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Lowering your standards watch

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    Right this girl I know has invited me out to chill with her. Before anyone says, "oh it is just her being friendly" there is much more to it. At university, she was very clingy with me, I showed her very little interest. For example she would always phoning me, leave voicemails to meet up (alone), touching me when an opportunity arose.
    I didn't want to lead her on, so just kept my distance, with the exception of one time where out clubbing on the dance floor I started to grind her quite hard just to see how she would respond. As predicted, she liked it and allowed me to do it, could have gone for the kiss but didn't as I wasn't interested. To further matters, if at anytime I left the dancefloor, she would try and find me or get my attention if I was talking to another girl.

    I don't find her attractive at all, doing anything with her remotely sexual makes me cringe quite badly.

    Now I am in a massive predicament, I am very inexperienced sexually...23, virgin and not even properly kissed a girl (only "half kissed" drunk girls who just go for it), I am very bad at flirting (just dont know how to do it, like I feel that if I say anything sexual I could come across as pervy) and basically very stiff sexually; I get very anxious. Often what happens with girls is that the ones that do show interest in me I either drive them away by not making the move (probably because they can't seem to figure out if I fancy them or not) or in some cases (although rarer) they start to chase me in the manner described above.

    Now, admitedly I am starting to feel quite lonely, all of my mates have hooked up with someone now, I feel as though I am missing out. Also, now I feel as though I am at that age where I just want to spend time with someone and share my experiences with them. I have recognised that I am going to get nowhere at this rate, and I have just considered to bite the bullet and just lower my standards with the next girl, so that I could improve my self-confidence sexually...even if she is not my type.

    Before anyone says be more "confident", I am a very confident guy - very well-known and well liked. Just hopeless in this area of my life.

    What do you think I should do? Thanks
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right this girl I know has invited me out to chill with her. Before anyone says, "oh it is just her being friendly" there is much more to it. At university, she was very clingy with me, I showed her very little interest. For example she would always phoning me, leave voicemails to meet up (alone), touching me when an opportunity arose.
    I didn't want to lead her on, so just kept my distance, with the exception of one time where out clubbing on the dance floor I started to grind her quite hard just to see how she would respond. As predicted, she liked it and allowed me to do it, could have gone for the kiss but didn't as I wasn't interested. To further matters, if at anytime I left the dancefloor, she would try and find me or get my attention if I was talking to another girl.

    I don't find her attractive at all, doing anything with her remotely sexual makes me cringe quite badly.

    Now I am in a massive predicament, I am very inexperienced sexually...23, virgin and not even properly kissed a girl (only "half kissed" drunk girls who just go for it), I am very bad at flirting (just dont know how to do it, like I feel that if I say anything sexual I could come across as pervy) and basically very stiff sexually; I get very anxious. Often what happens with girls is that the ones that do show interest in me I either drive them away by not making the move (probably because they can't seem to figure out if I fancy them or not) or in some cases (although rarer) they start to chase me in the manner described above.

    Now, admitedly I am starting to feel quite lonely, all of my mates have hooked up with someone now, I feel as though I am missing out. Also, now I feel as though I am at that age where I just want to spend time with someone and share my experiences with them. I have recognised that I am going to get nowhere at this rate, and I have just considered to bite the bullet and just lower my standards with the next girl, so that I could improve my self-confidence sexually...even if she is not my type.

    Before anyone says be more "confident", I am a very confident guy - very well-known and well liked. Just hopeless in this area of my life.

    What do you think I should do? Thanks
    Well according to my dad ugly girls make for the best shags because they're gagging for it so I say go for it and get rid of the psychological virginity barrier.
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    (Original post by DannyBoy123)
    Well according to my dad ugly girls make for the best shags because they're gagging for it so I say go for it and get rid of the psychological virginity barrier.
    Are you talking from experience?
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    (Original post by DannyBoy123)
    Well according to my dad ugly girls make for the best shags because they're gagging for it so I say go for it and get rid of the psychological virginity barrier.
    What a glowing reference he's given to your mother.
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    (Original post by Amy_J)
    What a glowing reference he's given to your mother.
    hahah, might have to rep you for that.

