Love comes when you are not looking?

Some people say love comes when you are not looking.

Others say you have to know what you want and be proactive about it.

I'm so confused about all the conflicting information on relationships and I'm on the verge of giving up on finding love. I'm sick of waiting and hoping for something that may not even happen. I think it's best to just live my life and forget about love.

What do you think?

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Reply 1

----_----

Id say it comes when youre not looking or searching actively for it. Whenever i spoken to people with the intention of dating, nothings ever happened. I started talking to my bf by chance and i was never expecting to fall in love or get into a relationship but idk it just happened and so far weve managed to make it work really well. Forcing love never works

Reply 2

claireestelle

Original post by Anonymous

just depends on how life goes, i met my husband at university at a film society meet by chance so it's possible.

Reply 3

username2861570

Love yourself before entering a relationship, cos if you don't love yourself, then how are you to love another?

Reply 4

username4355882

I think it's all ********. Ask out the people you like. Reject the ones you don't. Put yourself out there if you are lonely. Chill and love yourself if you aren't.

Just roll with life. :headbang:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I'm female

Original post by JoshDarnIt

Love yourself before entering a relationship, cos if you don't love yourself, then how are you to love another?

I agree, but I do feel that's a cliche as there are plently of people who don't love themselves who are in loving relationships and many people who love themselves and have no one.

Reply 6

username4706050

This is so true. Spent years trying to find somebody and as soon as I stopped, my now boyfriend confessed to liking me and we've been going out a year now. Love comes when you dont see it coming!

Reply 7

username2861570

Original post by Anonymous

I'm female

I agree, but I do feel that's a cliche as there are plently of people who don't love themselves who are in loving relationships and many people who love themselves and have no one.

I'm just speaking from experience tbh so can't really speak for others.

You better love yourself cos I sure as hell love you :jumphug:

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Thanks, I'm definately not desperate and seeing my parents go through a divorce as an adult has made me very weary of what bad decisions in choice of partner can lead to.

Original post by ----_----

Thank you, I've had long periods of both looking and also of not caring and nothing happened either way. I don't want to get my hopes up.

Original post by claireestelle

just depends on how life goes, i met my husband at university at a film society meet by chance so it's possible.

Thanks, yes I try to be sociable and get myself out there. At uni I did join some societies but no one was checking for me. I'm working now for quite a large firm where I have to do a lot of networking and meet new people pretty much every day and I get a lot of guys flirt with me and 4 have tried to kiss me in the last year (I kissed 2 back haha) but they never ask me out. I don't know if I'm really awkward, if I've got a rubbish personality or I'm just not quite their type I'm not conventional looking :frown:

Reply 9

claireestelle

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks, I'm definately not desperate and seeing my parents go through a divorce as an adult has made me very weary of what bad decisions in choice of partner can lead to.

Thank you, I've had long periods of both looking and also of not caring and nothing happened either way. I don't want to get my hopes up.

Thanks, yes I try to be sociable and get myself out there. At uni I did join some societies but no one was checking for me. I'm working now for quite a large firm where I have to do a lot of networking and meet new people pretty much every day and I get a lot of guys flirt with me and 4 have tried to kiss me in the last year (I kissed 2 back haha) but they never ask me out. I don't know if I'm really awkward, if I've got a rubbish personality or I'm just not quite their type I'm not conventional looking :frown:

if it seems like there's something there than ask them out yourself.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Not really, maybe I am missing something? I rarely get asked out by men to have many choices to make in the first place.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by claireestelle

if it seems like there's something there than ask them out yourself.

But why wouldn't a guy ask you out if he has kissed you already? Why would he leave it there? That's what makes me think they don't like me, maybe I'm just a short lived experiment or there is something really putting them off...

Reply 12

claireestelle

Original post by Anonymous

because those guys probably don't want a relationship, but if you're interested in someone then ask and if they say no then you tried.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

I'm definately not going to be asking anyone out haha. I've learnt from my mother that if a guy isn't chasing you he doesn't think you are worth it. My dad didn't chase my mum at any stage of their 3 decades together she was always pleading to be good enough for him and it didn't end well for her and our family.

How does one give out the 'I am looking for a relationship' vibe? I'm reserved, don't dress or act provocatively or anything so I don't know how I would be giving off good time girl vibes.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Yes that's true, and to be honest I would not expect a guy to do all the chasing at all but I think initially I would at least want him to ask me to meet up a drink or dinner or something? I'm pretty sure if they were attracted to me enough they would do this.

I guess I will have to get someone to study the way I talk and my non-verbal cues... I need a brutally honest friend, preferrably a male friend to tell me what is wrong with me.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

I'm oldddd... :frown:

I'm in my late 20s. But most of the guys who hit on me are mid and even early 20s as I still look (and probably act) quite a bit younger. Plus the ones who are my age or older thar hit on me are taken!

I have a really good (platonic!) male friend at work who is in his early 30s and he jokes that if he were single he would be all over me haha I was thinking about asking him for his help and outlook, he takes a great interest in my love life anyway and is always asking me for updates... I never have any for him though! I think asking a guy who is older with a bit more experience would probably be best?

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Okay I'm not old per se but considering there are 15 year olds posting here with more relationship experience than me I feel a bit strange sometimes haha I've had this account since my student days.

I'm honestly not too bothered about the age of a guy as long as we don't look silly together with an age disparity but I assume on average I will have more in common with someone who is a similar age. I'm a late bloomer myself and lost out on a lot of life experience so I'm playing catch up and my career is really only the area I am making it in. Sometimes I think with guys and maturing though you can get a really awesome 22 year old level headed guy or a 50 year old manchild (<cough, cough > my dad!).

Reply 17

Maid Marian

I asked my boyfriend out whilst he was at work. That was 13 months ago and it was the best decision I've ever made. If you see someone cute, go ask if they're single and would like to go on a date with you. :wink:

Reply 18

username4539278

no dont say that the reason is you will find love it will strike without you knowing it......me i am in love with someone....head over heels......i am young doing her gcses....well no one is actually young to be in love....it is just the fact i judged myself for being brave and confident of not being in love..my head was high saying i will not like a boy i dont know i think i wanted to be a girl like that...carrying a good amount of pride...love came right after....i had few heartbreaks even though i dont go out with him or anything i had heartbreaks because of him...i gradually learn to move on but then he is not letting me.......love comes at unusual times you have to wait a little while............life is hard................the right person will be there or is already there....you dont know.

Original post by Anonymous

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

Original post by Maid Marian

That's awesome, well done you :smile:

If you don't mind me asking how did you ask him out? Especially in a work setting where there are lots of other people about and a formal environment? There is someone I really like.. I know he is physically attracted to me but like I said he never asked me out so I assume he's not that into me :frown: