Sexual abuse, depression and Islam Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
I’m currently 18, in college.
I’m an Indian Muslim like the rest of my family. When I was younger, a male cousin sexually abused me for months. I’ve been getting these memories of stuff that happened as a kid. I’m retaking last years a levels in a different college because of random reasons that aren’t that serious or relevant. Anyway because of this, I cannot focus. I’ve had some exams and they were terrible because all I can focus on is shame and guilt.

I have questions. Has any Asian or Muslim ever come out to their parents that a family member has abused them? How did they react?

Also, here’s the biggest bit. I don’t pray. I don’t practice my religion. I fast without praying or reading Quran. Why? I’ve forgotten how to do it. I don’t know how to do anything. I stopped praying after I became severely depressed last year about different reasons, and lost my connection with Islam. Now, my faith and love for Allah has grown stronger than ever. But I’m ashamed I cannot pray. Is there any online course or anything that can help me learn FROM SCRATCH how to read Arabic and how to pray and learn surahs?

Please no one judge me. I want to finish, don’t judge my story but listen to my ending now.

If you are not Muslim or Asian and have nothing nice to say, please don’t.
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keptinside
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m currently 18, in college.
I’m an Indian Muslim like the rest of my family. When I was younger, a male cousin sexually abused me for months. I’ve been getting these memories of stuff that happened as a kid. I’m retaking last years a levels in a different college because of random reasons that aren’t that serious or relevant. Anyway because of this, I cannot focus. I’ve had some exams and they were terrible because all I can focus on is shame and guilt.

I have questions. Has any Asian or Muslim ever come out to their parents that a family member has abused them? How did they react?

Also, here’s the biggest bit. I don’t pray. I don’t practice my religion. I fast without praying or reading Quran. Why? I’ve forgotten how to do it. I don’t know how to do anything. I stopped praying after I became severely depressed last year about different reasons, and lost my connection with Islam. Now, my faith and love for Allah has grown stronger than ever. But I’m ashamed I cannot pray. Is there any online course or anything that can help me learn FROM SCRATCH how to read Arabic and how to pray and learn surahs?

Please no one judge me. I want to finish, don’t judge my story but listen to my ending now.

If you are not Muslim or Asian and have nothing nice to say, please don’t.
Yep there are many sites to learn you from scratch. About revising and past memories, you gotta know that it’ll be hard to forget such stuffs. So all you gotta do is try and get over it. You have nothing to do with the past as it’s a different phase from now. You’re in the present. So focus on your studies. Believe me you’re gonna regret it more later if you didn’t study well, knowing it will only get worse and worse if you tend to build your upcoming future on your past memories. Just put a block, and start a new track now toward your goals. Idk if telling your parents would be a good idea. You gotta believe that, the more you gonna stop moving forward because of what happened, the worse the things will get. So just work on making things better, starting from your studies.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by nha.)
Yep there are many sites to learn you from scratch. About revising and past memories, you gotta know that it’ll be hard to forget such stuffs. So all you gotta do is try and get over it. You have nothing to do with the past as it’s a different phase from now. You’re in the present. So focus on your studies. Believe me you’re gonna regret it more later if you didn’t study well, knowing it will only get worse and worse if you tend to build your upcoming future on your past memories. Just put a block, and start a new track now toward your goals. Idk if telling your parents would be a good idea. You gotta believe that, the more you gonna stop moving forward because of what happened, the worse the things will get. So just work on making things better, starting from your studies.
If you were in my position, you wouldn’t tell your parents?
Are there any particular websites you recommend?
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MJlover
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Aww so sorry that you're going through this difficult time. Have you spoken to anyone close and parents about this experience?

Its up to you, but speaking can help, and even more useful could be getting counselling or psychological input for the issues this trauma has caused.

As for doing salaat, here is a reliable easy to follow guide from wiki how. I love their guides for stuff as its so straight forward and easy to use.

https://www.wikihow.com/Pray-in-Islam

Also for learning surahs from the Qur'an from start, here is a useful PDF file for the transliteration - which is just the Arabic words of the Qur'an spelled out with English letters, of Surah Fatiha, which is mandatory to read in every salat.

