Is it immoral to ask my boyfriend to cut down on weed?

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artemis-h
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My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years, and I love him very much and we have lots of fun together. However in the past year he has recently started smoking weed a lot more than he used to, he smokes nearly everyday and in the daytime as well as the evening. I don't mind if he smokes occasionally with his friends, but I cannot stand the concept of having 'druggy' boyfriend who smokes this often.
When he is high he becomes annoying and vacant, and he knows it makes me unhappy yet he continues to do it (despite countless broken promises that he would cut down).
I know it is wrong to try and change someone for who they are, and that I should love him as he is. I also don't want to act as a third parent, or for him to miss out on fun times with friends because i wont let him smoke with them. However, I cannot stand the idea that he would choose this drug over me. I can nearly always tell when he is high (i think) even though sometimes he tries to deny it.
He has agreed to cut down to smoking a couple of times a week, although I am not sure how long this will last. Is it wrong of me to ask this? Should i leave him ( i really dont want to do this) if he cant cut down because I dont want a stoner for a boyfriend?
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aleksandrad
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Girl time means nothing, pick him up on it.
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aleksandrad
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Also, if he only has fun with his friends when smoking, I think he needs new friends
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lucayah
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leave him be
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JSG29
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No, it's not immoral. He is hurting you through his actions.


(Original post by artemis-h)
I know it is wrong to try and change someone for who they are, and that I should love him as he is.
Just no. This is not trying to change who he is (and you are under no obligation to love him as he is anyway). He is continuing to do something, even though he knows that it is hurting you for him to do it. That means that he is the one in the wrong.

(Original post by artemis-h)
Should i leave him ( i really dont want to do this) if he cant cut down because I dont want a stoner for a boyfriend?
That is a question only you can answer. Is it a perfectly reasonable reason to leave someone? Yes. Does that mean you have to leave him? No. IMO if you explain to him how he is hurting you and he won't cut down (promises mean nothing if they aren't backed up with actions) you should leave him, because he is at that point choosing to hurt you. However, bear in mind that I am a stranger on the internet who doesn't know either of you personally. I can't (and won't try to) tell you what to do, but don't hurt yourself because you think you should stay with him. Stay with him if you want to, leave him if you want to.
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Bazinga987
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Stay with him it’s obvs just a phase, give hime time, try getting him to cut down slow
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