Self harm scars and bikini Watch

Lilymay1999xxx
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Nobody knows about my self harm scars except my boyfriend. I’m going on holiday with his family and I’ve no choice but to get them out. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin because they are just scars now despite being big and raised they aren’t new. He keeps saying I have to somehow cover them (they’re on my hips/legs) but I just want to be able to be myself and they are a part of me. He gets mad whenever I suggest wearing a normal bikini instead of shorts that will cover them. Any tips would be appreciated I don’t know what to do. Thankyou
*edit
My parents don’t know either however they aren’t coming on holiday. Our parents are friends so I know they’d find out but I don’t know whether I care anymore or not my mind keeps changing. Do I get my boyfriend to talk to his mum and risk her telling my own parents??
Also - my boyfriend is supportive but says he’s scared people will treat me differently/it will cause a fuss.
*edit
For reference, me and my boyfriend are have been together for 2+ years and I have a great relationship with his family, so I’m scared to ruin it.
Last edited by Lilymay1999xxx; 6 days ago
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mazenod
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I don’t think people would treat you differently. I certainly wouldn’t. I’d say it’s your choice, not you boyfriend’s, it’s your body so you decide what to do with it.. I’m sure his parents will understand if you don’t want your parents to know
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black tea
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Just wear the shorts. You could always wear a bikini on holiday when it's just you and your boyfriend. The older generation are often not as aware and understanding of self-harm, and if it could cause problems not only for your relationship with your boyfriend's parents, but also your relationship with him and your own parents, covering up the scars for a few days is the better option.
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Toli123
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dont hurt yourself?
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mazenod
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(Original post by Toli123)
dont hurt yourself?
Something tells me that isn’t on the table. Thanks for the input though
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Lilymay1999xxx
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I hope so. Thankyou!!
(Original post by mazenod)
I don’t think people would treat you differently. I certainly wouldn’t. I’d say it’s your choice, not you boyfriend’s, it’s your body so you decide what to do with it.. I’m sure his parents will understand if you don’t want your parents to know
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Lilymay1999xxx
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I appreciate your honesty Thankyou!
(Original post by mazenod)
Something tells me that isn’t on the table. Thanks for the input though
(Original post by black tea)
Just wear the shorts. You could always wear a bikini on holiday when it's just you and your boyfriend. The older generation are often not as aware and understanding of self-harm, and if it could cause problems not only for your relationship with your boyfriend's parents, but also your relationship with him and your own parents, covering up the scars for a few days is the better option.
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Lilymay1999xxx
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As I stated in the question, they are scars. Saying ‘don’t hurt yourself’ will not take the old scars away that are already there, unfortunately.
(Original post by Toli123)
dont hurt yourself?
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Scotney
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Tough one actually.It is great you are now comfortable in your own skin so well done for that .
I wonder if you could ask your boyfriend why he feels they would treat you differently and as he knows them better than you there may be a specific reason.I guess he might just think why complicate matters.I mean you could just tell your own parents yourself and that takes that issue off the table then get him to tell his before the holiday so he does not have to deal with the issue when he just wants to go away and relax.
(Original post by Lilymay1999xxx)
As I stated in the question, they are scars. Saying ‘don’t hurt yourself’ will not take the old scars away that are already there, unfortunately.
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Lilymay1999xxx
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I never thought of it like that. Thankyou for the change of perspective it’s really helped!❤️
(Original post by Scotney)
Tough one actually.It is great you are now comfortable in your own skin so well done for that .
I wonder if you could ask your boyfriend why he feels they would treat you differently and as he knows them better than you there may be a specific reason.I guess he might just think why complicate matters.I mean you could just tell your own parents yourself and that takes that issue off the table then get him to tell his before the holiday so he does not have to deal with the issue when he just wants to go away and relax.
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leopard202
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Hey I have had the same problem (but on my arms) so i understand, and i have seen girls with scars on their legs and not thought negatively but admired them as they have battled through many things.

I believe you don't have to hide anything in general, but i understand why your boyfriend would prefer them to be concealed. The older generation do not understand as these things did not have much awareness or acceptance in their time. But also a 'family holiday' with the boyfriend is usually a lighthearted affair, i think there is a time and place where you would deserve for them to know you this way (intimately) and get the acceptance & understanding. Doesn't feel like this is it..

You could discard all of that & say to hell with them. But maybe your bf knows best reg his parents, i'm sure he has to hide a lot of his own things from them too. It's being tactful, like i might be asked to not open heavy meaningful conversations that people are not generally willing to participate in, or hide my short temper. However in future you can reveal more perhaps, as they will get to know u and ur life more

You could wear a nice sarong instead, it will cover things up, but you can still feel free/open in it instead of stuck in shorts


P.S I was rejected when applying to go to a sixth form simply because they caught a glimpse of my scars under a long sleeve shirt. They 'didn't have the facilities', not that i had needed any/ They didn't mean harm or meanness by it, but just goes to show there is a variety of stigma associated unfortunately


(Original post by Lilymay1999xxx)
Nobody knows about my self harm scars except my boyfriend. I’m going on holiday with his family and I’ve no choice but to get them out. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin because they are just scars now despite being big and raised they aren’t new. He keeps saying I have to somehow cover them (they’re on my hips/legs) but I just want to be able to be myself and they are a part of me. He gets mad whenever I suggest wearing a normal bikini instead of shorts that will cover them. Any tips would be appreciated I don’t know what to do. Thankyou
*edit
My parents don’t know either however they aren’t coming on holiday. Our parents are friends so I know they’d find out but I don’t know whether I care anymore or not my mind keeps changing. Do I get my boyfriend to talk to his mum and risk her telling my own parents??
Also - my boyfriend is supportive but says he’s scared people will treat me differently/it will cause a fuss.
*edit
For reference, me and my boyfriend are have been together for 2+ years and I have a great relationship with his family, so I’m scared to ruin it.
Last edited by leopard202; 4 days ago
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Lilymay1999xxx
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wow I’m sorry that you’re sixth form had to be so stigmatising. I feel you❤️
I agree with what you’re saying. I don’t want to cause fuss on the holiday that’s meant to be fun. Sometimes because I’m so used to seeing them I forget how much of a shock/upsetting it can be for those close to me.
I hope you’re doing well and healing❤️
Thankyou for taking the time to reply x
(Original post by leopard202)
Hey I have had the same problem (but on my arms) so i understand, and i have seen girls with scars on their legs and not thought negatively but admired them as they have battled through many things.

I believe you don't have to hide anything in general, but i understand why your boyfriend would prefer them to be concealed. The older generation do not understand as these things did not have much awareness or acceptance in their time. But also a 'family holiday' with the boyfriend is usually a lighthearted affair, i think there is a time and place where you would deserve for them to know you this way (intimately) and get the acceptance & understanding. Doesn't feel like this is it..

You could discard all of that & say to hell with them. But maybe your bf knows best reg his parents, i'm sure he has to hide a lot of his own things from them too. It's being tactful, like i might be asked to not open heavy meaningful conversations that people are not generally willing to participate in, or hide my short temper. However in future you can reveal more perhaps, as they will get to know u and ur life more

You could wear a nice sarong instead, it will cover things up, but you can still feel free/open in it instead of stuck in shorts


P.S I was rejected when applying to go to a sixth form simply because they caught a glimpse of my scars under a long sleeve shirt. They 'didn't have the facilities', not that i had needed any/ They didn't mean harm or meanness by it, but just goes to show there is a variety of stigma associated unfortunately
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