Virgin @ 28, feel low and like I’m missing out/falling behind

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
I have become obsessed with the fact that I am still a virgin at the age of 28 and Nearly everyday of my life I unfortunately end up saying to myself ‘I can’t believe I am this age and still haven’t had sex’ sometimes i even wake up in the night with this thought. Ironically I could have gotten laid many times over the years and especially in the first couple years of uni but when I was younger fordyce spots held me back as I never wanted her to see them.

They don’t bother me now but i have also had a tight foreskin for years, it’s a bit better now but is another factor that held me back before. And my general body image also holds me back unfortunately, having slight gynoclmastia, I feel uncomfortable being bare chested in front of anyone. When I turned 28 I realised that these are all problems that have affected my life for sadly 10 years and now I see how out of control this has gotten.

Unfortunately some recent events with some close ‘friends’ who dissected the truth have left me feeling even worse about the situation and have had a profound effect on my general mental well being. To make matters worse I lost my mother a few years ago and for 2 years I experienced a low period where I ended up pretty down, I didn’t get professional help with it and maybe I should have,I ended up not having a job and a lot of free time and in this period I felt like I lost ambition to get with a girl, but in the last year or so I have regained momentum, getting back into work has helped.

But I don’t want to just hit up tinder to get a girl as I want a relationship I think and not a fling, and just hooking up with a girl for a fling knowing she is probably doing it with several guys is not what’s I want to know. When I meet a girl I like and we start hanging out, I feel like I have a habit of staying too much in the sort of ‘friend zone’ which stops me from making a proper move. It also feels horrible to think of people who are so casual about sex, I sort of hate the idea of f*@k buddies or something. It also feels strange to see people my age around me having a kid or getting married and in contrast I’m not and I spend the majority of my time alone and essential I feel defeated by my fear and sometimes I have even felt like it is not going to happen. I need to change.

I came on here and wrote this as I just want some support and guidance, sometimes I have ended up becoming addicted to porn which in turn often ends up making me feel worse. I just want some help and reassurance. I’d say I I fit the ‘tall, dark and handsome ‘category and if you really want to know when I get super excited my part is big! Should I just snap out of it and stop being so hard on myself? I’d love to get some help and guidance from you. Thanks
Last edited by Analyst89; 2 years ago
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parmezanne
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#2
Report 2 years ago
#2
I think absolutely you're being too hard on yourself and I think you've done a marvelous job so far, giving the circumstances such as losing your mother. I am so sorry to hear it - I can't imagine what that pain even begins to feel like.

I think when the time is right, you will lose it. Are you completely against casual sex or would you be willing to have casual for the first time, and then afterwards settle down with someone?

Remember it's only the biggest deal in your head. No-one would be that obsessed with your personal life that they are constantly thinking about how you're a virgin. Also, you're not alone. You'd be suprised how many people are your age and have also not had sex
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mgi
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#3
Report 2 years ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have become obsessed with the fact that I am still a virgin at the age of 28 and Nearly everyday of my life I unfortunately end up saying to myself ‘I can’t believe I am this age and still haven’t had sex’ sometimes i even wake up in the night with this thought. Ironically I could have gotten laid many times over the years and especially in the first couple years of uni but when I was younger fordyce spots held me back as I never wanted her to see them. They don’t bother me now but i have also had a tight foreskin for years, it’s a bit better now but is another factor that held me back before. And my general body image also holds me back unfortunately, having slight gynoclmastia, I feel uncomfortable being bare chested in front of anyone. When I turned 28 I realised that these are all problems that have affected my life for sadly 10 years and now I see how out of control this has gotten. Unfortunately some recent events with some close ‘friends’ who dissected the truth have left me feeling even worse about the situation and have had a profound effect on my general mental well being. To make matters worse I lost my mother a few years ago and for 2 years I experienced a low period where I ended up pretty down, I didn’t get professional help with it and maybe I should have,I ended up not having a job and a lot of free time and in this period I felt like I lost ambition to get with a girl, but in the last year or so I have regained momentum, getting back into work has helped.But I don’t want to just hit up tinder to get a girl as I want a relationship I think and not a fling, and just hooking up with a girl for a fling knowing she is probably doing it with several guys is not what’s I want to know. When I meet a girl I like and we start hanging out, I feel like I have a habit of staying too much in the sort of ‘friend zone’ which stops me from making a proper move. It also feels horrible to think of people who are so casual about sex, I sort of hate the idea of f*@k buddies or something. It also feels strange to see people my age around me having a kid or getting married and in contrast I’m not and I spend the majority of my time alone and essential I feel defeated by my fear and sometimes I have even felt like it is not going to happen. I need to change and I came on here and wrote this as I just want some support and guidance, sometimes I have ended up becoming addicted to porn which in turn often ends up making me feel worse. I just want some help and reassurance. I’d say I I fit the ‘tall, dark and handsome ‘category and if you really want to know when I get super excited my part is big! Should I just snap out of it and stop being so hard on myself? I’d love to get some help and guidance from you. Thanks
You need to stop obsessing about sex and go back to the basics of making friends with people including girls. Why didn't you get circumcised? Why don't you go for relationship counselling as well. Going into the" friendship zone" is about not being clear that you fancy someone and not telling them!
Stop being so negative. Get busy. Get some hobbies.
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watershower
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#4
Report 2 years ago
#4
Hello,

No one in this world is alone, so trust me, someone out there is having the same thoughts as you now. It’s sad to hear your mother passed, but just imagine what she wants from you and allow that to fuel you to better yourself.

I think you need to work on your self image and mental state first. You don’t sound very confident in yourself and one thing all girls love is confidence. Get some hobbies like going to the gym or cycling and out yourself out there more. Treat yourself, get a hair cut, a new wardrobe, and make yourself feel good.

