I feel like I've wasted my whole life despite being "successful"
Ages birth (or as far back as I can remember)-15 general depression probably due to nasty parents
Age 15-16, drop out, worst depression
Age 16, decide I'm gonna kill myself or ignore everyone and try escaping this ****hole, lied about gcses and started very quickly picked a levels
Age 16-17, probably the only time I was happy when my grades started improving and learnt to ignore family
Ages 17-18, End up with A*A*A*, spent all my time studying, no fun or friends, bitterness about not being able to apply where I wanted due to GCSEs
Ages 18-21, worse regret/bitterness from not being able to apply to top unis (could not apply post a level as had to leave home asap), getting an extremely high 1st for no real reason, turned girls down just to study, no friends for same reason, don't feel any enthusiasm for my subject, holiday just started which is reliably awful once everyone goes back home but me
I really think there's a part of me which is missing and is never going to be filled from parental absence. I've known very little but sadness and violence my whole life.
Has anyone got a more positive way of looking at things?
Age 15-16, drop out, worst depression
Age 16, decide I'm gonna kill myself or ignore everyone and try escaping this ****hole, lied about gcses and started very quickly picked a levels
Age 16-17, probably the only time I was happy when my grades started improving and learnt to ignore family
Ages 17-18, End up with A*A*A*, spent all my time studying, no fun or friends, bitterness about not being able to apply where I wanted due to GCSEs
Ages 18-21, worse regret/bitterness from not being able to apply to top unis (could not apply post a level as had to leave home asap), getting an extremely high 1st for no real reason, turned girls down just to study, no friends for same reason, don't feel any enthusiasm for my subject, holiday just started which is reliably awful once everyone goes back home but me
I really think there's a part of me which is missing and is never going to be filled from parental absence. I've known very little but sadness and violence my whole life.
Has anyone got a more positive way of looking at things?
(edited 4 years ago)
