Depressed because boyfriend sort of cheated Watch

Avogadro44
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I’m currently 22 and have been with my boyfriend (23) for a little over 3 and a half years (met first year of uni). Most of our relationship has been extremely happy, we get on well, have a lot in common & are very open and communicative. We have also been living together for the past year whilst completing our masters courses.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend told me he slept over in the same bed with his female friend whilst I was away overnight (he told me as soon as I came home). I was really really upset over this because it felt like a breach of our trust. A few days later he then confessed he also briefly kissed her, which obviously made me feel even worse. He feels really bad about it and it was a brief mistake as he was drunk and pulled away immediately, but I still feel devastated about it. We have been talking about it a lot since it happened & he knows how upset I am.
I realise that it was only a kiss & could have been much worse, but I feel deeply sad that he betrayed my trust like this, as I trusted him so unconditionally before and now feel that trust has been broken. A lot of the time I am actually more upset about them sleeping in the same bed together than the kiss, as this feels both more intimate and less like a spontaneous mistake. It also upsets me that I was under the impression that he didn’t like drinking (same as me) for most of our relationship but has recently been going out a lot with this friend (with others there as well) and getting drunk, so I feel that there is a side to him that I didn’t know about which again has impacted my trust. I don’t really feel angry with him most of the time, as I realise people make mistakes & we have been so happy together up until now that I mostly just feel horribly sad this has happened to us. I also feel anxious all the time, especially when he’s out with his friends with the girl he kissed (he asked me if I wanted him to stop seeing her, but I didn’t really want to ban him from seeing her because I don’t feel that restricting what he does is a good way to rebuild trust, and he doesn’t have any feelings for her so I feel it would be unfair to keep him from seeing her when they are good friends, so I just asked him to not spend time alone with her anymore, which he has agreed to).
Basically, I want to get past this and move on from it but I am really struggling and if anything becoming more & more sad. I’ve been crying about it almost every day for weeks and it’s becoming exhausting. I also keep on thinking of them together and find it really difficult to suppress my imagination and push the images from my head (especially since I met the girl for the first time the other day so know a bit more about her). I feel like I am grieving for our relationship how it was before, when we trusted each other unconditionally and were always happy around each other. I keep obsessively wishing that I could go back in time to before this happened which is becoming a major issue and making me feel worse. I’m feeling very alone a lot of the time, even when me and my boyfriend are together, because I feel that this has put distance between us. I am also worried that I am becoming depressed again (suffered with depression throughout teenage years) as I’m getting compulsive thoughts about self-harm since this happened (something which I have always struggled with but which has become significantly worse because of this), so I really want to try and improve things before it gets really bad again.
I am just wondering if anyone can share any advice on how to get past this and just move on (especially if you have been in a similar situation), and stop feeling so sad all the time about it and go back to how things were before with my boyfriend. I also really don’t want to let my constantly getting upset mess things up more and drive distance between us.
Sorry for the really long post, in summary: my boyfriend kissed and slept over with his female friend which has made me very depressed, and I would like advice on how to get past it and let it go.
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tyurgud5
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uhhh dot be a cuck most girls woud go fu**** balistic if their boyfriend slept in a bed with another girl let alone kissed her! being drunk is a terrible excuse he chose to get drunk while in close proximity to a girl that obviously fancies him its is fault & should take full responsibility! dump his ass gir! "betrayed my trust like this, as I trusted him so unconditionally before and now feel that trust has been broken." :console:
(Original post by Avogadro44)
I’m currently 22 and have been with my boyfriend (23) for a little over 3 and a half years (met first year of uni). Most of our relationship has been extremely happy, we get on well, have a lot in common & are very open and communicative. We have also been living together for the past year whilst completing our masters courses.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend told me he slept over in the same bed with his female friend whilst I was away overnight (he told me as soon as I came home). I was really really upset over this because it felt like a breach of our trust. A few daysla ter he then confessed he also briefly kissed her, which obviously made me feel even worse. He feels really bad about it and it was a brief mistake as he was drunk and pulled away immediately, but I still feel devastated about it. We have been talking about it a lot since it happened & he knows how upset I am.