Once that’s done, don’t focus on getting straight into relationship, start as friends first, and if you do end up liking her, flirt, be brave, express your interest so she stops seeing you as a friend. If she still does, that’s okay too, just move on. If you aren’t 100% opposed to casual sex, have some! It can really build your confidence and experience, but don’t make yourself uncomfortable.

This stuff takes time and it’s okay that you had a little bump in your journey. It shouldn’t stop you. Carry on being yourself and you will find the girl of your dreams someday, there’s no rush! Best of luck x
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themajestic.raee
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#5
Report 2 years ago
#5
Dude, don't be too hard on yourself. You'll find the girl of your dreams, it's not too late. And don't feel so bad about still being a virgin. You've got a life ahead of you. Chase your dreams, have loads of fun with your friends. Make the best of it count! I always believed sex would be after marriage, but trust me, there's really nothing wrong with being a 28 y/o virgin. You've got high chances till 40 or more. You'll get there, and the right person will get to you. Sex isn't the most amazing thing in this world, trust me. There's way more to discover, so live your life to the fullest. But still, go for the fling. The right fling and the perfect one, with the right girl. Who knows?
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BoyHasABoyfriend
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#6
Report 2 years ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have become obsessed with the fact that I am still a virgin at the age of 28 and Nearly everyday of my life I unfortunately end up saying to myself ‘I can’t believe I am this age and still haven’t had sex’ sometimes i even wake up in the night with this thought. Ironically I could have gotten laid many times over the years and especially in the first couple years of uni but when I was younger fordyce spots held me back as I never wanted her to see them. They don’t bother me now but i have also had a tight foreskin for years, it’s a bit better now but is another factor that held me back before. And my general body image also holds me back unfortunately, having slight gynoclmastia, I feel uncomfortable being bare chested in front of anyone. When I turned 28 I realised that these are all problems that have affected my life for sadly 10 years and now I see how out of control this has gotten. Unfortunately some recent events with some close ‘friends’ who dissected the truth have left me feeling even worse about the situation and have had a profound effect on my general mental well being. To make matters worse I lost my mother a few years ago and for 2 years I experienced a low period where I ended up pretty down, I didn’t get professional help with it and maybe I should have,I ended up not having a job and a lot of free time and in this period I felt like I lost ambition to get with a girl, but in the last year or so I have regained momentum, getting back into work has helped.But I don’t want to just hit up tinder to get a girl as I want a relationship I think and not a fling, and just hooking up with a girl for a fling knowing she is probably doing it with several guys is not what’s I want to know. When I meet a girl I like and we start hanging out, I feel like I have a habit of staying too much in the sort of ‘friend zone’ which stops me from making a proper move. It also feels horrible to think of people who are so casual about sex, I sort of hate the idea of f*@k buddies or something. It also feels strange to see people my age around me having a kid or getting married and in contrast I’m not and I spend the majority of my time alone and essential I feel defeated by my fear and sometimes I have even felt like it is not going to happen. I need to change and I came on here and wrote this as I just want some support and guidance, sometimes I have ended up becoming addicted to porn which in turn often ends up making me feel worse. I just want some help and reassurance. I’d say I I fit the ‘tall, dark and handsome ‘category and if you really want to know when I get super excited my part is big! Should I just snap out of it and stop being so hard on myself? I’d love to get some help and guidance from you. Thanks
I really think you need to put yourself out there and try to regain your confidence. A myth that often holds men back from having sexual relationships is the idea that you need to be some sort of Adonis in order to have sex. In fact many of the fat, ugly or hairy men you know have happy, healthy relationships. In order to have sex it is more important to be confident in yourself, than to actually be a 6 pack wielding god. I have found that amongst male virgins often what holds them back is an 'imposter syndrome', in which they feel as though they aren't good enough to have sex. It is therefore key that you put yourself out there confidently and unashamedly so that you can find a girl who loves you.
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Analyst89
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#7
Report 2 years ago
#7
I'm sorry for everything that you have experienced.

As another said stop focusing constantly on sex and focus on making friendships, especially with men which will help.

Grow your self confidence-hit the gym, work, focus on the positives, be optimistic, be with positive people, achieve, progress, do what makes you happy, remember your happy times, join a club.

There are many ways to meet females and that is through online dating, speed dating, joining social clubs, going to bars, coffee shops, through your social circle, network, work and approach them.

Be your best self.
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username4521132
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#8
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#8
quit porn ,get on nofap. go on reddit nofap and look for stories of other late 20s virgins who finally lost and they tell u what they did
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Anonymous #2
#9
Report 2 years ago
#9
I am 24, female and feel the same as you. I’ve never been on a real serious relationship and feel that time is running out. I’ve been out on several dates but somehow I always get too invested and the guy starts ignoring me (hard truth). I’ve tried doing what other have suggested and ignoring the fact that I’m single and won’t find anyone but it’s always so annoying seeing your friends and close ones in a relationship, I want to know how that feels like and how being in love is.

Get to know people, go out and socialise and hopefully the right girl will be out there for you.
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mgi
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#10
Report 2 years ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I am 24, female and feel the same as you. I’ve never been on a real serious relationship and feel that time is running out. I’ve been out on several dates but somehow I always get too invested and the guy starts ignoring me (hard truth). I’ve tried doing what other have suggested and ignoring the fact that I’m single and won’t find anyone but it’s always so annoying seeing your friends and close ones in a relationship, I want to know how that feels like and how being in love is.

Get to know people, go out and socialise and hopefully the right girl will be out there for you.
24 is no age to be concerned. Just work on yourself ,enjoy making friends and you will find someone. The strange thing is that you have to never give up and also keep your eyes open for the right person. Be clear about the type of person you would like and also check out your own qualities because like seems to attract like in relationships!
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