The Rocky Road To Redemption - 'Blog' Watch

LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
The Rocky Road To Redemption:train:

The first time I remember using the word 'redemption' in an academic context is in a classroom, as I was sitting in front of my UCAS mentor. It was a discussion about my declining grades during which I - ever so eager to charm - promised to "redeem myself". If only that naiive, idealistic girl knew that words meant very little if they did not spur one into action.
Moving to a different school for 6th form was the first mistake I made, however I had little choice. The second was losing focus in life, making terrible friends and not seeking help when I needed it the most. I started year 12 with excellent grades, however over time I faced various difficulties at this new place that eroded my academic engagement. And the declining mental health was the cherry on top.

Suffice to say, I have quite a bit of catching up to do. Both academically and personally.

GCSE results
Spoiler:
Show
Geography A*
Religious Studies A*
History A*
English Literature 8
English Language 8
Maths 7
Biology A*
Chemistry A*
Art A*
Physics A

A-level results - My prediction
Spoiler:
Show
School predicted AABB but I know that is not going to happen. So... my prediction
English Literature - A
Geography - A
Chemistry - E
Biology - E

Achievements - Academic and personal
Spoiler:
Show
This will be updated soon.
Last edited by LostLioness; 1 week ago
1
reply
Obolinda
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
:woo:
1
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#3
06/07/2019
My latest realisation has been that contrary to what I used to believe, my biggest flaw isn't procrastination or lack of motivation. It is fear. It has been that and that only. Too scared of failure. Always full of ideas and hope, which I only take with me to my dreams, never the reality. I am scared of trying because I anticipate failure. I am hoping that soon I can overcome this irrational fear of failure. It will take time, I just hope that I don't give up.

Having wasted two weeks doing absolutely nothing (yes, I want to slap myself) I am hoping to start a painting today. My goal is to finish it before Monday. Will post it; the deadline is Monday Midnight.


Spoiler:
Show
Panic mode: on.
Last edited by LostLioness; 1 week ago
0
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#4
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#4
I have neglected myself so much ever since A-levels. I am not certain if it is natural for us to become so careless as we grow older, careless about our own needs. I reckon it must be a personal flaw of mine. I have decided I need a 30-day reboot/rehab challenge. There are certain habits I am trying to get into and others I desperately need to remove from my life. The one thing - prepare yourselves - I am proud of is the fact that I make my own bed in the mornings. If I don't I am left in a restlessly grumpy mood for the rest of the day. This will be a 30-day challenge sort of thing and I will be updating every night.

A 30-day Reboot Challenge
11th July - 9th August :auto:
The daily challenges which I will be introducing to my life for the next 30 days are:
  1. Wake up at 5am.
  2. Go outside and complete a 2 hours long exercise session.
  3. Come back inside and have a cold shower.
  4. Dress yourself. No more lying around in PJs and gowns.
  5. Start the day with green tea, not coffee.
  6. If you are dying for coffee, only a cup a day and without sugar because:
  7. No artificial sugar for the next 30 days. Replace it with natural sugar from fruits.
  8. This does not mean you go crazy as you did last time and eat 6 fruits a day, keep it under 3 at the very maximum.
  9. Drink at the very minimum 3 litres of water a day. Try and drink most of it before 10 pm. I don't fancy going downstairs alone past midnight for the powder room, God knows I freak myself out with the smallest of noises.
  10. No technology an hour before bed or an hour after bed. If it is used, must be for a productive reason.
  11. From 8pm to 10pm instead of being a lost soul on Student Room, use this time to work your productive projects and journals.
  12. This brings me to the next point, only allowed TSR after 10pm daily. Login at 10 and update on the achievements or lack thereof during the day and whether you have been following the tasks.
  13. At 11pm, meditate/ stretch. 10 minutes of just being on the mat with time for yourself.
    Right now, looking at the tasks makes me feel nauseous. I hate rigidity in life, have always been a devotee of spontaneity. Has not worked out terribly well so I am turning to discipline and routine. I am hoping that one day all these tasks seem as natural as making my bed, which once had been a habit I had to instil in myself. Off to have my last cup of coffee with sugar. I will try and do some of the tasks today to get a first taste but the official challenge will begin tomorrow.
Last edited by LostLioness; 1 week ago
0
reply
ThunderBeard
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 week ago
#5
All good ideas. However I think you are trying to push yourself too hard. Start easily with small tasks and build up daily. Eg, wake at 7:30 and exercise for half an hour. Then over time build it up slowly. On another note, tips for bio or chem AS?
Anyway, will follow this and good luck!
(Original post by LostLioness)
I have neglected myself so much ever since A-levels. I am not certain if it is natural for us to become so careless as we grow older, careless about our own needs. I reckon it must be a personal flaw of mine. I have decided I need a 30-day reboot/rehab challenge. There are certain habits I am trying to get into and others I desperately need to remove from my life. The one thing - prepare yourselves - I am proud of is the fact that I make my own bed in the mornings. If I don't I am left in a restlessly grumpy mood for the rest of the day. This will be a 30-day challenge sort of thing and I will be updating every night.