I realise that it was only a kiss & could have been much worse, but I feel deeply sad that he betrayed my trust like this, as I trusted him so unconditionally before and now feel that trust has been broken. A lot of the time I am actually more upset about them sleeping in the same bed together than the kiss, as this feels both more intimate and less like a spontaneous mistake. It also upsets me that I was under the impression that he didn’t like drinking (same as me) for most of our relationship but has recently been going out a lot with this friend (with others there as well) and getting drunk, so I feel that there is a side to him that I didn’t know about which again has impacted my trust. I don’t really feel angry with him most of the time, as I realise people make mistakes & we have been so happy together up until now that I mostly just feel horribly sad this has happened to us. I also feel anxious all the time, especially when he’s out with his friends with the girl he kissed (he asked me if I wanted him to stop seeing her, but I didn’t really want to ban him from seeing her because I don’t feel that restricting what he does is a good way to rebuild trust, and he doesn’t have any feelings for her so I feel it would be unfair to keep him from seeing her when they are good friends, so I just asked him to not spend time alone with her anymore, which he has agreed to).
Basically, I want to get past this and move on from it but I am really struggling and if anything becoming more & more sad. I’ve been crying about it almost every day for weeks and it’s becoming exhausting. I also keep on thinking of them together and find it really difficult to suppress my imagination and push the images from my head (especially since I met the girl for the first time the other day so know a bit more about her). I feel like I am grieving for our relationship how it was before, when we trusted each other unconditionally and were always happy around each other. I keep obsessively wishing that I could go back in time to before this happened which is becoming a major issue and making me feel worse. I’m feeling very alone a lot of the time, even when me and my boyfriend are together, because I feel that this has put distance between us. I am also worried that I am becoming depressed again (suffered with depression throughout teenage years) as I’m getting compulsive thoughts about self-harm since this happened (something which I have always struggled with but which has become significantly worse because of this), so I really want to try and improve things before it gets really bad again.
I am just wondering if anyone can share any advice on how to get past this and just move on (especially if you have been in a similar situation), and stop feeling so sad all the time about it and go back to how things were before with my boyfriend. I also really don’t want to let my constantly getting upset mess things up more and drive distance between us.
Sorry for the really long post, in summary: my boyfriend kissed and slept over with his female friend which has made me very depressed, and I would like advice on how to get past it and let it go.
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xDron3
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Basically, he ****ed her but doesn't want to give you full details over it and feels guilty over it. Scummy guy

End it now, the trust is gone. It will hurt, if you can get yourself to accept the hurt and know that time WILL fix it. You'll be okay.
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Anonymous #1
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he deffos did sleep with her
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Anonymous #2
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end it woman, put yourself first before anyone else. i know it's hard when you acc like the guy and are attached etc but it's going to harm your mental health in the long run
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Fullofsurprises
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Note that he went to considerable lengths to drip feed you the story OP. My guess is that he's enjoying telling you. A lot of guys regard us as conquest material and it feeds his ego to brag to you about it. He's a bit disgusting actually waiting until he actually moved in with you before doing this.

Time to press the dump button and move on. Sorry!
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harrisong12
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As much as I hate to say it, I'd end it if I was you. The trust is broken and if he has any respect or love for you he wouldn't share a bed with another female. You feel alone, you have cried everyday and you are thinking whether your depression is coming back. For the sake of your mental health and well being, dump him. Find a man that treats you the way you deserve. It seems like you are a very nice person who deserves a lot better.
(Original post by Avogadro44)
I’m currently 22 and have been with my boyfriend (23) for a little over 3 and a half years (met first year of uni). Most of our relationship has been extremely happy, we get on well, have a lot in common & are very open and communicative. We have also been living together for the past year whilst completing our masters courses.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend told me he slept over in the same bed with his female friend whilst I was away overnight (he told me as soon as I came home). I was really really upset over this because it felt like a breach of our trust. A few days later he then confessed he also briefly kissed her, which obviously made me feel even worse. He feels really bad about it and it was a brief mistake as he was drunk and pulled away immediately, but I still feel devastated about it. We have been talking about it a lot since it happened & he knows how upset I am.
