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relationship advice.. is there something wrong with me or them?

Basically, i've had 4 boyfriends in my life, 3 of them were fairly serious. i currently have a boyfriend who i have been with for a year. However, the same thing always happens when I am in a relationship. Everything is amazing for the first 6 months 'the honeymoon period' if you like. Im always very smitten and extremely happy! However i find that after that i start to get bored of being in a relationship? i still love my boyfriend to pieces, i just feel like all my time has to be invested into our relationship, and i dont get much time with my friends. This is always the case. I start feeling like i am being controlled and being told what i can and can't do. I'm 100% a girls girl and love being with my friends as much as i like spending time with my boyfriend! i don't know if it is my behaviour that makes this happen (that sounds bad but i mean the way i like to enjoy life and spend time with friends, and go away with my friends ect..) but this always happens. I still have the feelings there, but i seem to get a bit bored of the same thing! pls help :smile:

Reply 1

1582

Volunteer Team

It seems like you're restricting yourself more than the other person imposing rules on you. You're putting pressure on yourself to have to pick between a relationship or your friends (or family/hobbies/etc) when it doesn't have to be this way. You don't need to feel bad about spending time with your friends instead sometimes. You need to find a way to balance a relationship with the rest of your life.

Reply 2

Surnia

It's called the honeymoon period for a reason as it doesn't last! Things do settle down in a relationship; they become comfortable, familiar, routine. Do you think it's always exciting in a relationship with laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, decorating, gardening, looking after someone who is ill, putting the bin out? No, but you get involved with someone because you want to share their life, and them yours, and you take it all on, including the mundane stuff.

There's something wrong if you feel you have to invest a lot of time in your relationship. Is this because of having to work hard previously to keep someone, or what you've seen with other people? A misconception by you? Or have you genuinely gone for controlling bfs without realising? I think you need to decide what you want from a relationship, but understand that it's not all hearts and flowers, and you can take time to enjoy what you want to do, too.