Love comes when you are not looking? Watch

Anonymous #1
#21
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#21
(Original post by ecolier)
You need to send out the "I am looking for a relationship" vibe, rather than the "I'm up for fun" vibe. Sometimes it's best to be more active - society does expect a girl to be "chosen" but they can also take the first step sometimes (especially if you think they are suitable).

But as I said, don't be desperate and start asking everyone out - because as a girl you'd pretty much get interest from any man so choose wisely!
I'm definately not going to be asking anyone out haha. I've learnt from my mother that if a guy isn't chasing you he doesn't think you are worth it. My dad didn't chase my mum at any stage of their 3 decades together she was always pleading to be good enough for him and it didn't end well for her and our family.

How does one give out the 'I am looking for a relationship' vibe? I'm reserved, don't dress or act provocatively or anything so I don't know how I would be giving off good time girl vibes.
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ecolier
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm definately not going to be asking anyone out haha. I've learnt from my mother that if a guy isn't chasing you he doesn't think you are worth it.
Oh right then that may be where you're going wrong. You can't expect all guys to be chasing you all the time - especially if you don't give the right hints and prompts. It's not the 1950s!

My dad didn't chase my mum at any stage of their 3 decades together she was always pleading to be good enough for him and it didn't end well for her and our family.

How does one give out the 'I am looking for a relationship' vibe? I'm reserved, don't dress or act provocatively or anything so I don't know how I would be giving off good time girl vibes.
I wouldn't know! It's maybe from the way you talk and non-verbal cues.
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Anonymous #1
#23
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#23
(Original post by ecolier)
Oh right then that may be where you're going wrong. You can't expect all guys to be chasing you all the time - especially if you don't give the right hints and prompts. It's not the 1950s!



I wouldn't know! It's maybe from the way you talk and non-verbal cues.
Yes that's true, and to be honest I would not expect a guy to do all the chasing at all but I think initially I would at least want him to ask me to meet up a drink or dinner or something? I'm pretty sure if they were attracted to me enough they would do this.

I guess I will have to get someone to study the way I talk and my non-verbal cues... I need a brutally honest friend, preferrably a male friend to tell me what is wrong with me.
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ecolier
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#24
(Original post by Anonymous)
... I would at least want him to ask me to meet up a drink or dinner or something? I'm pretty sure if they were attracted to me enough they would do this
Sure but that's date territory. It depends on how old you / your potential suitors are - young boys / guys are less likely (not impossible!) to ask girls out on romantic dates which I assume is what you prefer?

Chasing is very taboo these days - as the line between chasing and creepy territory is blurring.

I guess I will have to get someone to study the way I talk and my non-verbal cues... I need a brutally honest friend, preferrably a male friend to tell me what is wrong with me.
That would help, maybe they'll fall for you while studying your body langauge too!
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Anonymous #1
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#25
(Original post by ecolier)
Sure but that's date territory. It depends on how old you / your potential suitors are - young boys / guys are less likely (not impossible!) to ask girls out on romantic dates which I assume is what you prefer?

Chasing is very taboo these days - as the line between chasing and creepy / NiCeGuYs territory is blurring.




That would help, maybe they'll fall for you while studying your body langauge too!
I'm oldddd... I'm in my late 20s. But most of the guys who hit on me are mid and even early 20s as I still look (and probably act) quite a bit younger. Plus the ones who are my age or older thar hit on me are taken!

I have a really good (platonic!) male friend at work who is in his early 30s and he jokes that if he were single he would be all over me haha I was thinking about asking him for his help and outlook, he takes a great interest in my love life anyway and is always asking me for updates... I never have any for him though! I think asking a guy who is older with a bit more experience would probably be best?
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ecolier
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#26
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm oldddd... I'm in my late 20s. But most of the guys who hit on me are mid and even early 20s as I still look (and probably act) quite a bit younger. Plus the ones who are my age or older thar hit on me are taken!
You're younger than me (not a lot!!) and I am not taken :rofl: I do understand that girls are more mature than boys and hence prefer a slightly older partner.

I have a really good (platonic!) male friend at work who is in his early 30s and he jokes that if he were single he would be all over me haha I was thinking about asking him for his help and outlook, he takes a great interest in my love life anyway and is always asking me for updates... I never have any for him though!


I think asking a guy who is older with a bit more experience would probably be best?
:yes:
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Anonymous #1
#27
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#27
(Original post by ecolier)
You're younger than me (not a lot!!) and I am not taken :rofl: I do understand that girls are more mature than boys and hence prefer a slightly older partner.







:yes:
Okay I'm not old per se but considering there are 15 year olds posting here with more relationship experience than me I feel a bit strange sometimes haha I've had this account since my student days.