I realise that it was only a kiss & could have been much worse, but I feel deeply sad that he betrayed my trust like this, as I trusted him so unconditionally before and now feel that trust has been broken. A lot of the time I am actually more upset about them sleeping in the same bed together than the kiss, as this feels both more intimate and less like a spontaneous mistake. It also upsets me that I was under the impression that he didn’t like drinking (same as me) for most of our relationship but has recently been going out a lot with this friend (with others there as well) and getting drunk, so I feel that there is a side to him that I didn’t know about which again has impacted my trust. I don’t really feel angry with him most of the time, as I realise people make mistakes & we have been so happy together up until now that I mostly just feel horribly sad this has happened to us. I also feel anxious all the time, especially when he’s out with his friends with the girl he kissed (he asked me if I wanted him to stop seeing her, but I didn’t really want to ban him from seeing her because I don’t feel that restricting what he does is a good way to rebuild trust, and he doesn’t have any feelings for her so I feel it would be unfair to keep him from seeing her when they are good friends, so I just asked him to not spend time alone with her anymore, which he has agreed to).
Basically, I want to get past this and move on from it but I am really struggling and if anything becoming more & more sad. I’ve been crying about it almost every day for weeks and it’s becoming exhausting. I also keep on thinking of them together and find it really difficult to suppress my imagination and push the images from my head (especially since I met the girl for the first time the other day so know a bit more about her). I feel like I am grieving for our relationship how it was before, when we trusted each other unconditionally and were always happy around each other. I keep obsessively wishing that I could go back in time to before this happened which is becoming a major issue and making me feel worse. I’m feeling very alone a lot of the time, even when me and my boyfriend are together, because I feel that this has put distance between us. I am also worried that I am becoming depressed again (suffered with depression throughout teenage years) as I’m getting compulsive thoughts about self-harm since this happened (something which I have always struggled with but which has become significantly worse because of this), so I really want to try and improve things before it gets really bad again.
I am just wondering if anyone can share any advice on how to get past this and just move on (especially if you have been in a similar situation), and stop feeling so sad all the time about it and go back to how things were before with my boyfriend. I also really don’t want to let my constantly getting upset mess things up more and drive distance between us.
Sorry for the really long post, in summary: my boyfriend kissed and slept over with his female friend which has made me very depressed, and I would like advice on how to get past it and let it go.
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cheesecakelove
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(Original post by Avogadro44)
I’m currently 22 and have been with my boyfriend (23) for a little over 3 and a half years (met first year of uni). Most of our relationship has been extremely happy, we get on well, have a lot in common & are very open and communicative. We have also been living together for the past year whilst completing our masters courses.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend told me he slept over in the same bed with his female friend whilst I was away overnight (he told me as soon as I came home). I was really really upset over this because it felt like a breach of our trust. A few days later he then confessed he also briefly kissed her, which obviously made me feel even worse. He feels really bad about it and it was a brief mistake as he was drunk and pulled away immediately, but I still feel devastated about it. We have been talking about it a lot since it happened & he knows how upset I am.
I realise that it was only a kiss & could have been much worse, but I feel deeply sad that he betrayed my trust like this, as I trusted him so unconditionally before and now feel that trust has been broken. A lot of the time I am actually more upset about them sleeping in the same bed together than the kiss, as this feels both more intimate and less like a spontaneous mistake. It also upsets me that I was under the impression that he didn’t like drinking (same as me) for most of our relationship but has recently been going out a lot with this friend (with others there as well) and getting drunk, so I feel that there is a side to him that I didn’t know about which again has impacted my trust. I don’t really feel angry with him most of the time, as I realise people make mistakes & we have been so happy together up until now that I mostly just feel horribly sad this has happened to us. I also feel anxious all the time, especially when he’s out with his friends with the girl he kissed (he asked me if I wanted him to stop seeing her, but I didn’t really want to ban him from seeing her because I don’t feel that restricting what he does is a good way to rebuild trust, and he doesn’t have any feelings for her so I feel it would be unfair to keep him from seeing her when they are good friends, so I just asked him to not spend time alone with her anymore, which he has agreed to).
