My journey to overcome my Eating Disorder/My Eating Disorder - AMA [TW] Watch

missboooky
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#21
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But I feel like they would judge me like my mum and dad think it’s stupid and say “just swallow “ it’s just not that easy
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Anonymous #1
#22
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#22
(Original post by missboooky)
I mean I don’t know what to do about mine I wouldn’t class it as as an eating disorder but I can’t really swallow foods.. I first had this when I was like 11 and it came back and it’s so irritating because i love food but I can’t eat it
(Original post by Pathway)
You should speak to your GP about that, loads of different things can cause issues with swallowing.
Pathway is right - you should speak to your GP. From my experience of going to the GP, they're really understanding and want to help.
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Pathway
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(Original post by missboooky)
But I feel like they would judge me like my mum and dad think it’s stupid and say “just swallow “ it’s just not that easy
Dysphagia, aka difficulty swallowing, is a problem that needs to be dealt with. I have it, but it's unrelated to my ED. Get help, they won't judge you.
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missboooky
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Okay thanks x
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Anonymous #2
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I have no idea why but this triggered me. I have never been anorexic but restricting is something I used to do a lot but I just never lost any weight. I was never really overweight and I'm very tall so I don't really look overweight. After months of restricting I got into this mental state that whenever I eat something I need to throw it up. This started like last year and I was very scared. In around October 2018 was the first time I purged, but I hated it and I only did it if I felt I ate too much so maybe twice a week. Recently, over the last 2 weeks its been everyday. Every time I would get the feeling of being full, even if it was something so small, like 2 small brownies, I would throw it up as I enjoyed the feeling of being hungry as it reminded me of how strong I was and how I could control my eating. Last week was the worst I've been. I literally did not eat anything until 9pm every day, then I would throw all of it up. I ended up losing 5kg in less than a week. Every time I would throw up i would feel great. Yesterday was the last time I purged and when I ate today I really wanted to purge it so I literally cleaned the whole house to distract myself, and I regret it. I almost have a fear of gaining weight and I really regret not throwing it up and I feel heavy and guilty. Its too late to purge it now since it was about 8 hours ago.
I've had a throat infection twice, currently still recovering from one. The first time I felt so guilty because my whole family caught it and they don't even know how I got it. My mum couldn't go to work for a whole week, first time off work in 8 years, because of me. I hate myself for that. i don't know what to do rn. Advice?
I wish you all the best btw x
Sorry its such a long message

ps. I posted this before, not sure if you didn't see it or you just chose not to reply but umm yh ...
'
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Pathway
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have no idea why but this triggered me. I have never been anorexic but restricting is something I used to do a lot but I just never lost any weight. I was never really overweight and I'm very tall so I don't really look overweight. After months of restricting I got into this mental state that whenever I eat something I need to throw it up. This started like last year and I was very scared. In around October 2018 was the first time I purged, but I hated it and I only did it if I felt I ate too much so maybe twice a week. Recently, over the last 2 weeks its been everyday. Every time I would get the feeling of being full, even if it was something so small, like 2 small brownies, I would throw it up as I enjoyed the feeling of being hungry as it reminded me of how strong I was and how I could control my eating. Last week was the worst I've been. I literally did not eat anything until 9pm every day, then I would throw all of it up. I ended up losing 5kg in less than a week. Every time I would throw up i would feel great. Yesterday was the last time I purged and when I ate today I really wanted to purge it so I literally cleaned the whole house to distract myself, and I regret it. I almost have a fear of gaining weight and I really regret not throwing it up and I feel heavy and guilty. Its too late to purge it now since it was about 8 hours ago.
I've had a throat infection twice, currently still recovering from one. The first time I felt so guilty because my whole family caught it and they don't even know how I got it. My mum couldn't go to work for a whole week, first time off work in 8 years, because of me. I hate myself for that. i don't know what to do rn. Advice?
I wish you all the best btw x
Sorry its such a long message

ps. I posted this before, not sure if you didn't see it or you just chose not to reply but umm yh ...
'
Go to your GP.
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missboooky
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(Original post by Pathway)
Dysphagia, aka difficulty swallowing, is a problem that needs to be dealt with. I have it, but it's unrelated to my ED. Get help, they won't judge you.
I looked that up.. I mean I know I can swallow but I’ve been triggered from a cold in February ... I don’t choke on my food and I don’t really bring it up.. I just have to swallow the food with a sip of water on each bite so I get full from not eating but i feel fine
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Pathway
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(Original post by missboooky)
I looked that up.. I mean I know I can swallow but I’ve been triggered from a cold in February ... I don’t choke on my food and I don’t really bring it up.. I just have to swallow the food with a sip of water on each bite so I get full from not eating but i feel fine
Well, idk, I mean you seem to be affected by it (whatever it is) so I'd say you should seek help anyway. There's no harm in that, if it's nothing, then it's nothing. If it's something then you can treat it.
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missboooky
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True thanks xx
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Anonymous #1
#30
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#30
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have no idea why but this triggered me. I have never been anorexic but restricting is something I used to do a lot but I just never lost any weight. I was never really overweight and I'm very tall so I don't really look overweight. After months of restricting I got into this mental state that whenever I eat something I need to throw it up. This started like last year and I was very scared. In around October 2018 was the first time I purged, but I hated it and I only did it if I felt I ate too much so maybe twice a week. Recently, over the last 2 weeks its been everyday. Every time I would get the feeling of being full, even if it was something so small, like 2 small brownies, I would throw it up as I enjoyed the feeling of being hungry as it reminded me of how strong I was and how I could control my eating. Last week was the worst I've been. I literally did not eat anything until 9pm every day, then I would throw all of it up. I ended up losing 5kg in less than a week. Every time I would throw up i would feel great. Yesterday was the last time I purged and when I ate today I really wanted to purge it so I literally cleaned the whole house to distract myself, and I regret it. I almost have a fear of gaining weight and I really regret not throwing it up and I feel heavy and guilty. Its too late to purge it now since it was about 8 hours ago.
I've had a throat infection twice, currently still recovering from one. The first time I felt so guilty because my whole family caught it and they don't even know how I got it. My mum couldn't go to work for a whole week, first time off work in 8 years, because of me. I hate myself for that. i don't know what to do rn. Advice?
I wish you all the best btw x
Sorry its such a long message