    OP I don't see anything wrong with going with this girl if you think it'll give you more confidence in the future. So long as you're not harsh or rude about her afterwards or treat her badly then I don't see anything wrong with it.
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    one word:-shallow. Maybe this girl that you have to 'lower your standards' for will turn around and tell you where to stick your virginity (Not literally).... Or maybe your just not up to her 'standards' anymore.
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    (Original post by DannyBoy123)
    Well according to my dad ugly girls make for the best shags because they're gagging for it so I say go for it and get rid of the psychological virginity barrier.
    What he said. You might even get your brown wings
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    very stiff sexually;
    mmmm nice :P
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    So essentially that wall of text reduces to "Should I use her for practice sex?". Meh, if you feel like it, go for it. I suppose then it's all uphill from there if your first time is with someone you don't even like much. In a way it does suck to have your first time with someone stunning because then you wonder if that's the best you're going to get

    (Original post by k823127)
    one word:-shallow. Maybe this girl that you have to 'lower your standards' for will turn around and tell you where to stick your virginity (Not literally).... Or maybe your just not up to her 'standards' anymore.
    Or... maybe she'd totally go for it because she's obviously really into him. What a nonsensical response.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am very bad at flirting (just dont know how to do it, like I feel that if I say anything sexual I could come across as pervy)
    You need to address this. If you flirt with a healthy dose of humour throw in, don't treat 'sexual' conversations as a big deal and are unapologetic, you wont be seen as 'pervy'- at least not in an off-putting way. You'll just seem relaxed, fun, not sexually uptight, and generally attractive.
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    Don't do it with this girl. Fair enough reduce your standards but do that with someone you don't know, I mean, we don't need her being more clingy because she really ends up liking you, that will not make the experience worthwhile. Not all less attractive girls are clingy, some less attractive girls are quite confident and don't need to attach themselves to guys, and you never know, it might be her confidence that ends up making you feel good in the sack. But just have fun and enjoy yourself, don't put pressure on yourself just because you see your friends having fun, that shouldn't be the reason you start to lower your standards (and potentially regretting your first time) - even though first times aren't such a hoohah, would be much better to do it with a random that you enjoy spending time with. Hope that helps :-)

    Also, this has no reflection on you as how confident you are, although you do seem quite confident, you tend to be justifying your actions quite a lot, which gives off the sense that you aren't very assertive and are quite defensive. Let your guard down maybe, and don't let everything be such a competition? Just basing that on a paragraph of words, so I could totally be wrong but, it's worth a shot lol :-)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Are you talking from experience?
    No all the sex I've had has been terribly bad...

    And Amy, I think people do get married for reasons other than how great the sex is...lol.
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    (Original post by Chumbaniya)
    Or... maybe she'd totally go for it because she's obviously really into him. What a nonsensical response.
    So the fact he'd be using her to gain confidence and losing his virginity, knowing full well he had no feelings for her would be really great for a girl that's as you so 'nonsensically responded' is obviously really into him.

    Nah didn't think so too much either :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by k823127)
    So the fact he'd be using her to gain confidence and losing his virginity, knowing full well he had no feelings for her would be really great for a girl that's as you so 'nonsensically responded' is obviously really into him.

    Nah didn't think so too much either :rolleyes:
    Well I think the point is he doesn't tell her he's just using her...
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    (Original post by k823127)
    one word:-shallow. Maybe this girl that you have to 'lower your standards' for will turn around and tell you where to stick your virginity (Not literally).... Or maybe your just not up to her 'standards' anymore.
    You do know I could be a knob and 'use' her, but then again I am not that insensitive and inconsiderate of her feelings.