A 30-day Reboot Challenge
11th July - 9th August :auto:
The daily challenges which I will be introducing to my life for the next 30 days are:
  1. Wake up at 5am.
  2. Go outside and complete a 2 hours long exercise session.
  3. Come back inside and have a cold shower.
  4. Start the day with green tea, not coffee.
  5. If you are dying for coffee, only a cup a day and without sugar because:
  6. No artificial sugar for the next 30 days. Replace it with natural sugar from fruits.
  7. This does not mean you go crazy as you did last time and eat 6 fruits a day, keep it under 3 at the very maximum.
  8. Drink at the very minimum 3 litres of water a day. Try and drink most of it before 10 pm. I don't fancy going downstairs alone past midnight for the powder room, God knows I freak myself out with the smallest of noises.
  9. No technology an hour before bed or an hour after bed. If it is used, must be for a productive reason.
  10. From 8pm to 10pm instead of being a lost soul on Student Room, use this time to work your productive projects and journals.
  11. This brings me to the next point, only allowed TSR after 10pm daily. Login at 10 and update on the achievements or lack thereof during the day and whether you have been following the tasks.
    Right now, looking at the tasks makes me feel nauseous. I hate rigidity in life, have always been a devotee of spontaneity. Has not worked out terribly well so I am turning to discipline and routine. I am hoping that one day all these tasks seem as natural as making my bed, which once had been a habit I had to instil in myself. Off to have my last cup of coffee with sugar. I will try and do some of the tasks today to get a first taste but the official challenge will begin tomorrow.
1
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#6
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#6
I suppose as it is a challenge, I should tag others and invite them to adopt new habits/ ask for suggestions to add new habits. (see the post above if you wish, or leave with annoyance at having been tagged by an imbecile)
harrysbar
Scotney
Obolinda
wxgmak
0
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#7
(Original post by ThunderBeard)
All good ideas. However I think you are trying to push yourself too hard. Start easily with small tasks and build up daily. Eg, wake at 7:30 and exercise for half an hour. Then over time build it up slowly. On another note, tips for bio or chem AS?
Anyway, will follow this and good luck!
Are you asking for tips? lol Ha. I totally screwed myself over with those, but I was very good at them when I used to try so....
Honestly I never had a strategy when it came to revision so I am afraid I will not be of much help. However, I can recommend some stuff:
-Buy the practical guides for your spec. When you start the course and begin practical in the lab, it will be much easier to write them up if you have the revision guides as a help. My teachers were useless and it often left me confused.
-CGP is amazing
- I was silly enough to not listen but please do past papers
I have some AMAZING resources for chemistry. I will find them for you later. Check at around 10pm tonight.
Biology, what spec are you doing?
0
reply
ThunderBeard
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 week ago
#8
Thank you! And AQA. SO YOU MEAN CGP PRACTICAL GUIDE THing, sorry for the caps
(Original post by LostLioness)
Are you asking for tips? lol Ha. I totally screwed myself over with those, but I was very good at them when I used to try so....
Honestly I never had a strategy when it came to revision so I am afraid I will not be of much help. However, I can recommend some stuff:
-Buy the practical guides for your spec. When you start the course and begin practical in the lab, it will be much easier to write them up if you have the revision guides as a help. My teachers were useless and it often left me confused.
-CGP is amazing
- I was silly enough to not listen but please do past papers
I have some AMAZING resources for chemistry. I will find them for you later. Check at around 10pm tonight.
Biology, what spec are you doing?
0
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#9
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#9
CGP produce practical guides? I thought they just did revision guides overall. No, I mean practical guides by the exam board. If you are doing Chem A-level, this is the one you need:
Practical Chemistry, student guide, Nora Henry
Series editor is David Scott and it is published by Hodder education.

