alcoholic mother Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 days ago
#1
hello. im sorry if this doesnt seem like a normal post but i am tired of everything. i can't speak to anyone in real life about it.

my mom is an alcoholic, and has been for a very long time. me and my older brother have been living with her for about two years after we were seperated. because of my parent's drinking, child services were about to take my two smaller siblings away and we had to move out of the country. i haven't seen my smaller sister and brother since 2017.

in our house, my mom doesn't really do anything. she hasn't cooked us food for about a week now so we just end up making instant noodles. there hasn't been a lot of food in the cupboards and fridge for about 2 weeks. she is always just either sleeping or arguing with the man that lives with us. kicking him out, hitting him, punching, swearing, and always making a scene. when he goes, she always calls back for him and gets angry when he doesn't. he comes back. its a loop.

my mom has hit my brother and said very mean things to us both. she has even told us to call social services so they'll take us away. she tells us that we are devils and she's tired of us. she has talked about wanting to kill herself and she's drinking so that she'll die off. my brother tells her that everything would end if she would just stop drinking. she says it will never end. she never tries to stop. not for her, not for us, not for our dad, not for my siblings.

i just want to leave this place. i want to go back to my dad because it was way better there. he cared. he tried so hard to take care of us three. but i couldnt always stay there. i didnt want to come back to england. but there was no way i could have a good education where i was because i didnt know the language. i remember how on skype she called us at midnight and begged to bring me here, to live with her. how much she missed me. she's a liar. she lies to my dad about having a job as a police woman when she doesn't have a job at all. she lies to us about the things that my dad does. saying all these bad things about him. but i know him. i lived with him. but my brother didn't, and now he doesn't like my dad. he thinks my mom is better.

I'm scared for my brother. i hate how much pain he has to go through everyday and the stress because of his gcse's and the fact he has to control his mother and the fact that he can't do anything about it. he has to physically block her from hitting the man that lives with us. she pushes him and hits him then. i love him so much. i can't do anything about it. i never can. it's always my brother who's trying so hard.

i don't want to call child services because my brother doesn't want to go into care or live with my dad, he'd rather put up with my mom. but i just want everything to end. i want to come home to dinner and a mom who's eyes aren't bloodshot and dazed. i want to be happy when i come home, not sad because it's another day of her drinking. i've thought about running away but it's not that smart of an idea.
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 3 days ago
#2
Hi,
It's really great that you have reached out about this. Whilst this is not something I really have any experience with, I would like to help. This sounds like a really difficult situation to be in, I'm sorry that you are having to deal with it. Have you tried contacting Child Line? They have both an anonymous phone line and online chat that you can use. I have used the online chat before and it is so helpful to just talk to someone that understands, especially if you don't feel that you can do so with people you know. I don't know exactly what to do, but running away doesn't seem like the best idea, even more so if your brother is younger than you. I hope you manage to figure this all out. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you want someone to talk to. My parents are also divorced. It is quite a different situation to yours, but they are quite similar in many ways, such as one parent saying hurtful things about the other. Don't forget to look after yourself either, it can be very easy to do so in situations where you are being so mindful of how others are feeling. It will get better
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Dunnig Kruger
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#3
Report 2 days ago
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Is there money available for you to do the food shopping? If so, you should do the food shopping and buy better ingredients than just noodles. And you should start cooking the evening meals for the 3 of you.

If there isn't money available for you to do this, you should move out as soon as is conveniently possible.

Regardless of any rights or wrongs of the situation, you and your brother, as a bare minimum should have somewhere warm and safe to sleep at night and nutritious food to eat. You should also live somewhere where you don't have the threat or fear or reality of violence against you. These are the most basic of human rights.
If your mother is denying you these rights it's time for you to live somewhere else.

If you can work out some arrangements where these right are safeguarded then you can carry on living with your mum if you want.

It's heartbreaking that your mum is so self destructive. The trouble is, there's probably not much you can do to change her basic life philosophy for a better one. Nagging her to change, just makes things worse at it winds her up and makes her more entrenched in the way that she is. All you can do is accept her for the way that she is and try to have the best, most mature relationship with her that you can.
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