Should I tell him my feelings even though he has a girlfriend now? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
So, the story goes I met this guy in college years ago, we became close friends, at one point we both had strong feelings for one another and because, at the time I felt very insecure about myself, a relationship never happened...I pushed him away romantically basically.

Anyways, we still talk as friends and have always been a support in each other’s lives. However, 2 months ago my feelings for him came back so strong. I really want to tell him how I feel. However, I don’t know if I should as now he has a girlfriend- 1) I don’t know if he feels the same and 2) I wouldn’t want to be a home wrecker not ever.

What should I do guys?
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Anonymous #2
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you shouldn't tell him
unfortunately it could put a spanner in their relationship and mess up the friendship you have with him.
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-_alex_-
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I don’t see what good could possibly come from telling him, if he’s in a relationship you should keep your feelings to yourself, I mean what would you even like to happen? If you were to tell him and he acknowledges your feelings, then what? So he’s acknowledged your feelings.. but you still couldn’t be with him... unless he were to dump his girlfriend which you say you don’t want to happen. Now let’s say he were to dump his girlfriend and you start a relationship as a result - how would you feel knowing the relationship was built on that? How would you trust him knowing that he was able to bin off his ex-girlfriend so easily? This is not to even mention the very real possibility that he wouldn’t actually dump his girlfriend, and instead you would lose him as a friend or just add awkwardness to every conversation you have.

If you don’t want to be a homewrecker, then can you think of a single good thing that could happen as a result of telling him?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by -_alex_-)
I don’t see what good could possibly come from telling him, if he’s in a relationship you should keep your feelings to yourself, I mean what would you even like to happen? If you were to tell him and he acknowledges your feelings, then what? So he’s acknowledged your feelings.. but you still couldn’t be with him... unless he were to dump his girlfriend which you say you don’t want to happen. Now let’s say he were to dump his girlfriend and you start a relationship as a result - how would you feel knowing the relationship was built on that? How would you trust him knowing that he was able to bin off his ex-girlfriend so easily? This is not to even mention the very real possibility that he wouldn’t actually dump his girlfriend, and instead you would lose him as a friend or just add awkwardness to every conversation you have.

If you don’t want to be a homewrecker, then can you think of a single good thing that could happen as a result of telling him?
I meant it more in terms of telling him so I would be able to get my feelings out. Because keeping things pent up inside can be damaging, this I already know. I don’t really care if he reacts negatively or rejects me. I just wonder if it’s the right thing to get it off my chest if he ever ends up single again. But of course he’s in a relationship now so it would be silly to tell him now. Plus I would never wreck someone’s relationship as I’m not that type of girl and never have been.
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YaliaV
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I meant it more in terms of telling him so I would be able to get my feelings out. Because keeping things pent up inside can be damaging, this I already know. I don’t really care if he reacts negatively or rejects me. I just wonder if it’s the right thing to get it off my chest if he ever ends up single again. But of course he’s in a relationship now so it would be silly to tell him now. Plus I would never wreck someone’s relationship as I’m not that type of girl and never have been.
How would that help him? You would be doing it to make yourself feel better. I think it would be a selfish thing to do.
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shameful_burrito
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For the same reasons others have already suggested, do not tell him. You will move on regardless.
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PhoenixFortune
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, the story goes I met this guy in college years ago, we became close friends, at one point we both had strong feelings for one another and because, at the time I felt very insecure about myself, a relationship never happened...I pushed him away romantically basically.

Anyways, we still talk as friends and have always been a support in each other’s lives. However, 2 months ago my feelings for him came back so strong. I really want to tell him how I feel. However, I don’t know if I should as now he has a girlfriend- 1) I don’t know if he feels the same and 2) I wouldn’t want to be a home wrecker not ever.