There is a content page on the PDF to find Surah Fatiha spelled out in English letters:

http://jamialuton.org/wp-content/upl...literation.pdf

EDIT: Thats the PDF ^

If thats too difficult to memorize given ur doing exams, why not have the audio of Surah fatiha on repeat in the background of you salat and whenever u need to read it, just say it after the audio:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HISH9_C8yYE

I'm praying for u OP
Last edited by MJlover; 3 weeks ago
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keptinside
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If you were in my position, you wouldn’t tell your parents?
Are there any particular websites you recommend?
Nah I’d not tell my parents. Tho so many people will advise you to tell them so they can help you. But personally, I wouldn’t if I were in your position. Everyone got his own stuffs to worry about. Not gonna make them worried about my stuffs.

https://sufism.org/salaat/salaat-2

http://www.islamguiden.com/tajweed/read_quran.pdf

http://www.quranreading.com/Tajweed-Quran

There are some channels on yt with Quran ready and English sub. Check Mishary Al-Afasy
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ah18212
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I think it depends how close you are to the cousin, are you still in contact with he/she? How often do you see them... I think that there are pros and cons to telling your parents, will these memories still affect you in 10 years time? If not, then it's best to leave the information from your parents' ears.

Have you got a mosque near you? You'd be surprised as to how keen some brothers/sisters are to help another person in faith with their deen. Approach someone or even the imam and tell them that you've forgotten everything and they'll try direct you in the right direction.

Please also private message me, it is a very sensitive subject and I feel like I can help but not in such a public manner.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by MJlover)
Aww so sorry that you're going through this difficult time. Have you spoken to anyone close and parents about this experience?

Its up to you, but speaking can help, and even more useful could be getting counselling or psychological input for the issues this trauma has caused.

As for doing salaat, here is a reliable easy to follow guide from wiki how. I love their guides for stuff as its so straight forward and easy to use.

https://www.wikihow.com/Pray-in-Islam

Also for learning surahs from the Qur'an from start, here is a useful PDF file for the transliteration - which is just the Arabic words of the Qur'an spelled out with English letters, of Surah Fatiha, which is mandatory to read in every salat.

There is a content page on the PDF to find Surah Fatiha spelled out in English letters:

http://jamialuton.org/wp-content/upl...literation.pdf

EDIT: Thats the PDF ^

If thats too difficult to memorize given ur doing exams, why not have the audio of Surah fatiha on repeat in the background of you salat and whenever u need to read it, just say it after the audio:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HISH9_C8yYE

I'm praying for u OP
Thank you so much, genuinely that PDF is so useful. I have spoken to a close friend recently, who’s been helping me a lot. But when I started talking to her about it it made me realize that I don’t want to be stuck, I feel liberated when I don’t have to hide it in shame. That’s why I’m considering talking to my parents, but maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea as another poster says
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ah18212)
I think it depends how close you are to the cousin, are you still in contact with he/she? How often do you see them... I think that there are pros and cons to telling your parents, will these memories still affect you in 10 years time? If not, then it's best to leave the information from your parents' ears.

Have you got a mosque near you? You'd be surprised as to how keen some brothers/sisters are to help another person in faith with their deen. Approach someone or even the imam and tell them that you've forgotten everything and they'll try direct you in the right direction.

Please also private message me, it is a very sensitive subject and I feel like I can help but not in such a public manner.
I will PM you tomorrow thank you!
This all actually happened to me ten years ago, so it’s been going on for a while. I see him maybe once a month. The thing is, I’m too embarrassed to go to a Mosque especially because they all know me and my family
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by nha.)
Nah I’d not tell my parents. Tho so many people will advise you to tell them so they can help you. But personally, I wouldn’t if I were in your position. Everyone got his own stuffs to worry about. Not gonna make them worried about my stuffs.

https://sufism.org/salaat/salaat-2

http://www.islamguiden.com/tajweed/read_quran.pdf

http://www.quranreading.com/Tajweed-Quran

There are some channels on yt with Quran ready and English sub. Check Mishary Al-Afasy
Thank you for the resources
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verycoolperson
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Assalamu Alaikum, i would advise you to read the transliteration while listening to the recitation of someone which is clear for you, that way you can read the arabic in english text as well as pronounce it correctly, if you do this for the short surats in the Qur'an it will be easier and quicker than learning how to read it, you can learn how to read it after memorising the surats the main thing you should focus on is pronouncing it properly even if its a short surah

i dont know how you would deal with your sexual abuse sorry but im sure others here will give u some beneficial advice
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Anonymous #2
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Hi, sorry this is so late I only just saw this now and pretty much the exact same happened to me. I was only 8 years old and in my case it also went on for months, maybe even a year, and to this day sometimes when I eat or try to sleep I get flashbacks and memories. He was my dad's friends son, so like a cousin, not that much older maybe 11/12.
I am also Muslim and I don't pray 5 times a day. I still pray to Allah to help me get better and for help. At the moment I'm 16 but I haven't been to the doctor and been diagnosed with anything but I'm always really anxious and feel everything that happened is my fault, even thought it really wasn't. I always feel that there's something wrong with me and I go days with not much food and if I do eat, I end up throwing it up.
I also can't go to my parents for help for obvious reasons but I do find talking to people I trust other than my parents really does help.
If you have time to read this let me know so I can give you my @ and you can follow me so you can remain anonymous and we can talk xx. I'm getting better in terms of the memories but no so much with the eating issues
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m currently 18, in college.
I’m an Indian Muslim like the rest of my family. When I was younger, a male cousin sexually abused me for months. I’ve been getting these memories of stuff that happened as a kid. I’m retaking last years a levels in a different college because of random reasons that aren’t that serious or relevant. Anyway because of this, I cannot focus. I’ve had some exams and they were terrible because all I can focus on is shame and guilt.