Basically, I want to get past this and move on from it but I am really struggling and if anything becoming more & more sad. I’ve been crying about it almost every day for weeks and it’s becoming exhausting. I also keep on thinking of them together and find it really difficult to suppress my imagination and push the images from my head (especially since I met the girl for the first time the other day so know a bit more about her). I feel like I am grieving for our relationship how it was before, when we trusted each other unconditionally and were always happy around each other. I keep obsessively wishing that I could go back in time to before this happened which is becoming a major issue and making me feel worse. I’m feeling very alone a lot of the time, even when me and my boyfriend are together, because I feel that this has put distance between us. I am also worried that I am becoming depressed again (suffered with depression throughout teenage years) as I’m getting compulsive thoughts about self-harm since this happened (something which I have always struggled with but which has become significantly worse because of this), so I really want to try and improve things before it gets really bad again.
I am just wondering if anyone can share any advice on how to get past this and just move on (especially if you have been in a similar situation), and stop feeling so sad all the time about it and go back to how things were before with my boyfriend. I also really don’t want to let my constantly getting upset mess things up more and drive distance between us.
Sorry for the really long post, in summary: my boyfriend kissed and slept over with his female friend which has made me very depressed, and I would like advice on how to get past it and let it go.
You want advice on how to get past in this your relationship, but I think you need to consider if continuing the relationship is the best thing to do. It is ok for your boyfriend to have female friends, but what he did goes past friendship and is a betrayal of your trust, no matter how hard he tries to protest. It is clear to see you are devastated by his actions and this is something that has changed your view on what the two of you had. When you talk about depression and self harm, it becomes more clear that staying in the relationship is not the best thing when it is affecting your mental health and confidence. Take a break from being in a relationship and focus on finding happiness in your own self and well being.
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Avogadro44
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Thank you to everyone who has replied so far.
I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop obsessing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks
(Original post by Avogadro44)
I’m currently 22 and have been with my boyfriend (23) for a little over 3 and a half years (met first year of uni). Most of our relationship has been extremely happy, we get on well, have a lot in common & are very open and communicative. We have also been living together for the past year whilst completing our masters courses.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend told me he slept over in the same bed with his female friend whilst I was away overnight (he told me as soon as I came home). I was really really upset over this because it felt like a breach of our trust. A few days later he then confessed he also briefly kissed her, which obviously made me feel even worse. He feels really bad about it and it was a brief mistake as he was drunk and pulled away immediately, but I still feel devastated about it. We have been talking about it a lot since it happened & he knows how upset I am.
I realise that it was only a kiss & could have been much worse, but I feel deeply sad that he betrayed my trust like this, as I trusted him so unconditionally before and now feel that trust has been broken. A lot of the time I am actually more upset about them sleeping in the same bed together than the kiss, as this feels both more intimate and less like a spontaneous mistake. It also upsets me that I was under the impression that he didn’t like drinking (same as me) for most of our relationship but has recently been going out a lot with this friend (with others there as well) and getting drunk, so I feel that there is a side to him that I didn’t know about which again has impacted my trust. I don’t really feel angry with him most of the time, as I realise people make mistakes & we have been so happy together up until now that I mostly just feel horribly sad this has happened to us. I also feel anxious all the time, especially when he’s out with his friends with the girl he kissed (he asked me if I wanted him to stop seeing her, but I didn’t really want to ban him from seeing her because I don’t feel that restricting what he does is a good way to rebuild trust, and he doesn’t have any feelings for her so I feel it would be unfair to keep him from seeing her when they are good friends, so I just asked him to not spend time alone with her anymore, which he has agreed to).