What should I do guys?
What happened 2 months ago that made your feelings return? Was it when he starting seeing his new girlfriend by any chance?
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WhyKidz
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Why not tell him how you feel ... what he does with that information is his business ... it would not be you wrecking their relationship it would him be deciding to end it, if that's what he did. You can always pitch it as you wanted him to know but if he doesn't feel the same that's cool, you just don't want to be awkward ... it might be for a while but won't necessarily long-term.
Think of the film Four Weddings and a Funeral (the film), Fiona tells Charlie that she's always liked him and it's a bit awkward but they stay friends and he moves on to spend the rest of his life with someone else.
I don't get this oh, you like someone ... but you mustn't tell them how you feel ... business ... it could mean that you're depriving yourself and him of an amazing opportunity ... and you won't know if you never say anything, regardless of his situation ... it would be hard if he did decide to leave her for you, but if someone did that to my girlfriend and she decided to leave me, then I'd figure I'd be better off without her and I'm sure the reverse is also true. Equally if she decided to stay with me then that would make our relationship stronger ...
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tyurgud5
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Fantastic insight my friend, "Why not tell him how you feel ... what he does with that information is his business ... it would not be you wrecking their relationship it would him be deciding to end it, if that's what he did. You can always pitch it as you wanted him to know but if he doesn't feel the same that's cool, you just don't want to be awkward ... it might be for a while but won't necessarily long-term." do that
(Original post by WhyKidz)
Why not tell him how you feel ... what he does with that information is his business ... it would not be you wrecking their relationship it would him be deciding to end it, if that's what he did. You can always pitch it as you wanted him to know but if he doesn't feel the same that's cool, you just don't want to be awkward ... it might be for a while but won't necessarily long-term.
Think of the film Four Weddings and a Funeral (the film), Fiona tells Charlie that she's always liked him and it's a bit awkward but they stay friends and he moves on to spend the rest of his life with someone else.
I don't get this oh, you like someone ... but you mustn't tell them how you feel ... business ... it could mean that you're depriving yourself and him of an amazing opportunity ... and you won't know if you never say anything, regardless of his situation ... it would be hard if he did decide to leave her for you, but if someone did that to my girlfriend and she decided to leave me, then I'd figure I'd be better off without her and I'm sure the reverse is also true. Equally if she decided to stay with me then that would make our relationship stronger ...
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sinfonietta
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Do nothing. He's not available. If he and his girlfriend ever break-up tell him then.
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Rock Fan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I meant it more in terms of telling him so I would be able to get my feelings out. Because keeping things pent up inside can be damaging, this I already know. I don’t really care if he reacts negatively or rejects me. I just wonder if it’s the right thing to get it off my chest if he ever ends up single again. But of course he’s in a relationship now so it would be silly to tell him now. Plus I would never wreck someone’s relationship as I’m not that type of girl and never have been.
You had your chance and you decided not too, he is now taken so nothing you can do
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Anonymous #1
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No, I didn’t start thinking about him just because he got a girlfriend, I’ve tried to move him out of my mind for a full 2 years, since I left college. However, there’s not a day he’s not in my mind. He gets me on a deeper level and I get him on a deeper level. It’s just something in my heart that has always pulled me towards him. But no I would never tell him whilst he has a girlfriend. Would never break up a relationship but thank you a lot everyone for the advice.

But just to be clear, I’ll put it in caps for those of you that assumed wrongly that I was planning to tell him whilst he is in a fully committed relationship; I WILL NEVER TELL HIM WHILST HES IN A RELATIONSHIP AND I WAS NEVER INTENDING TO. I literally meant if he ever becomes single again.

Again thought I really do appreciate the advice. But as soon as he’s single I’m telling him, because he’s been too long on my mind not to and he’s one of my best friends and means a lot to me as well as someone I feel like is my true soulmate!
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LetitLoad
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I'd tell him and then if he gets with you then it's meant to be.
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tyurgud5
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http://www.thelawofattraction.com/8-...und-soul-mate/ & https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/ent...2HSUqskN7dfHEm
(Original post by Anonymous)
No, I didn’t start thinking about him just because he got a girlfriend, I’ve tried to move him out of my mind for a full 2 years, since I left college. However, there’s not a day he’s not in my mind. He gets me on a deeper level and I get him on a deeper level. It’s just something in my heart that has always pulled me towards him. But no I would never tell him whilst he has a girlfriend. Would never break up a relationship but thank you a lot everyone for the advice.

But just to be clear, I’ll put it in caps for those of you that assumed wrongly that I was planning to tell him whilst he is in a fully committed relationship; I WILL NEVER TELL HIM WHILST HES IN A RELATIONSHIP AND I WAS NEVER INTENDING TO. I literally meant if he ever becomes single again.

Again thought I really do appreciate the advice. But as soon as he’s single I’m telling him, because he’s been too long on my mind not to and he’s one of my best friends and means a lot to me as well as someone I feel like is my true soulmate!
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