the original girl can’t be going that well.
I’m not sure I could be a lad that dates both at once, so my dilemma at the moment is whether to keep going with the one I’ve been on 5 dates with (eventhough it’s going very slow and she’s not replied to me for 2 days since the last date). Or to give up with that one and ask the 2nd girl if she wants to meet up? She’s still replying to me but her messages are becoming more and more brief which makes me think shes losing interest, therefore I’d have to act fast.
I’m thinking of asking 1 of them out this weekend, but not sure which route to take. The best plan I had was to make my feelings clear to the first girl and ask if she’d want to make things official, and then only move on the 2nd if she says no. But if she can’t even text me for 2 full days after a date then I think I may know what the answer is already.
The worry I have is that the 2nd girl is going to stop messaging if I don’t ask her on a date soon, and then if it does all fall through with the 1st one then I could end up in a position where I’ve lost both.
So I met a girl on a dating site at the start of April and since then we have been on a variety of different dates including drinks out, meals, and one was bowling. She always seems eager to meet up when I ask but on the actual dates themselves we seem to just be too friendly and I end up talking to her like I would my mates. We’ve kissed obviously and on the last date which was Saturday night we ‘made out’ briefly at the end, but nothing more. The issue is I’m quite shy, and she also seems shy too so neither of us are making a bold move. The slow dates don’t particularly bother me as I understand some things take longer than others especially with shyer people, but the thing that alarms me most is her lack of responses in text. She often goes a full day without messaging, but the current run is the worst as she hasn’t even got back to me since the last date yet! I sent her a message at 2am on Saturday night saying I really enjoyed the date and hope she did too, to which she read it (whatsapp) but didn’t respond. Then on Sunday night I sent her another asking how her day went, which she currently hasn’t replied to either! Plus in the dates she seems even shyer than me, like I was often putting my arm round her but she was just sat there and not doing the same. And we also ended up in a club, I was trying to dance with her but she wasn't really having it and was saying "I'm too sober to dance". Not sure if thats her been shy or not interested..
Usually I wouldn’t be rushing and would just ‘see how it goes’ but a week last Friday (10th Apr) I met a girl on a night out (something which never happens to me
) who I got on really well with and she has been texting me eagerly since, and seems genuinely interested. Part of me wants to go on a date with her and see how it goes but in my opinion if you’ve been on 5 dates with a girl and are still considering dating others too, then that shows that the dating with the original girl can’t be going that well.I’m not sure I could be a lad that dates both at once, so my dilemma at the moment is whether to keep going with the one I’ve been on 5 dates with (eventhough it’s going very slow and she’s not replied to me for 2 days since the last date). Or to give up with that one and ask the 2nd girl if she wants to meet up? She’s still replying to me but her messages are becoming more and more brief which makes me think shes losing interest, therefore I’d have to act fast.
I’m thinking of asking 1 of them out this weekend, but not sure which route to take. The best plan I had was to make my feelings clear to the first girl and ask if she’d want to make things official, and then only move on the 2nd if she says no. But if she can’t even text me for 2 full days after a date then I think I may know what the answer is already.
The worry I have is that the 2nd girl is going to stop messaging if I don’t ask her on a date soon, and then if it does all fall through with the 1st one then I could end up in a position where I’ve lost both.
Girl 1 wanted you to "pull the trigger"
You might have waited too long and sounds like she's bored. She's definitely got other guys lined up. Seeing as it looks like the ship has sailed on this one, see how things go with girl number 2.
Why would you want to ask the first girl to be official with you? It doesn't sound like there is any spark there and making her your girlfriend won't change things. You'd be better off just ending things with her entirely and finding someone new - whether girl #2 or someone else.
Thanks GreenBell. I think that's the worst part that is making me doubt this so much, if she was genuinely interested surely she would have woke up the next morning after the date eagerly wanting to send me a 'really enjoyed last night' message. The fact she hasn't made the effort to send anything that makes me feel it didn't mean that much to her.
Original post by GreenBell
I think you should pick girl 2. Girl 1 didn’t even reply back saying she enjoyed your date and then she ignored you... as a girl I wouldn’t do that if I’m interested in a guy.
Ask the second girl and wait for the first to respond to you!
And let us know what happens next!!
Ask the second girl and wait for the first to respond to you!
And let us know what happens next!!
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks GreenBell. I think that's the worst part that is making me doubt this so much, if she was genuinely interested surely she would have woke up the next morning after the date eagerly wanting to send me a 'really enjoyed last night' message. The fact she hasn't made the effort to send anything that makes me feel it didn't mean that much to her.
Yes, def! No matter how shy a person is, they will still message you. Good luck with the second girl.
You've said it felt like you were hanging out with a mate on your dates with the first girl, I think this is a clear indicator that the two of you work better as friends. As much as you like someone, you can't force a romantic connection if there isn't one. I would take a chance with the second girl but make sure you're completely transparent and honest with both of them. No good leading either of them on when you're not sure.
So an update on the situation. I never heard back from girl #1, part of me thought about messaging her in the middle of the week asking what's up but I thought against it as if I'm having to chase at this stage then it's not really working. Instead I asked girl #2 on a date and we're meeting up tomorrow for a meal and drinks! It's early days but already she seems invested in it, like she was out with a few friends on Friday but she had a quiet night and sent me a text saying 'saving myself for Sunday 
'. Will have to see how it goes!
'. Will have to see how it goes!So glad the decision seems to have been made for you! Fingers crossed girl number two is nicer. Good luck, and let us know how you get on!
Original post by Anonymous
So an update on the situation. I never heard back from girl #1, part of me thought about messaging her in the middle of the week asking what's up but I thought against it as if I'm having to chase at this stage then it's not really working. Instead I asked girl #2 on a date and we're meeting up tomorrow for a meal and drinks! It's early days but already she seems invested in it, like she was out with a few friends on Friday but she had a quiet night and sent me a text saying 'saving myself for Sunday '. Will have to see how it goes!
'. Will have to see how it goes!Quick Reply
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