I could not recommend it enough! Also, keep the lab stuff updated regularly. If you ever have any questions, let me know. I will probably be retaking both chem and bio so I will be revising them again.
(Original post by ThunderBeard)
Thank you! And AQA. SO YOU MEAN CGP PRACTICAL GUIDE THing, sorry for the caps
1
reply
Obolinda
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#10
Report 1 week ago
#10
I wake up at 5 everyday😂
1
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#11
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#11
I have been upstaged by a 14 year old. How insulting.
How do you manage it? I have an attachment to my bed in the mornings. The house could be on fire and I would just sleep through it.
(Original post by Obolinda)
I wake up at 5 everyday😂
0
reply
Obolinda
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#12
Report 1 week ago
#12
:lol:
You get used to it
(Original post by LostLioness)
I have been upstaged by a 14 year old. How insulting.
How do you manage it? I have an attachment to my bed in the mornings. The house could be on fire and I would just sleep through it.
0
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#13
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#13
I tried writing earlier, trying to get out an idea which has been plaguing my mind for two months now. And nothing. Nothing. I am so scared, words never failed me like this. To just write but write utter rubbish is so soul-crushing. I am not so sure the book I wanted to complete will ever even begin. I think the reason why I was so determined to begin this book during exam season was because I use my emotions as inspiration, like ink to paper. Now that the exams are over, I find my myself in a strangely numb mood.

I might as well come up with something creative now that I am in bed, wasting sleep hours. There is an important award ceremony I have to attend tmr and here I am, making myself uglier by staying up. I always knew I would make mama so proud.

Sadness tickled the eyes of a happy child,
drawing sobs from his mirthful smile

Pain it would seem latches onto
the head being birthed

And that is the **** I came up with for 5 minutes. I need to read some classical literature to get in the mood. That all being said, time to shut my eyes.. Tomorrow will be a long day, with the challenge starting as well.
Last edited by LostLioness; 1 week ago
0
reply
ThunderBeard
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#14
Report 6 days ago
#14
Are you a poet?
(Original post by LostLioness)
I tried writing earlier, trying to get out an idea which has been plaguing my mind for two months now. And nothing. Nothing. I am so scared, words never failed me like this. To just write but write utter rubbish is so soul-crushing. I am not so sure the book I wanted to complete will ever even begin. I think the reason why I was so determined to begin this book during exam season was because I use my emotions as inspiration, like ink to paper. Now that the exams are over, I find my myself in a strangely numb mood.

I might as well come up with something creative now that I am in bed, wasting sleep hours. There is an important award ceremony I have to attend tmr and here I am, making myself uglier by staying up. I always knew I would make mama so proud.

Sadness tickled the eyes of a happy child,
drawing sobs from his mirthful smile

Pain it would seem latches onto
the head being birthed

And that is the **** I came up with for 5 minutes. I need to read some classical literature to get in the mood. That all being said, time to shut my eyes.. Tomorrow will be a long day, with the challenge starting as well.
0
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#15
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#15
I was almost tempted to write 'dear diary'.
The challenge has not been in action. Gosh. I was out the entire day today and came back home 2 hours ago, at around midnight.
I am starting tomorrow, I guess. Not even annoyed at this because I genuinely enjoyed myself today. Besides, I am learning to be kinder to myself.






