Girlfriend Exam Stress (pls read)

Hi all,
so I'm doing alevels at the moment, maths physics and product design.
I'm ****ed, physics went well, tech will be okay but maths is awful.
So about 2 months ago I met the girl of my dreams, she's perfect, funny and beautiful and now we're dating. **** timing I know.
Now, she is also REALLY stressed, but she has no reason to be. She has been working really hard all year, As and A*s in all her mocks but she's determined that she will fail and not go uni and then her life is ****ed.
Her stress is also my stress, but my stress isn't her stress. she talks to me all the time about how stressed she is and I'm always there for her to listen, but when I try to talk to her about myself, she doesn't ever listen. she says I don't need to stress because I have an unconditional, but that doesn't mean that alevels don't matter.
combined with the stress of exams, my impending doom for maths and her too I really don't know how to cope. I can't ever talk to her about it because she won't listen and it'll stress her out even more.
what can I do? I've supported her all I can but its really hurting me now because its all building up inside me.
We've mutually agreed that we won't see each other often during these final few weeks, and I want to avoid breaking up with her at all costs, I do love her and I feel like suggesting breaking up, or "taking a break" will make her hate me, as I'm her support during the most stressful time of our lives.
help pls, any ideas.
(ps sorry its long)

Hi all,
so I'm doing alevels at the moment, maths physics and product design.
I'm ****ed, physics went well, tech will be okay but maths is awful.
So about 2 months ago I met the girl of my dreams, she's perfect, funny and beautiful and now we're dating. **** timing I know.
Now, she is also REALLY stressed, but she has no reason to be. She has been working really hard all year, As and A*s in all her mocks but she's determined that she will fail and not go uni and then her life is ****ed.
Her stress is also my stress, but my stress isn't her stress. she talks to me all the time about how stressed she is and I'm always there for her to listen, but when I try to talk to her about myself, she doesn't ever listen. she says I don't need to stress because I have an unconditional, but that doesn't mean that alevels don't matter.
combined with the stress of exams, my impending doom for maths and her too I really don't know how to cope. I can't ever talk to her about it because she won't listen and it'll stress her out even more.
what can I do? I've supported her all I can but its really hurting me now because its all building up inside me.
We've mutually agreed that we won't see each other often during these final few weeks, and I want to avoid breaking up with her at all costs, I do love her and I feel like suggesting breaking up, or "taking a break" will make her hate me, as I'm her support during the most stressful time of our lives.
help pls, any ideas.
(ps sorry its long)

Please don't play yourself because this is your education we're talking about here- the grades you need to get in to uni. It may sound a little cold but put her to one side for literally the next 3 weeks and that's it

I'm already going to uni, I've got an unconditional so the grades don't matter now but will they matter in the long run?

I'm already going to uni, I've got an unconditional so the grades don't matter now but will they matter in the long run?

look I would consider putting it to one side but I cannot work without her. if she hasn't replied to my texts or is ignoring me then I worry and I cannot concentrate. She has got mental health problems and has attempted suicide before. It's really not as simple as just taking a break. shes my first and i really care about her.

That's sweet but you don't have to always be texting/ calling- put your phone away and revise and then come back in a few hours check your phone talk and then repeat

look I would consider putting it to one side but I cannot work without her. if she hasn't replied to my texts or is ignoring me then I worry and I cannot concentrate. She has got mental health problems and has attempted suicide before. It's really not as simple as just taking a break. shes my first and i really care about her.

look I would consider putting it to one side but I cannot work without her. if she hasn't replied to my texts or is ignoring me then I worry and I cannot concentrate. She has got mental health problems and has attempted suicide before. It's really not as simple as just taking a break. shes my first and i really care about her.

Hi all,
so I'm doing alevels at the moment, maths physics and product design.
I'm ****ed, physics went well, tech will be okay but maths is awful.
So about 2 months ago I met the girl of my dreams, she's perfect, funny and beautiful and now we're dating. **** timing I know.
Now, she is also REALLY stressed, but she has no reason to be. She has been working really hard all year, As and A*s in all her mocks but she's determined that she will fail and not go uni and then her life is ****ed.
Her stress is also my stress, but my stress isn't her stress. she talks to me all the time about how stressed she is and I'm always there for her to listen, but when I try to talk to her about myself, she doesn't ever listen. she says I don't need to stress because I have an unconditional, but that doesn't mean that alevels don't matter.
combined with the stress of exams, my impending doom for maths and her too I really don't know how to cope. I can't ever talk to her about it because she won't listen and it'll stress her out even more.
what can I do? I've supported her all I can but its really hurting me now because its all building up inside me.
We've mutually agreed that we won't see each other often during these final few weeks, and I want to avoid breaking up with her at all costs, I do love her and I feel like suggesting breaking up, or "taking a break" will make her hate me, as I'm her support during the most stressful time of our lives.
help pls, any ideas.
(ps sorry its long)

She is doing an emotional dump on you and you dont have the confidence to prevent it.
Reality is your relationship is not very old at all and if you made me bet money then it may well not last, especially when she gets to uni.
Your A levels stay with you for life and they have taken the last 2 years at l;east to get you where you are.
It is imperative you do as best you can because the future is uncertain and you may not like your course or you could need them for job applications.
Her dumping is putting that at risk. It is already a serious distraction.