    BTW not facying her is not being shallow...Everyone has their own taste in people, wouldn't you agree?
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    (Original post by DannyBoy123)
    Well I think the point is he doesn't tell her he's just using her...
    Exactly as my first post said, shallow and totally disrespectful. But obviously some people don't have any morals anymore.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You do know I could be a knob and 'use' her, but then again I am not that insensitive and inconsiderate of her feelings.

    BTW not facying her is not being shallow...Everyone has their own taste in people, wouldn't you agree?
    The shallow part was in response to you 'lowering your standards' to get what you want regardless that this girl has feelings for you and what the actual truth could do to her, not the fact you don't fancy her.
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    (Original post by DannyBoy123)
    No all the sex I've had has been terribly bad...

    And Amy, I think people do get married for reasons other than how great the sex is...lol.
    Ah...so he's saying she's good looking but not the best in bed.
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    I haven't bothered to read the responses but I predict most being along the lines of "don't do it, wait for the right person, you're shallow" etc etc.

    B.ollocks. At 23 you are already behind most ppl and you NEED experience if you want the girls that you ACTUALLY want to sleep with in future to come back and continue sleeping with you. This is a big thing for girls regardless of how great your personality is. You need tobe at least compotent in the bedroom.

    Shag her, keep shagging her and you could even get her to tell you what you're doing right/wrong etc. Just don't go boasting about it if she really is that bad lol.
    Seriously though, no-one actually cares and sex is sex, it still feels good. Do it and get the experience.

    PS-just read the one comment 2 or 3 posts up about you would be 'using' her. lol - it sounds like this girl just wants to shag anyway - you'd be using each other for mutual gratification, which is basically what sex is. Don't listen to posts like that mate - theire moral values are just - for want of a better phrase - complete b.ollocks.
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    (Original post by amywalters)
    Don't do it with this girl. Fair enough reduce your standards but do that with someone you don't know, I mean, we don't need her being more clingy because she really ends up liking you, that will not make the experience worthwhile. Not all less attractive girls are clingy, some less attractive girls are quite confident and don't need to attach themselves to guys, and you never know, it might be her confidence that ends up making you feel good in the sack.
    I know most are not. Before her I had a really hot girl behaving in the same manner, unfortunantly again due to my sexual inexperience I just didn't know what to do after she invited me back to her room alone (she explicitly told me to not bring any friends). I sat there and spoke to her for 8 hours, wondering why I am here, and if it was for that reason - what to do?

    But just have fun and enjoy yourself, don't put pressure on yourself just because you see your friends having fun, that shouldn't be the reason you start to lower your standards (and potentially regretting your first time) - even though first times aren't such a hoohah, would be much better to do it with a random that you enjoy spending time with. Hope that helps :-)
    Problem with randoms, is that they are harder to 'pull', for exactly that reason - they are random. Which means in a set time scale I have to escalate sexually, which is very hard to do if your not confident in doing that.

    Also, this has no reflection on you as how confident you are, although you do seem quite confident, you tend to be justifying your actions quite a lot, which gives off the sense that you aren't very assertive and are quite defensive. Let your guard down maybe, and don't let everything be such a competition? Just basing that on a paragraph of words, so I could totally be wrong but, it's worth a shot lol :-)
    Yeah your right, by nature I am very competitive, especially with things I am good at.

    In this case, I guess the reason why I am justifying my actions is because that is how I felt at the time, I find it very hard to do anything sexual with a girl I have no physical attraction with. I am also scared that if I do anything sexual with her, she'll see me as relationship material which is something I wouldn't want.
    Yet at the same time, I have come to accept the fact that I don't have a large array of girls to choose from, and even if at any point I do have chances with girls I do genuinely find attractive, those opportunities have long gone.
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    (Original post by Chumbaniya)
    In a way it does suck to have your first time with someone stunning because then you wonder if that's the best you're going to get
    LOL - I can agree with this from experience.. The girl I lost my virginity to was by far the hottest girl I've ever been with - and one does indeed wonder... It's not too concerning though tbh - girls that hot are intimidating to go out with..
 
 
 
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