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Complicated situation with friend?

So I'm (F21) very close to one of my best friends from uni (F23) We haven't known each other very long but we're on the same course and a few months ago started working at the same workplace. As I've said we're really close, I spent a few months sleeping on her floor and we'll be living together next year with some other friends and I do love my friend but only in a platonic sense as she does me.

The problem is she's started talking about us as if we're in a relationship. She is asexual and aromantic meaning she isn't attracted to anyone. She's confessed to me before that this has made her feel like she will be left behind or abandoned. I've tried my best to tell her that she can always live with me even when I'm in a relationship as I'm pretty open about non traditional families with not having much family myself.

The problem is is that she's started talking about "our" future as if I won't ever be in a relationship. I'm bi and have a pretty high libido so I definitely want to one day fall in love and settle down, etc. I've been putting off dating until I was out of uni and in a more stable job but now I'm thinking I should casually start dating just to remind her of that.

There is also the issue of future plans. I want to move to York as my permanent home after a few years and she's been trying to dissuade me from it. For me, its motivated by my career path and living somewhere good for my mental health. Even in the short term, she wants us to stay with our friends (who are couple and probably want to get their own place) whereas I would prefer to live alone or with just her this upcoming year. The other day she was joking around about us living together in a cottage in the country with our friends down the road but this is so far removed from my vision of the future.

In my future I want to live with a girlfriend or partner and of course she can live there too but she's got to understand I have a life outside of her.

I just don't know what to do. I don't want to lose or abandon my best friend but I don't want to be in a relationship with her either.
Why are you still friends with her then
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Avatar for Megs8
Megs8
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Establish your boundaries

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