Basically, I want to get past this and move on from it but I am really struggling and if anything becoming more & more sad. I’ve been crying about it almost every day for weeks and it’s becoming exhausting. I also keep on thinking of them together and find it really difficult to suppress my imagination and push the images from my head (especially since I met the girl for the first time the other day so know a bit more about her). I feel like I am grieving for our relationship how it was before, when we trusted each other unconditionally and were always happy around each other. I keep obsessively wishing that I could go back in time to before this happened which is becoming a major issue and making me feel worse. I’m feeling very alone a lot of the time, even when me and my boyfriend are together, because I feel that this has put distance between us. I am also worried that I am becoming depressed again (suffered with depression throughout teenage years) as I’m getting compulsive thoughts about self-harm since this happened (something which I have always struggled with but which has become significantly worse because of this), so I really want to try and improve things before it gets really bad again.
I am just wondering if anyone can share any advice on how to get past this and just move on (especially if you have been in a similar situation), and stop feeling so sad all the time about it and go back to how things were before with my boyfriend. I also really don’t want to let my constantly getting upset mess things up more and drive distance between us.
Sorry for the really long post, in summary: my boyfriend kissed and slept over with his female friend which has made me very depressed, and I would like advice on how to get past it and let it go.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Avogadro44)
Thank you to everyone who has replied so far.
I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop obsessing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks
I completely disagree with your mindset. I think you’re being very naive, but hey I’m not going to tell you what to do.
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-Quava-
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Yeah I disagree and think your mindset is terrible.

(Original post by Avogadro44)
Thank you to everyone who has replied so far.
I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop obsessing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks
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tyurgud5
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Simple, spend even more time with him & try new things maybe help eachother achieve your life goas etc. create great memories SO great that they easily overwhelm & replace old ones, the best way to not obssess over the past is to celebrate the present, place trust in him & really push your relationship as far as it can go, it will bring you closer & youll be able to overcome mistakes easier

I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop sing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Avogadro44)
Thank you to everyone who has replied so far.
I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop obsessing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks
babygirl cheating is not part of the ups and downs of a relationship, it's a betrayal of trust, not a "little mistake". he's not supportive when youre not around nor is he good, otherwise he wouldnt have cheated and drip fed you information. please do better, for the sake of women who are already in sad relationships, don't add to the lot and love yourself
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Routeri
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(Original post by Avogadro44)
Thank you to everyone who has replied so far.
I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop obsessing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks
Maybe couples therapy would be an option fo you
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angela19xoxo
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Personally I wouldn’t have made that choice but what I will say is gaining that trust back won’t happen over night. You’re choosing to give him another chance, which is fine as you’ve been together for ages but this time you need to stand your ground and you can’t let him do anything to hurt you again. If I was you I’d spend more time with your friends just so you’re not always dependent on him, maybe go out more too? It’s just a way to take your mind off things. Also what were your friends’ opinions on the whole situation?

Wishing you the best xx
(Original post by Avogadro44)
Thank you to everyone who has replied so far.
I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop obsessing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks
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Avogadro44
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Thanks for your reply.
I think you are probably right that I should see my friends more (haven't seen them much recently because of exams). I haven't told them about it yet, only my mum, who has been very supportive (she had a similar situation with my dad a long time ago but they are still together after 30 years).

Thanks for the help
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Avogadro44
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(Original post by tyurgud5)
Simple, spend even more time with him & try new things maybe help eachother achieve your life goas etc. create great memories SO great that they easily overwhelm & replace old ones, the best way to not obssess over the past is to celebrate the present, place trust in him & really push your relationship as far as it can go, it will bring you closer & youll be able to overcome mistakes easier
Thank you, that's very helpful and exactly what my mum said
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tyurgud5
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more than welcome doll hope everything works for you!! :dancing:good mum too
(Original post by Avogadro44)
Thank you, that's very helpful and exactly what my mum said
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