(Original post by ThunderBeard)
Are you a poet?
God no, nothing that impressive. Just enjoy writing poems and dreaming about writing books. I used the word 'dreaming' because quite frankly it is all I do. I have something against reality, I much prefer to wither away in a cage that is locked with fantasies. I am forever cursed with a romantic soul.
Last edited by LostLioness; 6 days ago
0
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#16
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#16
I also had a realisation today, I never want to change myself to suit others. It came as a tear-inspiring discovery to learn that perhaps I don't always have to change myself to accustom others. In a frenzy to charm others, you don't have to put fake smiles on and give a hearty laugh for people to like you. This has been a realisation that I have had for a while now and I hope I keep it safe inside of me, to never ever long for those who don't want me in return. And then to change for them.

I hate developing crushes, I become so obsessive. I have decided to not go out of my way to check his social media. Gosh, why do I always develop superficial feelings for the ones I cannot have? And I fall so easily too, talk about being desperate. I am on a mission now, until I do not love myself I am considering every single male on this planet my brother. That will do.
0
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#17
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#17
Reading the post above, I almost deleted it. That was until I thought about the fact that you can't really be responsible for your post-midnight thoughts, now can you? Anyone who says otherwise is a miserably sensible person. The second thought was that I need to stop 'blogging' late, only embarrassing things come out. Third thought was, I perhaps should quit blogging daily and only blog when I can bring myself to evaluate how I am doing.
As of late, I have been worrying about so much. Thinking about a career in Law and reading how important 'connections' are, I have become a little depressed. I am a fly of the gutter dreaming about clotted cream.(Made that up, you impressed?) Aka, if top jobs come down to connections, I might as well give up. I called a close friend of mine to talk about my anxieties and needless worries and we came to the conclusion that I definitely have too much time on my hands to be worrying about stuff like that when I don't even have my A-level results yet. I agreed.

My insecurities have begun to rise once again and feelings akin to envy visit me now and then, teasing the shallow waters of peace that crash against my mind. I don't know how to disregard them, how to deal with them. I can only hope right now that I pick up the pieces and build a new 'me' before I lose the sight of what fragments are left of me. It bothers me that I am so emotionally fragile, resilience is practically alien to me. I absolutely love the idea of being a lawyer, but I don't even know if I will make a good one. God, I hate these doubts. I think I need to watch a sad movie so that I can bring myself to cry. I need a good, long cry. Even now all I want to do is sob in self-pity but cousin is coming over in a bit and I am too proud to explain why my mental health is as good as ****.

I have never ever just followed my own path. Always copying others, wanting to be like them. I hardly know myself. I hate being so negative in this post, yet I am sick of faking smiles all the time irl, as if I had never been happier. If only I loved myself a little, I think the world would seem much kinder. And I try to love myself, but it is so damn hard when there is so little to even like. I just need to breathe sometimes and understand that even though I hate it when I am myself, I should accept her and learn to love her - not the version others love and the version I fake.

Moving on, about the challenge, it is all going well so far. Had a cold shower and it left my teeth chattering. Afterwards though I quite enjoyed the thrill of it. I feel more awake and ready to crack on. Off to do something productive, I have a painting project I am working on. It is for an English Lit teacher. Might post it sometime soon.
Last edited by LostLioness; 5 days ago
1
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#18
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#18
It is 9:26 pm and I have yet to accomplish one of my challenges, the 2 hours of exercise. I was hoping to go outside in the garden at 5 in the morning but I never ever wake up on time. So, now I have to go outside and do it so late at night. Only blogging because if I do, I definitely will go outside. I am so reluctant though, the guy next door likes to stare. It is so uncomfortable, but I suppose I have to think of physical health more than his creepy stare.
0
reply
ThunderBeard
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#19
Report 4 days ago
#19
Nah, ranting is good. Clears your head out and helps you think logically. The first step is always identifying the problem. Relax in the holidays and look for links online, or information for help. Try and identify what you need to do.
(Original post by LostLioness)
Reading the post above, I almost deleted it. That was until I thought about the fact that you can't really be responsible for your post-midnight thoughts, now can you? Anyone who says otherwise is a miserably sensible person. The second thought was that I need to stop 'blogging' late, only embarrassing things come out. Third thought was, I perhaps should quit blogging daily and only blog when I can bring myself to evaluate how I am doing.
As of late, I have been worrying about so much. Thinking about a career in Law and reading how important 'connections' are, I have become a little depressed. I am a fly of the gutter dreaming about clotted cream.(Made that up, you impressed?) Aka, if top jobs come down to connections, I might as well give up. I called a close friend of mine to talk about my anxieties and needless worries and we came to the conclusion that I definitely have too much time on my hands to be worrying about stuff like that when I don't even have my A-level results yet. I agreed.