How far should you go as a partner?
1. Support and reassure her, but you need to take the lead and point out the facts to her that if she has been working hard and getting good grades plus tried her best then that is likely to be good enough. The anxiety she is generating is undermining herself.
Have a good plan , try her best and that is as much as anyone can do. What she needs is a bit of focus, just on the exam in front where she can make a difference, rather than fretting on the result.
2. In the event things went wrong, then its not the end of the world as you can resit.This happens to people and they cope.
3. Get a grip and start laying down some boundaries to protect yourself otherwise this emotional dumping is going to carry on causing you detriment and letting her have an escape at your expense.
4. Talk to her for her benefit and agree a break till after the exams. You could if needed put 1h a day aside to chat and absorb her panic, but dont be a chump and focus on yourself. When she does panic then its likely to be on repeat so just reassure and let most of it go over your head.
5. If she throws a hissy then explain its unbalanced that its only she who gets to complain and you are stressed as well. Relationships are two way.
6. If she throws another hissy over that and she cant be in the relationship unless she gets to sabotage you, then what sort of relationship is that? Sounds all one way.
7. Either she sees sense and gets a grip, plus gets limited support until youve finished or she throws another hissy in which case she is too insecure and selfish imo and let her go.
8. Stick up for yourself and meet her 50/50 or 60/40 but no further. She will continue to walk over you and blame you for things. You are too blinded and cant recognise what really matters to you.

Sort it out, both of you are nearly adults. As great as you think it might be I would expect you will have a very tough time surviving the first year of uni.

Honestly, thank you so much. This has opened my eyes and I will take your advice.
I know it's not going to last, but I just want to enjoy it while it does, but I agree there is no point in putting her in front of my education and the rest of my life, which will probably be without her (although I do hope not), (yes I know typical young love).
genuinely that meant a lot so thank you xxx

I dont mean to be negative but from your description I am telling you what I see and what the reality is.
Her version is incorrect, this happens a lot with high achievers and for all you know she could be using you for the emotional side and may feel differently later. More established couples just support each other, but focus on exams and realise you both need to be working then pick up later on.

She definitely needs someone to stand up to her rather than giving in and if she wont accept it or listen to reason then you have someone very high maintenance. She may or may not find that reassuring and settle down. Its in her interest to chill and focus.

As for how long then just be realistic and dont get too carried away. Treat it like a holiday romance and recognise the challenges and survival rate of relationships where you go to different unis. GL with it and your exams, just keep a grip on reality, so if you hit bumps or crash out realise it isnt then end of the world and life goes on. If you make an attempt to be supportive, then even if it fails you know it was her demanding too much unfairly and such unbalanced relationships are too much hassle because you would be unhappy or stressed? Who wants that?

Hi all,
so I'm doing alevels at the moment, maths physics and product design.
I'm ****ed, physics went well, tech will be okay but maths is awful.
So about 2 months ago I met the girl of my dreams, she's perfect, funny and beautiful and now we're dating. **** timing I know.
Now, she is also REALLY stressed, but she has no reason to be. She has been working really hard all year, As and A*s in all her mocks but she's determined that she will fail and not go uni and then her life is ****ed.
Her stress is also my stress, but my stress isn't her stress. she talks to me all the time about how stressed she is and I'm always there for her to listen, but when I try to talk to her about myself, she doesn't ever listen. she says I don't need to stress because I have an unconditional, but that doesn't mean that alevels don't matter.
combined with the stress of exams, my impending doom for maths and her too I really don't know how to cope. I can't ever talk to her about it because she won't listen and it'll stress her out even more.
what can I do? I've supported her all I can but its really hurting me now because its all building up inside me.
We've mutually agreed that we won't see each other often during these final few weeks, and I want to avoid breaking up with her at all costs, I do love her and I feel like suggesting breaking up, or "taking a break" will make her hate me, as I'm her support during the most stressful time of our lives.
help pls, any ideas.
(ps sorry its long)