Could someone please mark this 16 mark History essay? Watch

liaente
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Hello, I'm doing Edexcel, and frankly I don't really have a clue on how to structure my work. If anyone would be very kind to send me a guide, or even tips on how to structure for a guarantee to achieve grade 9 I'd be ever so grateful. I really would love a structure for "12 marks" and "16 marks"
I'm doing: Option 10: Crime and punishment and White chapel

If anyone also has any connections with people who would be able to help me out, or a thread where this could receive more notice I'd very much appreciate it
If anyone could also mark this essay, that'd be wonderful. Please tell me what I could do better to get a grade 9.

‘The main purpose of punishment during the period c1000–c1700 was to deter
people from committing crimes.’
How far do you agree? Explain your answer.
(16)
You may use the following in your answer:
• corporal punishment
• the introduction of transportation
You must also use information of your own.

Answer:
Initially, deterrence only held a proportion of the purpose of punishment. Other factors include: retribution and rehabilitation.

The most common form of punishment for petty crime was public humiliation through stocks and pillories. This effectively deterred people from committing crimes, especially during 1000-1066. During this time, there were small, tight-knit communities where everyone relied on each other. Through public disapproval and shame on oneself, offenders usually embarrassed their families and were considered deviant.

Subsequently, the methods of punishment such as transportation did serve to deter others but also mainly to rehabilitate them. It was believed, especially in the Christian society of England, that everyone was not born evil, and that everyone has 'some good' in them. In this way, transportation isolates them from people who had contributed to their criminal ways in their life. It allows a chance of reflection of their actions. Furthermore, through the hard labour in Australia, it deterred many people from the fear of the unknown and hearing about the cruel conditions offenders had to endure in the hulks for 9 months.

Furthermore, another form of punishment was through retribution. Typically, there were many blood feuds and also fines known as 'wergild'. Blood feuds allowed individuals in the community to punish criminals they believe deserved suffering. Usually a murder only bred another murder which spiraled into a continuous vicious cycle of killings. Consequently, fines or 'wergild' deployed a form of compensation to the victim which effectively acted as retribution. For example, a hand or leg would cost a fixed amount of money - and in this way, the victim was able to 'get back' at the offender through payment.

To further support the evidence of rehabilitation and also deterrence, the crime of vagrancy elucidates how society treated these people. The Poor Law was established, and through the distinguished features of the "able-bodied", "not able-bodied" and just "vagrants", it allowed people to be helped rather than physically punished. Poor relief was collected and most of this went to provide support for the 'deserving poor', providing them materials such as cloth to sell. There were also wages given for apprenticeships to encourage people to help others train - and this successfully rehabilitated people. Though "vagrants" were seen as idle, and this was harshly frowned upon. They were whipped and bored, and through this sort of corporal punishment it acted as a deterrent.

In conclusion, deterrence was not the only form of punishment - though it was the most common in the era of 1000-1700. Retribution was also common and rehabilitation started to rise gradually through the years, slowly replacing the form of deterrence.
Last edited by liaente; 2 months ago
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dmoney2016
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10/16 - Conclusion needs to be a bit stronger and a bit more key detail in the main paragraphs and you'll secure 14-15/16
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