My insecurities have begun to rise once again and feelings akin to envy visit me now and then, teasing the shallow waters of peace that crash against my mind. I don't know how to disregard them, how to deal with them. I can only hope right now that I pick up the pieces and build a new 'me' before I lose the sight of what fragments are left of me. It bothers me that I am so emotionally fragile, resilience is practically alien to me. I absolutely love the idea of being a lawyer, but I don't even know if I will make a good one. God, I hate these doubts. I think I need to watch a sad movie so that I can bring myself to cry. I need a good, long cry. Even now all I want to do is sob in self-pity but cousin is coming over in a bit and I am too proud to explain why my mental health is as good as ****.

I have never ever just followed my own path. Always copying others, wanting to be like them. I hardly know myself. I hate being so negative in this post, yet I am sick of faking smiles all the time irl, as if I had never been happier. If only I loved myself a little, I think the world would seem much kinder. And I try to love myself, but it is so damn hard when there is so little to even like. I just need to breathe sometimes and understand that even though I hate it when I am myself, I should accept her and learn to love her - not the version others love and the version I fake.

Moving on, about the challenge, it is all going well so far. Had a cold shower and it left my teeth chattering. Afterwards though I quite enjoyed the thrill of it. I feel more awake and ready to crack on. Off to do something productive, I have a painting project I am working on. It is for an English Lit teacher. Might post it sometime soon.
Well done on actually doing it, but you shouldn’t be subjected to such things. Tell someone you trust if it becomes a problem.
(Original post by LostLioness)
It is 9:26 pm and I have yet to accomplish one of my challenges, the 2 hours of exercise. I was hoping to go outside in the garden at 5 in the morning but I never ever wake up on time. So, now I have to go outside and do it so late at night. Only blogging because if I do, I definitely will go outside. I am so reluctant though, the guy next door likes to stare. It is so uncomfortable, but I suppose I have to think of physical health more than his creepy stare.
2
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#20
Report Thread starter 4 days ago
#20
(Original post by ThunderBeard)
Nah, ranting is good. Clears your head out and helps you think logically. The first step is always identifying the problem. Relax in the holidays and look for links online, or information for help. Try and identify what you need to do.


Well done on actually doing it, but you shouldn’t be subjected to such things. Tell someone you trust if it becomes a problem.
Aw, thank you so much! :knuddel: I hate emojis, but I will make an exception for you. You are so incredibly kind. x
I am not too sure what you are referring to when you say "you shouldn't be subjected to such things", if it is the neighbour staring as I exercise..... :rofl: I do get annoyed but I can hardly tell him to look elsewhere. It is uncomfortable but I need to get a grip and ignore him.

How are you doing yourself? Btw, are you in year 12 or 13? I ask because you were asking me about AS chemistry, do you hope to drop it in year 13? If so, I will have to make changes to the resources I was planning on sharing with you. I am so daft, I have yet to do that. I am horribly forgetful, if I don't send them over, please pm me.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Are you tempted to change your firm university choice now or on A-level results day?

Yes, I'll try and go to a uni higher up the league tables (132)
18.72%
Yes, there is a uni that I prefer and I'll fit in better (70)
9.93%
No I am happy with my course choice (402)
57.02%
I'm using Clearing when I have my exam results (101)
14.33%

Watched Threads

View All