I'm honestly not too bothered about the age of a guy as long as we don't look silly together with an age disparity but I assume on average I will have more in common with someone who is a similar age. I'm a late bloomer myself and lost out on a lot of life experience so I'm playing catch up and my career is really only the area I am making it in. Sometimes I think with guys and maturing though you can get a really awesome 22 year old level headed guy or a 50 year old manchild (<cough, cough > my dad!).
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ecolier
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#28
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#28
(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay I'm not old per se but considering there are 15 year olds posting here with more relationship experience than me I feel a bit strange sometimes haha I've had this account since my student days.
Exactly. You are more mature

I'm honestly not too bothered about the age of a guy as long as we don't look silly together with an age disparity but I assume on average I will have more in common with someone who is a similar age. I'm a late bloomer myself and lost out on a lot of life experience so I'm playing catch up and my career is really only the area I am making it in. Sometimes I think with guys and maturing though you can get a really awesome 22 year old level headed guy or a 50 year old manchild (<cough, cough > my dad!).
:laugh:
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Maid Marian
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#29
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#29
I asked my boyfriend out whilst he was at work. That was 13 months ago and it was the best decision I've ever made. If you see someone cute, go ask if they're single and would like to go on a date with you.
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arieslover
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#30
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no dont say that the reason is you will find love it will strike without you knowing it......me i am in love with someone....head over heels......i am young doing her gcses....well no one is actually young to be in love....it is just the fact i judged myself for being brave and confident of not being in love..my head was high saying i will not like a boy i dont know i think i wanted to be a girl like that...carrying a good amount of pride...love came right after....i had few heartbreaks even though i dont go out with him or anything i had heartbreaks because of him...i gradually learn to move on but then he is not letting me.......love comes at unusual times you have to wait a little while............life is hard................the right person will be there or is already there....you dont know.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Some people say love comes when you are not looking.

Others say you have to know what you want and be proactive about it.

I'm so confused about all the conflicting information on relationships and I'm on the verge of giving up on finding love. I'm sick of waiting and hoping for something that may not even happen. I think it's best to just live my life and forget about love.

What do you think?
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Anonymous #1
#31
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#31
(Original post by Maid Marian)
I asked my boyfriend out whilst he was at work. That was 13 months ago and it was the best decision I've ever made. If you see someone cute, go ask if they're single and would like to go on a date with you.
That's awesome, well done you If you don't mind me asking how did you ask him out? Especially in a work setting where there are lots of other people about and a formal environment? There is someone I really like.. I know he is physically attracted to me but like I said he never asked me out so I assume he's not that into me
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Maid Marian
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#32
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#32
(Original post by Anonymous)
That's awesome, well done you If you don't mind me asking how did you ask him out? Especially in a work setting where there are lots of other people about and a formal environment? There is someone I really like.. I know he is physically attracted to me but like I said he never asked me out so I assume he's not that into me
Well firstly I did some digging with his colleagues - asked them what his name was and if he was single. Then I just went up to him, asked if he was single (obvs I knew the answer) and asked if I could have his number. He wrote it down for me and off I went. Texted him the next day and we went on a date that evening.
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byeongkwans
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#33
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It came to me when I wasn’t looking for it tbh. But it’s one of the best things that has happened to me and I wouldn’t change it for anything. Not being prepared for a relationship back then kinda made things difficult in the beginning. However, things worked out well for us. You really do meet the best people unexpectedly.
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Themysticalegg
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#34
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#34
Definitely true.
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gjd800
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#35
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Happened to me before, I suppose.
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sknudson
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#36
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It's more a matter of results come when you stop caring about them. Stay on the lookout, but live for yourself as priority number one. You'll have to fight them off with a stick when you're in a relationship.
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melissa.17
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#37
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The relationship I’m in now, by far the best one, was a surprise. I knew him from school and we had a one night stand after talking for a bit when I’d just split up with my ex. Realised we clicked straight away and meaningless sex turned into the best and happiest relationship unexpectedly
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tim_72
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#38
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To answer your original question, statistically speaking, neither is a strict rule. Either, or both, could happen.

I am probably the least experienced when it comes to love in this thread so all I can give is stats hope all works out well for you
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WhyKidz
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#39
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's awesome, well done you If you don't mind me asking how did you ask him out? Especially in a work setting where there are lots of other people about and a formal environment? There is someone I really like.. I know he is physically attracted to me but like I said he never asked me out so I assume he's not that into me
How do you 'know' that he's physically attracted to you?

Sounds like he's worth a shot, especially if you really like him. Find a time when you can be alone-ish somewhere around the office & try to make time to engage with him a bit more in conversation.
There was a time when I was attracted to someone in my office and found opportunities to make conversation and spend work-related time together (whether that was sitting in the work kitchen or walking out of the office in the same direction). As we got to know each other better we spent more time together and I ended up grabbing a drink with her after work and telling her about how I felt about her and the feeling was reciprocated ... the rest is a bit complicated, but hopefully that's enough to help you move forward a bit.
Keep us updated with how you go.

For the record I've never happened upon someone I fell in love with (eg it just came along/happened), it's always been a concerted effort by one or both parties to engage the other with a relationship as end-goal.
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BiologyGAL123
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Love comes in mysterious ways, like when you're in the post office one morning. That's how I met my husband of 2 years. We've been married since 17, my parents disapproved at first, but we ran away and eloped. Now, we have 2 kids and another on the way. We live in a peaceful cottage in the Cornish south.
Don't look for love, let it look for you.

Farewell, hope you find love one day, like me and my husband, Derek.

-BiologyGAL123 and Derek xox
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