Why can't I move on from a toxic relationship Watch

soks
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When i started uni, I became best friends with a guy which eventually led to a friend with benefits siutation. We were in the same social group. Unfortunately, I caught feelings for him. But I honestly just wanted to protect our friendship. I even threw a birthday party for him (to which he bought another girl lol) and even though I've done some terrible things, I cared about him a lot and didn't wanna lose him.

When he realised I had feelings for him, he started to detach but not in a unhealthy way. He started to be really horrible to me in front of our friends and just antagonised me completely. He also became really close to my best friend who was in the same social group as us. Around the time he started treating me horribly, my mental health got really bad and I was just sort of devestated that someone who slept in my bed almost every day, and talked to me all the time could treat me this way. I needed someoen there just to chill with and distract me but my best friend detached as well. She said it was because of her mental health but she was talking to him the whole time that she had distanced herself from me.

I've honeslty been through hell with this guy, even though he was so horible to me I still tried to keep our friendship together. He then told me he didn't like that I was trying for him. I ended up cutting him off but when I did, I ended up sort of not talking to my best friend either, not deliberately just because I was upset. She didn't even bother to hang out with me, instead I saw all my friends hang out all the time without me.

We've constantly cut each other off and then gotten back to seeing each other again but he has said each time that he wants to be in my life but instead he has just kept me around for sex. He cut me off a few months ago but then he came back a month later saying he wanted things to be cool with us. I felt really good about it but eventually I realised he had no interest in me beyond sex.

I cut him off again in may. I removed him from all my social media and sent him a message telling him not to contact me. The decision for me was sort of heartbreaking because I knew I might never see him again.

My bestfriend has tried to remain friends with me and she has defended me before but I'm ocmpletely heartbroken by the fact that he could keep her in his life even though I've done more for him than she has ever done. I was always there for him and cared about him so much. If he treated her the way he treated me, she wouldn't even talk to him. I just can't get over it all.

After a month of no contact with the two of them, I'm still so angry and upset and heartbroken. I've been dreaming about him the past few nights as well. Honestly I've tried everything to get over him. I haven't repressed my feeligns, I've talked it through, I've got a counsellor, I've kept myself busy and whatever but I'm still upset. how do I move on?
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soks
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I've made new friends as well, sort of. But it keeps coming in to my mind and I work myself into a rage wondering why I didn't defend myself enough or tell them exactly how i feel
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SMEGGGY
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You seem glutton for punishment. He's treated you like **** yet you return to him. ****ed up. Sort it out ffs. Move on don't be weak, you're a woman you're supposed to be strong. Chin up and find positive people and a guy who'll treat you right not that ****
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Last edited by SMEGGGY; 4 days ago
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soks
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(Original post by SMEGGGY)
You seem glutton for punishment. He's treated you like **** yet you return to him. ****ed up. Sort it out ffs. Move on don't be weak
I'm asking how?
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SMEGGGY
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(Original post by soks)
I'm asking how?
It takes time but you have to stop succumbing each time he makes contact. Tell yourself how he's mistreated you, and you do not, nor should tolerate it further as it's what he'll do. Your so called best friend is s ***** too, you tell yourself you're better than them. Only you can di this yeah.
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SMEGGGY
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(Original post by soks)
I've made new friends as well, sort of. But it keeps coming in to my mind and I work myself into a rage wondering why I didn't defend myself enough or tell them exactly how i feel
You think you have anxiety?
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Humairah2003
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You just need to distance yourself from that situation and venture into a new environment where you have no earlier memories. That way you'll meet new people in those new places, even if it's just a coffee shop or new bar, and those 'friends' may pop up in your mind but the negative feelings that they bring out of you will fade.
Hope this helps OP - I wish you the best.
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RazzzBerries
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(Original post by SMEGGGY)
It takes time but you have to stop succumbing each time he makes contact. Tell yourself how he's mistreated you, and you do not, nor should tolerate it further as it's what he'll do. Your so called best friend is s ***** too, you tell yourself you're better than them. Only you can di this yeah.
:congrats:
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soks
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(Original post by Humairah2003)
You just need to distance yourself from that situation and venture into a new environment where you have no earlier memories. That way you'll meet new people in those new places, even if it's just a coffee shop or new bar, and those 'friends' may pop up in your mind but the negative feelings that they bring out of you will fade.
Hope this helps OP - I wish you the best.
thank you
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soks
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(Original post by SMEGGGY)
It takes time but you have to stop succumbing each time he makes contact. Tell yourself how he's mistreated you, and you do not, nor should tolerate it further as it's what he'll do. Your so called best friend is s ***** too, you tell yourself you're better than them. Only you can di this yeah.
thanks and yeah I do sort of have anxiety
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SMEGGGY
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(Original post by soks)
thanks and yeah I do sort of have anxiety
Ask your Dr for Pregablin, though a controlled drug, it works. Do seek help if you're not already. 👍
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mgi
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(Original post by soks)
When i started uni, I became best friends with a guy which eventually led to a friend with benefits siutation. We were in the same social group. Unfortunately, I caught feelings for him. But I honestly just wanted to protect our friendship. I even threw a birthday party for him (to which he bought another girl lol) and even though I've done some terrible things, I cared about him a lot and didn't wanna lose him.

When he realised I had feelings for him, he started to detach but not in a unhealthy way. He started to be really horrible to me in front of our friends and just antagonised me completely. He also became really close to my best friend who was in the same social group as us. Around the time he started treating me horribly, my mental health got really bad and I was just sort of devestated that someone who slept in my bed almost every day, and talked to me all the time could treat me this way. I needed someoen there just to chill with and distract me but my best friend detached as well. She said it was because of her mental health but she was talking to him the whole time that she had distanced herself from me.

I've honeslty been through hell with this guy, even though he was so horible to me I still tried to keep our friendship together. He then told me he didn't like that I was trying for him. I ended up cutting him off but when I did, I ended up sort of not talking to my best friend either, not deliberately just because I was upset. She didn't even bother to hang out with me, instead I saw all my friends hang out all the time without me.

We've constantly cut each other off and then gotten back to seeing each other again but he has said each time that he wants to be in my life but instead he has just kept me around for sex. He cut me off a few months ago but then he came back a month later saying he wanted things to be cool with us. I felt really good about it but eventually I realised he had no interest in me beyond sex.

I cut him off again in may. I removed him from all my social media and sent him a message telling him not to contact me. The decision for me was sort of heartbreaking because I knew I might never see him again.

My bestfriend has tried to remain friends with me and she has defended me before but I'm ocmpletely heartbroken by the fact that he could keep her in his life even though I've done more for him than she has ever done. I was always there for him and cared about him so much. If he treated her the way he treated me, she wouldn't even talk to him. I just can't get over it all.

After a month of no contact with the two of them, I'm still so angry and upset and heartbroken. I've been dreaming about him the past few nights as well. Honestly I've tried everything to get over him. I haven't repressed my feeligns, I've talked it through, I've got a counsellor, I've kept myself busy and whatever but I'm still upset. how do I move on?
You move on by giving yourself some more time to get over those two toxic people. You have been really hurt and made some bad decisions like we all have! Give yourself time. The other important thing to do is to get busy with your life, hobbies, other friends and plan to improve your life every day. Dont be hard on yourself. It takes time. And don't medicate. No need.
Last edited by mgi; 2 days ago
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