ps. I posted this before, not sure if you didn't see it or you just chose not to reply but umm yh ...
'
Apologies for triggering you and I didn't see your initial post sadly. Firstly, don't hate yourself at all for it - it's simply the illness that's doing this, not you. I would say that I'm finding it useful to just rationalise every time I want to binge with a 'why do I need to?' The more I challenge that voice in my head, the stronger I become. As for feeling fat, I had that as well and I can say the way I got over that feeling and the fear of gaining weight was to look in the mirror. It sounds odd, but initially it confirmed my belief I was fat, but the more I did it, the more I accepted the person in the mirror and was happy. Of course I gained weight post that point, but it is about accepting yourself. Distraction techniques work well for purging though, so just keep doing that.


(Original post by missboooky)
I looked that up.. I mean I know I can swallow but I’ve been triggered from a cold in February ... I don’t choke on my food and I don’t really bring it up.. I just have to swallow the food with a sip of water on each bite so I get full from not eating but i feel fine
I had a similar thing when I was very young which triggered selective eating disorder for so many years with me (before all my current eating disorder problems. It's worth checking out and I regret very much that I didn't.
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missboooky
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#31
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Okay it’s just finding the right time to do it because of exams and then gaining confidence to speak to someone face to face but thank you I hope you sort your issues out
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Apologies for triggering you and I didn't see your initial post sadly. Firstly, don't hate yourself at all for it - it's simply the illness that's doing this, not you. I would say that I'm finding it useful to just rationalise every time I want to binge with a 'why do I need to?' The more I challenge that voice in my head, the stronger I become. As for feeling fat, I had that as well and I can say the way I got over that feeling and the fear of gaining weight was to look in the mirror. It sounds odd, but initially it confirmed my belief I was fat, but the more I did it, the more I accepted the person in the mirror and was happy. Of course I gained weight post that point, but it is about accepting yourself. Distraction techniques work well for purging though, so just keep doing that.
Alright. thank you so much for your advice x
All the best x
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Anonymous #3
#33
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#33
850cals everyday for two years? Wow. Did you starve yourself?
I really hope you over come every bit of your ED!
Best of luck x
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Anonymous #1
#34
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#34
(Original post by missboooky)
Okay it’s just finding the right time to do it because of exams and then gaining confidence to speak to someone face to face but thank you I hope you sort your issues out
I would get your exams out of the way first, then build up to telling someone. Find someone you trust, a time when you won't be interrupted, and just say how you feel and what's up. Once you've told one person, it'll get easier to tell others. Thanks, I hope so too because it scares me to think I could end up in hospital if I keep doing this to myself.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Alright. thank you so much for your advice x
All the best x
That's ok and feel free to chat on this thread and vent any time - I want it to be a place where we can encourage one another to recover together.
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missboooky
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#35
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Yeah thinking about brought tears to my eyes but thanks I will update soon🙃
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
850cals everyday for two years? Wow. Did you starve yourself?
I really hope you over come every bit of your ED!
Best of luck x
When I was in the anorexia phase as I call it, I was eating around 1200 calories a day. As I moved to bulimia, I dropped to 850 calories on non-binge days to try to compensate. I actually ate nothing some of the time and basically survived on water and sugar-free chewing gum.

Thanks - I want to start by ending the binging (and by extension the purging). Once they're out of the way, my plan is then to focus on my calorie intake and increasing it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by missboooky)
Yeah thinking about brought tears to my eyes but thanks I will update soon🙃
Please do - as I said above, this isn't just my thread - it's a safe space for us all to talk about eating disorders, to encourage each other, to have each other's backs, and to recover together.
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Anonymous #2
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omg, girl, this is literally me. I want to tell my best friend and I was going to tell her yesterday and I just couldn't. I'm probably going to wait until after exams. You can do it tho, just believe in yourself x
(Original post by missboooky)
Okay it’s just finding the right time to do it because of exams and then gaining confidence to speak to someone face to face but thank you I hope you sort your issues out
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Anonymous #1
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#39
(Original post by Anonymous)
omg, girl, this is literally me. I want to tell my best friend and I was going to tell her yesterday and I just couldn't. I'm probably going to wait until after exams. You can do it tho, just believe in yourself x
Please do tell someone when you're ready to tell them - it's something I regret, but once I recover, I'll be letting people know what I was going through because it's right that I reassure them that I'm better and that they no longer need to worry.
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Anonymous #3
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Not sure if I have an eating disorder but I also feel great when I’m hungry (I starve myself at-least thrice a week because I can’t control my cravings) I use IF as a way to restrict more food. When I “binge” I obviously regret it but I lowkey feel calm about it because I never ate my weekly or daily calorie count. I’m not that in trend so I don’t purge (scared of shoving my finger down my throat!)
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