I have questions. Has any Asian or Muslim ever come out to their parents that a family member has abused them? How did they react?

Also, here’s the biggest bit. I don’t pray. I don’t practice my religion. I fast without praying or reading Quran. Why? I’ve forgotten how to do it. I don’t know how to do anything. I stopped praying after I became severely depressed last year about different reasons, and lost my connection with Islam. Now, my faith and love for Allah has grown stronger than ever. But I’m ashamed I cannot pray. Is there any online course or anything that can help me learn FROM SCRATCH how to read Arabic and how to pray and learn surahs?

Please no one judge me. I want to finish, don’t judge my story but listen to my ending now.

If you are not Muslim or Asian and have nothing nice to say, please don’t.
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CHANELDIAMONDS
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holy **** so sorry to hear that. i never told anyone irl except my doctor then somehow my whole family found out. if it were up to me i’d never tell them because i don’t have that trust. but you should for sure. i wish my love for islam grew
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MyPathwayToMed
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Hi, I was in the exact position are in last year. I had completely forgotten about it but something must have triggered it and I was getting flashbacks and it seriously messed with me. I stopped praying and I was crying every time and I hated myself so much. But for me telling my mum got me on my feet again. Me and my mum just have that relationship where we tell everything to each other. Defo tell someone. If you cant tell ur mum tell a friend or family member u can. talking about it with someone u care about honestly helps u get past it and this is me an pakistani muslim girl doing her a levels telling u from my own personal experience. Once I had spoken about It I really finally managed to get a grasp on life. I put my trust in allah and just lived life again. theres no point stopping to live life because of something that wasn't ur fault. im not gunna lie. it was hard and it took effort. and no u never forget about it. but u learn to cope and u learn to live and soon its just something that stays in the back of ur mind. trust me.

Edit: Because it was something really hard to talk about. I didn't tell my mum because I couldn't cuz I didn't k what she would think. so I got someone else to tell her and then after she knew I was able to talk to her properly about it. Its not easy and it is scary but just go through with it. it is totally worth it.
Last edited by MyPathwayToMed; 2 weeks ago
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win011
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Good to hear that your finding your back brother, start off by spreading kindness from your heart. Even a little smile at a stranger passing by might change their day. Allah loves those who loves his creations.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m currently 18, in college.
I’m an Indian Muslim like the rest of my family. When I was younger, a male cousin sexually abused me for months. I’ve been getting these memories of stuff that happened as a kid. I’m retaking last years a levels in a different college because of random reasons that aren’t that serious or relevant. Anyway because of this, I cannot focus. I’ve had some exams and they were terrible because all I can focus on is shame and guilt.

I have questions. Has any Asian or Muslim ever come out to their parents that a family member has abused them? How did they react?

Also, here’s the biggest bit. I don’t pray. I don’t practice my religion. I fast without praying or reading Quran. Why? I’ve forgotten how to do it. I don’t know how to do anything. I stopped praying after I became severely depressed last year about different reasons, and lost my connection with Islam. Now, my faith and love for Allah has grown stronger than ever. But I’m ashamed I cannot pray. Is there any online course or anything that can help me learn FROM SCRATCH how to read Arabic and how to pray and learn surahs?

Please no one judge me. I want to finish, don’t judge my story but listen to my ending now.

If you are not Muslim or Asian and have nothing nice to say, please don’t.

I am really sorry for what you have been through and I recommed you to at least talk to a friend or maybe even a teacher you can trust.As an Asian I can tell you that I personally would not tell my famliy about the abuse. Especially in Asian and muslim families thats very difficult. Often the person who was abused gets blamed. And about the religious aspect I think its better to move on without this religion. Believe me it will only cause more problems in your life. The indoctrination did not work with me because I dont blindly believe in things. Islam is just a misogynistic barbaric religion. Dont waste your time praying and doing the other nonsense. I strongly recommened you to watch mimzy vid.She is a former muslim and is really educated about Islam and very honest.
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