Word Count Help Watch

Tegan.joy
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#1
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#1
I need to get the following down to 100 words (it's for a head girl speech)

I’m not going to promise you that I can fix every single problem with Sixth Form, but I can promise you that I am going to try my hardest. When I saw that there was a problem with the lack of microwaves and kettles, I fixed it. I talked to miss Newbry and got us more. I want to have the opportunity to be able to do that with all of your problems, no matter how large or small these issues are. I want to get the canteen open for you, so I am trying to get a system in order where that can happen. I think that the tables are too small, so I am trying to get you larger tables. Being Head Girl would allow me to hear from you and try and fix your problems. I plan to get a suggestion board or an online tool to be able to hear your concerns and come up with solutions. Sixth form is your time, your grades and your experiences. Let me help in making them the best that they could be.
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LucyH2001
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you could delete the word 'that' and rephrase things a bit. it's a very good speech but to cut down on words could be more blunt. perhaps for instance the first line could be more direct like 'I can't promise you I can fix every single problem with Sixth form. I can promise I will try my hardest'
good luck for the role
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Scotney
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To be brutally honest cut out all the canteen stuff. You sound like the cook! Focus on being their mouthpiece and welcoming their suggestions on what they would like to be improved and on new ideas to make 6th form an exciting and vibrant place to be.
(Original post by Tegan.joy)
I need to get the following down to 100 words (it's for a head girl speech)

I’m not going to promise you that I can fix every single problem with Sixth Form, but I can promise you that I am going to try my hardest. When I saw that there was a problem with the lack of microwaves and kettles, I fixed it. I talked to miss Newbry and got us more. I want to have the opportunity to be able to do that with all of your problems, no matter how large or small these issues are. I want to get the canteen open for you, so I am trying to get a system in order where that can happen. I think that the tables are too small, so I am trying to get you larger tables. Being Head Girl would allow me to hear from you and try and fix your problems. I plan to get a suggestion board or an online tool to be able to hear your concerns and come up with solutions. Sixth form is your time, your grades and your experiences. Let me help in making them the best that they could be.
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