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Self Harm

Please keep anon or delete.Thanks

Hi guys,
This is a question to people who have self harmed before and who have managed to stop.

How did you manage to stop?

The reason I'm asking is because I want to stop and I'm getting counselling for it but its doing no good atm.

Thanks

Reply 1

uthred50

It needs a strong will and mental attitude, and plenty of distractions. Even find a substitute for when you feel like self harming like going for a run to vent your anger and frustration. :smile:

Good luck! You will get over this phase. Period. :smile:

uth =]

Reply 2

lynds81

Strong will and mental attitude..

My parents found out, and told me if I didn't stop they weren't going to let me out with my friends, and were going to stop me competing my horses and riding at all, as they decided it was stress-related and because I did too much. Which was absolute BS just for the record.

So I just didn't do it, I used to get a bag of ice cubes and press them against my skin until it hurt when I really couldn't cope, and I felt soooo much worse whilst I was refusing to let myself, I was worse than I had been all the time I was self harming, but I got through it because I forced myself too. It might be that you have to get worse to get better, I know I did. Good luck.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

My girlfriend had this problem after a very very close relative passed, she found that having someone there eased the pain of losing someone so close.

Confide in a friend or relative you know you can trust, apart from being able to talk about it, they can support you at your worst times. Even if its just the same words, its all you may need.

Or maybe find the root of the reason you are self harming? You may be blaming it on something other than the real reason?

Sorry for the anon post but alot of people know me by my username and i dnt wana drop my gf in it.

Reply 4

Lemons

I think the only way to stop really is to get rid of, or overcome, whatever problems you may be facing which are making you harm yourself in the first place. I don't think the replacement things like rubber bands and all that really work because you still want to cut yourself, you need to go to the root of the problem and try and feel better in your skin.

That's what worked for me anyway.

Reply 5

tom_tom_tom

OP you need to keep a positive attitude, that is diffucult at times, but as long as you try and keep positive, and there will be slip ups, there always are. The main thing is not to beat yourself up about the slip ups, just take a day at a time and try and get through that, as time goes on you will want to less and less, it is an addictiion and not many people see that!

Reply 6

Laura25

Hi OP,

Sorry you had an insensitive comment from someone there. You're not attention seeking at all.

I'm currently 5 months 1 day self-harm free after self-harming for 4 years (god that's scary to think it was that long :s-smilie:

) so I hope I can help :smile:

What I found important is that you need to do it for yourself, not for other people. Sometimes you can feel under so much pressure to stop for other people but in a way that makes things harder and if you slip up you feel so guilty and slip down again. You need to do it for YOU and because YOU want to.

I found the best way to stop self-harming was to do it in little bits. For example, I used to hurt myself every day but I'd change that to every 3 days then every week. In the end I managed to do 2 weeks or 3 weeks. The last 3 weeks has changed into 5 months!

You need to find something else to do when you feel triggered. Writing things down/going out for a walk - anything that helps. You say counselling isn't helping - is it not helping with the self-harming or is it not helping altogether? How long have you been going?

I'll probably think of a load of other ways which can help later so I'll try to post again. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

Take care x

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Laura25

You say counselling isn't helping - is it not helping with the self-harming or is it not helping altogether?

Thanks..

What I mean is that I don't think the counselling is helping the process I come out feeling worse than I go in.

Laura25

How long have you been going?

I've been going counselling for around 2 months now once a week every friday.

Reply 8

raspberrybubbles

Counselling can make you feel worse before better, remember that :smile:

I think, like others have said it needs a strong positive outlook, other mechanisms (look on the tsr wiki for substitutes), someone to talk to (family, friends or a counsellor) but also, you can't expect change overnight, and you can't expect it to last, so if you have a bad day, don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe try once a day instead of more, then every other day etc.

Good luck :smile:

Reply 9

Laura25

Sometimes it can be that counselling can make things worse for a while. I know for ages I used to get really upset during it and feel like it didn't help in the slightest. I'm glad I stuck with it though because it's helping now (albeit a few year later :s-smilie:

!) Is there any particular reason why it makes you feel worse? I.e. is it talking about things or feeling uncomfortable about going etc?

Reply 10

becky.fm

I only stopped when i realised that the scars dont go away. Ive still got scars from a long time ago. :frown:

Although i didnt self harm a lot, but when i did, i did it really deep. :s:

Sorry, i know im not being much help, but when my depression went away, then my self-harming went too..

Reply 11

zandiana jones

Hey Anon 1

I can totally relate with you. I've been self-harming for about 8 years. I have no idea why I started but I just did. It just made me feel better. I went to counselling and psychologists to try and find out why I was doing it, and to try and help me stop. I would it didn’t work for me.

Through out the 8 years I’ve managed to stop twice for a brief period of time... The first time I just decided to myself that it wasn’t worth it, and that my I was hurting my granny, (I have a close relationship with her). That helped me stop.

I started again about a year and half ago... at the moment though I am in the process of coming out of my self-harm cycle. The thought of going to university and meeting new people has motivated me to stop it. Every day I mark the calendar when I haven’t abused myself, and I give myself a treat (chocolate, sweets). I’m happy with my process, as I haven’t done anything in 2 months now.

Every morning when I look at the mark on the calendar it gives me reassurance, and gives me a little more strength to carry through the day without harming myself.

I know how you feel... and if you need to talk to anyone feel free to PM me.

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

I had a friend who self harmed and one piece of advice she got that she has since told me really helped her was that she was only going to stop when the benefits of stopping outweighed the benefits of self harming. That might sound strange but I know it gives people a sort of relief to self harm and so even if you want to stop, if the relief you get from self harming is better than the non-relief then its gonna be difficult for you.

My friend realised that this was true for her and decided she had find something to compensate for the self harm and make self harm her last choice in any situation, not something that her mind immediately turned to.

She also made a list of reasons why her self harm was hurting her and the people around her and read over it whenever she thought about self harming. Shes doing great now :smile:

Reply 13

annieden

i was a self harmer about 3 years ago and i just stopped one day and never did it again, at the time i honestly didn't mind about any scars i would have or my destructive behaviour because i felt it was an acceptable way to deal with what i was going through at the time, i just wish that the me now could have spoken to the me then and that i would have realised that self harm isn't the answer to anything it can only make whatever situation you are in worse. Replacing self harm with something more positive like exercising would probably be better, if you're the type of person that does it for the adrenaline rush, exercise can make you fell alot better like you have achieved something positive. good luck with stopping, and try to reason with yourself when you get the urge to do it, just tell yourself that things will get better and you are better than that.

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