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How do I trust

I feel like **** for not trusting her she has showed me In ways that i can trust her but i seem to fall back because **** goes to my head 😭 and it stays.... inside of me I tell myself “don’t do it don’t overthink or anything “ but I can’t I can’t stop me... I mean I can... but takes a lot of work and once I get myself to stop it’s too late I already said it... tbh it’s the past that still haunts me at time like ofcourse i forget the past but its those little things that trigger me and like i tell myself she’ll understand but then another part of me knows something will go wrong..... and who do I listen to? The part that’s easiest which is doing and asking what I wanna ask... I trust her I really do... it just takes over me and I ****ing hate myself for that...now I see her leaving me like no joke I felt like we would break up again but now I see it... I **** up everything again and again.... and idk I just suck like damn I’m stupid I’m letting the past take control when it’s triggered... I don’t want that... I need to trust her😭😭😭 i need to i want to but my head it’s ugh full of shit😭 and i have to ask her for I can clear my head or else it builds up in me... what is wrong with me!!!???!! I need to trust and love🥺
I can see you are emotionally flustered but if you would like to re write your paragraph clearer then i would be happy to help you out.

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